Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! show

Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Summary: Lou goes to places you never even wanted to know existed on the internet and returns with a podcast you can't stop listening to. All the posts he reads are real even if you don't want to believe it! Sometimes disturbing, sometimes enlightening but always fun to listen to. Some examples of places Lou has gone are a forum for heroin addicts where junkies share their tips on how to negotiate the world of heroin for new junkies, a different forum where people share their most awkward sexual encounters and yet another forum where teenagers who believe they are vampires tell of the time they discovered their true-selves. The internet changes everyday and Lou is there looking for the craziest and most interesting stuff to read about. Check it out today!

Join Now to Subscribe to this Podcast
  • Visit Website
  • RSS
  • Artist: King Lou Fernandez
  • Copyright: Copyright © King Lou Fernandez, 2009-Present

Podcasts:

 Lou Reads ep 186 – Rub Maps – Happy Ending Advice | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 43:12

Have you ever had this conversation? “Look, it’s my first time going to get a “massage” and I’m not sure how to make sure my “massage” ends in a “happy ending.” I mean, if it just ends in just getting my body relaxed with a real “massage” I guess that would be okay, too… but I’m really hoping to, you know… get a certain muscle worked on… you know? Oh, you don’t? Look, mom, I need to go…” Well, if you have then you should be checking out RUB MAPS instead of asking your mom for Asian Massage Parlour advice. RUB MAPS is a consumer review site for illicit massages with an entire, active forum for its users. Unfortunately you have to pay to see the reviews. Luckily you can see the forums for free and it’s a great source for all your “going to have sex with a masseuse” questions. This time around I didn’t actually read any of the site reviews but I may do so if I ever revisit. I hope this doesn’t give you blue balls… Also, if you get confused by any of the slang in this episode please consult this amazing massage parlour slang guide. You’re gonna need it!

 Lou Reads ep 185 – Adult DVD Forums | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 56:18

It wasn’t so long ago that DVD’s were the awesome collectables. Now, of course DVD’s are taking up space in your home because we all just stream everything. This month’s forum is all about people who hang out the AdultDVDTalk Forums. It’s a fairly active forum with threads that sometimes run for over a decade. What do they talk about there? Well, mostly they talk about how much they love or hate different kinds of porn. Mostly they talk about how much they love anal porn but are sometimes disappointed by it. Occasionally they throw in some other topics as well. If I can see the red inside it’s over for me. Thanks for listening! Tell your friends! Ask for a magnet!

 Lou Reads ep 184 – Complaining About Friends on The Internet from Something Awful. | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 1:00:07

WHYYY!!?!11 Everyone has problems with their friends and family. But sometimes it can be too complicated to actual confront them with these problems. Why? Well, maybe because if you did your friend might shoot you! Or maybe your family might also shoot you! Or, you know, maybe they’d just kind of think you’re a jerk or maybe, just maybe, they’d listen and understand that you have a legitimate point about and take it into consideration. Either way, this month’s episode is basically people airing their grievances in a place where their friends are basically never going to see them. That is unless they are part of the Something Awful forums. And let’s face it, these days that is less and less likely. The thread I am reading from started over a decade ago and is over 400 pages long! That’s a lot of complaining! If I learned anything from this episode it’s that there are a lot of people with issues around weed in this world… This image says it all. Thanks for listening!

 Lou Reads ep 183 – The Best of Craigslist – | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 41:48

Well, something happened last time and the audio file disappeared from the post… ANYWAY, Craigslist is an anomaly on the internet. While some minor tweaking and tinkering has gone on, it remains basically the same ugly-but-useful website that was it was when it first appeared in 1995. Over the years someone, I don’t know who, has been selecting certain posts to be classified as BEST OF CRAIGSLIST.  So you can imagine that after 24 years there have been a lot of qualifying posts! This episode was a sort of palette cleanser for me. After doing three mainly gross episodes in a row it was time for some lighter content. I hope you found it entertaining. Thanks for listening! And be sure to follow, subscribe or whatever for all of my various media outlets. Join the Lou Reads FaceBook Page for frequent posts of Internet nonsense! Follow me on Instagram to see random pictures from my random life! Sometimes I stream on Twitch.tv so follow me there to get updated when I go live. And if you miss me live you can check out the videos on my YouTube Channel. There are probably more but that’s already too many requests than I’m comfortable with! Thanks for listening and spreading the word friends!

 Lou Reads 182 – Deep in the Pits of Armpit-Fetish.com | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 46:50

Greetings, friends and those interested in the more obscure parts of the internet. This months episode is a visit to the fabulously spam-destroyed pages of Artpit-Fetish.com. This site was once the home of a small number of folks that really liked armpits more than most people (if people think about armpits at all.) Now, sadly, the forums are almost 99% spambots with the occasional lonely armpit lover trying to call out in the void… According to some guy in this episode, the following video sparked a life long obsession about masturbating to men’s armpits. See if you can spot any particularly erotic pits! Specifically, Kenny Chesney’s wild underarm action is what drove the gentleman in question wild. Please, try to control your own feverish self-pleasure urges when watching it!

