Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention

1- Lookin for good news, found shootings 2- Seattle, Oregon, Vegas...I can't keep up 3- They’re not school shootings, they’re shootings that took place at a school 4- Shootings and racism are like hot dogs and apple pie 5- Obama palling around with terrorists again 6- Long beard, you must be terrorist, or Duck hunter 7- New bible endorsed by same Jesus that brought you guns 8- Obama multitasking started Iraq war while engineering economic collapse 9- C’mon Eric Cantor let's vote down Obamacare one last time 10- Congrats San Antonio 11- Congrats LA Kings 12- World Cup, it’s the greatest game blah blah blah 13- Whooping Cough is here....take that Bird Flu

1- I’m not psychic 2- Cowards, featuring Joe The Plumber 3- #yesallwomen because we men need to know 4- I brought my gun to a restaurant 5- Fewer guns vs more racism, only in America 6- Australia did it 7- Goodbye Maya Angelou we love you, we miss you and we need you

1- We register cars, don't we? 2- Hello police? There's an armed militia next door 3- Insane, meet more insane 4- Race has nothing, I mean everything to do with it 5- A word from an expert 6- Guns as free speech 7- Your argument could kill me

1- Donald Sterling's racist rant cost him the Clippers 2- Adam Silver don’t play 3- Gold-digger’s gotta dig 4- Cliven who? 5- Sarah’s crazy Supreme court is dangerous 6- A living wage might cost you your other job, dinosaurs wore saddles and other repub myths 7- Sorry PJ maybe Tesla will make a chainsaw

1- Women aim too low 2- Patriotic domestic terror 3- Designed to be unintelligent 4- Planned Grand Parenthood 5- Laws are sexy

1- Stabbing is better than shooting 2- Repubs appeal to racists? Say it ain’t so 3- Poor people better learn to buy drugs on lower minimum wage 4- 3 reasons I like republicans

1- Supreme Court finally allows rich some representation 2- Something to buy with 100 million 3- I vote against me 4- Guns don't kill people, oh wait, they do 5- Get your bear suit 6- Coaches rich. Players nothing

1- Was that Black White or Green 2- Bullets are bad for you 3- Gay Bullies 4- Slavery, the good kind 5- Dr. Ben 6- Black Twitter & Tweets

1- Airline bill of rights? You have the right to pay 2- Can I see your X-rays? 3- Arizona is Western Mississippi 4- Religion's coming to an end and boy is Jesus happy

1- Murder unsuccessful but attempted murder went great 2- Standing your ground depends on what color is standing 3- God's law? Which ones 4- Guys they've f**ked, no! They're not politicians 5- Knocked her out, in a straight manly way 6- LoLo is so slow 7- Met a senator and lived to tell about it 8- Buy 'Merican

1- Michael Sam is gay but it’s the NFL execs that are punks 2- Hey Michael, please assault someone to prove you belong 3- Media accuses media of media circus during media circus 4- MSNBC, stop it 5- Repubs can't create laws while busy creating fake websites 6- Hello Florida, living to grow up is a basic human right, stand on that

1- What would MLK think today 2- He’d think Palin was funny too 3- Chris Christie or Chris Soprano 4- Rodman goes to rehab 5- NSA rules are a secret 6- Superbowl is set 7- Men like breasts, bet you didn’t know that 8- Michelle Obama is 50

1- I resolve to get fat 2- It's cold outside. Back to you Jim 3- You'll fly where we say when we say now pay your fees 4- Bridgegate is not a gate 5- News that's not news 6- Saturday Night Live hires black woman Texas hires Black coach old white man is angry 7- Finally, I can drive while black

Merry Christmas...give someone a goat

1- I was in Jakarta 2- I almost gave up on evil until we hit a new low 3- Ted Cruz liked Mandela on Facebook 4- Stuart Varney tired of Pope and this whole help the poor thing 5- I finally agree with the right, Jesus, get back here