Better Sex

My guest Lucie Fielding identifies as a nonbinary femme. She is a Resident in Counseling, where she practices under supervision as a counselor in Charlottesville, Virginia. In addition to her professional education and experience in Counseling, Lucie has a Ph.D. in Literature, which has been invaluable for analyzing the narratives and power dynamics at play within our society. Those same cultural scripts have very real socio-political circumstances for LGBTQ and nonbinary communities, especially. Within this episode, she talks about the importance of finding the Embodied Sexual Self, of Intimate Justice, and a wide range of concepts that can only improve the quality of understanding for all who want to improve their sexual knowledge. This interview was a treat, and I know you’ll enjoy it. Changing the Patient-Caregiver Conversation Lucie says that things are not going to get better for nonbinary individuals if the dialogue between patient and primary caregiver does not come from a place of knowledge and nonbinary thinking. She says that there is a false dichotomy at play that doesn’t take into account the complex spectrum of trans–sexuality. Informing yourself and preparing for those conversations opens the door for progress and much broader conversations about sexuality and pleasure when it comes to hormone therapy sessions and the possible outcomes for each trans experience. She says it’s important to not foreclose conversations with “loss” or “function” based language. Instead, a much more open and optimistic outlook that factors in the wide range of potential experiences of trans–sexuality can truly become a great methodology for patient-caregiver conversations. Intimate Justice and Oppression Lucie states that a really key concept is one that was developed by Sara McClelland called “intimate justice.” This term defines sexual satisfaction through factors that vary from person to person and depends largely on the different strata of socio-political experience. In other words, a lot of the time, sexual satisfaction is output-heavy and hardly takes into account the existential burdens or oppressions that some people can experience in their day-to-day life. Because someone who is oppressed often has a narrower window for sexual satisfaction, intimate justice is key because it sets out to provide the full picture on sexual satisfaction, and not provide a binary framework that often pits “normal versus not normal” instead of more accurate designations. Lucie says much more within the episode. It’s really worth a listen! The Embodied Sexual Self Lucie defines the Embodied Sexual Self as coming into your own body: to experience the corporeal senses of your body and to come to your own understanding of your sexual being. This goes hand and hand with cultivating a passionate relationship with a partner or multiple partners where you experience the full embodiment of your sexual self. And there can be a wide range of relational energies that connect intimacy with passion from an interpersonal perspective. Providing a Safe Space for Sometimes Scary Conversations Lucie says that her practice provides a safe space for initiating difficult conversations and explorations of the uncertainties of trans–sexuality. In this sense, she encourages her patients to take the plunge and explore areas of their psyche and sexual identity they might have not had the courage to explore on their own. Creating these opportunities for transsexual and nonbinary individuals is absolutely essential for the overall psychological health of the community. She says it’s often a leap of faith, but one that’s so worth it because the benefits outweigh the costs. Mystifying Sex Within the interview, Lucie introduces the concept of mystifying sex – which, to frequent listeners of this podcast or advocates of continued sexual education, might seem...

My guest is a certified sex therapist and sexologist with a lot of important information to share on sex therapy for women with cancer. She is the creator of the class Rediscovering My Body After Cancer and has a book and online class in the works based around the class. When I asked her how she got started in the field, she says that she had always enjoyed teaching in a group setting, and providing cancer support really became a great opportunity to do impactful work in the field. Soon she would develop a class that women could come to for answers, and things have taken off from there, resulting in a large number of women who are better equipped to navigate the often disorienting world of cancer. This is such an important topic, so please listen along. Body Image Through Body Maps & Trauma Treatment The class, Rediscovering My Body After Cancer, started as a 6-week class, but soon Tara realized that 6 weeks was too long to commit to – especially for women with cancer who might not have the motivation or energy to attend every class or commit to such an intensive process. They cut it down to 4 weeks, and within those weeks they cover a few key areas. The first area they cover is body image. Many cancer survivors have scars or various bodily alterations that make it hard to maintain a positive body image. And for those who have, or are dealing with, negative body image: it can be next to impossible to care about having sex if you don’t feel good about yourself. They manage body image through a body map. This is such a great exercise for sharing with others and for each woman to get connected to their own sexuality and share aspects of it in a group setting. Tara says it’s a simple exercise, but one that is a crucial starting point for moving forward and building a positive foundation for each woman. The group then moves onto more treating trauma. A big part of the course is to treat trauma through shaking procedures, which are a common practice in a lot of trauma treatment efforts. Tara doesn’t specifically share the shaking exercises involved, but there are a lot of resources you can check out online, including Traumaprevention.com. The Power of Being in a Group There is so much uncertainty and complexity in everyone’s experience with cancer and the resultant effects it has on feeling sexy. Living in the group, as Tara describes it, is an incredibly enriching experience because everyone shares their experiences and perspectives for finding their own sexuality. And often all it takes is to express and vocalize one’s struggles or hope for rediscovering sexuality for the act to become fruitful. The group can bring out so many positive things that can lead to transformation and growth. She calls it a very normalizing process. It can get the ball rolling on discussions between partners about desire and sexuality, which can be a tough conversation to initiate for a woman who has a negative body image because of cancer. A Place of Healing for Women with all Types of Cancer Tara says that she works with a lot of breast cancer survivors, as well as other survivors, who all benefit from the group setting and the educational opportunity. There are many occupations – massage therapists deserve a lot of kudos – who function as educators on various facets of bodily pain. But there are still limitations in the amount of information that women cancer survivors are getting regarding sexuality. Many assume that someone else will delve deeper into the subject, often resulting in women who experience a lot of unnecessary pain during sex. Resources for Tara Her website: https://bouldersextherapy.com/ Boulder Sex Therapy Facebook Page:

