FBi's Fire Up!

Nathan Tinkler has begun to feel the scorch of summer! After splashing out big on one of the coaching world’s greats and pinching players from all over, has the dream finally come to an end for the big man? Is the ATO trolling? Has his recent lap banding surgery played a part in all this? Because as we know, the fatter the billionaire the fatter the bank account! With the roll-out of ARLC chairman John Grant’s puppet, David Smith, what can we expect from the commission in the New Year? The boys cut wade through the spin to get some real answers. In other news, we talk overseas acquisitions, footy almanacs and the place of fetish porn in league training. Until next year… Fire Up!

As Melbourne venture Northward from the plush confines of the Crown Tower, it has been revealed that their winger Sisa Waqa spent time as a Fijian SWAT commando AND that his brothers are both serving time for assault and robbery. Will the noise surrounding this revelation play havoc on the minds of the Storm players? And will John Novak’s mind management techniques be enough to keep the dogs grounded? In other news, Josh Reynolds granny denounces his critics to claim “My grandson’s no grub”, Jarrod McCracken loses it all, Rusty talks up his Yoga ability and a 2010 St George Premiership ring finds its way onto eBAy! Til next year! Fire Up!

After a two-week hiatus the boys are back to finish off the final episodes of the season in style. We are joined by none other than renowned astrophysicist and former Young Australian of the Year Professor Bryan Gaensler who shows us the science behind Rugby League. Why hasn’t the commission appointed a troll liaison officer after Robbie Farrah’s trollfest?! Who knows?! We determine at what point a break and enter becomes an artful heist rather than a gutless robbery a la carte Michael Crocker. Bryan uses his daunting analytical prowess to determine whether or not the Kieran Foran try was indeed a try, Chock admits to a Stilnox addiction and Anthony Watts gets arrested…again. Tune in next week for our Grand Final preview and final show of 2012. FIRE UP!

From fired up to just plain fired! Brian Smith wallows in self-pity after being let go as the Roosters coach. Steve Noyce alerts player to the news via scissor lift, one of the many communicative devices at his disposal. Onto another man who has lost his way this week. Russell Crowe has drifted off-course on a kayak east of the Hamptons this week. Method acting for his latest role of Noah perhaps? Or is he just generally confused like all the other Souths supporters? Perry Keyes and his hubris join the boys for a chat and a song and Jamal Idris reveals that his weight problem is directly linked to an abnormal hip. Someone’s telling porkies…Fire Up!

Andrew Demetriou’s lapdog and 2IC at the AFL Gillon McLachlan has been targeted to join the NRL’s administration team. Will he give up lattes, polo and Pierre Cardin to head north and deal with the likes of Fuifui Moimoi? Is the Eastern suburbs whispering his name? Only time will tell. Rugby League celebrates its 117th birthday this week and celebrates by launching a museum at NRL HQ. The only problem is it’s only open 4 hours a week and is most likely curated by Toyota Cup players. MoNA’s looking more appealing by the minute. The Buzz Rothfield/Todd Carney conspiracy deepens as Todd is hailed a “good bloke” for being removed from the Clovelly Hotel early. How would Buzz have framed this in 2011? Daniel Eastwood also drops by to talk about his favourite touchie insults and the secrets of the inner circle. Fire Up!

A big week in League calls for a big guest (the biggest in our opinion)! We take a journey into the mind of one of the NRL’s most knowledgeable and insightful fellows, Mr Andrew Voss. In one of the busiest weeks in the competitions history the boys and Vossy take a look at Mark Gasnier’s new book “Spurting Sauce” paying special attention to the man’s lack of awareness regarding intellectual property law. How dare he attempt to copyright Fire Up! Channel 9 clinches a major TV rights deal with the promise of establishing an academy for player media training (about time). Mario runs for office, Rusty proves his manliness in the rugged Icelandic tundra and Jamie Soward thinks he’s newsworthy. FIRE UP!!!

In what can only be described as another stellar week for the league, we reveal the 2012 NRL Academic Team of the Year. The NRL’s answer to Donald Trump, Mr Corey Payne once again proves why his mantra “Buy low, sell high” is applicable to any aspect of life. In other news, Buzz begins to feel the pinch after realising he may actually have to leave his house to get a story now that News Ltd no longer owns the NRL. Danny “Mr Exclusive” Weidler refuses to publish a photo of Chris Sandow’s pokie playing ways, proceeds to describe photo in immense detail. Journo of the Year! We get to know the sauce spurter a little better and find out that Brett Stewart just doesn’t give a rats! Fire Up!!!

In one of Fire Up’s more obscure weeks content-wise, the boys try to get to the bottom of the Jamie Soward mystery. Was he dropped or is his back really as bad as he says it is? Do we dare ask his wife? Perhaps not! Mitchell Pearce has been hosting parties Hugh Hefner style again with Buzz Rothfield claiming it’s been severely detrimental to his skill as a player…but what would Buzz know? Ricky Stuart has been doing things for Ricky Stuart this week having signed with the Eels. Can Ricky Stuart do things for the Eels? Can he live up to the hyperbole? Only Ricky Knows. Darren Lockyer shows us how to prepare a gob-smackingly delicious Snapper and Luke Buckmaster chat his defection to the Raiders. Fire Up!

