Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention

1- Obama es no bueno 2- We don’t like him but boy is he powerful 3- Christian+ Patriot+ militia = meeting secret service 4- No its not race, you racist 5- When you get away with it, shut up 6- Fight the war on Christmas, get to a mall

1- Healthcare.gov the same as Katrina except for the dead and homeless people 2- Chris Christy is not approved by conventional racist homophobes 3- Dave Wilson wants to be black Well watch out for the police 4- Melissa Bachman is not related to Michelle Bachman which is even scarier because now we know there's 2 of them 5- Tips are cash not advice or your close minded hate 6- There seemed to be no hope until bat kid rescued all of us

From the Outside Looking In 1- Live from Canada 2- Mayors on crack 3- Reasonable Republican? 4- Suzanne's blonde moment 5- Unlikely supporter 6- Go Clippers 7- Rule 62

We’re Movin! Are we movin fwd or backward? I dunno but we are movin Fwd Darrel Wallace wins at NASCAR Backward Shopping at Barneys? Bring your pay stub Backward Voting rights laws Fwd Judge admits he screwed up on voting rights laws HOPE kids react to Cheerios commercial

Have a plan, whether you... 1-shut down the government 2-legalize weed or 3-watch the end of days Please, Have a plan

1- Shut em down! Shut ‘em, Shut ‘em Down 2- Man up and shut down everything 3- Uh fellas, the heatlh care law still went into effect 4- Approval rating? Congress loses to president, of Russia 5- Race to the bottom and we all lose

1-Another mass shooting, business as usual 2-New gun laws, No Gun laws, No new gun laws 3-Take guns from mentally ill? Hell they won’t take them from the blind 4- Nothing changes if Nothing changes from cops to congress 5- Another scary black man shot 6- Defund Obamacare or we will shut down the government, again, no really, this time we mean it, sort of, we will, 7- Beanie Babies in trouble 8- Crime doesn’t pay Video games about crime pay a fortune 9 -Texas says, Science , we don’t need no stinking science 10- I’m going on cruise and ill be back cuz its not Carnival

1- Sanity in Syria US and Russia agree to let UN inspect and destroy weapons to avoid airstrikes and save face 2- This week I’m going with stupid and sports 3- Zimmerman at it again altercation with wife and father in law IPad smashed Zimmerman hitting head again he’s always hit in head and of course no charges filed. He’s neighborhood watch captain its time to move out of neighborhood 4- Iowa says its ok for blind people to carry guns in public, my question, why is it not ok for blind people to drive to range or on the hunting trip Oh I forgot, there’s an eye test for drivers license but not for gun ownership 5- Oklahoma state players I didn’t go to study I went to play football. Sports Illustrated reports that tutors did work for athletes (yawn) nothing new Dez Bryant cheated in college, really, the player that set a new NFL low for being arrested for domestic violence against his MOTHER didn’t go to class, I’ll be damned Les Miles the former coach and T Boone Pickens the billionaire of course deny allegations you can see where the players would be lying, not the coach that went to an even bigger job or the billionaire who built stadium 6- Johnny Manziel 3 touchdowns after his half game suspension 464 yards against Alabama, I guess his autograph is worth something. The ultimate hypocrisy CBS has Johnny cam to follow just him on field but, he shouldn’t get paid… 7- Von Miller suspended for driving without license while on suspension for substance abuse c’mon Von, hit somebody and score the triple 8- What did you do last night Floyd Mayweather made 41 million dollars? Stay in school kids 9- Coach K madly in love with Beyoncé Introduces self after giving speech Cool coach is a mess, how fine is she 10- Miss Kansas has ink, I love it HOT and from Kansas who’d of guessed

1- Was that Obama or Bush I heard? 2- Confounded Confederates 3- Missouri out to shoot constitution 4- Pro football is back, in college

Listen to Alonzo's appearance on NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS on http://Laffster.com!

1- Pray for Mississippi 2- Anti Obamacare is getting sick 3- I’ll sue you to charge me more cuz I’m crazy 4- Wal Mart people, pay & problems 5- NCAA may have to free indentured servants, I mean college athletes 6- A Rod hits the guy who hit him 7- The Butler

1- Cecil Gaines, The Butler 2- North Carolina moving backwards 3- Virginia staying backwards 4- Texas, well theyre just Texas 5- Damn constitution stopped a frisky Bloomberg 6- Someone please save Chicago 7- Deficit is dropping Both sides anxious to take credit for not giving credit 8- Oprah dissed, may buy Stitzerland 9- You can’t name your kid Messiah, just ask God

1- Why Blame A-Rod 2- The Steroid era A few good years 3- Youre not conservative enough Stop Reading 4- A Weiner by any other Name 5- The artist known as Jay-Z 6- Goodbye George Duke, Thanks

1- I Love Montreal 2- Carlos Danger for Mayor 3- You need a therapist, or Jesus depends on which side your on 4- My boss made my annual salary TODAY 5- White Supremacist named black quits I can’t make that up 6- How many babies can you afford 7- Baseball and juice 8- Baby Prince George who I don’t care about but must mention by law 9- Surfers riot no, really, they did. dude, wtf????

1- No one does a good job 2- Especially not Florida lawmakers and juries 3- Good luck black teenagers it aint going to be easy 4- Texas, still crazy after all these years