The Rules of Acquisition: A Star Trek Deep Space Nine Podcast

Sisko and his crew have crash landed. Again!  Jem' Hadar are afoot.   A Sequel to last episode, but also a sequel to The Ship? Hope y’all like the Big Lebowski, because for some reason, there’s a lot in this. James didn’t like the pants tearing scene.  We’ll come back to that. Dark matter Nerd Corner. But about the pants. What have they done with Garak? Lets compare the Wolverine from “back in my day.” On DS9… Kira gets Huckabeed.  We like the Jake scene. What DOES Vietnam have to do with anything? Well actually: Something. How might they have done the Vedek event differently? If it were say more “Game of Thrones”? What have they done with Odo? For all its strengths, does DS9 ever have all its characters firing on all cylinders? But wait.  We need to talk about Keevan. Again, how does this relate to current events?  And how do the A and B plots contrast to in their approach to extremity? How is the Jem Hadar 3rd like some of us? Let’s all be little Kira’s here. Let us know what you think!  917 408 3898   And support us on patreon and by doing all the other things every podcast asks you to do (that means tell your friends, review us, etc)! Patreon.com/kickersofelves   Go listen to the Clash! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x4JbW6L8BMThe Fargo Season 2 soundtrack is pretty good too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeZ0mC0Iqe8  

Welcome back to Deep Space Nine, Season 6!   The Dominion War has been waging for three months, DS9 is occupied by the Dominion, and Sisko and his crew have to undergo a dangerous mission... eventually.   But first: Who is Brandon Tartikoff?   Cool your butts everybody, we all love this episode. Oh, but don’t think we don’t have things to talk about. Bashir, for instance. We disagree. Go figure.   Does this once biting political commentary feel out of place in the times we currently live in?  How does it feel to watch DS9 during the Bush years vs the current Hellworld?   Kira and Odo and Dukat and Weyoun. Games are played.   Quark and the Lizard Pigs: What’s a story they could have done? Put heroin in their   sandwiches!   There’s always room for rock n roll pedantry.   Oh, and speaking of sandwiches: Admiral Ross!   Hugh has a problem with this episode that’s not this episodes fault.   Serialization: We’ve come a long way, baby.   In this modern TV landscape, let’s take a relaxing break to appreciate the psychological euphoria of The Great British Bake Off.   Oh, and finally the plot in the IMDB description happens.   Let’s talk about chairs. Lean into it.   Good ol’ Charlie Reynolds and the Centaur. What kind of name is “Centaur”? Oh. Let’s talk about that too.   Kira has a #metoo moment. It gets uncomfortable. Are the times intruding on enjoyment of the show?  James grapples on air.   Before we wrap up: Does the Federation have Christmas?   Give us a call, check out the Patreon, and do all the things that every other podcast asks you to to! 917 408 3898 patreon.com/kickersofelves

Wait, this isn't Star Trek!    We're venturing to another galaxy, far far away.  Rather than just explain to you in a youtube rant that The Last Jedi sucked [it doesn't] we wanted to figure out just why some people walked out of theaters angry about episode VIII. Forget about the misoginist MRA incels and 4chan trolls; what do the non-toxic TLJ haters dislike?  Is there something that people want from their Star Wars that wasn't in Rian Johnson's movie?  To get to the bottom of this question we did some research on another piece of hardcore Star Wars fans' childhood that Disney and Kathleen Kennedy killed:  The now-defunct Star Wars Expanded Universe!    We start with the canceled Star Wars EU, and end with Gramsci and cultural Marxism?  In between we explore TTRPGs, Heir to the Empire, Rogue Squadron, and more.  And of course The Last Jedi. For more of our non-Star Trek thoughts, including our multi part "Much A-Dune About Nothing" series on Frank Herbert's Dune, check out the Kickers of Elves patreon! (https://www.patreon.com/kickersofelves)   see: (https://www.slashfilm.com/the-last-temptation-of-skywalker/)   "Nick Winter's Star Wars" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-t2n_jk1QM) Kinect Star Wars: "I'm Han Solo" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_FoEy8T_A) Bad Lip Reading: "Bushes of Love" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RySHDUU2juM)    

BUILDING THE PERFECT WHITE ALBUM Cutting down a 90s show to the length of modern masterpieces, like The OA[?]… 1st we each go through our White Album for season 5. There is a surprising of overlap, but the differences are divisive. Laying to rest the problems with “The Worf Scene” What are the worst episodes of this season? Which do we disagree the most with IMDB about? What’s the season’s best episode? Hugh HATES Eddington. How would we cast a modern reboot of DS9? Does Hugh feel any better about Bashir after we finally hit “that one episode”? Write every season like it’s your last?Agree with our choices? Disagree? Think that The Worf Scene is as dumb as Wade does? THEN LET US KNOW! 917 408 3898 and if you want to support the show, check out the Kickers of Elves patreon!  patreon.com/kickersofelves

