Trashy Book Nook

This week the ladies explore the world of chaste kisses and blue balls in E.M. Tippets' 'Someone Else's Fairytale'. They learn that people should go to therapy when they have experienced trauma, that this book is like too similar to Twilight, Matthew is the worst, and, the jingle for the "Sperm Sponge" is born! This is the first of the "Marathon Sessions" done over Memorial Day weekend and it doesn't disappoint. There are many rants from Mallory on a range of topics from the uselessness of Skype to dry humping. Mallory really doesn't want to have similar traits as the heroine (but she does). Tamu refuses to buy her parents an iPad. Much like the book, they come to several logical end points, but can't seem to quit this podcast. However, like Janet Jackson says, "It's worth the wait." They leave on an EPIC high note. UP NEXT: The Hostage Bargain by, Annika Martin

This week's quickie has the ladies discussing what qualities the perfect romance novel should have since they are now experts after reading eight books! They decided on diverse characters, an equal playing field, and dragons.

This week the ladies grab their butterfly nets and head to Tasmania for Imago, by N.R. Walker. They learn the correct term for butterfly scientist, that bow ties and suspenders are hot, and they get tooth decay from the sweetness of this future LOGOtv movie. Tamu has an epic rant about the non-existence of stomach butterflies and can't do an Australian accent to save her life. Mallory explains her cups of death. Both ladies ponder why STDs are not rampant in these stories! They think they have landed on a new sexual hygiene product that will be HUGE in the future and create a collective noun for a group of dicks. Up Next: Someone Else's Fairytale, by E.M. Tippetts

In their first quickie, the ladies discuss whether or not their celebrity crushes - Idris Elba and Jeff Goldblum - would fit as the male leads in the books they have read so far. They learn that Mallory has a specific type. Tamu tries hard to make Jeff work in these romance universes, but he gets relegated to sidekick status. Don't forget to subscribe & rate us on iTunes, follow us on Instagram/Twitter and like us on Facebook.

This week the ladies explore the fantastical world of bro's and stripping in the Pacific Northwest. They learn that bros can be surprisingly woke, some families share sex tips (which is unique), some bromances are actually quite loving, and Keane is the worst Millennial ever. Mallory has an epic rant about dick pics, friend-zones, and chooses her choice - dating style. Tamu flips out about the overuse of nicknames and odd turns of phase that are used in the book, and wonders if she, too, is that annoy-sicles. There are plenty of sighs from both of them because...Bros! Bros! Bros! UP NEXT: Imago, by N. R. Walker

This week the ladies explore the gritty underbelly of porn and stripping in Brandon McCalla's and Anthony Whyte's, Smut Central. They learn the importance of picking up one's phone, that therapists can be extremely inappropriate, The Orient is still a thing in 2010, that hypnotherapy can reprogram people, and, that everyone in this book is terrible at their jobs. Two unimaginable things happened: a book broke Mallory to the point that she continually tried to skip segments to get to the end, then she AND Tamu ranted about the same issue! Mallory also ponders about fly circuses and what they might look like. Tamu celebrates the life of the legend and her reason for her being in Minneapolis, Prince. There are a lot of unfortunate scenarios in the book and the ladies do their best to unpack them in the best way they know how - with sensitivity, humor, and a sprinkle of rage. UP NEXT: Ball Peen Hammer, by Lauren Rowe

This week, the ladies explore the world of paranormal dating in Bearfoot and Pregnant by Milly Taiden. They learn that time interplanetary travel is tough on humans, shifters of any sort are hot, washcloths just aren't sufficient as after sex cleaning tools, discover bear privilege, and no one thinks it's Paxten. Mallory finally gets a new phone! She rants about about male excuses for not having relationships, one night stands, and not wanting a fairy tale ending while Tamu sighs -- A LOT! We also find out what Mallory's third fear is and Tamu shares yet another embarrassing story from her youth. Both ladies are still processing the logistics of coital activities as well as the hygiene that goes along with it. UP NEXT: Smut Central, by Brandon McCalla & Anthony Whyte

This week, the ladies delve into the world of M/M romance, with Heidi Cullinan's book, "Dance with Me". As luck would have it, this book is set in their backyard of Minneapolis/St. Paul! They learn all about the tango, the art of frottage, hot tub etiquette, and more than they wanted to about Juicy Lucy's. Mallory educates us about the blizzard of '91, which Tamu was not in Minnesota for. Surprisingly, it is Tamu who rants this week about the lack of Prince in a story set in Minneapolis, being a godparent, and hot tub sterilization. Don't worry, Mallory does drop a rant as well about the Minnesota frigidness being unrepresented in a story set in Minneapolis. Next Book: Bearfoot and Pregnant by Milly Taiden P.S. Mallory figured out the team is not the St. Paul All Saints, but the St. Paul Saints during the editing process! Forgive her, she is from up north :-)

This week, the ladies read "Death Blow", by Jianne Carlo. They learn about Norse mythology, discuss the strange dildo-related conversations Mallory has with her friends, and some odd things people do with their loved ones ashes. Enjoy the musical interlude by Tamu, while Mallory tries to prove her wrong about a part of the book that is not actually incestuous. This week's rant is about finding your grandparent's sex toys. Moral of the story is: have a friend clear out your love goodies when you die. We also wish Mallory a happy 30th birthday! Our girl is finally growing up and going speed dating! Like what you hear? Please subscribe on iTunes, Podbean, or wherever you listen to fine podcasts. UP NEXT: Dance With Me,  by Heidi Cullinan

This week, the ladies explore the Earthships of Taos, the intricacies of IVF, kidney transplants, Japanese woodworking (Sashimoto), and, love between a 40-year-old soon to be divorcee and her 27-year-old carpenter paramour in Everything She Ever Wanted, by Liz Durano. They learn that is possible for a 40-year-old to have never flipped anyone off and that no man, not even Idris Elba, is worth offing yourself over. Tamu shares her embarrassing tales of young love in New York City and Mallory rants about something once again. We are now on iTunes, so please subscribe and rate us! UP NEXT: "Death Blow" by Jianne Carlo

This week, the ladies dive straight into the deep end of the romance pool with their first book,  Releasing Rage by Cynthia Sax. Mallory once again chooses a BDSM book by accident! They try to figure out why cyborgs were created with semen and saliva containing magical healing properties. We also learn that Mallory believes there is an AI apocalypse a-comin'. Enjoy her many rants, and count the number of times Tamu exasperatedly sighs because this book was just too much. It's a long one, but it's worth it! Be advised that this book covers some touchy subjects. UP NEXT: "Everything She Ever Wanted" by, Liz Durano

Welcome to Trashy Book Nook! ...? The ladies (Tamu and Mallory) touch on what the podcast will be about, and what book they'll be reading for the first official podcast.   Listen if you want: * Mentions of What Not To Call Vaginas * Minnesotan Accents * Butter Heads   Up Next: Releasing Rage by Cynthia Sax, a Cyborg Romance