Changeable Podcast

Jen had trouble sleeping for a long time.  Seeing something about how her experienced worked helped...a lot. In this episode, Jen and I talk about some of the things she came to see about how her mind and body work, and the role the "insomnia" label played in her sleepless nights. Life is fluid. You aren't an insomniac or any other label you might innocently slap onto yourself. Seeing the moment-to-moment nature of things can change so, so much. I love the depth and simplicity in the way Jen shares. At the end of our conversation she looked at me and said "I can't believe I just shared all of that in 20 minutes!" It's not complicated. That doesn't mean it's always easy to see our way out of what we're in, but solutions are always simple. You can see more about Jen here: http://www.jenlucas.us/sleep  

What if all of the stuff you think you think...is not really you at all? Your opinions, preferences, obsessions, worries... I know they take up a lot of room in your mind. They sound and feel like you. But when I'm listening to others go on and on about how they feel and what they care about and prefer, I often sense that what I'm hearing has nothing at all to do with them. It's their mind having a conversation that they happen to be owning. Know what I mean?

In Part 2 of my conversation about guilt with John Flaherty, we go deeper into where guilt comes from, why it is so pervasive, and how guilt is ultimately changeable. This conversation can be so huge for all of us, but especially if guilt is something you feel weighing you down. If you missed Part 1 of our conversation, you can listen to that one here. And if you want a much deeper exploration into guilt, check out John's book Guilt Unplugged: Waking Up from the Lie we Live.

Changeable is about the way humans work. The way we're inherently free, inherently healthy and at peace. And how, in our every day lives, we don't always feel those things.  We feel dis-ease, suffering, trapped. What traps us? It's always thought-brought-to-life that appears personal and real. That thought takes many forms. In today's conversation, I talk with John Flaherty about when the form is guilt. Guilt is so gripping, so pervasive, sometimes so subtle. It stands in the way of our peace and it doesn't have to. There was so much in this conversation with John that I split it into two parts. Enjoy Part 1 of my conversation about guilt, with John Flaherty. You can see more about John and his books here. The book we reference in this conversation, which I highly recommend is called Guilt Unplugged: Waking Up from the Lie we Live.

Minds do some predictable things. They bring up regrets and past mistakes, they predict the future, they compare and contrast, they fear, they judge… These aren’t meaningful. It's not personal to you when your mind is the one doing them. These are universal mental activities. That means you don’t have to tune in so closely. Really. What if you saw what your mind does as 'just what minds do'? Imagine what it would free up, to not have to pay such close attention to what your mind was saying.

Erika Bugbee is the teen whisperer. She's also the parent-of-a-teen whisperer. Erika works with teens and their parents in ways that look like magic, but are deceptively simple and full of common sense. She talks about liking your teen when it sometime feels difficult.  Having goodwill in your relationship. And how understanding what a teen's inner life is like--even just a little bit--can make a gigantic difference in the quality of your interactions. If you are a teen or have a teen, you will love this conversation. Listen lightly, but listen for the depth and the feeling in how Erika speaks. It almost sounds too simple to actually work, but if you saw the impact she has with her clients you'd know that you were hearing truth. You can see more about Erika and her work here. I highly recommend talking with her!

In this episode, Jason shares a pretty incredible transformation. Jason was put on anti-depressants at age 9. In his teens and early 20s he was a heroin addict, in and out of jail, and homeless at times. Jason quit drugs with the help of a 12 step program, but swapped heroin for food and other addictions. It wasn’t until Jason came across this understanding that I share here on the podcast that he became truly free. Jason’s story is a remarkable one and he’s a remarkable guy. I’m very excited to share this story with you! Jason is now a coach in the UK. You can see more about him and his work here.

Barb Patterson has coached business leaders, teams, and entrepreneurs for a long time. Originally from the Old Paradigm. And now from the New Paradigm. She helps people in business see what’s beyond and before their skills, business plans, personality types, and strategies. And she sees incredible transformation. Not just incremental change, but true transformation…higher levels of success, creativity and productivity than ever before. Barb shares some really great stories of how this New Paradigm applies to our work in the world in this episode. She’s so articulate and good at what she does. If you know people who are leaders in business, please share this one. They will get so much out of it. Please check out Barb’s Beyond Limits Business Summits. They are incredible gatherings where business leaders and entrepreneurs get to hear about this New Paradigm in business and learn from each other. There is a one-day event March 15th in New York, as well as upcoming events in LA and Edinburgh, Scotland.  

