Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Hello and welcome back to Lou Reads. I assure you that I have missed you almost as much as you’ve missed me. So this weeks episode is pretty self-explanatory. There is a subculture of men & women who enjoy the company of dolls. I won’t pretend to know the psychology behind it. Some people like to play with dolls, some like to not feel alone and some people just want to fuck something that isn’t their hand and feel this is somehow better. A lot of people have asked me to read from The Doll Forum and I put it off for a while but I felt I’d finally give it a shot. There really is a massive wealth of readable material. I hope you enjoy what I found. It was fun to read. I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Let me know how I’m doing with a comment in iTunes, Facebook or with the comment form below. Thanks!

Ohhh… that old familiar feeling. You know the one. The feeling you get when you fill up your colon with several gallons of soapy liquid and then you dance around to make sure the water is loosening all your stool. Right! I knew we were talking about the same thing. Now, I’m sure most of you out there are already giving yourself enemas on a daily basis so this will seem boring to you. However, for the uninitiated few I’m sure this will be an eye-opening adventure down a path less travelled. Join me, please, as I guide you through the delights of Enemaplease.com BONUS: Here is the video I made in college about a guy killing people in a hospital. WARNING! THIS VIDEO IS REALLY DUMB! Yes that is me with the cycling cap. The early 90’s were horrible.

Okay, last episode was a tease. It should have been about drugs and it was all about people being crazy. This episode, I make it up to you with a reading from Opiophile.org. As you can probably guess, Opiophile is a website for people who love Opiates. And why wouldn’t they? Everyone says heroin is great and then they say they are coping with their use and then they disappear for a while and then they come back from rehab. It’s great! Well, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads. Please try not to OD while listening to it. I’d hate to come home and find you like this unfortunate girl. THANKS!

Howdy folks. I meant to come to Bluelight.ru to read trip reports but I got distracted by this gem of a confessional thread entitled The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done. I was so taken with its stories that I had to share. Now, you may find it odd that some people considered these events to be the worst things they have ever done. Especially considering that this is posted in a drug use forum. I mean, someone of them are just kids being kids. On the other hand some of these stories are fucked up! Such is the internet. People just gotta share and for that I thank them. Bless your stereotypically described Cheetos-stained fingers. UNRELATED BONUS AUDIO. A friend-of-a-fan commissioned this reading for said fan’s birthday. It was a fun little read and I thought I’d share it with you, too. Of course I waited until the birthday was over. Didn’t want to ruin the surprise after all!      

Hey guys. As you’ll hear on this episode of Lou Reads I had a series of unfortunate events last night & this morning. Lost over an hour of recording & then spilled coffee on all my computer stuff. To hold you over I hope you’ll enjoy this mp3 of the live show I just did. I’ll get right back to recording some stuff as soon as I can! Right now I need a new keyboard. I’m hoping that my mic & MBox Mini2 aren’t coffee soaked junk now. I couldn’t even log in because half the letters in my password weren’t working on the keyboard anymore. *frowny face emoticon* In happier news the podcast as a new sponsor. SMOKEWIRE.COM is a online headshop that is offering listeners of the podcast 15% Off anything in the store thru June 20th, 2012. Just Use the code poca420 when you check out. It’s almost 420! If you don’t have a nice smoking piece then perhaps now is the time to get one! Also a reminder that Adam & Eve are still offering Lou Reads listeners 50% Off the most expensive item in their cart when they check out using the code:LOUREADS. Its the same great offer. Three free adult DVDs, a Free Gift & Free Shipping plus that heavy discount on almost everything in the store! Support Lou Reads and get yourself a nice bong & dildo combo in one fell swoop! Let me tell you, my mom is so proud of that sentence… Have a great rest of your day, folks! USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW! No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now! Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires aren’t really trying to kill you. They are just born with some kind of unexplained deficiency that can only be helped by leeching energy from humans. Some of them need blood. But don’t worry, they don’t bite you for it. Apparently they ask you for it and they have to make sure you don’t have ant diseases first. Energy vamps appear to just sort of drain you and apparently, even if there were like 20 of them, all draining you at the same time, it still wouldn’t kill you. So… yeah. Anyway… this episode is about these people so get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to about this nonsense. ALSO RELEVANT! As it so happens this weeks Comedy Bang Bang featured a poem about vampires. Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you? To see the original thread on the Something Awful forums please go here: Cuts Like a Knife: Soul-Crushing Things People Have Said To You I apologize in advance for the incredibly annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.

