Speculative Grammarian Podcast

The Joy of Old and Odd Books; A Letter from the Managing Editor; From Volume CLVIII, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2010. — As I was perusing my signed 1355 first edition copy of Jötunn Svartálfar’s Teach Yourself Gothic in Six Score Minutes per Fortnight, I was struck by the stark disparity between my personal and professional collections of books, as compared to the utter disregard for the written word displayed by the general American populace. Old books and odd books, musty treatises and crumbling tomes, flights of fancy and important, eternal ideas fill the bookshelves of my library and inhabit the chambers of my mind. In contrast, the average person—barely deserving of the appellation homo sapiens—cover what shelves they have with worthless gewgaws while their minds echo hollowly with a vapid emptiness. (Read by Trey Jones.)

λ♥[love] (Linguistics Love Song); by Christine Collins; From Volume CLXII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2011. — let me have your heart and i will give you love / the denotation of my soul is the above / if there’s anything i lack, it’s you / as my double brackets, you make me mean things / i can’t say enough (Used with permission.)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. IV — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the anatomical oddities of phoneticians, the fact that Big Brother may now be watching your every word, and more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. We also enjoy Words of Wisdom from Lady Fantod and discuss Twitter Feedback from “fans” of the show. Someone leaves the tape running too long, but power through it for an explosive musical bonus at the end of the episode.

Linguistic Stand-Up Comedy from Gabe Olsen

Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates; by Cëŏjpruustcrêrt êe Âgriüsturttâiy Fuördrêostsklanöukklėû Růŕskramnnuũrgciwä and Ëø Daerl stiic Uasŝăź swerz Ê; From Volume CLV, Number ζ of Speculative Grammarian, January 2009. — The following message arrived several months ago at the SpecGram main offices as a steganographic message encoded in the gift card attached to a Big Ol’ Bucket O’ Meat gift basket from Big Stu’s World of Taste—which had been the usual method of communication between the SpecGram editorial board and one of our top informants, known only to us by the code name Elbüo. We have good reason to believe Elbüo has regularly worked as a top exolinguistic consultant to one or more three-letter agencies of the United States government. We have not heard from Elbüo since this message was sent. In keeping with Clause 17 of our consulting contract with Elbüo, we must (1) assume he or she is dead, (2) stop payment to the numbered Swiss account, and (3) publish this, the last missive we received. Fortunately, with the new Obama administration coming to power, we are considerably less concerned about our chances of winding up in Gitmo over this. (Read by Rachel iVox and Peter iVox.)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. III — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss linguistic “thought experiments”, physicists modelling bilingual societies, a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning the word “lukewarm”, and Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.

The Other Sino-Tibetan Languages; Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLII, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2007. — This volume fills in the considerable gaps left by Routledge’s slim 2003 volume The Sino-Tibetan Languages. Displaying an uncharacteristic lack of ambition, Thurgood and LaPolla treated, in that otherwise excellent work, less than 40 of the 400+ languages of this important family. Clearly, much work remained to be done, and we at Psammeticus Press have undertaken to do it. The Other Sino-Tibetan Languages describes the remaining 90% of the languages in the family. (Read by Keith Slater.)

Doing Fieldwork on Constructed Languages; by Curtis U. Lehder; From Volume CLIX, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010. — As all linguists know, there are only about 6,000 languages left in the world today, and that number is shrinking rapidly. Constructed (or created or invented or planned) languages, on the other hand, number more than 128 trillion, according to conservative estimates, and more and more flower into existence each and every day. Though up to now, formal linguists (or, at least, respectable formal linguists) have largely ignored the works of language creators, it seems inevitable that at some point in time during the late 21st or early 22nd century, there will remain only one natural language (Lithuanian), while constructed languages will number, quite literally, in the decillions. (Read by David J. Peterson.)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. II — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss mammal individuality and population size, architectural linguistics, a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning Urban Dictionary; and Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. I — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the Sapir Worf Hypothesis; “New” vs “Nyoo”; and a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning IBM’s Watson on Jeopardy. Plus Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.

Nursery Rhymes From Linguistics Land; by Yune O. Hūū, II; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October 2009. — Continuing in the great tradition of Stepfather Goose, the following nursery rhymes are presented to ensure their preservation for future generations of young linguists. (Read by Peter iVox, Trey Jones, Rachel iVox, Ryan iVox, Heather iVox, Klaus iVox, Lucy iVox, and Graham iVox.)

An Iñupik Linguistic Fragment (or, the Last Grammarian); by Metalleus; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — The following fragment was found in a shoe box at Indiana University. It was translated by Metalleus with the help of a Phi Beta Kappa key. The author is unknown. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Regular Isomorphisms of Categorization in the Apathetic Informant; by Angus Æ. Balderdash, Esq.; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004. — Unfortunately, it is often the case that when working with data sets containing particularly uncommon kinds of data, the number of qualified consultants available to provide native-speaker interpretations of the data is quite low. In such cases, it is often necessary to work with consultants who have one or more sub-optimal characteristics: poor work ethic, lack of attention to detail, weak fashion sense, surly attitude, inclination toward insubordination, poor personal hygiene, difficulty following instructions—the list is all but endless. (Read by Peter iVox.)

They Don’t Have a Word for It; Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLVII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, December 2009. — With the inexplicable success of pseudo-lexicons such as Howard Rheingold’s 2000 “They Have a Word for It: A Lighthearted Lexicon of Untranslatable Words and Phrases”, C. J. Moore’s 2004 “In Other Words: A Language Lover’s Guide to the Most Intriguing Words Around the World”, and Adam Jacot de Boinod’s 2005 “The Meaning of Tingo: And Other Extraordinary Words from Around the World”, a native speaker of English could get the sinking feeling that English lacks the basic expressiveness needed to convey the most basic human needs and desires. (Read by Trey Jones.)

The Oxford Comma: A Solution; by Eliza Doolittle; From Volume CL, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2005. — The Oxford Comma has once again raised its nasty little head in linguistic circles, thanks largely to the efforts of one Ms Truss and her book, Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It is time once and for all to put this little beast to rest. (No, not Ms Truss, you moron—the Oxford Comma). (Read by Rachel iVox.)