My guest is a certified sex therapist and sexologist with a lot of important information to share on sex therapy for women with cancer. She is the creator of the class Rediscovering My Body After Cancer and has a book and online class in the works based around the class. When I asked her how she got started in the field, she says that she had always enjoyed teaching in a group setting, and providing cancer support really became a great opportunity to do impactful work in the field. Soon she would develop a class that women could come to for answers, and things have taken off from there, resulting in a large number of women who are better equipped to navigate the often disorienting world of cancer. This is such an important topic, so please listen along. Body Image Through Body Maps & Trauma Treatment The class, Rediscovering My Body After Cancer, started as a 6-week class, but soon Tara realized that 6 weeks was too long to commit to – especially for women with cancer who might not have the motivation or energy to attend every class or commit to such an intensive process. They cut it down to 4 weeks, and within those weeks they cover a few key areas. The first area they cover is body image. Many cancer survivors have scars or various bodily alterations that make it hard to maintain a positive body image. And for those who have, or are dealing with, negative body image: it can be next to impossible to care about having sex if you don’t feel good about yourself. They manage body image through a body map. This is such a great exercise for sharing with others and for each woman to get connected to their own sexuality and share aspects of it in a group setting. Tara says it’s a simple exercise, but one that is a crucial starting point for moving forward and building a positive foundation for each woman. The group then moves onto more treating trauma. A big part of the course is to treat trauma through shaking procedures, which are a common practice in a lot of trauma treatment efforts. Tara doesn’t specifically share the shaking exercises involved, but there are a lot of resources you can check out online, including Traumaprevention.com. The Power of Being in a Group There is so much uncertainty and complexity in everyone’s experience with cancer and the resultant effects it has on feeling sexy. Living in the group, as Tara describes it, is an incredibly enriching experience because everyone shares their experiences and perspectives for finding their own sexuality. And often all it takes is to express and vocalize one’s struggles or hope for rediscovering sexuality for the act to become fruitful. The group can bring out so many positive things that can lead to transformation and growth. She calls it a very normalizing process. It can get the ball rolling on discussions between partners about desire and sexuality, which can be a tough conversation to initiate for a woman who has a negative body image because of cancer. A Place of Healing for Women with all Types of Cancer Tara says that she works with a lot of breast cancer survivors, as well as other survivors, who all benefit from the group setting and the educational opportunity. There are many occupations – massage therapists deserve a lot of kudos – who function as educators on various facets of bodily pain. But there are still limitations in the amount of information that women cancer survivors are getting regarding sexuality. Many assume that someone else will delve deeper into the subject, often resulting in women who experience a lot of unnecessary pain during sex. Resources for Tara Her website: https://bouldersextherapy.com/ Boulder Sex Therapy Facebook Page:

Pamela Madsen joins me on this episode about the importance of finding your YES. Pamela explains the conditioning women undergo, which rewards them for saying no and ignoring their desires. By 50, Pamela had tried over 300 diets and is therefore very familiar with this topic, having had first-hand experience. Pamela is the founder and CEO of Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women, providing women with permission to find pleasure. Retreats are held in exotic locations all over the world, allowing participants to immerse with a powerful sisterhood and a safe and supportive staff. Pamela has been an activist for women for over 30 years and was the Founder and first Executive Director of The American Fertility Association where she worked for reproductive freedom for all women. She has appeared in over 3000 media outlets including Oprah, CNN, NY Times, The Huffington Post and countless others. Tune in for an eye-opening episode! What about No? Pamela evaluates this with a few key questions. While consent can be a bit of a gray area, it’s important to address. Understanding the root of your No’s are crucial to know what you want and therefore shape what we ultimately say yes or no to. Pamela asks us to dig a little deeper and understand if our No’s are established in fear. That will ultimately guide us. She points out that women are regularly expected to put themselves last and this spills into the bedroom. Say Yes Feeling safe in your own body plays a big part in saying yes. Pamela shares that this can be a direct impact of your physical environment, which then manifests in your decision making and your inner feelings. Once we are in a safe and supportive environment, she believes we are able to take what we truly want and “claim all of ourselves.” Know Yourself We hear more about how vital it is to actually know ourselves in order to unlock our true yes’s and no’s. Pamela tells us about her retreats and the amazing results it has produced for women and men. Becoming unshackled from the expectations and conformity of society brings a sense of enlightenment that allows women to finally lose their fear of shame and put themselves and their desires first! This bleeds into our sex lives, our relationships with other women and our relationships with ourselves. Pamela’s retreats attract cross-generational women. She has found that women leave knowing their boundaries and taking strides in their relationships, as well as in their careers. Healing through touchPamela explores a different aspect of touch that she uses at her retreats. We learn how healing touch can actually be and that it can be transferred into our lives. With a special focus on somatic touch, Pamela highlights how significant external touch can be in our relationships and in our healing process. Key Links Website: http://www.backtothebody.org/Instagram: @thepamelamadsen Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pamelalmadsen Twitter: https://twitter.com/pamelamadsen More info:Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talkJoin my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/listBook and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the...

