The Marc and Ken Video Store Podcast

Since the dawn of man, combat has been the way to settle certain conflicts. Even to this day, we pay money to watch 2 men beat the holy hell out of each other in a cage. But face punching can’t solve everything, as much as we would love it to. So for these conflicts that happen to involve film, we at the SEVRPOD team have decided to help out our fans (many sexy fans) and setup an offshoot to our standard SEVRPOD episode titled Battlefield SEVRPOD (not to be confused with Battlefield Earth. A movie so horrible that no debate is necessary. It would be more fun watching people with no legs trying to kick each other then to have to witness that debacle). In these special episodes, two movies, decades, franchises, whatever are debated to see who gets the elusive SEVRPOD seal of approval. So after much processing and a little witchcraft, here it is brought to you in hi-fidelity to enjoy and cherish. And this isn’t just any run of the mill skid marked underwear episode. This is a full blown WWE style cage match between two of the nastiest, most ruthless decades this side of the Mason Dixon line. That’s right, this episode pits the down and dirty 70’s, with their abundance of hair (pubic and otherwise) against the much more trim and hairless 2000’s. It’s Texas Chainsaw vs. Texas Chainsaw the Remake (with Jessica Biel in a midriff that will haunt our dreams.) Exorcist vs. Saw. Susperia vs. Paranormal Activity. How will the current crop of horror movies fare against their grainier elders? You will need to click to find out. And this episode features only three of the 5 members of the SEVRPod team. No Fancy Gentleman or Old School on this one. They both had a pottery class to attend. Together. Either way, it’s up to the brave Fun Size Kazda, the partially insane Rape Whistle Rodriguez and the glue that holds everything together, Marc Rissmann to shoulder this intense burden and make the final determination as to who wins and who gets kicked in the face repeatedly. No time for a two minute drill on this one. Not when the fate of two plus decades hangs in the balance. No, we get to the fat gooey center right off the bat as we tackle the notable horror movies of the two decades. Do the 2000’s, with their penchant for long haired Japanese ghosts and elaborate painful traps take the crown? Or do the 70’s, with its experimentation (cinematically and with hallucinogenic drugs) take the crown? Listen and get the answers to all of your questions (and a bunch of other answers that you didn’t want or ask for. But we give them to you anyway because we enjoy making you as uncomfortable as possible. Like a futon at Grandma’s house laced in plastic with a strategically placed wooden bar for maximum discomfort.) So click on the link, why don’t you. Because this special episode won’t listen to itself. Because it can’t. It’s a thing, not a person silly!

Epic mustache? Check. Blonde bowl-cut hair? Check. Collection of wigs with each one darker than the inside of a bank safe at midnight during a total eclipse? Oh yeah! Ladies and gentleman, it is time for SEVRPOD’s own Marc and Fancy to leave their cushy Hawaiian mansions and take a little journey. It is a journey back to a different time. A time when Dan Akroyd told people to “stay the f*** out of his business.” A time when Rob Lowe surgically gave people the chin dimple that they always wanted. And a time when Matt Damon wakes up to find Michael Douglas in bed next to him just staring at him. That’s right folks, for this latest special, we talk about the May 2013 HBO-released movie ‘Behind the Candelabra’ starring Michael Douglas as the larger-than-life piano playing Liberace and Matt Damon as his 18 year old play boy Scott Thorson. And fear not SEVR heads because we take our jobs as your movie guides very seriously and walk you through this movie blow by blow! Was that a double entendre? Listen and find out. We leave no Matt Damon butt cheek unchecked. No Scott Bakula mustache uncombed through? What exactly is this movie about you may ask? Well, here’s a hint: reread the first paragraph. You’ll just have to listen to the show if you want to know more. Sorry to be such a tease but that’s just how we roll at SEVRPOD. Now Scott Thorson on the other hand….tsk tsk tsk. He gives it up right away. I mean, who does that? At least make sure the person you’re giving it up to so quickly is filthy stinking rich. Wait, Liberace was rich. My mistake. Carry on Scott Thorson.