First off, I would like to apologize to this forum for just straight mutilating the name of the forum for the 1st million times I said its name. The name of this forum is Orgasmanic not Orgasm Maniac or Orgasmania or whatever other retarded ways I pronounced it. I mean, I think you’d have to agree that my mistakes are probably better names for the forum but who knows. Maybe those names were taken. If they aren’t then you should probably go and register them and start your own masturbation forum. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Sure, its no Fetlife but really, what is… I know its not the grossest but I actually enjoyed how not over-the-top gross Orgasmanic was compared to some of the horrible stuff I’ve read. Not to say that the topics aren’t gross or dumb at times. Its always amazing to see like minded people gleefully sharing their stories that in “polite society” would have people covering their ears in disgust. But then again there you are having it read straight into your ears! I guess thats says a lot about you!!! … and me… *Sob* Anyway, I hope enjoy this episode. Hopefully next time I’ll have a lot less technical problems!

Going places you don't want in your browser history. Lou Reads explores the side of the internet you never wanted to know about and reads it for you. No snappy comments. No insults. Just reading the comments & articles of the web as found. How is that funny or interesting? Well, you'll just have to check it out and decide for yourself!

Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence… Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too. As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast. DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not… There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page. Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries! //

First, I’d like to apologize about the opening part of this podcast. I should have described Hungry Pokemon as a forum for people who like talk about Pokemon Vore. Thats the main focus of the forum. Talking about Pokemon eating each other, eating people and sexual/eating encounters with them. They also discuss Pokemon generally but the main thrust of their focus is Vore. For this I apologize! Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this episode! More soon! Happy new year!

Thanks to the over-sharing members of the mighty Reddit for sharing their stories in this thread in AskReddit. I would like to commission a study on the apparent high frequency of  three-way sexual encounters and internet use. Are young people having more three-way sex because of the internet? Are internet users more likely to have menage-a-trois? Will they let me watch them? Don’t worry. This is all on the up and up. You know… for science… Yes… Thats why I want to know about it… for science… I’ll say that I’ve only been in one of these porn like situations once or twice. Sadly, none of them ever came to fruition. One time, I had 2 sisters let me choose between which one I wanted to go to sleep with. I ened up choosing neither because I am a loser… I’m so sad now. I’m a good person… when do I get my IRL porn situation… This world is unfair… I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Please tell everyone you know about it!

Waiting tables… sucks. I’ve never done it but I have friends and loved ones who have made the food industry their careers. I’m sure if you’ve worked in a restaurant you’ll relate to these true submitted tales from the people who take your order every day. These particular tales come from the website called igotstiffed.com I didn’t mean for this episode to get totally taken over by this whole race issue but wow! There is a lot of comments on this topic. I barely scratched the surface! EXTRASODE! Originally I was going to read from this Pissed Off Waiters thread from Tribe.net but it was basically dead. I did managed to find some fun stuff to read from it. ENJOY!Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Finally, the new Magnets have shipped! Order now!!!

Hey there guys. It’s that time again. If you’re looking for a stupid gift for someone (including your stupid self) do I have an offer for you! Once again I am offering to read something for you, yes YOU, for the low sum of $5 in paypal monies. Need a new voicemail for your smartphone? I can make it! Need a new recording on your outgoing answering machine? Tell me the number and how to make a remote recording (yes, you can do that. Find the manual!) and I’ll do it! Just want a sound file of me saying you’re a pretty fucking amazing person you can play for your co-workers when you feel like pissing them off? No problem. Just drop me an email at loureads AT THE GMAIL! Here are some examples of recordings I’ve made in the past. Please note: I’ve gotten a lot better at audio production so the audio will sound better than these. Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Look, I’ve been very busy lately. I had to go work at BlizzCon and then I had to finish some paid work and then I had to do some other junk. It’s really not any of you business… Okay, I’m just feeling bad because it took me so long to get this episode out. In order to make up for it I’ve delved into some of the worst stuff I’ve done. Is it THE worst? I’ll let you decide. Fetlife is an online community of people from all over the world who get together to discuss, among some topics, how much they like consuming feces and the finer points of crazy gluing a submissive slaves penis to his leg. My attention was drawn to this fantastic nonsense by the fine folks at Something Awful who featured it in a front page article entitled “Beating a Man in a Trash Bag and Other True Stories from FetLife.com.” Do yourself a favor and check out that hilarious piece. Anyway, please enjoy this well overdue episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Its gross! Love, Lou