Pamela Madsen joins me on this episode about the importance of finding your YES. Pamela explains the conditioning women undergo, which rewards them for saying no and ignoring their desires. By 50, Pamela had tried over 300 diets and is therefore very familiar with this topic, having had first-hand experience. Pamela is the founder and CEO of Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women, providing women with permission to find pleasure. Retreats are held in exotic locations all over the world, allowing participants to immerse with a powerful sisterhood and a safe and supportive staff. Pamela has been an activist for women for over 30 years and was the Founder and first Executive Director of The American Fertility Association where she worked for reproductive freedom for all women. She has appeared in over 3000 media outlets including Oprah, CNN, NY Times, The Huffington Post and countless others. Tune in for an eye-opening episode! What about No? Pamela evaluates this with a few key questions. While consent can be a bit of a gray area, it’s important to address. Understanding the root of your No’s are crucial to know what you want and therefore shape what we ultimately say yes or no to. Pamela asks us to dig a little deeper and understand if our No’s are established in fear. That will ultimately guide us. She points out that women are regularly expected to put themselves last and this spills into the bedroom. Say Yes Feeling safe in your own body plays a big part in saying yes. Pamela shares that this can be a direct impact of your physical environment, which then manifests in your decision making and your inner feelings. Once we are in a safe and supportive environment, she believes we are able to take what we truly want and “claim all of ourselves.” Know Yourself We hear more about how vital it is to actually know ourselves in order to unlock our true yes’s and no’s. Pamela tells us about her retreats and the amazing results it has produced for women and men. Becoming unshackled from the expectations and conformity of society brings a sense of enlightenment that allows women to finally lose their fear of shame and put themselves and their desires first! This bleeds into our sex lives, our relationships with other women and our relationships with ourselves. Pamela’s retreats attract cross-generational women. She has found that women leave knowing their boundaries and taking strides in their relationships, as well as in their careers. Healing through touchPamela explores a different aspect of touch that she uses at her retreats. We learn how healing touch can actually be and that it can be transferred into our lives. With a special focus on somatic touch, Pamela highlights how significant external touch can be in our relationships and in our healing process. Key Links Website: http://www.backtothebody.org/Instagram: @thepamelamadsen Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pamelalmadsen Twitter: https://twitter.com/pamelamadsen More info:Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talkJoin my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/listBook and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the...

Medical Treatments for Menopause Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor works in Seattle, Washington as an OBGYN specializing in diagnosing and treating unwelcome symptoms of menopause. The North American Menopause Society acknowledges her as a certified menopause practitioner and educator. On her website, renuvagyn.com, Dr. Dunsmoor maintains a growing collection of menopause-related information and runs an online women’s clinic to assist patients remotely. Dr. Dunsmoor also contributes to genneve.com, improving their impressive collection of knowledge and resources on menopause and midlife. What is Menopause, and What Happens During Menopause? If you’ve ever wondered about the true definition of menopause, Dr. Dunsmoor explains its clinical definition and its biological cause on air. Rebecca then explains the three phases of menopause she sees in her practice, allowing us to understand the changes that occur during menopause, and when troublesome symptoms are likely to occur. Rebecca also shares the surprising reason why a healthy sex life isn’t just good for your romantic relationship. How Menopause Impacts Health Menopause is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t mean we have to let it disrupt our lives. Dr. Dunsmoor explains when you should see an OBGYN for your menopausal symptoms, and the two symptom clusters that often plague women in midlife. You might recognize the systemic problems women encounter when their ovaries stop producing estrogen, but you could be surprised by some of the vaginal symptoms. Dr. Dunsmoor explains those symptoms and the reasons women start to experience them during menopause. Frequency of Menopause Symptoms Does every woman experience the hot flashes, night sweats, or vaginal symptoms associated with menopause? Dr. Dunsmoor says yes, and no. Learn from her how likely you or women you know are to experience the systemic or vaginal effects of menopause. Dr. Dunsmoor says, “Lube is for Everyone.” Rebecca Dunsmoor recommends different lubes for different situations. Women whose partners use condoms and those who have sex without a need for condoms can benefit from different products. Dr. Dunsmoor points out the best products on the market and tells you where to find them. Treatment Options for Systemic Menopause Symptoms Systemic symptoms of menopause can be alleviated with medicines, medical treatments, herbal supplements, alternative medicine, retail products, and lifestyle changes. Want to know what can be done about your symptoms? Dr. Dunsmoor is here to explain what you can do to improve your life, and what over-the-counter treatments might be making your symptoms worse. Worried about the cancer risk of hormone therapy? Dr. Dunsmoor discusses the study that popularized the fear of hormone therapy, brings us up to date on current research, and tells us what treatments really cause cancer. Treatment Options for Vaginal Menopause Symptoms Dr. Dunsmoor describes topical treatments for vaginal and vulvar symptoms of menopause and hormonal treatments that can be applied locally or taken orally to relieve symptoms. Dr. Dunsmoor also offers a revolutionary carbon dioxide laser treatment that rejuvenates vaginal tissues to relieve symptoms. Rebecca explains why and how this treatment works, and what you can expect during the process. According to studies she cites, this new treatment relieves symptoms in a whopping 92% of patients. The Role of Testosterone in Menopause Dr. Dunsmoor explains the changes in testosterone production and management that occur in menopausal women and looks to the future of testosterone management in menopause. Resources and Links Dr. Dunmoor’s Website: https://www.renuvagyn.com/ Dr. Dunmoor’s Page:

