How Can I Say This...

When we think of how we communicate on a personal level, we don’t naturally think of it in terms of ethics and responsibility. But there’s an ethical component to our relationships that is important to acknowledge and discuss. This is especially true when it comes to conversations that happen in groups or that impact large numbers of people, like they do in our neighborhoods, work, schools, places of worship, and government. Our question this episode: what can ethics teach us about effective communication? My guest today is Yonason Goldson, who will give us some insights on how ethics can inform how we communicate with others, and what our experiences in professional settings can tell us about how to have better conversations about sticky topics – such as politics – in personal settings.  Immediately after our conversation, I’m going to turn to a listener question from Jessica, who wants to know how to communicate better to her fast-moving boss. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There are lots of reasons why we get our wires crossed when communicating with others. Some of it might have to do with our mood, our assumptions, our past experiences, the nature of the relationship between us and the person we’re talking to, and even bigger picture reasons such as race, gender, religion and other identities that inform how we relate to one another. One trait that falls on the spectrum of communication obstacles is whether someone is coming from an introvert or extrovert perspective. Our question this episode: how do we honor our own introvert or extrovert style while being accommodating to others? In this episode, we’re going to look at how a particular energetic trait- whether you’re an introvert or extrovert – influences how we communicate. This is fresh on my mind, since I gave a keynote presentation in Chicago a week and a half ago on the topic. It was also the focus of my work from 2010-2018, so much so that I wrote a book related to the subject called The Introvert Entrepreneur, a little of which I’ll share in this episode. While I’ve expanded my business focus, I still care about spreading the word about how introverts can live more fully in alignment with their strengths and their natural energy. Since that’s not a topic that’s come up specifically in this podcast, it felt like a great time to give it its own episode. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com and theintrovertentrepreneur.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When it comes to difficult conversations, we’re often focused on what divides us. We are acutely aware of the ways in which we are different from one another. After all, that’s probably what makes the conversation difficult! But if we’re able to balance that difference with commonalities, we’ll have a better chance at easing the conflict. Our question this episode: how does empathy help move us towards a deeper understanding of one another?This is a continuing exploration of the 4 Keys to More Civil Conversations. Last week, we looked at humility. This week, we’re going to take a closer look at empathy: what it means, if we can cultivate it, and the role it plays in difficult conversations. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Please consider subscribing, and know that your shares, reviews, and comments are appreciated! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

If we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our values and beliefs and how those apply to social and cultural issues, then we can become very attached to thinking that we’re right, they’re wrong, and that’s that. But remember: everyone feels that way, and the person you think is wrong thinks they’re right, and you’re wrong, and that’s that. We’re left with an impenetrable wall between us that only becomes taller as we dig in our heels. But there is another way. Our question this episode: what role does humility play in challenging conversations? Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When a challenge is big, scary, or complex, sometimes it feels easiest to bury our heads in the sand and hope that someone else figures it all out. That might work with some things, but it doesn’t work with the stuff that affects us all, like climate change. We have to find a way to talk about it. And that urgency is compounded when we have kids. Our question this episode: how do we talk with kids about a complex, emotional topic such as climate change?My guest today is Dakota Duncan, who will give us some advice on having a potentially difficult conversation with children about the environment and climate change. That might seem like a narrow focus, but in reality, you’ll find her insights useful for a range of difficult conversations with adults and children like. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Throughout our education, we’re often so focused on being able to answer questions, we forget to pay attention to how skilled we are at asking them. But our ability to get good information from someone is directly connected to our ability to ask good questions. Our question this episode: what can we do to make our questions more productive and effective?  In this episode, I continue an exploration of the art and science of asking good questions. It’s something we do every day – at least, I hope we’re asking questions every day! – but we don’t often think about how effective our questions are in moving us forward with our goals, whether that’s finding out your partner’s thoughts about taking a summer vacation to persuading a colleague to support your idea at work. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s something that can drive new parents insane, but it’s essential to our development as social creatures: asking questions. As children, we ask questions incessantly as a way to understand the world around us. As we mature, our questions become more nuanced and complex, and our motives are less obvious. Or we hesitate to ask questions for fear of sounding dumb or because we don’t want to challenge someone. We’re encouraged to be curious, but we’re seldom told that curiosity is a skill that we can improve. Our question this episode: How can we ask better questions to get better results?  In this episode, I explore a fundamental element of good conversations, and especially productive conflict: questions. There’s both art and science to crafting questions that help us to influence, connect, and learn from one another. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

