How Can I Say This...

When I was in grad school for arts administration, we learned a basic fact in our fundraising course that I’ve never forgotten: the number one reason people don’t give money to charity is because they aren’t asked. That goes not only for donations, but for raises, for project funds, or any other situation where direct ask has to happen in order for money to change hands. Our question this episode: how do we frame a request for money so that we increase our chances of success?  I’m pleased to welcome Grace Judson back to the show for a conversation about something many of us get tied up in knots about: asking for money. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and resources at HowCanISayThis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The phone rings. It’s your friend who says, “I have cancer.” An email pops into your inbox. The subject line? “Bad news.” Your Facebook feed consistently shares stories of pets who have crossed the rainbow bridge, people who unexpectedly lose their jobs, or parents, spouses, or siblings who are having a rough time. Our question this episode: how do you respond to hard situations when you don’t know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing? Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information and episodes available at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How we talk to one another is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves: our self-worth, our willingness to be open and vulnerable, and our self-compassion. We can show up more fully for others when we show up fully to ourselves. But unhealthy ego, fear of humiliation, and isolation can stop us in our tracks. The antidote is community and connection. Our question this episode: how can we hold conflict creatively in order to build stronger relationships?You’re in for a super big treat today in the form of a wide-ranging discussion with writer, speaker, and activist Parker J. Palmer. Podcast hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We’ve all heard the phrase “jumping to conclusions,” but have we really stopped to think about how that jumping happens? It’s a phenomenon that we’ve all experienced: We see something, our brains quickly search for evidence that supports or refutes what we see, and we draw a conclusion. All of this happens in a split second, without even being conscious of it. The end result is often an assumption, which can lead to misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, or worse. Our question this episode: how can understanding our thought processes help us manage conflict? We look at the Ladder of Inference as a tool to shed light on how we move from reality to beliefs to action. Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We all know people who exaggerate, or take liberty with the facts or know how to bluff their way through a topic they know nothing about. There are times when we might even be that person! After all, our memory isn’t perfect, and we do the best we can to remember things as they happened. But there are some people who don’t have that same desire for truth. They create their own truth, and they’re set on convincing you that you’re the one who’s wrong. There’s a term for it: gaslighting. Our question this episode: what do we do when someone is clearly and repeatedly lying to us?This episode looks at the challenge of handling a situation where the truth is being manipulated. I also offer you a New Year’s invitation designed to stretch your communication capacity in 2019. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and resource links at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It doesn’t matter what kind of group it is. It could be members of a family, office, church, book group, or knitting circle. All of us have at one point experienced the person who sucks the oxygen out of the room by taking over the conversation and basically holding court. Our question this episode: how can we break the spell of the dominant talker without causing conflict?This is the question submitted through the online form by Suky, who wrote:I would consider myself an introvert, especially around colleagues who are not. Currently I work with a colleague who I find is over powering, takes over any conversation, discussion or debate. She always wants to know who I’m talking to and why, and she really worries that she will miss out on something. This leaves me feeling I have no voice - when she is there, and we share the same office - I find myself fading in the background. As an example, somebody will walk into the office to ask me a question, and she will actually take over the conversation either by interrupting or jumping in and taking over. There are times I get so frustrated that I end up walking out of the office. How can I address this without causing conflict?Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We all know that the words we choose to describe situations and experiences tell a story about how we see the world. Are you a partly cloudy or partly sunny type of person? Is the glass half-empty, or half-full? Are you "so busy" or "keeping busy"? The words we use might shift depending on our mood, but most of us have a leaning towards either optimism or pessimism. While I don’t want to say one is better than the other, I’m going to say it anyway: healthy optimism, combined with a dose of healthy pessimism – or one might call that realism – is worth trying to cultivate and sustain. Our questions this episode: what are some ways that we put a negative spin on things, and how does that hold us back?This episode highlights two language habits - automatic "I'm so busy" responses and negative framing - that can undermine our success. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Many years ago, I was chatting with a work colleague when she brought up that she and her husband were separating. The relationship had several challenges, but guess what was an ah-ha moment for her about the root of their problems? Neither of them knew how to argue. Growing up, they rarely, if ever, saw their parents in conflict, so they thought conflict was to be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, the cost was their marriage. How can we learn to model healthy conflict for the benefit of our family relationships? In this episode, we’re going to explore how adults can normalize conflict for one another and their kids. Even if you’re like me and don’t have children, what my guest shares is applicable to the work place, since there are similar authority/subordinate hierarchies at play, just as there are in the home.  