Limited Appeal

Warren begins the show by reminding us of googlewhacking: the game where you try to combine two words to generate a single google hit. This is becoming increasingly difficult, for which the author of these descriptions takes a small amount of credit for contributing to the combination of otherwise unrelated keywords. You're welcome! Then T-Bone describes his recent trip to a rather more adult-themed version of Disneyworld than I remember. In polish the bishop, we can't decide whether we're dealing in innuendo or not. I guess that's your job, if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge. If you don't know what I mean, or if you're a particularly avid robot fan, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In this part 2 of the non-video game video dance party, or whatever, we feature a Limited Appeal record for topics considered with minimal transitional material. And that's saying something! After some introductory obsession with penises (peni?) we enjoy us some Foody Goody, then MMMM!! Macaroons, by Katrina Robinson, then all of sudden we're talking about the potentially constraining effect of running speed on intelligence. And that's just the start! Here's an arrow diagram of the episode: Intro -> Don Johnson's partner -> Penises -> Xylophone solo -> Macaroons -> Sheep stomach -> Coconut beatings -> Ostriches -> Fast but dumb -> Small heads for maneuverability -> Converse, inverse and contrapositives -> Do dinosaurs exist? -> Things that we can test with our own two feet -> Yoda -> Teaching with his fucking mind -> Light sabre holding technique -> Gray hair on your back -> Mouth DNA -> Genghis Khan -> A series of bullshit, untrue science "facts" -> Name 5 Things that are totally pointless because the premise isn't true anyway -> Supervolcano -> Nuclear war -> Skittles -> Supervirus -> Flooding -> Nepal -> Kevin Costner -> Lungs. If you want to contest any of these topics, for some pointless reason, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). No coherence in your argument is obviously required. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

We're live! Face to face to face. One face is missing. But it probably also has nose hair. Ugh – this is, even, by our standards, a rather disgusting episode. What about above-the-ass back hair? Listen carefully, and you'll discover whether these traits are a tipping point concerning whether we'll be able to continue procreating. Or maybe that's a complete bit of nonsense that you won't be able to help but shake your head at. Anyway, if you're still listening by some chance, we later try to name 5 band names that could be a phallic euphemism. Play along. Not with your phallus, you pervert! With our name around 5 things segment. Jesus. If you can stop touching yourself long enough to free up one hand, and if you want John to send you a free photo of his back hair, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In our Nature Walk this week, we feature round 4 of Who's that Bird, A-Frickin' Edition. When I write "round 4", I mean of course the 4th time we've done this segment, as opposed to a comment on the shape of the segment, which may or may not be cigar-shaped. It's not clear how many heads the segment has, but perhaps judging by the quality of our bird identity guesses, there are probably fewer than you might think. Anyway, play along! If you do, you might be surprised at how much is going on during a small stretch of bird song, especially in contrast with how little is going on during a small section of our podcast. If you want to start an argument about the shape of a goose's bill, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

After a seemingly interminable and trivial preamble, we discuss the development of the biggest supercomputer in China (we think it's China, anyway). It's possible the computer's function is to censor discussion of Chinese secrets, or offensive dialog, in which case we probably will set a few flags. So, to make amends, Warren suggests we make deliberately inaccurate and offensive statements that we can then rebuke ourselves. Do we manage? Have a listen to found out. If you work for the Chinese secret service, and wish to poison us by email, here's our address: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode we ask if gravity has a special relationship with balls, particularly when a kilt, or a dog, is involved. Watch your step! In name 5 things, we try to name 5 provocative movie titles for dogs. I know, it's ridiculous. My main job here is to write descriptions, so you can't blame me for the fact that the topics are bullshit. Anyway, you can't really complain unless you already know 5 provocative dog movie titles. You don't, do you? If you do, send us an email with your suggestions (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We probably won't do anything with them, but the act of sending them to us may or may not be cathartic for you. If you don't, then quit your bitching (ha!) and listen to the doggone (ha!) podcast. Ahem. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Are you ready for round 3 of our Who's That Bird contest: A-frickin' Edition? Well, get ready. Do it! Ah, forget it, we'll start even though you're NOT ready. Jackass. In fact, if you're expecting a detailed description of this episode so you'll have an advantage in the home version of Who's That Bird that we know you all play with your friends, forget it. Here's all you're getting: ungulate impressions, grounded asian beer, and just-about-to-die. Cop that, keyword search! I'm outta here. If you want to complain about the inadequacy of this week's episode description, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In Music and Music and Music related things, T-Bone reveals that the sound of almost all classic radio jingles came from a single studio. This means that you're guaranteed to have been annoyed by the same small group of (apparently rich) Texans as everyone else who suffered through commercial morning radio. Thanks, Texas! Fuckers. Somehow, with little by way of segue, this leads us to a discussion on marriage. I don't remember how, and you shouldn't care. The point is that Warren defends a rather liberal and inclusive definition of marriage that includes all kinds of inter-species pairings, and one can only guess on whether he has a personal interest. My guess: he does. Take that, smart-comeback guy! Anyway, to wrap up the show, John's dog is either up to all kinds of obscene things, or is perhaps very warm. You figure it out. If you enjoy T-Bone's silky voice and want him to produce some jingles for you for less than $10000, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and