We’re at the end of February and I really hope you’re seeing feelings and emotions in a new way. A way that’s safe. Impersonal. Full of wisdom and intelligence. Kind. If you’re even a tiny bit less afraid of what moves through you than you were in January, that’s amazing. In this episode, I share a client story of how it was to watch one of my clients grieve and full feel what moved through her. If you want to explore feelings, and the rest of our human experience MUCH more deeply, please join us in The Little School of Big Change. Class starts Monday, March 11th!

Amanda Jones is a coach in The Little School of Big Change who is now free of nearly two and a half decades of eating disorders and depression. As she shares in this episode, her entire 23+ year eating disorder was one giant attempt to manage her feelings. The more we attempt to not feel, the more problems we create. The more we resist, the more we innocently create new problems that look like they need to be managed. It’s one big, sticky web of judgment, effort, and fear. As you listen, you’ll hear the joyful freedom we both feel now that we see there is nothing to manage for it. Listen for it. It’s not easy to miss. You can see more about Amanda here, and check out her book Uncovery here. And if you want Amanda to support you, join us in The Little School of Big Change beginning March 11th!

In Part 2 of this month about feelings, I talk with my friend and colleague Gail Brenner about what feelings actually are. That might sound like an odd topic. But have you ever stopped to really consider what feelings are? What they are made of? We know how they feel. We know what our mind tells us about them. But if we take a look under the hood a bit more, what's there? Well, it's good news. For me, looking more deeply at what feelings really are had a massive impact on me feeling less afraid of them. I love the way Gail talks about this here in our conversation and in her book Suffering is Optional.  I know you'll see things differently through this conversation.  

In the October class of The Little School of Big Change, an innocent enough question was posted on our forum, meant for me to address in our upcoming group call. It said: "Can you say a bit about how feelings are safe?" On that particular November day, this super typical and relatable question blew my mind. How is it that we have come to question the safety in a feeling?! What is a feeling, anyway? What are feelings made of and from where do they come? What do they show us...how do they guide us through life (See EP17 for a lot on this one!)? What are the implications of fearing our feelings? How do we find peace when we think feelings aren't safe? These questions form the basis of this Feelings February special feature on Changeable. Because feeling safe and 'at home' in our own inner-created experience puts us in a place where change is happening left and right. We're thriving. And fearing our experience...even questioning the safety of it....puts us on guard. Resisting. Straight into our heads. Innocently in the way of change. I hope this Feelings February series helps you feel even just a little bit more 'at home' in your own experience.

Can you choose to see yourself as worthy, successful, competent? Can you choose what you believe? Can you consciously get yourself into a feeling or state where you’re experiencing and creating more of what you want in life? I’m sure the answer to these questions is ‘sometimes’.  That seems to be the answer to most questions about what human are able to see or do. In this episode of Changeable, I talk about why, even if we can sometimes choose what we want to believe and how we want to feel, the way we’ve been taught about this likely creates more harm than good. I’ll share how it’s not only feelings of love and confidence and goodwill, but an understanding of the new paradigm (who we really are, and how our experience works), that leads to real change. Enjoy this episode!

In this episode I talk with Lana Bastianutti and Linda Ford about a topic that affects everyone. It’s a topic that looks wildly different in the New Paradigm than in the Old Paradigm. Confidence. Who has it? Who doesn’t? From where does it originate? What does it look and feel like to be confident? Is confidence Changeable? Or are we born with some amount and we tend to hover around that innate set point for most of our lives? Lana and Linda have had personal journeys with confidence and they’ve recently published a book about how confidence used to look to them, and how it looks now. If you are ready to see confidence in a new way, you’ll love this episode. You can check out Lana and Linda’s brand new book, Women and Confidence: The Truth about the Lies We Tell, here.  

Who are ‘you’? Is there even a ‘you’ that exists outside of your ideas about ‘you’? These are the kind of questions my friend Phil spends his time pondering. He’s explored this issue of personal identity with some of the best teachers in the world, and he’s seen a lot in the course of his exploration. If our personal identities are just a collection of thoughts (you can come to your own conclusion about this as you listen), what does that mean for our problems? Who has the problem? Whose habit is it, anyway? I have a feeling this fun, but deep conversation into the nature of identity will get you wondering… Check out Phil’s book It’s All in the Mind, You Know? A Helpful Book of Metaphors here.