Before he was terrorizing the world as the Blood God in Blade, Stephen Dorff used his might and teen tough denim astronaut vest to battle demons.So to honor the greatness that is Dorff, the SEVRPOD team has dedicated this grand episode to the Gate franchise.  Although you really can’t call two movies a franchise.  Especially when one of them is the short bus riding abomination known as Gate 2.  Which has 100% less Dorff.  Either way, we suffer through it for you, our fans.  Don’t say we never gave you everything.  But we want something in return.  Some pie. As always and forever, we begin with the only 2 minutes that make you wish it was 3, the Two Minute Drill!  And it should be mentioned that this episode is light one Fancy Gentleman, so for all you ladies don’t fret.  He will be back in all of his splendor next episode.  But the four remaining members soldier on despite this.  We discuss the new Playstation exclusive The Last of Us and whether it makes you poop your pants out of fear or laziness.  You get a 3 pack from Tim as he briefly (and sexily.  Is that a word?) talks about the True Blood premier, Falling Skies and then throws in his 2 cents on Man of Steel.  With a hint of rage.  Chris, being the huge fan of the Wayans Bros. the way he is, gives his review of A Haunted House.  Yup, he suffered through it so you don’t have to.  And Marc throws in for good measure Blackenstein, the 1973 classic that revolutionized Frankenstein as we know it by making him….black. We then dive headfirst into The Gate as if it’s a random hole in the backyard.  We discuss Stephen Dorff as a child, and whether his friend looks like Paul from the Wonder Years.  80’s clichés, piss poor parental acting, and whether this is a kid horror movie or not are all gone over with a fine tooth afro pick.  Does The Gate ultimately get our seal of approval?  Click and find out.  Oh, and then we go into Gate 2.  Which much like Rocky 5, Godfather 3 and the entire Resident Evil series we like to pretend that they never happened.  It helps us sleep at night and keep our sanity.  Why are you still reading this?  Click on the episode already!  Or else I’m going to wish that you turn into a poop sandwich.

Heeeerrreeessss SEVRPOD!  Peeking through an axe made hole in a bathroom door with a crazed look in our eye (because we have to pee.  Too much PBR!) it’s the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom!  No short-staffed episode this time.  The five lions of SEVRPOD are back and ready to form Voltron to fight boring, monotonous podcasts that, quite frankly, aren’t worth your time.  And boy howdy are we bringing the goods in this episode.  This is the first of many podcasts dedicated to the greatest horror author of our time, Stephen King!  For our first soiree into all things King, we explore two films based on his classic, The Shining.  One actually is a classic, and one a seeping pile of hot vomit in a paper bag. ​First though, back by popular demand (and Fancy threatening us with bodily harm if we didn’t do it.  What?  Bowties are intimidating) is the Two Minute Drill!  The grace.  The pageantry.  The fail horn.  It’s all here and ready to be enjoyed.  Who says you can’t have an amazing time in two minutes (your girlfriend may be pissed but you are happy!  Look at it as if it was a race.  And you are the big winner!)?  If you guessed that Fancy goes first, you win a cookie.  And his smooth delivery delivers info on The Worlds End.  And he discusses Grabbers.  Which sounds like an STD.  Dexter Season 7 is discussed, as well as Bates Motel for you TV lovers out there.  There are plenty of Fun Size nonsensical baseball analogies that are used to discuss Mama and Hansel and Gretel.  And you get an old school synopsis of the Emilio Estevez classic, Repo Man.  Plus, we discuss the current goings on in horror, such as the Friday the 13th situation and the new Insidious Chapter 2 trailer. ​We then discuss Stanley Kubrick’s cinematic classic, The Shining, and its mentally challenged brother, The Shining Mini-series.  We compare the two and go into detail in what makes the Kubrick one great; and why the miniseries is a giant puddle of fail.  We laugh.  We cry (or we cried when we were watching the mini-series).  We play with oversized balls and croquet mallets.  And at the very end, we pitch Shining-centric products to Marc in hopes of gaining his favor.  What are those products you ask?  Well, you will have to click on the episode and listen to find out, my fine feathered friend.  That is what you call a tease.  That’s right, I’m a professional.