Medical Treatments for Menopause Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor works in Seattle, Washington as an OBGYN specializing in diagnosing and treating unwelcome symptoms of menopause. The North American Menopause Society acknowledges her as a certified menopause practitioner and educator. On her website, renuvagyn.com, Dr. Dunsmoor maintains a growing collection of menopause-related information and runs an online women’s clinic to assist patients remotely. Dr. Dunsmoor also contributes to genneve.com, improving their impressive collection of knowledge and resources on menopause and midlife. What is Menopause, and What Happens During Menopause? If you’ve ever wondered about the true definition of menopause, Dr. Dunsmoor explains its clinical definition and its biological cause on air. Rebecca then explains the three phases of menopause she sees in her practice, allowing us to understand the changes that occur during menopause, and when troublesome symptoms are likely to occur. Rebecca also shares the surprising reason why a healthy sex life isn’t just good for your romantic relationship. How Menopause Impacts Health Menopause is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t mean we have to let it disrupt our lives. Dr. Dunsmoor explains when you should see an OBGYN for your menopausal symptoms, and the two symptom clusters that often plague women in midlife. You might recognize the systemic problems women encounter when their ovaries stop producing estrogen, but you could be surprised by some of the vaginal symptoms. Dr. Dunsmoor explains those symptoms and the reasons women start to experience them during menopause. Frequency of Menopause Symptoms Does every woman experience the hot flashes, night sweats, or vaginal symptoms associated with menopause? Dr. Dunsmoor says yes, and no. Learn from her how likely you or women you know are to experience the systemic or vaginal effects of menopause. Dr. Dunsmoor says, “Lube is for Everyone.” Rebecca Dunsmoor recommends different lubes for different situations. Women whose partners use condoms and those who have sex without a need for condoms can benefit from different products. Dr. Dunsmoor points out the best products on the market and tells you where to find them. Treatment Options for Systemic Menopause Symptoms Systemic symptoms of menopause can be alleviated with medicines, medical treatments, herbal supplements, alternative medicine, retail products, and lifestyle changes. Want to know what can be done about your symptoms? Dr. Dunsmoor is here to explain what you can do to improve your life, and what over-the-counter treatments might be making your symptoms worse. Worried about the cancer risk of hormone therapy? Dr. Dunsmoor discusses the study that popularized the fear of hormone therapy, brings us up to date on current research, and tells us what treatments really cause cancer. Treatment Options for Vaginal Menopause Symptoms Dr. Dunsmoor describes topical treatments for vaginal and vulvar symptoms of menopause and hormonal treatments that can be applied locally or taken orally to relieve symptoms. Dr. Dunsmoor also offers a revolutionary carbon dioxide laser treatment that rejuvenates vaginal tissues to relieve symptoms. Rebecca explains why and how this treatment works, and what you can expect during the process. According to studies she cites, this new treatment relieves symptoms in a whopping 92% of patients. The Role of Testosterone in Menopause Dr. Dunsmoor explains the changes in testosterone production and management that occur in menopausal women and looks to the future of testosterone management in menopause. Resources and Links Dr. Dunmoor’s Website: https://www.renuvagyn.com/ Dr. Dunmoor’s Page:

My guest, whom I call Toni in this episode, is here to share a personal story of abuse and eventual transformation. Within the interview, she shares a lot of difficult episodes and traumas in her life in a brave and transparent way. You will get a lot out of this episode will learn that despite the hardest upbringing, there can be transformation, growth, and healing along the way. Please listen along and support Toni as she shares her story here. Connecting the Past to the Present As Toni states, her “introduction to sex” began in third grade because she was sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend at the time, but later the man who would become her stepdad. As she got married in her early twenties, she was subjected to a manipulative marriage with a partner who didn’t treat her in a healthy, respectful manner. It wasn’t until Toni went to see a psychotherapist, and was talking about her current relationship, that her eyes were opened up to how her past traumas with her stepdad had been playing into her adult difficulties with sex. She very understandably had intimacy problems and was in a bad place emotionally, as she describes it. Sex, to her, was this intimidating, challenging presence that manifested itself negatively in her life. Losing the Glue of the Family Toni describes growing up in her family and the dynamics at play within: she says that when her Grandma died at a young age, she left a very large absence. Her grandma was only in her 40s and was the glue of the family. At this point as well, Toni was largely ignored. She also didn’t have siblings either, so it became hard for her to connect with people. Once the abuse started, things were extremely challenging for Toni. She says that her abuser, her stepdad, was a master manipulator and treated her mother with romantic bait-and-switch types of behavior. And she was angry with her mother all from the time the abuse started until she turned 16. She thought her mother was complicit with his behavior but didn’t stop it. As she reconnected with friends later in life, well after the fact, they all expressed how they knew something was wrong with the way her stepdad treated her and abused her, but they just didn’t know how to handle it. He was an important man after all. And the small-town politics did not make it easy to handle. Trust Issues, Boyfriends, and a Serious Altercation When asked about her past boyfriends, she said she felt like she was supposed to date and have relationships because that was “normal”. But she definitely had trust issues. She said that it took a special person to actually even consider dating when she was a teenager. Toni shares that she was a tough girl. Not only mentally calloused because of her abuse, but also because she developed early as a girl, so she was subjected to boys groping her at a young age. She learned to defend herself with her fists. And once she turned 16, she decided she had had enough. He had abused her, physically beat his mother right in front of her, and she eventually pushed him down the stairs and pulled a knife off him, holding it to his throat. Toni says that after doing that, he left her alone. Her Road to Transformation to the Present After getting married to her manipulative husband and having a kid with him, she left him and met another man. This would become the moment that Toni started to transform and heal after having suffered so much abuse for so long. She reconnected with her biological father, and that healed some abandonment trauma she had been carrying her whole life. Additionally, the new man met was a nice man who treated her kid with care. Unfortunately, though, she found out he had a history of drug addiction and would soon resort back to drugs. The relationship soon ended. Toni would have another relationship with a kind,...

