Hole in My Heart Podcast

Friends: If you haven't ever listened to our podcast, start here! We have a special guest, Bill Henson, who is a spirit-filled well of wisdom. If you are a parent of an LGBT+ child, a Christian leader who wants to be more inclusive (while still holding to a historically Christian view), identify as LGBT+, or simply care about LGBT+ people, this one is for you. In addition to talking about walking with LGBT+ friends and family, we also talk about the first time we learned we were missionaries, how we listen to music (in the car? at home? at church?), and about an upcoming joint-retreat HIMH is hosting with Bill and Lead Them Home. Don't miss this one! For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast and http://www.leadthemhome.org.

It sends terror through all parents: How do we talk with the kids about sexuality? Yikes. How do we? We bring our first returning guest, Dr. Branson Parler, Professor of Theological Studies at Kuyper College, and Director of Faith Formation at Fourth Reformed Church in Grand Rapids, MI, to talk about it with us. In addition to his theological cred, he brings real-life walking with his five kids, ages 9, 7, 5, 3, and 1. ​What we share here is important ground work, and (I hope) specific next steps. We also talk about how to talk about Jesus with kids in general, and our favorite childhood snacks. (Oh yeah, there was that one time I thought I invented the quesadilla. Like, for real I thought that.) Also, we talk Kool Aid Man. Oh, yeah. For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

If women make up 1 out of every 3 visits to pornographic sites, if 17% of women consider themselves addicted to porn, and if half of women in a recent German sex study admit to watching porn, why don't we talk about it? Why are there so few resources? We talk about it with Amy Riordan, author, speaker, and writer for Covenant Eyes. Additionally, we explore the questions: If we are a woman who wrestles with pornography or lust in general, how can we get the shame-free help we need? If we are a friend of a woman wrestling with lust, how can we come alongside our friends? Favorite Quote: "To me, intimacy meant sex. I didn't realize there was a difference between the two. That started this whole thing with God showing me what I was really craving and wanting was intimacy--not sex.'" Question of the Week: Have you ever said, “God, I will never do/go/say _____,” and then the next thing you know you’re doing ____? Goofball Island: When have you pulled a prank, had one pulled on you, or even DAYDREAMED about pulling a prank on someone? How did it go? Podcast Extra: 1. If we are struggling with lust, how can we get the help we need? 2. Live transparently with one or two people 3. Get time alone to recenter 4. Be transparent with God 5. Change your scenery 6. Reach out to your friends 7. Be kind to yourself For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

Youth leaders, this one is for you. We talk with our guest and New York City youth pastor, Ray Low, about his journey with sexuality and how his youth pastor walked with him well. We also talk a lot about what it is like to be a double minority as an Asian American and a sexual minority. This was an important conversation we were honored to have. Favorite quotes: "[At church] I saw a different kind of community that had a different kind of purpose. That's when the gospel started to make sense to me: when I started to see a community that extended beyond Sunday." "[My youth pastor] would treat people like people. He would treat people like he had this calling to form a faith identity in each and every one of us. That looked like giving us that space to wrestle." Question of the Week: What people groups are you passionate about? Goofball Island: What was your role in the elementary school playground? ​ Podcast Extra: Here are the critical pieces Ray's youth pastor focused on to establish a faith identity in students: 1. Treated students as soon-to-be adults 2. Gave space to be messy and wrestle with big ideas 3. Bridged the gap between church world and home world 4. Gave leadership opportunities 5. Cast a vision to the parents of the necessity to establish a faith identity ​Question of the Week for Next Week: When have you said, "I will never do ____!" And then God is like, "Um, yup. Exactly that." For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

We laughed a lot on this one. We cracked up, and went to deep heart places with Nate Collins, special guest, author, and president and founder of the Revoice Conference. We chatted about starstruck moments (who almost got taken down by Francis Chan's security team, hmmm, LAURIE?!), vulnerability, and giving the historically Christian LGBT+ conversation a new voice. A favorite quote: "The way the gospel is good news for me now," Nate said, "is by living transparently. When that requires vulnerability, then being vulnerable. I've experienced so much grace in being known. And shame in being not known. [I was] put in the shadows, or ran to the shadows myself because I was afraid of transparency or vulnerability." Find out about the Revoice Conference here: http://revoice.us For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