 Lou Read Ep181 Bonus – Learn Prostate Massage Again and Again! | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 29:15

Are you feeling the protrusion yet? Please enjoy this episode about milking your prostate. If you don’t know how to milk your prostate by the end of this episode then you just aren’t trying very hard… I miss Prince, too… amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Prostate Massage"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep 181 – The Spicy Talk Forums | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 1:01:22

As a married man who hates breasts I could not get down with this forum. I mean, who likes breasts? Especially breasts full of milk that are being shared with lots of grown dudes and ladies looking for some kind of Adult Nursing Relationship? Oh right, the people who used to hang out at Spicy Talk Forums! Good night, sweet cowboy… Ok, I was lying. I don’t really hate breasts. Please don’t send me hate mail and pictures of your breasts to let me know how angry you all are at me. Reading this forum was fairly funny because of how almost every thread somehow got around to talking about adult breastfeeding… In the end I decided to just double down on all the ANR talk and accept the concept that there are a lot of people out there who think about drinking mothers milk ALL THE TIME… I hope you enjoy it! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "coups-n-deals-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "0d8d010531adc8f63bc87fdf218107ae"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B00Q1YQZ76,B01II4MI5O,0692197044,B07DSJWNYG"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_title = "My Amazon Picks"; I am planning a small bit of bonus content in a week. Keep your ears posted!

 Lou Reads ep 180: Do you have the stomach to endure the Big Guts Forum? | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 50:32

I think we can all agree that everyone loves that feeling when you go to try on some clothes and realize that we’ve gotten too fat to fit into then. I think “super proud, content and certain that we’re living our best life” is probably the best way to describe that universal feeling that we all get when all that cramming of massive amounts of high calorie food pays off. Just like society teaches us. Gain weight. Gain status. This forum for Lovers of Big Guts is still live on the internet but sadly the community of fat tummy loving guys who used to hang out there appear to have moved on. For now, we can still visit the forums to explore this record of their obsession with and enjoyment of overeating and gaining weight. This isn’t unlike the forums of Fantasy Feeder – A Forum For Fat Ladies and The Guys Who Feed Them. However, where that community focuses on the codependent relationship of feeder and eater, Big Guts focuses mainly on men and their own personal obsession with being overweight. I didn’t actually join this forum so I wasn’t able to see picture in that part of the forum. The avatars I saw in the thread featured a fair amount of naked or near-naked guys with big bellies. I guess what better way to really show off your whole belly? Wherever these men have moved on to you can be certain that most of them are still out there eating too much and rubbing their full bellies with a smile. Also, they probably all have diabetes, but hey… And remember, sometimes that beer belly you’re so proud of just might be a giant 77 pound tumor. amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Fat Guys"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep 179 – The Visit Beyond the Vail of Afterlife Forums | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 1:15:18

What happens to us when we die? What happens to us before we are born? Somehow the people at this forum know, with certainty, that everything is going to be alright. Especially after you die. This is truly amazing considering I can barely figure out what is happening to me right now, this very second! I am fairly certain that at some point during this episode you will say out loud, “What? Wait… what?” That’s because there is more than a little complete nonsense being discussed here. Yes, I am a doubter. This much is clear! I’m also concerned with so many of the people on this site considering suicide in order to get to this next level of experience! If you’re considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Don’t kill yourself because you read on an online forum that the next life is SOOO MUCH BETTER! Amazingly irresponsible… Oh, also the whole “I remember as a baby I was thinking….” thing is so much insane bullshit… I can’t even… A BABY!… sigh… As promised, here is your unassailable proof of the existence of the life after death. A lawyer who wrote a whole bunch of nonsense about the afterlife! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "The Afterlife"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads episode 178 – The Joys of Smoking Spice and K2 from Erowid! | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 59:40

Hey, I know that drug laws are lame and whatever, but what if I told you that you could get super high… legally! What if I told you that there was this drug that was pretty much like marijuana but was totally legal. What if I told you that you’ll have no idea what the Hell you’re smoking because the chemicals keep changing to stay ahead of the drug laws. And what if I told you that it used to be a relatively well known synthetic cannabinoid 10 years ago but was now a complete crap shoot of junk being made in clandestine Chinese laboratories! What if I told you that no matter how you warn people they will keep smoking this quasi-legal weed because it’s really easy to buy despite the fact that it can totally make you lose your shit! Alright, then! Well, take a hit of this super sweet incense blend, homie! Let’s start puking! In this episode I’ll be reading from the Erowid experience vaults. These are anecdotal stories of drug use connected to Erowid’s super informational database about almost every drug. If you’re ever considering doing an illicit or even prescribed drug consider going to Erowid and checking out what it has to say about the compound before you try it. Especially if the drug has a potential for abuse! You’ll be glad you did! Also, please encourage the legalization of marijuana globally because it should be easier to buy than this Spice garbage… If you are actually thinking about buying K2/Spice/Whatever other name this crap goes by please watch these videos. This drug can only be enjoyed in small amounts but should probably be avoided at all costs. I mean, unless you like screaming in the street, naked. Then go ahead. Also, if you enjoy drug trips and safe access to a wealth of drug info, consider supporting EROWID! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "bad drug trip"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep177 Tales of Escorts First Clients from Reddit | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 50:20