My guest, whom I call Toni in this episode, is here to share a personal story of abuse and eventual transformation. Within the interview, she shares a lot of difficult episodes and traumas in her life in a brave and transparent way. You will get a lot out of this episode will learn that despite the hardest upbringing, there can be transformation, growth, and healing along the way. Please listen along and support Toni as she shares her story here. Connecting the Past to the Present As Toni states, her “introduction to sex” began in third grade because she was sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend at the time, but later the man who would become her stepdad. As she got married in her early twenties, she was subjected to a manipulative marriage with a partner who didn’t treat her in a healthy, respectful manner. It wasn’t until Toni went to see a psychotherapist, and was talking about her current relationship, that her eyes were opened up to how her past traumas with her stepdad had been playing into her adult difficulties with sex. She very understandably had intimacy problems and was in a bad place emotionally, as she describes it. Sex, to her, was this intimidating, challenging presence that manifested itself negatively in her life. Losing the Glue of the Family Toni describes growing up in her family and the dynamics at play within: she says that when her Grandma died at a young age, she left a very large absence. Her grandma was only in her 40s and was the glue of the family. At this point as well, Toni was largely ignored. She also didn’t have siblings either, so it became hard for her to connect with people. Once the abuse started, things were extremely challenging for Toni. She says that her abuser, her stepdad, was a master manipulator and treated her mother with romantic bait-and-switch types of behavior. And she was angry with her mother all from the time the abuse started until she turned 16. She thought her mother was complicit with his behavior but didn’t stop it. As she reconnected with friends later in life, well after the fact, they all expressed how they knew something was wrong with the way her stepdad treated her and abused her, but they just didn’t know how to handle it. He was an important man after all. And the small-town politics did not make it easy to handle. Trust Issues, Boyfriends, and a Serious Altercation When asked about her past boyfriends, she said she felt like she was supposed to date and have relationships because that was “normal”. But she definitely had trust issues. She said that it took a special person to actually even consider dating when she was a teenager. Toni shares that she was a tough girl. Not only mentally calloused because of her abuse, but also because she developed early as a girl, so she was subjected to boys groping her at a young age. She learned to defend herself with her fists. And once she turned 16, she decided she had had enough. He had abused her, physically beat his mother right in front of her, and she eventually pushed him down the stairs and pulled a knife off him, holding it to his throat. Toni says that after doing that, he left her alone. Her Road to Transformation to the Present After getting married to her manipulative husband and having a kid with him, she left him and met another man. This would become the moment that Toni started to transform and heal after having suffered so much abuse for so long. She reconnected with her biological father, and that healed some abandonment trauma she had been carrying her whole life. Additionally, the new man met was a nice man who treated her kid with care. Unfortunately, though, she found out he had a history of drug addiction and would soon resort back to drugs. The relationship soon ended. Toni would have another relationship with a kind,...

My guest Rebecca Scritchfield is an exercise physiologist, nutritionist, author of Body Kindness and host of the Body Kindness podcast. She is a strong advocate for body positivity and healthy standards for eating, living, and self-evaluation. Rebecca poses the question in this interview: Isn’t your life all that much better when you aren’t worried about the standards of society? Through love, connection, and care, she shares how to be fully committed to yourself and how to have better sex through body kindness. Really valuable advice within. Enjoy! Being Thin is Not the Best and Healthiest Rebecca says that through her professional experience, she has formed the opinion that there’s way more to health than being thin. The lynchpin for health hinges on mental wellbeing and positive body images and the standards of society often glamorize unhealthy expectations. Once caught in the cycle of negative body image, it’s hard to become the best version of yourself. She shares an alarming statistic that most children will try their first diet by the age of 10. Even Weightwatchers has an app for young children! Rebecca herself knows what it’s like to struggle with dieting and a compulsive need to “earn” her food through exercise because she was being constantly evaluated by an unhealthy standard. This has considerable carryover into sexuality as well because unhealthy standards can translate into a negative body image. And as is common, sex can be the furthest thing from your mind if you don’t feel attractive or good about yourself. How to Make Peace With Your Body Now Rebecca says that to unhook from unhealthy body image is to practice the acceptance of self. It’s not easy to do at all, but accepting your body for what it is, even on the days when you feel the worst, is one of the most valuable tools for body positivity. And remember, acceptance is not apathy or giving up. It is an active decision to accept what is and to invite self-compassion into your mind. It also means that you unplug yourself from conforming to society’s standards. You will feel calmer, less overwhelmed by “what you should look like”, and happier in your own skin. That’s the goal overall! Trusting Your Inner Caregiver You don’t need rigid food rules or to follow the strict standards that others may impose on you. Yes, you get constant feedback from the other people in your life (indirectly or directly), but Rebecca says that instead of listening to the voice that preaches rigidity, you should listen to your inner caregiver. She says that we all have inner caregivers. The voice will tell you to eat food that tastes good and to do things that give you pleasure. You can listen to the voice, you can get the takeout food that you love so much, but you can also balance out the components of the meal with something nutritious as well. This means you don’t have to diet to be healthy; you can treat yourself and not have to be so rigid and restrictive in your choices. You can listen to the inner caregiver inside of you who tells you that you’re doing good. You can hydrate more or go on a 10-minute walk after lunch. Instead of listening to the voice that says “that’s not good enough,” listen to the voice that says: “good job!” Tips for Better Sex with a Partner Rebecca suggests you first establish what feels good for you personally and can readily communicate what works for you before applying the techniques she teaches to a partner. The meaningful work first starts with you! She says it will take time, but once you sit with your desires and pleasures and know more about yourself, you will be more comfortable with your partner in the bedroom. For more on her book, why she thinks fun is so important, and more on this subject, be sure to listen to this great interview! Check out her website as well....