I’m joined in this episode by mediator Charlotte Parsons. Charlotte is a parenting coordinator, parent educator, an empty-nest mom and wife of 29 years in Columbus, OH. Like many mediators, she comes from a variety of backgrounds with previous careers in journalism, healthcare and parent education, with degrees from The University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill.Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Watch your tone… it’s advice we’ve all received at some point, most likely when we were children and saying, “I don’t want to” to a parent, or “give it back,” to a sibling. As adults we still have to watch our tone, as how we say something is as important as what we say. Tone takes on new meaning, not just the attitude, but the pitch and timbre. How can we be powerful communicators by using our words and our tone?How you convey your message is just as important as the message itself. Voice Coach Barbara McAfee teaches us how to powerfully express ourselves using our full voice. Barbara McAfee is a voice coach, singer/songwriter, keynote speaker, and author who merges lessons from 12 years in organization development with the transformational power of sound. Her book, Full Voice: The Art & Practice of Vocal Presence, is based on her 25+ years as a voice coach, supporting people from many professions in learning how to access the full power and expression of the voice in service to their work and relationships.Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More resources and information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There are times when we feel stuck in our communications, that no matter what we say or how we plead our case, we make zero headway with the other person. We’re so fixated on what we need and want, we forget to consider the other person and their needs and wants. What are some ways we can turn that around and create a situation where everyone gets what they need?  This episode features my lively conversation with guest Kwame Christian, who offers us some awesome insights on how to connect on a meaningful level with someone – even a 2-year old! – and have a persuasive conversation. Kwame Christian is Director of the American Negotiation Institute, where he puts on workshops designed to make difficult conversations easier. As an attorney and mediator with a bachelors of arts in Psychology, a Master of Public Policy, and a law degree, Kwame brings a unique multidisciplinary approach to the topic of conflict management and negotiation.He’s the author of Nobody Will Play With Me and his  TEDx Talk, Finding Confidence in Conflict, was the most popular TED Talk on the topic of conflict of 2017. He also hosts the  top negotiation podcast in the world, Negotiate Anything. He’s also been a repeat guest on my other podcast, The Introvert Entrepreneur; links to those shows can be found on the page for this episode at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When I get nervous, I can talk… and talk and talk and talk. It’s really embarrassing sometimes, and I don’t know how to stop myself once I get going. I’m sure the other person is bored to tears or wishing I’d just shut up already. But I can’t help it. Or can I? Is it possible to gracefully stop our rambling and get the conversation back on track?  In this episode, I respond to a listener question about what to do when you find yourself talking too much, as well as start an exploration of what really gets in our way when we’re having difficulty being in conversation with someone we disagree with. I also share an insight from Alan Alda about the importance of empathy in conversation. Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information at www.howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It doesn’t matter if they’re down the hall or across the street: being in community with other people can be hard work. We’ve probably all experienced a noisy neighbor or inconsiderate coworker who doesn’t seem to be aware of how their actions affect others. How do we address those problems with the people we live and work with in a way that doesn’t make things worse? My guest is Derek Pratt, founder of 4ward With Progress Inc. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at www.howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There are times in most relationships when we’re faced with one of two situations: we feel a need to protect ourselves, or we feel a need to protect someone else. Every once in a while, especially when it comes to giving feedback, those two things can happen at the same time! How can we act in a way that establishes boundaries while still being kind? In this episode, we take a look at two listener questions: dealing with negative people and sharing difficult feedback with a colleague who’s having personal issues. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and resources at howcanisaythis.com.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In an ideal world, relationships that end would do so clearly and with no loose ends. Each person would walk away feeling like they’d tied a nice neat bow on the matter. But we don’t live in an ideal world, and endings can be messy and feel incomplete. What do we do when we are left with lots of loose ends and no one to help us tie them up?In this episode, we’re going to do a deep dive into a listener question about how to find relationship closure alone when it’s not possible to do it together. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Learn more, submit your questions, and subscribe at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We’ve all found ourselves in arguments where we reach a stalemate. Neither person seems willing to budge on what they need, and frustration builds instead of goes away. After all, what I want is what I want! Isn’t that what I’m arguing for? Well, it turns out there’s more at stake than what we think. And one way to get past the frustration is to find out what that is. What are some ways we can get at what really matters in a disagreement? In this episode, I’m joined by mediator Veronica Cravener, who provides insights about what gets in our way in difficult conversations and how we can best share our needs, wants and interests with others. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Learn more at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.