Hey, I know we just has sex and that I paid you for that sex because you’re an escort. But, I really feel that in this 10 minute encounter that we’ve bonded and I’d really like to see you again. And, also have sex with you again for money. But, maybe you’ll kind of be into me next time a little and give me a discount and eventually you’ll see that, although we met via an exchange of sex for cash, that I’m a super nice guy! And maybe you’ll want to date me and have sex with me for free because we’ll be dating! Wouldn’t that be awesome?! Oh, but don’t tell my wife… The world of escorting appears to be less awful from the world of street sex workers. However, every sex worker who trades sex for cash has to have a first time that they did it. That’s what is happening this episode of Lou Reads. I hope you enjoy hearing these stories! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "How to be a sex escort"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep176 – Dark Secrets Shared from Reddit | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 51:20

What’s that now? You want me to share some of my darkest secrets with the internet? Well, gee… I mean, I’ve seen and done some terrible things in my life but I’m not sure I want to post them on THE INTERNET… Oh, you think I should make a throwaway account in order to freely share the darkest of the dark? Well… Okay! This episode of Lou Reads is your basic confessions post. Always a good time to hear what people feel are the dark secrets in their lives. Of course, some of these secrets are truly awful and as I mention at the end of the episode if you’re considering killing yourself please consider call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you’re just some weird guy who like’s masturbating at work or once considered boning your cousin then just keep on being yourself, you weirdo. Also, CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Dark Secrets"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep175: The parasite infested forums of The Cure Zone | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 50:14

You know that feeling you get when the world is telling you that you should take anti-psychotic medicine to deal with the invisible parasites you’re being plagued by? And you know the feeling you get when you tell the doctors you don’t want to take the medicine because it will just make the parasites sleepy but not actually kill them. And you know that feeling when you decided to drink your urine to help with your self diagnosed diseases? Wait, you don’t relate to any of these feelings? Well you must not be a member of the forums of Cure Zone. Cure Zone is a forum for people who are battling a lot of problems. Is it all in their minds? Is society mocking their problems? Do they really have multiple types of parasites attacking them in a way that normal science cannot detect? Well, from reading all these posts I’d have to say… yeah… It’s all in their minds. But that doesn’t stop it from being all too real and troubling for the poor folks who post here. I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode and that if you do start to feel like maybe you’ve got Morgellons or some other kind of skin parasite maybe take your doctors advice and try the antipsychotics. Also, if you have any serious disease, please realize that drinking your urine as a cure seems like a desperation thing and not a real solution to your problems. But please, take my opinion on this as simply that. I’m just a simple reader of the Internet who hasn’t rubbed any of my own urine on my body. What do I know? amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Urine Therapy"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep 174 – The Forums of Prison Talk | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 59:00

Have you considered marrying a man who you’ve only known through a pen pal connection? In this age of swiping right or left to instantly connect with someone, you can still find some people who are meeting people like it’s 1980 or something! Prison Talk is a forum for the loved ones of people who are somewhere within the prison system of the United States. It’s a support group for those looking to commiserate with others in the same misery boat. This episode is a departure from the typical grossness and stupidity that I sometimes deal in. There is a lot of head scratching behavior on there, to be sure. But it’s a small glimpse into the world of those, mainly women, who are dealing with a life where revolving door incarceration is the norm. There is no guarantee that they’ll ever actually meet the people they are writing to in person. Or worse that if they do get out of prison there is the chance that they aren’t who they say they are… I hope you enjoy it. Also, CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Prison Love"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

 Lou Reads ep173 – SOLO SUCK FORUMS | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 1:09:29

I’m not doing myself any favors by reading from the forums of Solo Suck. I knew it would be tough to read and yet, I persisted. Just like Elizabeth Warren! Except instead of standing up to the GOP I stood up to my own stomach and challenged it with some seriously nauseating content. Now, like many forums I read, this forum is just another example of people who aren’t hurting anyone engaging in a sex hobby they feel passionate about. However, it’s hard not to be grossed out by this act that is so taboo and generally frowned on. Of course there is some modicum (no pun intended) of hypocrisy for being grossed out in a world where pornography is all about women & men being the semen targets. However, the act of self-sucking & the raising cum to a fetishized sacrement… well, I personally had some trouble with queasiness reading it. I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode. I know it may be difficult and in some ways mentally damaging but… Well, I hope you enjoy it if you can keep your food down… amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "autofellatio"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

Comments

Login or signup comment.