Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Fellow Psychonauts, for those about to dose, we salute your reckless bravery in your quest for shits, giggles and inner-truths. You asked for it and you got it! More tales of illegal drug adventures from the Vaults of Erowid. I hope you enjoy them! I seriously hope after listening to this harm-reduction podcast that you will think twice about not-inviting me to your drug binge parties. Also won’t you please enjoy this: HUFFING DUSTER EXTRASODE Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Lou’s Library Recommended Reading!

Look, I know this is a touchy subject… but have you checked your penis lately? Yes, I’m talking about measuring it and comparing it to other dudes. It’s looking pretty pathetic… I mean who couldn’t use another foot of cock-beef hanging out the front of their pants? I mean TWO FEET of dong-meat? It boggles the mind! Well, let me tell you about a website I found that will help you out… So this episode is all about the lofty goal of penis enlargement. Hooray. I hope that you’ll all start Jelqing and Edging your way to super dongs in no time. Enjoy the madness! Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Lou Reads Hand Selected Penis Remedies

Guys…. I’m sorry… have something to confess… One time… Well, you probably get the idea of this episode. It’s all kinds of confessions. I was originally going to split the episode between two different confession sites but as it turned out, one was enough. Real stories? People wasting time on the intertubes? I read. You decide. As promised here is this episodes EXTRASODE: HOW THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE SAVED MY SOUL BUT ALSO MADE ME WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO FORTY YEAR OLDS. Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Okay, my debt is paid. Back to the beach. I am on vacation after all…

I know I am going to come under psychic attack for this episode but so be it. I have my harpies at the ready! So this forum is for people who believe hardcore in the paranormal and hidden world. We’re talking spells. We’re talking spirits. We’re talking black magicks. The whole kit’n’kaboddle. So please imagine me in a healing glow and pray a special pray (with special double luck candle) for me as I delve into the forums of Creepy Hollows EXTRA BONUS CONTENTAROONY! Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share Lou Reads with everyone you know! //

Everyone gets dumped. If you haven’t been dumped its either because you’re some kind of insecure jerk who always dumps people before they dump you or you’re some kind of unwanted gross person who no one wanted in the first place. WHY ARE YOU SO GROSS!? If you’re not one of those equally awful things then chances are you’ve been dumped. This episode of Lou Reads deals with true break-up stories. Sometimes its been a painless event and for the best. Other times its been a full on nightmare comprised of vengeance, pain and general hurting. Won’t you join me in marveling at the intricate dance between men and women as they end their relationships. Sorry, no bonus content this episode. Next time, I swear… please don’t break up with me!!!! //

You asked for it and now you got it. I have finally ventured into the wilds of Reddit to search out something good to read! Thanks to the many suggestions of you loyal listeners I was able to bypass the one million imgur images submitted daily and found some great stuff. So in this inaugural Reddit Lou Reads we’ll be hearing the true tales of Redditors admitting their own creepy behaviors. Images related to the podcast! Can you tell which story they are from? Thanks to listener John Jackson for showing me the SA thread about Reddit to help me get started and find some good stuff!

Finally a place for ladies to go and talk about lady stuff. EWW! Well not just lady stuff… really people go to FemaleFirst.Co.UK to talk about all kinds of dumb stuff. And you can rest assured that they are talking a ton! I barely even scratched the surface and there was so much more to read. It’ll have to wait for another time and I promise there will be another time. Keep being crazy, people. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads and as promised, your bonus content. It involves the delightful story of a brother and sister who decide to have babies together and all the details of how they went about it. Its really… special? Finally, please take some time and visit Lou Reads Official Sponsor Adam & Eve. Thy have a ton of amazing deals on great sex toys, movies and more. Use the code LOUREADS when you check out and you’ll save 50% off almost any item! Three Free Adult Movies DVD a Free Gift and Free Shipping! Check’em out! Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Super finally: The band BATTLES put some of my videos in their YOUTUBE PLAYLIST. Big ups to BATTLES for exposing their fans to my videos. Now if I can only talk them into letting me read for them live to open their shows!

Welcome! Welcome to the forum that made me feel like puking every step of the way. That’s right! You heard it here first! As you’ll soon hear I thought I might have met my match here in the bowels of the CumOnFood.net forums. That’s right. A forum… about people… who want to cum on food and eat it or have other people eat it… I won’t belabor the point. This episode is gross! I hope you find the strength to make it to the end and I apologize in advance if it makes you vomit. This episode is so that I recommend not eating while listening. As promised, here is the extra gross Extra Content! First, the photo that made me cry for my brain… And second, the extra readings from the forum… Enjoy… if that’s the right word for what is happening here… I am no longer sure… Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Hey there, true believers! Are you ready for some tales of eight legged wonders? How about stories about owning poisonous centipedes? How about the best way to handle your spiders? Are you man enough to do it barehanded? Or will you need to cool them down in the fridge first? Huh? YOU PUSSY! This weeks episode is all about lovers of arachnids and arthropods who weave their posts on the Arachnoboards. I apologize in advance for its length. I was caught in the trap of the dreaded Podcast Spider! Worth 48 Hours of Searing Pain, Fershur! Sorry… thats a face (is it a face?) only a mama ‘pede could love! //