Every episode could be a new season, but usually it isn't. Except this time! Welcome to Season 6. Yeah, we could hardly believe it either, and we should know better since we're in charge of deciding when the seasons change. Not like in a weather way, obviously – just the seasons associated with our show. Ahem. Anyway, this week in Name 5 Things, Warrens asks us to name 5 situations in which a "placebo button" would be helpful. The theory is that even if buttons aren't connected to anything, and therefore don't actually influence an outcome, the act of pushing one is somehow therapeutic when waiting around, and prevents all kinds of rage that might otherwise cause the collapse of society as we know it. You know, the kind of rage you might feel while waiting for an elevator door to close, or your tea to steep, or whatever. If you have more great ideas for placebo technology, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

We stage a brand new contest for this episode: Who's That Word, Football Edition! Warren plays three chants from English football (er, soccer for those in parts of the world where there is some ambiguity about the term), and the rest of us have to name the city/team whose supporters are doing the chanting. Easy enough, right? So long as you know a bit about English Football, can interpret the language of drunken, howling British soccer hooligans, and/or maybe can spare a thought for basic geography. Any guesses about which of these prerequisites we stumble on? If you guess right, you just might win a reacharound, but don't get too confident because John hasn't lost one of these contests yet…. To claim your prize, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) and we'll arrange some form of a competition with the winner, presumably involving naked wrestling. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Can you speak Beaker? Oh. Do you also have a mental or emotional disorder? Riiiiggghhhhttttt. Anyways, in our first non-Beaker segment this week, Warren asks about the gap in radio music between the 60's and the classical music period. Was music so crappy in the Middle Ages (1800-1940)? Or was classical music just amazingly awesome? How square and lame is today's music? Why do some radio stations still play the Beach Boys? How many people need to die to solve this problem? Ahem. If you're a hardcore Beach Boys fan, would an earthquake and a Beyonce CD change anything? We recommend it. Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if it works. Footnote: Microsoft spell-check recommends I change "If you're a Beach Boys fan" to "If you were a Beach Boys fan". Nice work, Bill. URL: www.limitedappeal.net Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Welcome to another Christmas Show! But not the same one, because that would just be lazy. No, instead we've baked a special batch of limited appeal that you'll find in a delicious rectangular box. Hee hee! Tasty box... Well, actually, I've not tasted the box proper, but it's contents are awesome. Take that where you will. Anyways, we're not sure we actually remember anything other than the names about either of the brands involved in our product comparison segment, so it's safe to say the actual usefulness of the segment is as limited as our appeal. Meh. But as useless as that part may be, our following discussion of chocolate shape will BLOW YOUR MIND. Wait for T-bone's new perspective on things. And hey, if it fails to blow your mind, have we really been worse than most Christmas albums? Really? Hmph. Merry fucking Christmas anyway. Ho! Ho! Ho! Send us your Christmas greetings via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Can you believe that sometime this month (or possibly last month depending on when you listen to this), someone will start the one millionth download of a Limited Appeal podcast? Neither can we. Anyway, Warren takes a verbal shit in this segment and asks you to have a look: anatidaephobia. Whaddya think? Don't get too disgusted or scared, because bulls and ducks experience vision that is like an old TV set, or a (moving) painting of T-Bone on a stone, respectively. Phew! If you can think of a better or worse cure for anatidaephobia than blinding every duck in the universe, or possibly just Warren, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In this episode, we take a Nature Walk for Round 2 of "Who's That Bird: A-frickin' Edition". You'll learn about one or more of the following: geographic and environmental variation in pelican feather pigmentation, appendage-based locomotion in flightless ratites, birds that wear glasses, birds that fly constantly, 24/7, even when asleep, or that bees are different from birds. Actually, you may have learned some of this already just by reading this description! Unless you weren't paying attention. Or don't believe us. Or already knew some of the above, or don't care enough to remember. Come to think of it, there's not much point in me trying to predict what you've learned since I have no idea about your prior knowledge, motivation to learn, or susceptibility to our bullshit. Why don't you tell ME what you've learned after listening by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

After a long hiatus (or maybe, if you aren't Hoss, after no hiatus because you've never heard of our stupid show), we're back with a new contest: Who's That Bird: A-frickin' Edition. Just like our earlier contest featuring New Zealand Birds, this time we venture to the dark continent (no racism intended) and check our skills in imagining the appearance and motivation of birds based only on their songs. Warren is playing the calls, which means he's reacharound proof for once, much to John's disappointment. You too may be reacharound proof (for now, at least), but play along anyway. Also, send us a design for a human perching prosthesis. Don’t worry! We'll credit you on the back of the package, and send you some form of royalties, maybe. One more thing: make sure to listen to our exciting new extro, and let us know what you think by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.