FBi's Fire Up!

Why was Fatty Vautin’s illegitimate love child singing the national anthem? Was that really a try? Is Ricky Stuart becoming the new Craig Thomson? And why are the Blues imposing the dreaded cone of silence? Brett & Stephen answer all these questions and more in their dissection of Wednesday’s State of Origin Clash. In other news Josh Dugan takes to the Twitterverse to give what he considers a heartfelt “apology”, Anthony Tupou becomes the leagues latest Ghost Whisperer while the Roosters continue down the slippery slope that is their 2012 NRL season. FIRE UP!

Ricky Stuart's State of Origin campaign gets off to a horror start with with a quasi-alphabetical reading of the NSW team list. The boys preview the now infamous Fire Up Live show. Buzz vs Stewart: In this 'soft-hitting' interview following Brett's self-imposed 3 year media ban we learn that bitterness is nothing but passion that has curdled. Paul Gallen follows in the footsteps of such greats as Einstein, Alan Jones and Ray Hadley by cutting his sleeping time back to only four hours! What can't this man do? The Maroons live it up in the lap of luxury, Sheik Feiz fires up and we applaud Michael Clarke for dodging the Bingle Bullet.

We all saw it: Dragons forward Matt Prior floors Johnathan Thurston but the judiciary hands down an extremely lenient sentence. Was it his good-guy image that saved him or is there something sinister afoot? Did JT’s hair piece send him momentarily insane? You decide. With the assistance of new lipstick cam technology we gain unprecedented access to the tears of Darius Boyd. Jared Mullen informs us that he wears his heart on his sleeve. This is news to us! Cooper Cronk the blogger. He shares his secrets and a penchant for hot, greasy delicacies. Paul Gallen continues to amaze not only on the field but in the court room. Mike Tomalaris talks of his days as Australia’s pre-eminent Indigenous league caller, Sheedy’s still desperate to claim the west and Nathan Stapleton gets a dead guys achilles.

With Ben Roberts’ performance against the Tigers bringing the Twitterverse to a grinding halt, the boys discuss some of the truly great failures of our time. Cougar Attack! Mitchell Pearce falls prey to Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts. “She was cool!” The transformation of Paul Gallen reaches new heights as his achievements in the game of life continue to amaze. Cameron Smith joins him for a romp down the King Gee catwalk. Russell Jackson of AAP fame walks us through the sticky world of rugby league reporting while Hopoate Jr mows lawns for Mormon conversions. We preview the Czech Rugby League 1st division championship and Johnny Lang drops by for a brief chat.

Army recall forces Blackhawk helicopter out of this year's ANZAC Day matches, Rolls Royce recall leaves Greg Inglis grounded. The boys preview the Eagles v Bulldogs showdown while Des Hasler squirms at the mention of the Stewart brothers. The return of Willie Mason and the grog ban in Canberra can only mean one thing; The atroc-alypse is nigh! Our spotlight on international rugby league continues as the boys dissect the Belgrade City vs Serbian Country showdown. Having been an instrumental figure in the sale of the Titans' Centre of Excellence to PNG, Gus sets his sights on securing Penrith their very own CoE.

State of Origin or State of Choice? James Tamou jumps the pond to play for Australia on the advice of Pippa, his mum. NRL announces ANZAC 100th anniversary test to be played in Turkey. Turkey prepares for the onslaught. Colonel Sandow discovers that fast food does in fact make you slower while the NRL toys with a potential hologram immortals match following Tupac's appearance at Coachella. Fire Up Live and Wayne 'One Man Media Unit' Bennett also make an appearance. We also get an update on Gallen's resurgence thanks to the one and only Old Mas!

Michael Ennis ventures to the lair of Old Mas in his quest to put his grubby ways behind him. Darren Lockyer proves he is a man of many talents with a foray into architecture. Maria Tsialis explains why the Playstation keeps young players sane. She also gives us a lesson in 'Ghetto Speak' and sings the praises of her beloved Canterbury Bulldogs. Chris Sandow stacks it on, Joey Johns and Choc Watmough 'get on the drink' while Casey Badger flies the flag for the lady referees everywhere!

Michael Ennis ventures to the lair of Old Mas in his quest to put his grubby ways behind him. Darren Lockyer proves he is a man of many talents with a foray into architecture. Maria Tsialis explains why the Playstation keeps young players sane. She also gives us a lesson in 'Ghetto Speak' and sings the praises of her beloved Canterbury Bulldogs. Chris Sandow stacks it on, Joey Johns and Choc Watmough 'get on the drink' while Casey Badger flies the flag for the lady referees everywhere!