Whattup Cuzzin? You heard about the forum where people in gangs can get together to shoot the shit about gang related topics? Oh, you ain’t? It’s called The Hood Up and its a place where you can kick back, relax and have a discussion with gang members all across the country. Well, good luck with this episode of Lou Reads. It’s all crazy gang talk. I’m not exaggerating when I say this was a hard one to read. Not because of the contents offensiveness but just because the slang and spelling were so crazy that I kept tripping up. I hope it you enjoy it! If you do, you can join my gang! Editorial note: There are no recipes on the site unless you count the recipe for Sugar Butt… You’ll know what I am talking out soon enough… //

Oh Brother… Where to begin… My understanding of the “Tea Party” is that it was started to express outrage at Government spending and taxation deemed out of control. Why this only popped up once Obama was in office and not during the Bush years when the spending was out of control is beyond me. Please don’t suggest its because he’s black. THAT WOULD BE CRAZY! Anyway, so there are a lot of these forums out in sigh-berspace but I chose this one for no particular reason. Its full of the usual nonsense that you find on the White Power sites. Especially sad is their constant pining for the “good old days” which are invariably the 1950’s & 60’s. Equally sad is the seemingly endless amount this junk is driven by religious dogma and just the same flailing to hold onto a bygone way of life. All this culminates in the most delicious nonsensical rage possible. Enough dissecting this nonsense. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the Forums of Tea Party Nation… Bonus material: I had to join this horrible Tea Party site for the next episode of my podcast. This lady sent me a video with the following message: I’m new to TPN so I thought I would start trying to get to know like-minded folks on here. A friend of mine, who’s a comedienne, and I are “underground” Conservatives in Hollywood…that can be a real treat as I’m sure you can imagine! Nice to e-meet you! If you’re on Facebook as well, check out The Right View Undercover and if you’d like to have a laugh, here’s our video we shot at a Union march/rally downtown LA! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyGm9tHBf1w I defy you to have a laugh at anything in this video… All the classic reasons why Conservative humor falls flat. //

Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . Now, these people set up this nice new forum so they could escape from persecution at a less tolerant forum. Sadly someone told me about it and I decided to read all about it. Now, in the name of fairness I’m including an episode of the MLP:FiM in this post. See if you can resist the allure of the cuteness of… of… PONIES! As you’ll find out in the podcast there are quite a few people who are crazy about this cartoon! And as promised I found a horrible post to read for you guys from one of the other forums. Warning: This story is really a downer on many levels. However it does involve in a very odd way. I don’t know if “Enjoy” is the right term… but its all I got. ENJOY! Thanks for stopping by the blog! Make sure your rate the show on iTunes and tell everyone you know that they need to hear all about the stuff they didn’t want to know about. It builds character! //

Hi boys and girls! If you’re like me, you hate your balls, or your cock, or both your cock and balls. Right? So what are we going to do about that? Well if you’re like the people on this forum you might put said private parts right up in this little beauty above. Not your style? Then maybe you’d like to dip your dick in some liquid nitrogen? Or perhaps something you come up with on your own innovative to remove your twig and berries! Exciting times for those who no longer want the parts they came with! Won’t you please enjoy listening to Episode 67 of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! The Eunuch Archives. DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO EMBED IN THE POST IF YOU FIND COCK REMOVAL UNSETTLING! Hey! Want to know more about the great idea of removing your dong and coconuts? Consider getting some amazing Eunuch Items at Amazon!

Whoa… wait… what? Did that just happen… whoa… wait… WHOA! Greetings, mellow fellows. Its been too long since I ventured in to the smoke filled corridors of the memories of stoners. “Wait,” you’re saying, “aren’t stoners memories highly suspect?” Ha, you said “highly.” Well, stoners may have short term memory effects about stuff like what just happened on that show they were watching or what they were just talking about but they rarely forget when something hilarious or other wise momentous happens. So I found a great thread in the Something Awful forums about shared stoner moments and then, predictably, I read them. I’m sure many of you will appreciate and relate to the tales within. The rest of you… are probably narcs… Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments!

Welcome to the wonderful world of prostitutes… I mean escorts… Finally someone made a website that has stepped up to these unlicensed sex menaces and had the guts to let Johns anonymously complain about their services. I mean, how many of you out there have called an escort, had sex and then wished you had someone to complain to? Of course, in the past the fact that having sex for money is totally illegal has stood in the way of the TRUTH! NO LONGER! Okay, so this site has been around for at least a decade but still… these hookers had it coming! Well… truth be told the reviews are mostly positive but I didn’t read those. Why? Because complaining is so much more fun to listen to! Also, the positive reviews tend to be written like Penthouse Forum letters and reek of false advertising. How many Johns can really wax poetic about the dirty sex they just paid for? I guess check out punternet.com and find out! Thanks for listening! BLOG ONLY BONUS TRACK!