Audiophile

Facing rejection builds resiliency. Here's how.

Check out the intro to my newest podcast. I think you'll like.

If we continue to operate by sight, we’ll be stuck here a long time. We all know the end goal, and we think we can guess everything that will happen until then. Unfortunately, we’re not prophetic. It probably won’t happen the way we think it’ll happen or picture it happening. Think of a trip you’ve taken. Let’s say this is from New York to California. You drive at night for part of it. The road is dark, but you have headlights. You can only see 20feet in front of you, yet you continue driving. 20feet by 20feet you eventually get to your destination. You don’t see the a mile ahead, but you know US 10 will connect with US 73 somewhere along Texas, and that from there you will jump on US1. And eventually you get there. That’s a lack of sight, but an abundance of vision. And be wary of whose advice you follow. Unless they themselves have gotten to that destination, listen very little. Better to go with no advice, than to listen to those who haven’t gone farther than yourself. They all have great intentions, but remember one small detail: they care about you, which means they are invested in keeping you close, and safe. So they will transfer their fears onto you. If you listen, it’ll be blind leading the blind. Better to have no advice than misguided advice. You’ll find the proper guidance along the way. So how do you get there? With vision. And when your eyes can’t see, where is your compass located? In your gut. Your instincts. They’ll lead you through the shadows. Our sight is limited but our vision is immense, and our vision wins out against our obstacles. Remember, your obstacle isn’t your obstacle, your obstacle is yourself and how you approach the situation. This is the only thing that needs to change before you break through successfully. Just because you can’t see the whole staircase, don’t let that stop you from taking the next step.

It’s all one big movie, an adventure movie. The aim is to live it like heroes. There will always be one scene with the hero at the mercy of the villain, the same scene we’ve all lived through at one point or another: at the mercy of circumstances, at the mercy of our inner demons, of our own mistakes and shortcomings, at the mercy of our thoughts. But the hero isn’t defined by whether they defeat the villain or not, the hero is the person who motivates others to keep fighting. The hero guarantees that life continues for others even after the credits roll. You took a risk by leaving the life that was imposed upon you, so that you could nurture your talents, you pursued the call to adventure which is our duty to answer. For that, you are honorable. I just wish you would’ve stuck around living moment by moment, even if the past or the future were too tough to face. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t have a solution. I just implore everyone to keep the adventure going, some things will turn out, some won’t. Just know, this too shall pass. I know no better way to get back at your circumstances than to live life in its entirety and at its full width. Breathe. Live. Remember: This too shall pass. For Faigy, a hero.

Success isn’t logical, so stop trying to be logical. Trust me, I wish it were logical, I wish you could think yourself into success. That you could find what you’re meant to do by simply thinking through a method, like a math problem. But sadly, it’s not. The best doesn’t always rise to the top, not right away at least, and not always with the respect it deserves. The reality of it all is that success is many times anti-logic, it’s chaotic, it’s ugly, but rest assured that it’s always always interesting. Success’ first precursor is work. Dumb, delusional, self-contradicting work. Timing is one of the most important factors of success. What you create has to come at the right time, when the world is willing to accept it, and the right time is always NOW. This is what makes success so illogical. It’s us, the dumb ones, who are doing what it takes to make things happen. Because we don't know any better, because we just start, because we just believe. Even if the odds say otherwise. There’s a bias to believe that what’s already been made is the best, but the truth is that it's often far from perfect, something much closer to perfect might be possible, except it hasn’t been created, it hasn't been presented to the world. So whatever’s out in the world has a first mover advantage. And it doesnt need to be the best to succeed, plus, more importantly, it doesnt need to be the best to inspire someone else to do something better. Actually, if it's not good at all it might push someone better and smarter to contribute their much worthier two cents. Smart people rarely do great things because they wait, always looking for the most logical way to do something before getting started. And they wait and wait, for ideal conditions. Which rarely show up. If success were logical, the Snuggie wouldn’t exist. If success were logical many of the biggest companies today would never have gotten off the ground. But luckily success isn’t logical. So that the idea of an equal playing field becomes more possible. And so that the ambitious yet not-so-bright dreamer can have a reason to start working for change right now. If this all sounds like a long winded way of telling you to act now, to build now, then Ding ding ding, that’s exactly what it is! Now go out there and do something, stupidly or smartly, but just do it now.