My guest Rebecca Scritchfield is an exercise physiologist, nutritionist, author of Body Kindness and host of the Body Kindness podcast. She is a strong advocate for body positivity and healthy standards for eating, living, and self-evaluation. Rebecca poses the question in this interview: Isn’t your life all that much better when you aren’t worried about the standards of society? Through love, connection, and care, she shares how to be fully committed to yourself and how to have better sex through body kindness. Really valuable advice within. Enjoy! Being Thin is Not the Best and Healthiest Rebecca says that through her professional experience, she has formed the opinion that there’s way more to health than being thin. The lynchpin for health hinges on mental wellbeing and positive body images and the standards of society often glamorize unhealthy expectations. Once caught in the cycle of negative body image, it’s hard to become the best version of yourself. She shares an alarming statistic that most children will try their first diet by the age of 10. Even Weightwatchers has an app for young children! Rebecca herself knows what it’s like to struggle with dieting and a compulsive need to “earn” her food through exercise because she was being constantly evaluated by an unhealthy standard. This has considerable carryover into sexuality as well because unhealthy standards can translate into a negative body image. And as is common, sex can be the furthest thing from your mind if you don’t feel attractive or good about yourself. How to Make Peace With Your Body Now Rebecca says that to unhook from unhealthy body image is to practice the acceptance of self. It’s not easy to do at all, but accepting your body for what it is, even on the days when you feel the worst, is one of the most valuable tools for body positivity. And remember, acceptance is not apathy or giving up. It is an active decision to accept what is and to invite self-compassion into your mind. It also means that you unplug yourself from conforming to society’s standards. You will feel calmer, less overwhelmed by “what you should look like”, and happier in your own skin. That’s the goal overall! Trusting Your Inner Caregiver You don’t need rigid food rules or to follow the strict standards that others may impose on you. Yes, you get constant feedback from the other people in your life (indirectly or directly), but Rebecca says that instead of listening to the voice that preaches rigidity, you should listen to your inner caregiver. She says that we all have inner caregivers. The voice will tell you to eat food that tastes good and to do things that give you pleasure. You can listen to the voice, you can get the takeout food that you love so much, but you can also balance out the components of the meal with something nutritious as well. This means you don’t have to diet to be healthy; you can treat yourself and not have to be so rigid and restrictive in your choices. You can listen to the inner caregiver inside of you who tells you that you’re doing good. You can hydrate more or go on a 10-minute walk after lunch. Instead of listening to the voice that says “that’s not good enough,” listen to the voice that says: “good job!” Tips for Better Sex with a Partner Rebecca suggests you first establish what feels good for you personally and can readily communicate what works for you before applying the techniques she teaches to a partner. The meaningful work first starts with you! She says it will take time, but once you sit with your desires and pleasures and know more about yourself, you will be more comfortable with your partner in the bedroom. For more on her book, why she thinks fun is so important, and more on this subject, be sure to listen to this great interview! Check out her website as well....