The hit heard around the world has effectively signalled the beginning of the end for Souths who have once again cowered in the face of success. In typical GI fashion, Dean Young’s lifeless, unconscious body seemed to display far more emotion than the dead eyes of the big man ever could. Has the first case of Fire Up related violence reared its ugly head? Was the hit on Marty Kennedy a good hit, or a jealous ploy by Travis Burns for his lack of Fire Up appearances over the last week? You decide. It’s been a week of great celebration for the NRL with the game’s greatest thinker, Ricky Stuart, back in the thick of things full-time at Parramatta! Sandow is particularly happy believing Stuart’s appointment can only improve his performance. We take a look at the 2012 player’s poll and shake our heads in dismay as Mick Ennis’ standing as number one grub is challenged young gun Josh Reynolds. Mr Miyagi vs Scott Baio?! Oh Dear!

Marty Kennedy does the unthinkable and joins the boys for their first ever current NRL guest. Apart from the Rooster’s horror loss to South’s earlier this week, Marty provides a rare and uncandid insight into the enigma that is Brian Smith’s coaching techniques and life at the Roosters! In other news, the boys dissect the need for hope in the NRL, the Panthers loss of Luke Lewis, the SBW handshake agreement and Des Hasler’s return to Fortress Brookvale.

In a busy week of sporting news, one story has clawed its way to the top of the pack. With all the hallmarks of a classic tale; sabotage, intrigue and even love, it’s official. The boils are back in town! Biological warfare or grimy skin? We take a closer look as the nations capital begins to boil over. In other news, the redemption of Willie Mason takes another twist as he is appointed captain of the Knights coffee club. “It’s great to be the captain of a non-alcoholic!” says a jubilant Mason. Women in league saw the introduction of pink balls. Some were for, some against. At least we’re not hearing players complain about blue balls anymore… Hopa is done for driving without a license. Blames hate mail for not opening his RTA renewal forms. We didn’t know he got any kind of mail!

The new developments in the Brett Stewart sexual assault matter left our head spinning this week, so we decided to leave it alone. Honestly, in this age of attention deficit who could be arsed to read a 5 page article! We were also very wary one Raphaelle Nero* may seek reprisal. In happier news, Mitch Pearce has secured his position as the NRL Playboy of the Year following a liaison with erotic model turned DJ Ciara Price. Ben Hannant takes the reigns from Jason Stevens as the Wedgie King, Cheyse Blair ruins another Australian icon, the Busby Marou boys drop by for a chat and a song and we revisit the ever-fascinating Mad Squirrels out of Vrchlabí. *If that is his real name

A pattern is emerging in the State of Origin pre-game entertainment. Annie the red headed 9 year old in Game 1, the attractive 19 year old in Game 2. Could Game 3 duties be handled by...a MILF? Only time will tell. We determine that Chuck the police pooch is well and truly a dud for taking 49 (dog) years to catch Malcom Naden. Scientists discover away to contain Queensland's ever increasing Cane Toad population. Ricky Stuart is licking his lips. Ricky, now well versed in what it means to be human, chats with Todd Carney about LIFE! Was Corey Parker's self-inflicted gash an accident or a cry for help? And where was Dr. Johnny Orchard with the staple gun?! In other news, Canberra and Newcastle slide deeper into crisis and Buzz Rothfield proves why he's The Telegraph's Editor-at-large!

What a week it was! Not since 1975 and the ousting Gough Whitlam have we seen such a blatant display of grubbiness. After 10 years at his post, David Gallop is dismissed and he didn't even get a lap of honour! The boys dissect his dismissal and talk potential replacements (Zorba perhaps?)In other news, Queensland's Origin preparation is in shambles after the world's biggest human Dave Taylor takes a fall...from his bed, Ricky Stuart understands the human condition, We chat with Denis Carnahan on his new found fame, his music and his views on Gallopgate. The boys discuss the upcoming State of Origin match and the inclusion of the endearingly chubby Tim Grant. How will he hold up against the grass? Bingle's brother is in court ahead of her reality tv debut, Maurice Blair travels through time and Watmough is needled up and ready to go!. FIRE UP!

BJ Leilua learns that if you violate a court imposed AVO and spit on your Ex things will turn ugly fast. If only he’d stayed indoors playing Xbox. On a fluffier note, Jack Wighton is relegated to the sideline for a more wholesome reason – Trampoline 1 Wighton 0. What happens when your business goes down the gurgler? You obviously find solace between the legs of your best mate’s wife (then sell the story to Woman’s Weekly). ET spills all the salacious details. Steve Mascord (the man of many mediums) programs some music and Russell Crowe believes he may have been the subject of an elaborate assassination plot the Village Peopl of all… people.