When I look in the mirror, the soul’s mirror, more has changed than stayed the same. How did we get here? I’ve noticed that we change to the outside world, yet many times we don’t notice it. Self-awareness lags behind while all else changes. And it’s because we are governed by the theory psychologists discovered long ago, that our most basic inner personality is pretty much fully formed by age six. And it remains very consistent from that point on. It’s worth mentioning again the analogy of the elephant at the circus. When he’s kept backstage he’s restrained by chains that are frail and can easily be broken if the elephant tries. The chains were strong enough to hold him back as a baby, so by the time he becomes fully-grown he’s already given up on trying to break free. Little does he know how powerful he’s become. He’s changed in the world but his inner world has stayed the same. So you see why this might cause a conundrum in our case? We knew we were special at six years old, but the world didn’t see it that way. So we floundered, we spun our wheels looking for the attention and admiration we felt we deserved at that age. And then what happened? Instead of having patience and figuring we’d eventually grow into our inner aspirations, we gave in. We altered our view of ourselves to match what the world saw. So it all becomes one inverse relationship for a while. Our confidence goes down because our outcomes aren’t matching up to our expectations. So we give in a little more. We sink down, and our faith slouches down to the size it’s been relegated to. And what’s happening in the background? We’re growing, literally and figuratively. Our skills, our intuition, our understanding is increasing while our view of self is stuck the same size. We’re crystalizing into a diamond and we don’t even realize it. And few of us are able to climb out of this ditch. We’re so used to sinking down to the previous image of us that we don’t see how much we’ve grown. We’re big and gorgeous and bourgeoning. I invite you to take regular pauses to analyze where you stand. You might be too busy fighting the same problems you did ten years ago, and they don’t even apply anymore. Or on the flipside, you might be ignoring new problems creeping up. You’re fighting the same old demons which are a horse beaten to death by now, while new demons are approaching, FAST. You’ve already noticed some change for the better. Things have been going your way, and you think it’s all luck, that things will eventually go back to their shitty status quo. But no, it’s just the world was forced to change its view of you. It’s rewarding your for your perseverance and you don’t even know it. Time moves, move with it or you become the only one standing still. Clean that mirror, I say.

What happens when we realize that our goals are much bigger than we imagined? How will we ever get up there if we’re all the way down here? The answer comes in one word: help. Learn that it's ok to accept help. Divine help, or human help. We've earned it. Dont be stubborn and think it’s cheating, or that it lessens the accomplishment I struggle with it. But then I’ve come to realize: Nothing happens without help and action. You need both, because they are two sides of one glorious unit: change that needs to happen and will happen, whether through you or through someone else. When you’ve hit that wall and helping hands come offering a lift, just be happy you were the chosen one, and don’t let your chance slip by. Your accomplishments aren’t diminished with help, because fact is, everyone who made it caught some lucky breaks somewhere. Don’t feel guilty about something going your way. Where would Neo be without Morpheus? Or the three kings without the north star. Think of your parents and how they too accepted help long ago. Think of any success story, real or make-believe, and notice that there is always help from a third party that swoops in to make it all come together. Your story should be, and will be, no different. Feeling guilty for this help or refusing help is the worst thing you could do.That's the thinking of someone who's broken, who's beaten. You've gone through hardships, but you're not broken. Don’t apologize for the gift of help, instead, use that as motivation to live up to the generosity, and know that you will pay it forward later when you have the opportunity. Because that's really what divine help is, someone paying a favor forward that they received earlier, don’t rob them of the chance to bring karma full circle. Accept the favor graciously and proceed boldly knowing that this is all happening for a reason. The great equalizer in our goals that were once much-too-big.