You know when it’s happening: your breathing might become more shallow. Your mind starts racing. You feel like there’s a brick in the pit of your stomach. You might even feel a sense of déjà vu. You’re so irritated, you can’t even hear what the other person is saying. Our question this episode: what can we do when someone’s behavior is triggering us? In this episode, I will offer some thoughts on a relatively new awareness I experienced this past week. It left me in a “how can I say this…” place, and even wondering if I should say anything at all. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s an answer we’ve all given and received multiple times in our lives: “I’m fine.” It could be a polite way to respond to a stranger’s “how are you?” or it might be your partner, colleague, or offspring giving you what feels like the cold shoulder. But if we really care about someone, we care about the real answer, the one underneath the surface. Our question this episode: what can we do to get past “I’m fine”?We’re joined in this episode by Matt Crevin, who will share tips for parents talking to teenagers and the importance of teenagers talking to one another. His tips, by the way, apply to communication in any relationship where there’s an imbalance of power or conflicting agendas. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"There are three things extremely hard: Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self." With those words from the 1750 edition of Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin shared a maxim that has been around since the ancient Greeks: know thyself. Long before Franklin, Socrates gave us the oft-quoted saying “The unexamined life is not worth living.” In addition to giving life meaning, examining our lives and knowing ourselves helps us to be in relationship with other people. When we know who we are, we can be better communicators. Our question this episode: how do our personality and preferences influence our communication with others?I’m pleased to be welcoming Narrative founder Caryn Lee to the show to talk about how deepening our self-awareness can support us in figuring out how to best communicate with others, especially in sticky situations. We also respond to a listener question about asserting one’s authority in the face of resistance. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When a word or phrase rises to prominence in the collective conversation, there’s a danger of it becoming diluted or distorted so much that it strays from its original meaning. That’s happening now with the word “narcissist.” Everyone from the arrogant boss to the selfie-loving teenager becomes a narcissist. The truth is, we all have a touch of narcissist in us, but not everyone deserves that label. Our questions this episode: what’s the true definition, and how do we interact with people who sit at different places on the spectrum? I’m pleased to be welcoming Dr. Laurie Helgoe back to the podcast for a continuation of our episode 2 conversation about narcissists and bullies. In this episode, we dive a bit deeper into the nuances of narcissistic traits, including how to take care of yourself when talking with a narcissist and how narcissism shows up individually and collectively. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s the rare environment when we’re completely alone with no one else to consider. Whether it’s home, work, school, or social situations, our choices and actions have a ripple effect, even if we aren’t aware of it. Sometimes it’s easy to fit in and our impact is minimal. Other times, our behavior isn’t just a ripple, it’s a tsunami, and that’s when a challenging conversation might be in our future. Our question this episode: how do we diffuse conflict while staying in community with one another? We have a terrific listener question to respond to, and my guest, Judy Hissong, is the first person who came to mind as being ideally suited to offer her perspective. I'll preface this by saying that while the context of the listener question is sports, what she asks applies in almost any environment where people are expected to respect one another, be accommodating, and collaborate. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I’m all for consulting the experts to learn more about how to be more present, more mindful, more anything that I want to be in my life. They have research and strategies that contribute to making us healthy, wealthy, and wise human beings. But sometimes it helps to absorb lessons from experts that don’t have a single book, podcast, blog, or Facebook page to their name. Our question this episode: what do our pets have to teach us about being better communicators?This episode is a reflection on the communication and relationship lessons we can glean from our four-legged family members. While I’m using animals to illustrate my points, my goal is to take that information and translate it into tips on how to have better communication with our fellow human beings. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Learn more at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When it comes to challenging communication situations, few match the difficulty of talking to highly trained professionals who have expertise we don’t have. This is especially true when we’re seen by doctors. We’re in a vulnerable position, and it’s not always easy to assert ourselves and make our concerns fully understood. Our question this episode: how can we set ourselves up for successful interactions when there’s an imbalance of power?This episode topic is inspired by a recent experience I had going to the doctor. Over the course of two days, I saw three different doctors about a problem I was having with my leg. While they were all pleasant to deal with and well-meaning, they also talked really fast, seemed to focus on one part of my story without hearing the whole thing, and scared me a bit with words like “surgery.” I felt a bit frustrated because I wished I’d had the wherewithal to ask them to slow down their explanations and ask more questions. It occurred to me that I can’t be alone in feeling this way, so I decided to seek out someone who could give us some tips on advocating for ourselves in those very stressful situations. Even though our focus is on talking with your doctor, the information applies to almost any conversation with someone with expertise, which could be a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor, veterinarian, or others with authority and specialized knowledge. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There’s at least one in every office, family, or group: the person who says things like, “Why do we have to do this?” “This is too complicated!” “No one ever helps me.” They seem to be focused on whatever is wrong about a situation but rarely offer up any solutions. And they seem get suck the energy out of the room in the process. Our question this episode: how do we best communicate with the complainers and energy drainers in our lives?This episode features a conversation with author and negotiation expert Linda Swindling. Together, we dig into the different types of complainers that you might encounter at work or at home, looking at what motivates them and how we can use that information to improve our relationships with them. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.