1 + 1 + 1 = fun for this week’s show. Episode 9 is sure to go down in the record books as an episode full of firsts. Item 1) the word “first” appears in the title. Item 2) first show where your 5 favorite horror fanatics are not all present and accounted for. Item 3) first show with a brand new host. Item 4) first show to ever-so-slyly leave room for a “lost” episode to appear whenever we stop being lazy and edit the darn thing. Who is missing? Who is this mystery host? What the heck happened to episode 8? Tune in to find out the answer to these questions and many more that you’ll wish you had not asked. ​Even though you may not be brave enough, we here at SEVRPOD are not afraid to ask the tough questions. Questions such as, “is the latest Texas Chainsaw movie REALLY as good as the Fancy Gentleman said it was?” or “should I spend my precious time watching Super 8 and the remake of My Bloody Valentine?” We’ll give you all the answers to those questions and for a limited time only, we’ll even include some updates about some previously mentioned topics such as Zombieland: The Series. ​For the main course though folks, we spend some time talking about the awful, mean, and cruel lies that movie cover art tells us even to this day. We all, well those of us who bothered to show up, evaluate the honesty and truthfulness of movie posters when we talk about how well it worked out when we picked a movie to watch based 100% on the cover art. And trust us, the results……probably won’t surprise you but hey, it’s all about the journey and not the destination right? And in the final act, we have a special surprise for those of you who make it that far so we hope you’ll enjoy that as well. Who are we kidding; of course you’ll enjoy it!

Stronger than the sight of Gary Oldman with hair that looks like an anus. More powerful than the gaze of Bella Lugosi’s sexy eyed look of doom. Able to turn into pointless animals and walk through spiderwebs with the webs completely unharmed. It’s the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom with a very special episode starring the Prince of Darkness. No, not Old School Koenig (though he can be when he dresses like a prince and turns off the lights. He truly is the master of his domain). No silly, Count Dracula. You know, with the fangs, hates organized religion and has an aversion to garlic. Well we hold up a mirror up to the character of Dracula and see….well….nothing because he has no reflection. But if he did, we would see an iconic character that deserves the honor of an entire episode. Kind of. ​First, we set our Little Orphan Annie decoder pins to E 5 and get ready for the most exciting 2 minutes in horror podcasts today. The 2 minute drill. Where we see who can quickly and concisely tell the audience what they have been watching within the athletic supporter tight constraints of 120 seconds or less. Prepare to listen and see if the classic Spawn cartoons get the Fanciest of Gentleman all hot and bothered or just make him sleepy. Stop the presses as Rape Whistle has finally seen Cabin in the Woods. Was it enjoyed or did he think it deserved a Merman fin to the face. What to do on a flight to Romania with a 1 year old? If you answered pray, you were close, but Fun Size chips in with some light reading of the Walking Dead and chases it with some movies. Marc contemplates some casual sex (which apparently in the 80’s was ok, as diseases do not occur when the sex is casual. If it is lets say forceful or angry, prepare to pee fire). And Old School finally has something to contribute to the segment. And the natives rejoice.​ It’s then all about Dracula as our very own Fun Size, live and in living color, reports from Romania and give us an extensive history of the character. What’s even more impressive is that there was about an 8 hour time difference, so he got up really early. And wasn’t even grumpy. Then it’s a battle royal as we assault Dracula using how he is depicted in a variety of movies and other media. We debate if Gary Oldman’s butt hair Dracula is superior to Bela Lugosi’s creepy eyed take on the character. We explore which movies portrayed the character in a great way and which ones failed in every way (*cough Dracula 2000 *cough). We use the word suck an uncomfortable amount of times. If that doesn’t make you want to listen, I don’t know what will. Maybe if we offer up some casual sex?