Let’s take action, but first, maybe we should act as if. As if we already have what we seek. What if instead of putting our goals and desires up on a pedestal and staring at them with admiration, we first bring our mindset up to that same pedestal? This is what I’m thinking now: it’s of great benefit to us to start thinking like a person who’s already achieved what we seek. So if we want to be wealthy, we start thinking as if we were already wealthy. If we want to have a skill, think as if we have it already. What would our mindset be? How would we perceive ourselves? How would we perceive others? How would we carry ourselves through the world? Obviously we can’t fully act wealthy or skilled because the fact is we’re still broke and no one needs what we provide yet, but what if we placed our mind in the scenario of being there already? I think we’d be a lot more at ease, no matter what the hardships presented to us at this moment are. We would be a little more fearless, more bold, and way more tenacious when we see an opportunity we like. Essentially, we would lose fear, lose the need for permission, and just be free to DO what a person in that esteemed position does. Until we slowly become that. I assume this also works because we would learn to respect the process of holding this position. We would treat the work with the cool respect that gives us the best chances at conquering it, day-in and day-out. Because really, when you think about it, we already have the most important things in the world. We have our family, our friends, we have our freedom, we have the ability to just go to a park and enjoy nature for free-ninety-nine. The money, the respect, the shiny things, the titles and admiration, that’s really only the 10% icing on the cake. The cake is still pretty darn delicious without it. This 10% that we’re after, it’s not worth it if it means giving up the 90% we already have. You’ve heard the saying “a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.” Well, think of this as having four in hand with just one in the bush. Let’s be careful that we don’t lose the four trying to get the full set. Striving for the icing on the cake is just to keep us occupied, this adds a purpose. Chasing the 10% is how the universe has set up itself to keep us out there exploring and adventuring. Whether we get the full 10% to top off our life isn’t really important, it’s the thrill of the chase that is of value. So think as if. As if you already had what you hope for. And if this role-play sounds difficult to you, don’t worry, it’s not. It’s not as big of a leap, or as big of a change as you expect. Getting this goal of yours will change you, but not at the magnitude you expect it to. It won’t make you a much grander person, it’ll just make you the same person, except with one small new acquired trait. The person with 100% isn’t free of worry or fear. The wealthy person, or the skilled person, or the person with all the beauty we’d kill for just traded their fear of not achieving to begin with, with the fear of losing what they’ve already achieved. If we look at it this way, we should be in less of a rush to get there, because “there” isn’t a perfect place either. Mo’ money mo’ problems, right? Well then we might as well be grateful for the small amount of problems we have now, before the icing on the cake proves too sweet to handle.

It always seems impossible before you start. It applies to almost any endeavor you can think of: to a health regiment, to getting your work done every day, to any act of creativity, even to just waking up early every morning. Before you start, it seems impossible, you’re stuck on zero miles per hour and there seems to be no way to get the car into Drive. The first step takes an act of will to get you moving, and this is really IT in the beginning, a simple act of will. Will you do it or will the Resistance keep you where you are? I think about this often: why is it so nearly impossible to get going at first? What makes it so difficult? More and more each day I notice it’s because of the fantasy in our heads. We glamorize the work, what attracts us to it ends up being the same reason we fear it. Our goal looks cool as shit, beautiful even, we think we’re not worthy of being the ones who do this type of work for a living, we think we’d be to lucky to become THAT. We’ve been out of shape our whole lives, do we really deserve to have a flat stomach? We even glamorize the suffering. We somehow know there will be trials and effort required once we start, but we make this out to be some sublime form of struggle. Instead, we should see that any endeavor just requires blue collar work ethic. Being the VP of our division is often heavy lifting in a similar fashion that working construction is. You have to make things move, one way or the other. With words or with physical presence, but something must move as part of the work. And that ties in with the next reason getting started is so difficult. We don’t yet know how to distinguish between the essential elements of the job at hand and the inessential. We see so much that should get done, but we don’t know that only 20% of it is crucial to success, the rest can be delayed or outsourced. We envision ourselves as David in front of this Goliath-this endeavor we want to start. We think of ourselves as insignificant in size, it’s an unmovable mountain we’re facing. But little do we know that being small is precisely where our advantage lies. If we would just start, it would reveal itself to us. David can and does win. David is swift and scrappy. So taking the first step remains the hardest step of all. And the most important one. But SHOULD we take that first step, we would see all the forces that materialize to help our cause. We forget that humans are creatures of habit. Starting creates some momentum in our favor, we quickly get used to doing what’s required, and not necessarily out of enjoyment, but just because we’ve gotten used to it. Then it becomes harder to stop the forward momentum than it is to just stop the effort. Success becomes more convenient than even inaction is. We’ve boarded that train, and no matter how slow that train is going, we know we can get to a new place if we just stay on. The choice we made of starting now simply becomes the choice of how much and how great do we want our accomplishments to be. You see why knowing what we know, it becomes impossible to NOT succeed once we start.