So...shocker: Parenting is hard. Also, life is hard. Today, we follow up with the brutally honest "Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us?" as well as discuss how we, as bleeding-heart parents, can be on mission (to make disciples) with our kids without hurting their hearts... How do we do that? Question of the Week: What is your biggest takeaway from this book? Goofball Island: What was your favorite childhood TV show? Helpful Links: ​ Laurie's post: The Day I Became Wonder Woman https://lauriekrieg.com/the-day-i-became-wonder-woman/ Psychology Today: 10 Reasons Why Today's Teenagers Are So Anxious (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201711/10-reasons-why-todays-teenagers-are-so-anxious) ​Question of the Week for Next Week: What are you looking forward to this summer? For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

We have another guest! Dr. Branson Parler! To go with his movie star name and phD, Branson is FULL OF WISDOM! This was one of those conversations where Producer Steve, Matt, and I looked at each other while recording with our jaws dropped. ​He answered a lot of questions we had about the relationship between sexuality, married people, single people, and the Church. Quotable Highlights: "Paul can say, 'Stay single,' ...because the church is functioning as a family." "Our bodies matter. Matter matters... The way God communicates his love to us is not just through this intellectual message that bounces off of us, the Word became flesh." "Whether people are married or single, what everyone needs is a healing of our broken sexuality. It's not that marriage is this proper outlet for our lust. It is that lust needs to be killed across the board." Question of the Week: What is the top character quality you look for in a friend? Goofball Island: Who was your childhood pet, and what was its tragic life ending? Vehicle to get to Goofball Island: The dog van from Dumb and Dumber. Helpful Links: Branson's Blog: www.bransonparler.com A super helpful (and well-liked) catechism he wrote on sexuality: https://www.bransonparler.com/blog/great-lakes-catechism-on-marriage-and-sexuality Branson on The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender: http://www.centerforfaith.com/blog/what-our-weddings-say-about-marriage Question of the Week for Next Week: What has this marriage series (walking through the 'You and Me Forever' book) taught you? For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

How can you be a helpful friend to someone in pain? How can you be a helpful person in pain to your friends? How does co-dependency relate to this? We talk about it on the podcast with a guest, Tammy Perlmattur! Tammy Perlmutter is founder and curator of The Mudroom, a collaborative blog encouraging women to speak truth, love hard, and enter in with each other, and co-founder of Deeply Rooted, a biannual worship, arts, and teaching gathering for women in Chicago. Tammy is a member of Redbud Writers Guild, an urban beekeeper, and lives in an intentional Christian community in Chicago. We also talk lent, awkward clothes we used to wear (victorian lace boots? mullets? chopsticks in your hair?), favorite foods growing up (a whole loaf of bread on the table?), and women/friendship and same-sex attraction. ​ Question of the Week: Did you have a pet growing up? What happened to it? Podcast Extra: Here is some of what we talked about concerning friendships in pain--listed. What are signs of a good friend when you are in a tough place? What characteristics do they have? -They are not just there to hear your secrets, but can bear your trauma. (It’s more than gossip, they want to walk alongside you.) -You can see them walk with other people well. Others trust them. -They know how to ask for help themselves. -They are not afraid of you—they say, “You’re not too much.” -They point you back to Jesus—not themselves. -They say hopeful, but not belittling phrases. (Not, “Jesus saves!” Life is not a Disney movie.) -They check in. -They make you feel like your pain is unique to you, but not like you are a freak. -They can say, “I don’t know how to help you, but let’s find someone who can.” How do you not get co-dependent on these people? -Accountability—tell people if you have a quick, deep emotional connection with someone. (If you are married, tell your spouse. “You can ask me at any time.”) -Purposely ensuring you maintain other friendships. -Hang out with other people in person—to get yourself out of your head. How can we be helpful people who are in pain? How can we be good friends to our friends who journey with us? -Reciprocate care—don’t only receive care. Pay attention to the other’s life. -Have fun together. Don’t let your friendship become only about the sorrow. -Don’t only have one person be “your person” who you talk to. We need the Body of Christ. Let others help. -Know the other person has limitations. It’s not rejection if they can’t be all that you want them to be. -Share details as opposed to vague generalities. Not: “It’s tough, but God is good!” But specifics as appropriate. -Invite questions. Receive them with grace and make it a safe place for the listener to speak. (As a listener, it can be scary to say the “wrong thing.”) -Say what you need. Friends are not mind readers. Helpful Links: Tammy wrote about her journey with her sexuality here on her Mudroom Blog site. http://mudroomblog.com/same-sex-attraction-and-me/ You can also find her here: The Mudroom: www.mudroomblog.com Deeply Rooted: www.deeplyrootedchicago.com Facebook: https://facebook.com/tammygrrrl Twitter: https://twitter.com/tammygrrrl For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