Hiding in your closet wearing a creepy hockey mask and clutching a whiffle ball bat, ready to scare the living bejesus out of you while repeatedly beating you about the head and face, it’s the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom! Be afraid! Be very afraid as we explore fear and what ways directors can invoke this in the audience. So put on your footy pajamas, check your closet, look under your bed, and ignore the smell of taco meat and aftershave. For that is the smell of true fear….and Old School. He likes taco meat without the tortillas. Gotta watch those carbs. And PBR. Which is awful. ​The 2 minute drill of what we have been watching is back and ready to assault your senses in the rapid fire manner that you only get from the SEVR Pod team. Find out why playing a video game which allows you to thrust kick zombies, then follow it up with a Bruce Lee double stomp, is an amazing time for the whole family (or those old enough to enjoy the M rated Dead Island Riptide). Speaking of zombies, feel the rage as Fancy becomes less of a gentleman when reviewing the Zombieland TV pilot. Don’t let the kiddies hear that one. See if Fun Size had a Silent Night or a loud bowel movement. And hear about Marc’s trip to the Citadel and if he bought us souvenirs (spoiler…The Citadel is a movie. Which doesn’t have a gift shop. So no novelty foam fingers for us. The real question is will Marc exceed the 2 minutes once again, bringing shame upon his face and leading to his extreme desire for throat chops? Gotta listen to find out). And last, possibly least, will Old School continue his amazing streak of not watching anything, essentially contributing nothing to the segment besides his rugged good looks? ​ ​We then enter the meat and potatoes of the episode as each member goes into detail about their scariest movie scenes of all time. Take a hearty slab of Sinister, add some Exorcist as a side dish, sprinkle some Fourth Kind, and enjoy some Jaws for desert while wearing a Mask of Satan (though that can make it difficult to eat.) for a amazing sonic dish that will have your taste buds humming and your loins swelling. Then, as an after dinner mint, we each explore a movie that was descent but ultimately failed and we come up with ways that they can be fixed. A spirited discussion ensues culminating in a Fun Size hatred of Starship Troopers. And Tarzan. So enter our house of horrors. If you dare. And ignore the smell of urine. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

The Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom is back and ready to rescue you from the cellar that your so called friends locked you in. Just because you developed deadite eyes and enjoy cutting your tongue in half doesn’t give them the right to treat you like garbage. So take our one remaining hand, why don’t you, and let us lead you on a little journey through the fun little graveyard that is Evil Dead. ​As always, we begin the episode by discussing what we’ve been watching lately. In our quest to be a leaner, meaner fighting machine, we have placed a 2 minute limit on this segment. And if the 2 minutes is exceeded, genital punches will occur. No, just kidding silly. But the horrifying buzzer of doom will sound bringing shame and sadness (plus some giggles). We explore if Hannibal the TV show is any good, if Hannibal Lector himself needs to get the human flesh out of his mouth to understand what he’s saying, and if Jack Crawford is in fact Morpheus. We figure out if The Purge is the next great idea in horror or a film about vomiting. The new extended trailer for The Conjuring is discussed as we examine if James Wan is one of the best directors in horror today (spoiler-the answer is yes.) Marc takes us on a journey back to Silent Hill and lets us know if it’s a Pyramid Head of a good time or a burnt poop sandwich on a hoagie roll. And Old School give us a nice, hearty bowl of….nothing. ​Next, class is in session as we ask you all to open up your flesh covered books (make sure to first take off the barbed wire and garbage bag. Remember kids, safety first!) to Chapter 1 as we delve into the Evil Dead franchise. Before making it big directing Spider-man 1 and 2 (note the absence of 3. We tend to try to ignore movies featuring Jazz dance numbers. Just our little rule) he gave the world The Evil Dead, it’s sequel Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness. We take the severed head and run with it, delivering depth unheard of this side of hell. We go into the back story on the making of the films and how they have achieved cult status. We also give our 2 cents and completely unbiased opinion on the films (Full Disclosure: Sam Raimi did bribe us with burritos as the way to our hearts is through Mexican food) and give our stamp of approval. We then shift gears and discuss the new Evil Dead movie. Is it a sequel? Prequel? Good? Bad? We are the guys with the guns and aren’t afraid to point our cross-hairs on what works and what doesn’t. We spoil so much that the movie has mold and smells like month old milk when we are done with it. But in the end, we determine if it is worthy of your time. Why are you still reading this? Click on the podcast and let the sweet sounds of our voices guide you. And if we make you feel a little frisky in the process, then that’s OK. Slide off those pants and get comfortable. We don’t judge. We just back away slowly.