The Black Hand ruled with an iron fist. Remember that character from Godfather part II? He was more like the Hidden Hand, because his crimes were subtle and yet they ran the whole neighborhood. I equate the hidden hand to the hidden price of things in our life. You say yes to one small thing, you acquire something benign, and this small thing brings a whole slew of other much more malicious inconveniences. In college, I took a course called Power & Influence One of the lessons taught that getting small yeses early on makes persuasion that much easier. Later on, I would see this in action when I interned on the trading floor of a financial firm. Yea, kinda like Boiler Room, but without all the crime. When cold calling, the rule was to keep them on the phone, keep them saying yes , to anything. Ramp up to the big YES. Well, many of the YESes in your life come at ugly costs. When you say yes to a new car, you’re also saying yes to insurance payments, to fuel costs, to parking tickets, and to the threat of theft. This new price isn’t worth it for many of us. The point is: be careful what you say yes to. Always ask: do I really want this, or need this? Will this yes make the next NO more difficult to utter? And always always ask yourself: What sharks are swimming in this calm lake? You’ll find that the better you get at saying NO, the better results you get from your YESes, the more meaningful each precious YES in your life becomes, the more presence you bring to all you do and all you are. Then YOU become the iron fist of your own life, in place of the Hidden Hand.

For the creatives out there, for the makers, the doers, and the dreamers, a few pointers: Don’t let the gap surprise you in the beginning. Ira Glass mentions the gap between our high-quality taste and our low-quality work. It will always be there early on, and sadly, most creatives can’t put up with it. What got us into the game was that we had a passion for good work but good work isn’t achieved overnight. So sadly, your work won’t be good for a while, that’s the gap in full effect. Remember Neo in the Matrix when he first jumped off the building? That’s us trying to fly, and falling into the gap. So we harakiri our creative dreams, we take ourselves out of the game. Instead, what if we were to race to close the gap? If we jumped into the abyss of work, of creativity, knowing that the ground is soft and rubbery. We can always bounce back. Then we race right back to the top of the building, and try again. Quickly. Until one day there is no gap to jump, we are finally as good as our tastes are. I’m fine with this, all true creatives should be also. Next thing to remember: Let your work be itself. Let it be unapologetically like nothing else out there. Don’t make it like his work, or like her work. Don’t be a poor man’s anyone. Rather, be you. A poor man, period. Finally, for my creatives out there: Have fun. Enjoy the making. The fun you have is the fingerprint that sets your work apart. The time in obscurity is tough, but have fun anyways. The dividends are accumulating in the background, you just don’t see them yet. You don’t even know what currency they will show up in, but they’re there. Your painting might be helping your gardening. Your writing might be helping your selling. Your dancing might be helping your relationship. Art enhances life in the same way life enhances our art. Nothing is a waste if you know how to look. If these things seem simple to remember, it’s because they are. But they’re not easily recalled when the weeds of frustration are covering our eyes. The creative’s life is rocky in its own unique way, let’s keep busy working with our heads down and our spirits high.

Being stuck is one of the worst feelings ever. We have come to a problem we can’t solve, and usually end up giving up to switch to something else, until we face another problem, and repeat the cycle over and over. I’m going through some of this at the moment, but a problem isn’t a problem that doesn’t have a solution. What I’ve realized is what Nobel Prize Winner Niels Bohr- you know, the man that figured out how atoms work- professed: He said every great difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it. Think about ancient times when diseases killed off thousands, and all it took was a step back to find the solution: creating a vaccine that is composed of the actual disease in order to strengthen immunity. The problem WAS the solution. Sometimes this change in thinking is a SMALL leap, but it’s a leap nonetheless. What are you struggling with right now? What is the big elephant in the room that you won’t even dare look at? That elephant is the solution to getting out of the predicament you’re in. Creativity experts have long agreed that the “blocks” we experience during any task are actually what ultimately contributes to coming up with something new. The shittiness of being stuck, of slowing down, that feeling lays the groundwork for the exhilaration we feel when we actually start moving. When you’ve been slowed down to a halt, then even a snail’s pace actually feels like progress. And any momentum we experience puts us over the moon. So today, when you re-visit the problem you have, I’d like you to take a step back and ask yourself “What solution is right in front of my eyes that I’m not seeing?” I’m sure you can come up with a couple ideas to try, even if they sound far fetched. But this is good. Remember, in order to have what you’ve never had you have to do what you’ve never done. Plus, it’s good brain exercise. Even if you can’t find the solution today, you’ve just made yourself better at every other form of resistance you’ll face before the day is over. Remember: Your problem isn’t the problem, your problem is your attitude about the problem.