My guest is fresh off a book tour for her new book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Her name is Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus and she is a sociologist and sex coach with a wealth of knowledge on sexuality and mindfulness. Within this talk she deftly connects her term ‘sexual madness’ with mindfulness, which is an extension of her book and professional work with her clients. If you wondering how mindfulness can help you with sexual desire, body image, and to achieve better, well-rounded sex, then listen along and learn. You won’t regret stopping by! What is “Sexual Madness”? Dr. Jenn says that women are not given a right to own their sexuality. Additionally, many are not taught at all growing up in school about sexual expression or even basic anatomy. And when women get married and have sexual partners they are expected to just flip a switch and have this working knowledge of sexual expression. That, in a nutshell, is madness. More specifically, it’s sexual madness. She then introduces sexual mindfulness as a solution for breaking through this sexual madness. Jenn encourages heading towards the pain and discomfort in sex first. She says that it’s important to explore the pain points through mindfulness because you can get to the root of sexual avoidance and unpack whatever is there. Jenn also states that it’s such an empowering practice. The ability to not compartmentalize feelings and instead connect thoughts to bodily feelings and be in tune with yourself like that is such a valuable skill. She sees it countless times in her clients. Expanded Definitions of Mindfulness Jenn says that because mindfulness has become such a buzzword nowadays, there should be distinctions made between some of the more important factors of the concept. Paying attention and really focusing is a part of mindfulness. But more important to the definition is self-compassion and non-judgment. This means being truly present with whatever arises, and if there is shame that bubbles to the surface, not beating yourself up about that shame. That’s true mindfulness. Another important concept that arises during the interview is just being with the raw sensations you feel, no matter what. Just staying with them, without any meaning, interpretation, or story attached to it, often means you can get through the feelings. Jenn says most of the time, all it takes is 90 seconds of being present, of being mindful. How Mindfulness is Helpful for Desire For women, Jenn says that mindfulness can be a real help for cultivating and understanding desire. She says there is a dearth of understanding on the topic, so any help is beneficial. She says body image issues and shame can definitely arise and mindfulness can always help. Even for those in perfectly healthy relationships where partners are attracted to each other can lead to a lack of desire. Mindfulness helps unearth traumas, shame, or overall feelings that may be inhibiting desire from really flourishing. She says that journaling and sitting with the awkward, uncomfortable feelings is absolutely essential. Applied Mindfulness Jennifer not only teaches mindfulness practices and their merits to couples, but she also encourages their active participation with the principles. Without what she calls “applied mindfulness” there’s hardly any room for growth or the complete cultivation of sexual expression. She also says that we’re responsible for teaching the younger generation about the importance of not passing on limiting ideas of sexuality to young women. Instead of just compliments about physical appearance, parents should stress the importance of celebrating the whole person: intelligence, personality, and so forth. This cultivates a deeper sense of self-worth in women. Key Links for Jennifer: Her book: From Madness to Mindfulness...

My guest is fresh off a book tour for her new book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Her name is Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus and she is a sociologist and sex coach with a wealth of knowledge on sexuality and mindfulness. Within this talk she deftly connects her term ‘sexual madness’ with mindfulness, which is an extension of her book and professional work with her clients. If you wondering how mindfulness can help you with sexual desire, body image, and to achieve better, well-rounded sex, then listen along and learn. You won’t regret stopping by! What is “Sexual Madness”? Dr. Jenn says that women are not given a right to own their sexuality. Additionally, many are not taught at all growing up in school about sexual expression or even basic anatomy. And when women get married and have sexual partners they are expected to just flip a switch and have this working knowledge of sexual expression. That, in a nutshell, is madness. More specifically, it’s sexual madness. She then introduces sexual mindfulness as a solution for breaking through this sexual madness. Jenn encourages heading towards the pain and discomfort in sex first. She says that it’s important to explore the pain points through mindfulness because you can get to the root of sexual avoidance and unpack whatever is there. Jenn also states that it’s such an empowering practice. The ability to not compartmentalize feelings and instead connect thoughts to bodily feelings and be in tune with yourself like that is such a valuable skill. She sees it countless times in her clients. Expanded Definitions of Mindfulness Jenn says that because mindfulness has become such a buzzword nowadays, there should be distinctions made between some of the more important factors of the concept. Paying attention and really focusing is a part of mindfulness. But more important to the definition is self-compassion and non-judgment. This means being truly present with whatever arises, and if there is shame that bubbles to the surface, not beating yourself up about that shame. That’s true mindfulness. Another important concept that arises during the interview is just being with the raw sensations you feel, no matter what. Just staying with them, without any meaning, interpretation, or story attached to it, often means you can get through the feelings. Jenn says most of the time, all it takes is 90 seconds of being present, of being mindful. How Mindfulness is Helpful for Desire For women, Jenn says that mindfulness can be a real help for cultivating and understanding desire. She says there is a dearth of understanding on the topic, so any help is beneficial. She says body image issues and shame can definitely arise and mindfulness can always help. Even for those in perfectly healthy relationships where partners are attracted to each other can lead to a lack of desire. Mindfulness helps unearth traumas, shame, or overall feelings that may be inhibiting desire from really flourishing. She says that journaling and sitting with the awkward, uncomfortable feelings is absolutely essential. Applied Mindfulness Jennifer not only teaches mindfulness practices and their merits to couples, but she also encourages their active participation with the principles. Without what she calls “applied mindfulness” there’s hardly any room for growth or the complete cultivation of sexual expression. She also says that we’re responsible for teaching the younger generation about the importance of not passing on limiting ideas of sexuality to young women. Instead of just compliments about physical appearance, parents should stress the importance of celebrating the whole person: intelligence, personality, and so forth. This cultivates a deeper sense of self-worth in women. Key Links for Jennifer: Her book: From Madness to Mindfulness...