Please note that this episode experienced some technical difficulties sixteen minutes into our broadcast and the audio became low. We have corrected the issue moving forward for future episodes. Thank you for your support. ​ Going down as smooth as the piping hot Gorilla Biscuits that your mom used to make (mmmm. Delicious!) comes the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom’s brand spanking new podcast, That George A. Romero Living Dead Quadrilogy Episode! That’s right, the slightly older (at least 2 of us) and wiser group of horror aficionados tackle the Emperor of all things undead, George A. Romero and the four films in the living dead saga (hence the term quadrilogy. Quad meaning 4 for those of our fans who rode a shorter bus to school then others. Just kidding sillies! If you are fans of us then you obviously have at least slightly above average intelligence….or are just high). But first, we fill all of you in on what we are watching currently since the last time we all were together. We examine if you should make a reservation at the Bates Motel and if you should bring your own sheets (and make sure to bring your iPhone as everyone else in the show seems to have one….). We discuss Chris wrestling with alligators (in his pants…what?!), whether the film Spring Breakers is a sequel to Daybreakers (spoiler…it’s not.) and if Christopher Walken’s new film Seven Psychopaths has a trailer that makes you feel tingly inside. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we discuss the new Riddick teaser with 50% more Diesel and My Amityville Horror Documentary, which is (more spoilers! The horror! The unimaginable horror!) a documentary featuring the oldest son of the family whom the book Amityville Horror is based on. Once that bit of business is out of the way, it’s time to party like it’s 1968 as we delve into the four main George Romero directed Living Dead movies, Night, Dawn, Day and Land. But we don’t just skim the proverbial decayed surface. SEVR goes balls deep as we discuss the back-story of Romero himself, his wants, needs and desires. Plus we go through the movies with a fine tooth afro pick as we analyze every aspect of them. We laugh, we cry, and we actually find someone that enjoys both Land of the Dead and Resident Evil (they don’t make too many of those!). So as I am waving my hands in front of you using my immense Jedi mind trick, you will click the play button. You will enjoy it. Or else we will send Chris to your house. And he’s not housebroken. That’ll teach ya!

It is often said that it is better to give than to receive.  Except if it’s the movie Species.  That’s just mean.  But this is the premise of Episode 3, Sci-Fi Horror Secret Santa.  The SEVR crew is back and isn’t taking any guff from anyone as we first have a potpourri of topics that are discussed (and it doesn’t smell foofy like those Scentsy thingys.  It smells like men.  Actually, more like a foot.  Which is the smell that I most associate with men.  Or manliness.  Ok, I will stop now.)  All is discussed, from a very Fancy review of The Last Exorcism to a discussion of early feedback for the Evil Dead Remake.  Plus we giggle and jump around like little schoolgirls at the news of Evil Dead 4.  Doesn’t take much to excite us.  That’s what happens when you are sexually deprived.  But I digress.  Then it’s time for the meat and potatoes of the episode in which Sci-Fi Horror films are discussed.  Fire Down Below (I mean in the sky.  Fire Down Below is herpes.  Which is gross.  Yet funny for those who do not suffer from that affliction.), a classic performance by Morpheus but in space, and a mist that could kick the fog’s ass are all discussed.  The nature of SciFiorror is also delved into, as far as what we think defines the sub genre.  This episode has EVERYTHING.  Thrills, chills, and even a fancy jingle.  So join us for a super-sized episode that will nun-chuck your face with awesomeness.