I feel empty today, and I love it First off, I know you're thinking "that's a bad thing" But it's not, Being empty is great, in this sense. The empty I talk about is when you've given up all the unimportant. When, on your journey, you realize that there's no space for the inessential. Or when life has knocked you around so much that you have put all you had into just staying afloat. The tears have come and gone, the emptiness feels light, the toxins have been relinquished Rumi says those who seek higher ground must first be empty, like a flute, so that they can make the sweet music of God. When we start to get filled with something, the Musician puts us down in favor of an emptier instrument. And only when we become empty again, can we continue to play and to compose our symphony, like the masters did before us. The changes that come with being empty are superb. Check them out: Empty allows you to be more compassionate, because you're not full of fear, not full of your own blinding emotions, so you are alert to how you can help others. Even if the best help you can offer is to lend an ear, lend a fresh perspective. Being empty means you've given up all that baggage. Being empty means there's nothing between you and others. The barriers have been removed so now you can connect easily. Others can get through to you easier, you can get through to them in return. Others will say "wow, I like him/her" and they won't know why Yes, maybe because you complimented them (you were being honest) Yes, maybe because you told them the story of how scared you were at one point (you were shitting your pants) And yes, maybe it's just because you were able to smile in a fully transparent way. Empty to the last drop. What lasting effects will result? Excuses go away, empty individuals are swift. Empty individuals embrace uncertainty. Amor Fati, you love fate, even the stuff that seems undesirable. And fate will soon start loving you back. Opportunities will come, ones that were closed off to someone with all that baggage you had. Opportunities not given to the dramatic kind, to lovers of distractions. Be prepared, there will always be some who won't appreciate you as an empty being. You'll hear the "you've changed" You'll hear them beg you to partake in activities that fill you with meaninglessness. And you'll hear their anger when you explain to them why you can't join. They weren't ready for the truth. So perhaps it's best not to explain, perhaps it's best to let them think you've gone off the deep end. If you figure out the way to keep face and keep empty then please let me know. I struggle with this, I have no answer. Or maybe emptiness helps here too. Maybe it's best to let them think as they may, let them step away for a while, and welcome them back when they are empty, like you are. You're too simplistic, they'll say. You think it's so straightforward, they'll say. A simple-minded fella or gal, that'll be your new tag. Not simple-minded, tell them, just simple. Just a simple man. And say, "thank you"

He was the best athlete in town, they called him The Blue Comet from his high school days He ran the 200 faster than anyone always in Redrick High’s blue uniform His scholarship to Duke was never in danger even when he tore his ACL and gave up running He was just that bright He was just that charming the Blue Comet, he rose up fast VP of his division only four years out of school he got tired of working for the man so he orchestrated a buyout of that same division Now he was his own boss the Blue Comet now sat high up in the sky in a corner office downtown, watching over a city he might one day run Except the Blue Comet has a hard time keeping his spirits high, he asks: why am I luckier than the rest? He doesn’t understand how things can fall in your lap even if you’ve never been on your feet working for them The Blue Comet is dependent on the happy elixir a little too much Dr Jekyll rules the office until 5 Mr Hyde rules the pubs past dusk Nowadays, he looks to earn his love at the brothels on Madison Ave, with cold hard cash to keep the sex hot & steamy The Blue Comet is bound to make a crash landing on earth a place he’s never seen, a side of the track he’s never explored If only he could stay up high forever If only he would realize that God gives in ample amounts here on earth, to those whom he expects will earn it in eternity

I see the shadow games you’re playing Letting me shine, staying in the background Just hoping and praying I stumble So you can “learn” from my mistakes then slide in for victory Slick, you are But I ask you this, what if your plan doesn’t work? What if I win? What if I keep going, if I get up right away when I fall, if I take it all in stride? What then? What of your game at that point? I know then you’ll move on to another game where you tell me how “down” for the cause you were all along, how you were right behind me pushing Helping me get here That’s what you’ll say But I know better, shadows don’t fool me because my whole life has been a shadow I’ve let the massive scope of my dreams block out my environment and my will Trembling, I too have been grateful to my shadow for the cool protection from the sun Now I know better, now I will do better As I move towards the light, I see you back there in the shadow but trust, my dear “friend” shadows don’t benefit anyone not even a too-smart-for-his-own-good possum like you You can do better, just like I can Don’t trail behind, walk next to me so that if I trip, or if you trip, we have a crutch to keep us up Erect and awake Far away from the shadows