"Love... does not demand its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). This... this one is gritty. And beautiful. And sounds like two people pursuing God and each other in the midst of pain. It sounds a lot like real life. Today, on our nine-year anniversary, Matt and I open up about the last year-and-a-half of walking through the effects of trauma with a person. May it only bless you. For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

We talk birthday, which childhood movie traumatized you, and what have you said to friends when they say they can't "feel" and/or hear God's voice? Here's good ol' Francis laying it down per usual: “I hear people complain that they don’t feel Jesus with them, they don’t experience the Holy Spirit. I usually ask them: Are you busy making disciples? ...​ If I want to find my friend Andrew, I can usually find him a​t the gym. If I want to find Adam, he’s probably at the beach. If I want to find Lisa, she’s probably at Target. If I want to find Jesus, I should share the gospel with someone. That’s where He will be. He is on the battlefield. He is pursuing the mission" (Chan, 100). How can we pursue it, too--no matter our marital status? For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

​Matt, Producer Steve, and I (Laurie) have a guest! We asked last week for feedback on this marriage book and conversation from single people, and my friend Joie VanHolstein answered the call! We chat about how we have seen Jesus romance us lately, and which game show (or reality show) we would unquestionably win (and which we would undoubtedly fail). The Heart of the Matter focuses on fighting through humility, how people who have been affected by trauma can "die to self" without getting re-traumatized, and taking your hands off of your of your own throat as you are in process. Podcast Extra: I quoted this: "If you want to build something significant for the Kingdom of God on earth, don't build a ministry, build a family." --Jeremy Riddle Helpful Link: Read or listen to the book for free here: https://www.youandmeforever.org (Or just download the "You and Me Forever" app.) ​ Question of the Week: What childhood movie traumatized you as a child? For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

Matt Krieg, Producer Steve and I (Laurie) chat about chapter two of Francis and Lisa Chan's book "You and Me Forever." Per usual, deep and silly conversations ensue including: What's up with drivers in California and in the Midwest? {and} What would our marriages look like IRL if the gospel was on display in them? Podcast Extra: I refer to "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas, and this podcast about why God made us sexual by Dr. Juli Slattery at this link: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/resources/5110/160-why-god-created-you-to-be-sexual?source=blog Helpful Link: Read or listen to the book for free at www.youandmeforever.org! (Or just download the "You and Me Forever" app.) Question of the Week: What is one way you saw Jesus romance/pursue/show himself to you this week? For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

Do people in mixed-orientation marriages have a different Bible they live by? Do they have a different set of marital guidelines? In a word: No. We don't. It only seems that way because we--married and single--have been missing the point not only of married life but of LIFE. Life isn't about us. Is isn't about our happiness. It isn't about communication. It isn't about more dates. It isn't about fulfilling our needs. Life is all about Jesus. For the next seven weeks we will be walking through Francis and Lisa Chan's book, "You and Me Forever," to see how we have missed this. We will get gritty and honest about real-life marital pain, but we hope to laugh and leave these weeks encouraged to build the Kingdom together: married, single, dating--however God has called us. To read the ebook or listen to it along with us for free, visit youandmeforever.org and download the free app. This week (per usual) we also talk randomness such as Instant-Pots and the scary-amazing show Stranger Things. For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

We go a bit off the rails with this one. Matt, Steve, and I (Laurie) talk about our best Christmas presents ever, and then we devolve...yet again...into angst/joy about Trans-Siberian Orchestra. If you've never listened to us, this is a great start to see if you like us. Merry Christmas! For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast

If you choose a life of vulnerability, you choose a life of continuously coming out--no matter your story, no matter your vulnerable places, no matter your struggle. ​You are always coming out into authenticity. Today, I (Laurie) share one of the first times I came out to a friend. And this is cool: This friend, Amber McClurg, is on the show! Hear Amber and I talk about that first (quite awkward) coming out experience, and what good came from it in spite of the awkwardness. Additionally, Matt, Producer Steve, Amber and I chat about our words for 2018, things we don't like sharing, how to know if someone is safe to come out to, having a "healthy mistrust of yourself," heart-focused accountability, how we need more than one friend, and the risks of friendship. For More Visit: http://www.lauriekrieg.com/podcast