The Titans’ Centre of Excellence is sold, only to reemerge as a theme park. The ever innovative Danny Weidler takes news to the next level with his re-imagination of GI’s game winning kick against the Tigers. It’s night of the living dead for Rhys Wesser and Adam Macdougall as they brave the elements, corpses and medically gifted cabbies while spreading the good word of Rugby League in Fiji. Todd Carney is finally being treated like the human being he is following his move to the fortress that is Sutherland Shire. The whispers become too much for Timana Tahu who has put aside his grubby ways for the sake of his daughters. Brendan Cowell drops in for a chat and general silliness while the saga that is Lara Bingle’s life continues and Jason Taumalolo fuels his determination by eating 27 Weet Bix.

The Titans’ Centre of Excellence is sold, only to reemerge as a theme park. The ever innovative Danny Weidler takes news to the next level with his re-imagination of GI’s game winning kick against the Tigers. It’s night of the living dead for Rhys Wesser and Adam Macdougall as they brave the elements, corpses and medically gifted cabbies while spreading the good word of Rugby League in Fiji. Todd Carney is finally being treated like the human being he is following his move to the fortress that is Sutherland Shire. The whispers become too much for Timana Tahu who has put aside his grubby ways for the sake of his daughters. Brendan Cowell drops in for a chat and general silliness while the saga that is Lara Bingle’s life continues and Jason Taumalolo fuels his determination by eating 27 Weet Bix.

Matty Johns ambushes Robbie Farah much to his dismay, Coming into Heritage Round, bastion of the old guard Tommy Raudonikis takes at aim the Tigers and society's softness in general, The boy propose a solution: National Service. Lara Bingle's immense intellect becomes a topic of discussion in the lead up to the debut of her new reality TV series. 'How good is art' makes a triumphant return, while Damien Irvine, Sharks chairman, drops in for a chat.

Titans’ Centre of Excellence puts them in mountains of debt as more Centres of Excellence pop up everywhere. Parramatta also a Club in Crisis but not in crisis enough to ask Ray Price for help. How Good Is Art Pt 2. – the foundation of the Rugby League Art Gallery. Willie Mason refusing to blow smoke up people’s ass. The Todd Carney Disaster Plan. The Shire, Being Lara Bingle & WAG Nation usher in a golden era in Australian TV. How do you grade malice? Don't forget to check out all the Fire Up! merchandise at cafepress.com.au/FireUpShop and continue the farce at facebook.com/fireuprugbyleague

Loyalty & Papua New Guinea, How good is music part 2; Shane Warne and Ben Barber take up the mantle, How good is art!? Ryan Tandy's brush with the raw, The Parramatta Sniper: Luke Burt lurking on the grassy knowl, Nick Tedeschi from makingthenut.com gives us the lowdown on the Willie M Awards, World Round up returns: Redbacks conquer the Immortals in the Bank of Beirut Cup

Fat billionaire Clive Palmer shows why he should be part of Rugby League whil another fat billionaire – Nathan Tinkler – becomes not so fat, but no less secretive. Rabs brings Ghengis Khan back into Rugby League via Richie Fa’aoso. Channel 10 set to sweep the ratings with their new reality show “Being Lara Bingle”. Andrew Webster gives us the scoop on his upcoming Mark Gasnier autobiography “Spurting Sauce with Gaz”. Ricky Stuart to address the successful Kings Cup rowing crew about success. Christian groups up in arms about Anthony Tupou’s stem cell knee. Khoder Nasser refuses to use Todd Greenberg’s name. And it’s revealed that Michael Maguire is a fun sucker. Don't forget to check out all the Fire Up! merchandise at cafepress.com.au/FireUpShop and continue the farce at facebook.com/fireuprugbyleague

The search for the game’s greatest thinker continues, Beau champions the unappreciated art of music while Bellamy introduces his players to a different kind of art. Did the NRL get the right fat billionaire in Tinkler? Zorba’s Fridge-gate, Alan Tongue talking brands, and everything else from another off season. Don't forget to check out all the Fire Up! merchandise at cafepress.com.au/FireUpShop and continue the farce at facebook.com/fireuprugbyleague