Cooking up the horror info with a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti, it’s episode 2 of the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom.  And like your favorite record, this episode is so jam packed full of content that we had to split it up into two sides (for those young-ins, records were flat disc like objects that played music.  But you needed to flip them in order to continue the sonic goodness).  We did it for your safety.  If you listened to the whole thing non-stop, your head would explode and your anus would leak from the sheer joy.  We begin this veritable Chinese buffet of content (but without the nasty sushi and subsequent diarrhea) by going over some movies and shows we have recently perused. The Possession, John Dies at the End (it’s actually a movie, not a spoiler.) and Paranormal Activity 4 are discussed, as well as the Walking Dead Season 3 Part 2 premier.  So if you are wondering if you should spend your hard earned free time watching another Paranormal Activity movie, we have all the answers for you.  This two part episode then shifts into high gear and turns a disfigured severed head towards obscure 80’s slashers.  Not Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street.  We dug deep and found the most useless horror movies this side of Sleepaway Camp.  These are basically the equivalent of a cinematic Snarf from Thundercats.  Useless.  Yet, like most 80’s movies, they can be incredibly entertaining.  From underwater Javelin throwing to a microwave of death, this is an eclectic bunch of films that you will want to take note of so you can suffer as we did.  Because we love you.  Kind of.  If you took a shower.  Because you smell like beets.

Cooking up the horror info with a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti, it’s episode 2 of the Super Evil Vampire Robot Podcast of Doom.  And like your favorite record, this episode is so jam packed full of content that we had to split it up into two sides (for those young-ins, records were flat disc like objects that played music.  But you needed to flip them in order to continue the sonic goodness).  We did it for your safety.  If you listened to the whole thing non-stop, your head would explode and your anus would leak from the sheer joy.  We begin this veritable Chinese buffet of content (but without the nasty sushi and subsequent diarrhea) by going over some movies and shows we have recently perused. The Possession, John Dies at the End (it’s actually a movie, not a spoiler.) and Paranormal Activity 4 are discussed, as well as the Walking Dead Season 3 Part 2 premier.  So if you are wondering if you should spend your hard earned free time watching another Paranormal Activity movie, we have all the answers for you.  This two part episode then shifts into high gear and turns a disfigured severed head towards obscure 80’s slashers.  Not Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street.  We dug deep and found the most useless horror movies this side of Sleepaway Camp.  These are basically the equivalent of a cinematic Snarf from Thundercats.  Useless.  Yet, like most 80’s movies, they can be incredibly entertaining.  From underwater Javelin throwing to a microwave of death, this is an eclectic bunch of films that you will want to take note of so you can suffer as we did.  Because we love you.  Kind of.  If you took a shower.  Because you smell like beets.

From the depths of your worst nightmares about midget clowns with no pants comes the Super Evil Robot Vampire Podcast of Doom (SEVR for those of you who enjoy the majesty of acronyms), the rootinest tootinest most hardcore horror podcast in all of the Pecos. See, this isn’t your Daddy’s horror podcast (seeing as though there were no podcasts at that time, silly!). We dissect horror like a frog in biology class but without the creepy teacher looking over your shoulder or the smell. It’s funny, fun and whether you are a horror aficionado or a novice, there’s something for everyone. In episode 1, the world of horror podcasts are shattered as 5 brave men look to astound with their insight and charisma. Feel the fury as each member of the SEVR team introduce themselves and give a bit of background into their likes, wants, and for the ladies, desires. From long walks on the beach to swimming in dirty water, all bases are covered. Next, everyone then goes into their 5 favorite horror movies of all time. From Jaws to Night of the Living Dead, Exorcist to Susperia, Insideous to Lesbian Vampire Killers, the choices are varied, odd, and always go down smooth. By the end of this episode you will know the members of the SEVR team like they are relatives that you don’t want to come to dinner and never, ever feed after midnight. So join us won’t you? We don’t bite. We nibble and occasionally fondle.