The Dominion War is afoot!It's the Season finale and Wade has been a victim of gaslighting. Five years of Deep Space Nine come to a head and numerous plots are fit into a pretty great episode. Here are some things discussed: Mine Angry Nerd Corner 1: Why don’t they build starships out of replicators?  Did Jake screw up?  Did he misrepresent his father? Fake News? We have a disagreement.  Sometimes, you just gotta start a war.  Rom:  The smartest guy who doesn’t realize it.  Mine Angry Nerd Corner 2: What keeps the mines replicating? The Matter/Energy equalization problem.  Kira and Odo: Do the characters want to put this off as much as we do? Do the writers? Table it. We’ll get to it later.  Garak/Ziyal: All your headcanons valid.  How sociopathic is Garak? Lets pat ourselves on the back for this wedding speech.  Can’t. Stop. Referencing.  Windows: Pretty democratic.  Lots of wedding talk in this one.  Lots of plots from the show so far addressed. But what about the dog?  James thinks Jake is dumb.  Look at all those ships!  The third Cardassian that we come to know and love: Damar.  Goodbye Robert Hewitt Wolf.  Do you dare take The Best of Both Worlds/Call to Arms Challenge?   Give us a call and let us know what you think! 917 408 3898 or check out and support the show at our patreon Patreon.com/kickersofelves

Watch out, you soulles minions of orthodoxy. Not all of us liked this well beloved episode.   It's the Crying of Lot 48.   The B plot and the A plot are reversed and we get a sequel to stembolts as big things are happening in the background.   Baseball Corner.   Weyoun: That weird guy at church.   Can Jake and Nog complete all the necessary quests to get their loot and make all the villagers happy?   Bad Company Corner.   Science Nerd Corner.   Beard the lion: An actual phrase!   How does this episoe line up with Joss Whedon, writing-wise and chronologically?   Contribute to the conversation on Patreon, or give us a call and be featured on the podcast!   917 408 3898 patreon.com/kickersofelves

A psychotropic drug? We learn of Deep Space Nine's sister station, and Garak goes a little bit crazy. In the lineage of The Doomsday machine, turn out the lights and you got a new location set. Horror movie meets Lower Decks. Bryan Fuller sold a second story. 3rd acts are tough. Obrien: Engineer or soldier? Uh. Engineer, obviously. Give us a call!  917 408 3898 And check out the patreon if you want extra content or if you want to support the show patreon.com/kickersofelves

Eddington returns! For the last time? The remaining Maquis have done something stupid and so Ben Sisko takes a runabout to the badlands with his best buddy krull. Does this mean more arguing about the Maquis? How bout an argument about the inevibility of war and whether or not its right to just go ahead and let a one happen in the right circumstances? Why wasn’t this episode more about Sisko being able to do something? Is the twist a cheap copout to a more rewarding story or is the twist the rewarding part? Have thoughts on the Maquis? Want to set us off on an argument that might take up an entire bonus episode? Give us a call then! 917 408 3898 Support the show as you see fit! Maybe through the kickers of elves patreon if bonus content is what you're looking for  patreon.com/kickersofelves

I Have No Children, but I Must Time. Classic Star Trek "Stuck on a planet" problems. The DS9 crew gets in a time loop and now have to worry about "killing" 8,000 of their descendants.  We have a lot of different ideas for how to blow out and follow some of the ideas in this episode. Time share “LA Swinger” Odo. Let’s talk about Odo and Kira, with a small sidebar to Sex and The City. Poor O’Brien. So many Mollys. How would this have been if stretched to a mulitple episode arc?  If this were a modern TV show how might this have been handled differently? How do alien genetics and inbreeding work? Bashir, please don’t do anything untoward with your great great grandaughter. Where does personhood start when dealing with temporal mechanics? The Sons of Mogh learn that enemies can be abstract ideas. Why the reliance on pioneer agricultural civilizations? Avoiding a pat ending. IMDB doesn’t like the race stuff. We go long, so no voicemails this week. Tell your friends about the show! and give us a call for all your questions and feedback 917 408 3898 We end with some of the fascinating topics we [don't] discuss on the kickers of elves patreon! patreon.com/kickersofelves

Klingon yips. Worf takes a leave to go on a Klingon adventure with his BFF Martok, but Martok has some leftover issues from his two years with the Jem'Hadar. We all liked this one!  What’s ISB’s beef? Bring on the toxic masculinity! But stay for how much we talk about how great Dax is. But don't be too offended   when James calls Bashir names. Go out of your way to scold Wade for his poor pronunciation, Klingonese speakers. “General” Martok… how’s that work in a naval structure where you “captain” a ship? Klingons: Very smart about their dumb violence. Imagine if a show really went into depth about how diverse all these Klingon houses are? Gee, imagine if that were an actual thing.  No time for voicemails, but give us a call! 917 408 3898 and check out the Kickers of Elves patreon for more content patreon.com/kickersofelves