My guest today is Tamara Pincus, who is an AASECT certified sex therapist, an advocate for BDSM and polyamory, and an overall celebrator of the diverse BDSM community. In this episode, she breaks down the fundamentals of BDSM, gives advice on how to start and practice safely, as well as talks about trauma and dissociation and other important topics. As she reminds us, BDSM is really common, so if you’re just getting started, curious, indifferent, or have been practicing for many years, this episode is for you. Enjoy! What is BDSM? Tamara says that the four letters stand for bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. This essentially means tying your partner up, having power over another, sometimes utilizing pain, and things of that nature. She says that a lot of typical intercourse can be seen as versions of BDSM, given that there is usually a power dynamic at play. This can be considered an offshoot of BDSM – meaning that intercourse can be seen as a continuum of sorts on the BDSM spectrum. She says that role-play can also fall within the same category. For more on her BDSM ideas, listen in! BDSM for Healing from Trauma Tamara says that BDSM can actually lead to breakthroughs in sexual trauma. Someone who has experienced a specific kind of sexual trauma can claim and have mastery over their trauma through a BDSM act. Tamara says that healing can occur if the trauma victim feels better emotionally or experiences positive feelings afterward. When asked how sexual partners can engage in BDSM in a safe, non-intimidating way, she says that it’s important to have a safe word or safe signal, as well as make sure there is agreed-upon consent between all participants. She also makes the good point that couples should get kink training and be cognizant about health conditions before doing rope play or breath play, and various other activities of the same category. To find a local dungeon or similar setting where you can learn these techniques, Tamara says to make sure you check out https://fetlife.com/. The “Top” and “Bottom” Dynamic Tamara says there’s generally two distinct dynamics at play during any BDSM proceeding: the bottom and the top. The top is the dominant player, while the bottom is the receiver. There can be a flexible interplay of differing power dynamics as the top can also function as the bottom at the same time. Tamara makes it a point to remind listeners that the top needs to be completely aware of the wellbeing of the bottom given that dissociation can happen. After all, a lot of the draw of BDSM comes from the fantastical aspects of the act, so altered mental states are common. Legitimate BDSM Versus The “Fifty Shades” Version Tamara says that one of the biggest mistakes of Fifty Shades of Gray is that it doesn’t understand the concept of non-concordance. This basically means that just because something turns you on physically doesn’t mean you’re emotionally turned on as well. Basically, your body is not lining up with your mind in this instance. How to Start & What to do if a Partner Isn’t Into BDSM She suggests a few books that you can find below in the “key links” section, as well as the aforementioned FetLife community. She suggests being careful, using the right equipment, make sure you have ways of getting out of any equipment, and having open conversations about boundaries and consent with your partner. For those who have partners who are not into BDSM, she says that you need to have frank conversations about likes and desires. She says that you can try and fight your sexuality, but it might be a losing battle. It’s best to explore options with your partner and see if there are compromises that can be made. Communicating about expectations is important! Key Links for Tamara:...

My guest today is Tamara Pincus, who is an AASECT certified sex therapist, an advocate for BDSM and polyamory, and an overall celebrator of the diverse BDSM community. In this episode, she breaks down the fundamentals of BDSM, gives advice on how to start and practice safely, as well as talks about trauma and dissociation and other important topics. As she reminds us, BDSM is really common, so if you’re just getting started, curious, indifferent, or have been practicing for many years, this episode is for you. Enjoy! What is BDSM? Tamara says that the four letters stand for bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. This essentially means tying your partner up, having power over another, sometimes utilizing pain, and things of that nature. She says that a lot of typical intercourse can be seen as versions of BDSM, given that there is usually a power dynamic at play. This can be considered an offshoot of BDSM – meaning that intercourse can be seen as a continuum of sorts on the BDSM spectrum. She says that role-play can also fall within the same category. For more on her BDSM ideas, listen in! BDSM for Healing from Trauma Tamara says that BDSM can actually lead to breakthroughs in sexual trauma. Someone who has experienced a specific kind of sexual trauma can claim and have mastery over their trauma through a BDSM act. Tamara says that healing can occur if the trauma victim feels better emotionally or experiences positive feelings afterward. When asked how sexual partners can engage in BDSM in a safe, non-intimidating way, she says that it’s important to have a safe word or safe signal, as well as make sure there is agreed-upon consent between all participants. She also makes the good point that couples should get kink training and be cognizant about health conditions before doing rope play or breath play, and various other activities of the same category. To find a local dungeon or similar setting where you can learn these techniques, Tamara says to make sure you check out https://fetlife.com/. The “Top” and “Bottom” Dynamic Tamara says there’s generally two distinct dynamics at play during any BDSM proceeding: the bottom and the top. The top is the dominant player, while the bottom is the receiver. There can be a flexible interplay of differing power dynamics as the top can also function as the bottom at the same time. Tamara makes it a point to remind listeners that the top needs to be completely aware of the wellbeing of the bottom given that dissociation can happen. After all, a lot of the draw of BDSM comes from the fantastical aspects of the act, so altered mental states are common. Legitimate BDSM Versus The “Fifty Shades” Version Tamara says that one of the biggest mistakes of Fifty Shades of Gray is that it doesn’t understand the concept of non-concordance. This basically means that just because something turns you on physically doesn’t mean you’re emotionally turned on as well. Basically, your body is not lining up with your mind in this instance. How to Start & What to do if a Partner Isn’t Into BDSM She suggests a few books that you can find below in the “key links” section, as well as the aforementioned FetLife community. She suggests being careful, using the right equipment, make sure you have ways of getting out of any equipment, and having open conversations about boundaries and consent with your partner. For those who have partners who are not into BDSM, she says that you need to have frank conversations about likes and desires. She says that you can try and fight your sexuality, but it might be a losing battle. It’s best to explore options with your partner and see if there are compromises that can be made. Communicating about expectations is important! Key Links for Tamara:...