Moooogie. Gird your Lobes! Love songs and boner jams. Or not. Scratch that. No Andrea Martin in this one, to Wade's chagrin. Quark visits his mom, could James explain Ferengi weirdness to his dad? Has DS9 taken a step backward into Episodic television after pulling off successful serialized arcs? Bouncing from B to A plot and Rules of Acquisition. Proverbial “Ear massaging” as a relaxing focus technique as internet speeds are getting faster in the 90s: Is there a correllation? Is there a point in this episode, that makes this and Important Episode for the Ferengi arc of the series? James is dubious. Are we making allowances for a syndicated scifi show in the 90s? Probably. Is this really where Quark starts Urkel-ing the show? Flaws of the Nielson/sweeps model. James sees flaws in ISB’s critique of Capitalism. This episode has some flaws in how the climax is resolved. “Go back into the closet where you belong?” Just what did they mean by that? (probably nothing) Pew pew pew - Action figures - The End. No voicemails this week, but we still want to hear from you! 917 408 3898 And check out the Kickers of Elves patreon for more content! patreon.com/kickersofelves

Tekeny Ghemor shows up again [who?] and Kira goes through some feels. Dad's real and fake die. James and Hugh have some serious trouble getting on board for this story. He’s not really her dad! Cardassians are like bulldogs when it comes to syndromes. Ol’ One Arm makes an appearance in the good ol’ cave set. WEYOUN! And Dominion corporate culture. Does Dukat dodge the mug? Is the dress blue or yellow? Hugh hates scenes where they explain the protagonist’s feelings to them. Elder abuse! How fun would this episode be if it were all Weyoun? James and Hugh have some ideas on what would make this episode better. Is this episode still stuck in an episodic mindset even if it’s kind of a sequel to Second Skin? Is this episode a transitional fossil from previous eras of television? Who can get us Wallace Shawn before Chapo Trap House does?  Gird your lobes for next week! Give us a call and let us know what you think about alien boner jams or anything DS9 917 847 5682 and if you want to hear our non Deep Space Nine or Star Trek thoughts, think about donating to the kickers of elves patreon patreon.com/kickersofelves Or help us out the best way you can, by sharing the show with your friends or mail carriers

High af Sisko to Boner Jams and everything in between:  Greg takes us way back to Rapture (1:00)  If you want to understand the Prophets, understand Prince.   Avery Brooks acting, and… no we don’t think David Lynch is racist. We have no evidence to think David Lynch is a racist.   Twiggy! and his season 4 white album. (17:30)   Hugh’s fav David Lynch is Donald Glover…   Warren on Bashir and headcanon (21:17)  Trigger Warning: A Discovery Home Companion Interlude (29:25)   James reflects on Disco after watching The 100.   Tom serenades James with a Romulan boner jam and discusses "In Purgatory’s Inferno" (38:05)  Thanks to Deep Space Nine for the Trump administration?  Konstantya in an email on her own Romulan boner jam (42:20)    After some more discussion on sexy aliens…  Kristin! On Eddington’s negative sex appeal (47:20)  Sexual chemistries. and brothers? What the heck?  James sees unusual things in Frasier.   Give us your thoughts and/or alien boner jams!  Bajorans don't count. Maybe we'll allow Orions 917 408 3898 Support us on Patreon for more non-Star Trek opinions  patreon.com/kickersofelves

Cousin Gaila comes to bail out Quark by selling weapons and introducing some accented guest stars. Does this Quark episode take the character anywhere? Quark and Dax: just like our relationships with our partners. Ferengi stock market shenanigans. How can one person keep losing money like this? How can this even be a thing? Does Star Trek Deep Space Nine have an homage problem? James is starting to wear thin on status quo Star Trek filler episodes, and a spirited discussion ensues. Pleasure our ears with your voicemails! 917 408 3898 and if you want to support the show donate on patreon for loads of extra content patreon.com/kickersofelves

Bedroom eyes lead to bedroom milestones for Odo!Based on The Narrow Margin... of engagement?Plus: A small Holodeck “hey, we never said James Bond” plot.  What episode was this again?  A problem DS9 has that other Treks don’t?  Odo is over Kira? What makes eyes “bedroom” and does Odo really have that? The height of Tarantino-ism. Let’s talk about LARPing. Different from “creative anachronism”?   What about furries? (23:40)   The Deed!  Return of James’ nipple corner!  Let’s get to the bottom of changeling/humanoid sex.   We ruminate on actors, and American History X.  Voicemails will return at some point. Promise!  Let us know how you feel, especially if you miss the vm segment.   917 408 3898     Support the show by telling your friends, or contributing to the Kickers of Elves Patreon! patreon.com/kickersofelves