Marriage Radio: Real Help to Save Your Marriage

If you have an extramarital affair, you can ruin your child's chances for having happy love when s/he is grown. No matter what age the child is when you have the affair...even if your "child" is now old enough to be in college. Having an affair doesn't only deceiving your spouse, it often involves deceiving yourself...especially about the effect your actions have on your children now and in their future. Even if the marriage doesn't end in divorce, infidelity negatively affects kids. They often view their parent's cheating to be against them. Their security is threatened. Their trust is broken. They experience humiliation and shame. As adults they often fear their own spouse being unfaithful and live jealous lives. Sometimes their fear is strong enough to prevent their having loving relationships. And, sometimes, they themselves become more likely to cheat on their partners. If divorce occurs, it gets worse. Some people say "kids are resilient; they'll be fine." The evidence is quite to the contrary. Ample research exists about the long-term effect of divorce on children including things such as poorer physical health than children from intact families, persistent problems with fears of betrayal and abandonment, increased anxiety in late teens and early 20s, resentment and anger, and low life satisfaction. Additionally, they may participate in sexual intercourse earlier, have a reduced ability to develop and maintain relationships, have a greater likelihood to demonstrate delinquent behaviors, and be more likely to go through a divorce themselves. (All documented in valid research.) In this program Dr. Joe Beam discusses how affairs affect children, whether divorce or not. He will take calls during the program from those whose parents divorced. Call 646-378-0424 during the program to speak to Dr. Beam.

Good marriage counselors are worth their weight in gold. The others...let's just say they aren't. (If you've had a bad experience with a marriage counselor, you likely already inserted your own negative sentence.) We hear from thousands of people every year about their marriages. From those who convinced their spouses to go to marriage counseling, we very often hear how the experience hurt their marriage rather than helped. Is that the fault of the couple or at least one of the spouses? Obviously, it could be. But could it be the fault of the counselor? Yes. We hear people say their counselor told them they should divorce because their problems aren't solvable. Others say that the counselor told them that s/he will help them figure out how to divorce amicably but there is no need to try to save the marriage because one of them doesn't want that.  One woman told us that her counselor very early in their sessions told the husband he should divorce her. When the woman confronted the counselor about that advice in a private session, the counselor said that she thought it was the best way to make the husband realize how much he would lose and that maybe then he would come back to the marriage. Really? How could she think THAT will make things better? In this program, Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Holmes, Executive Director of Marriage Helper, discuss what to do when marriage counseling doesn't work or if counseling did more harm to your marriage than good. Also, they give suggestions on how to find the right counselor to help you with your marriage. They also explain the difference in a turn-around intensive and traditional counseling. For those whose spouses won't go to marriage counseling, they share how to convince your spouse to go with you for marriage help. During the program you may ask your questions or share your comments by calling 646-378-0424.  

Not every relationship or marriage has a major meltdown... But when it happens, how do you put things back together? How do you get past the hurt? The broken trust? The fear that something else is coming...especially when one partner developed a deep emotional relationship with someone else, but has decided to try to make your relationship work again... How does the straying partner get over the emotional connection with that other person? How can s/he learn to love you again...and you learn to love him/her again with the security that your relationship will last a lifetime? There are things to do when reconciling a relationship. There are things NOT to do. There are also "gray" areas where you have to use your wisdom. (Knowing the right principles helps tremendously with this.) In this program Dr. Joe Beam explains why relationships fail and how they can be put back together again. He explains the principles of reconciliation and the specific do's and don'ts that can make or break the process. He addresses both the straying spouse and the standing spouse. Call during the live broadcast if you wish to ask questions or make comments. (Please make your questions or comments about this subject...but Dr. Beam will take other relationship questions as well.) Call 646-378-0424 during the program to listen via your phone. If you wish to speak to Dr. Beam press 1 when you hear the menu. Of course you can listen via your computer or tablet at www.MarriageRadio.com or on BlogTalkRadio.

Have you ever prayed about love? Perhaps something that you wanted to happen. Maybe something you didn't want to happen. It might have been about a specific person, either someone you already have a relationship or marriage with or that you want a relationship or marriage with. It might have been about a specific situation...something that you have a strong desire to have...or to avoid. From a multitude of postings found on Facebook to thousands of conversations over the years, Dr. Joe Beam has chosen three of the prayers people mention that - no matter how much they believe they will be - are not going to be answered by God. Although his PhD is not in any religious area of study - his graduate work is about the psychology and emotions of love, sex, and marriage - he has a degree in Bible. That doesn't make him a theologian, but it does make him a student of the teachings of God. No, Dr. Beam doesn't claim to speak for God. Yet, he's convinced that some of what is claimed about how God intervenes in the love and relationships of people leads only to false hope...and, eventually, disappointment. If you're curious, he's a believer. He prays. He believes God answers prayers...but not all prayers. Especially some that people pray about love and relationships. Is this a program to take away hope? No. It is a program about how to have hope that is real; that is possible. To live by genuine faith if you have faith. To face reality. To know what to do rather than expecting God to do it for you. It airs live August 30 beginning at 9 p.m. Central. You can call in your questions or comments during the live program at 646-378-0424. 

What does it feel like? How does a person get into this situation? Why does she love a man other than her husband? In this program, a brave woman who is with her husband but still "deeply in love" with another man tells her story. She is willing to answer questions and talk about her situation. She wrote, "I have been madly in love with a man I work for four years now and even though I ended things in March and asked my husband to move back, I still feel as much in love as ever. Not a single day has gone by in four months that I haven't cried missing him and then feel overwhelming grief...I wouldn't wish this feeling of helplessness on my worst enemy!" Because of the sensitivity of this program - and to protect her from callers who may not be kind - no calls will be taken during this program. Instead, you can ask your question or make your comment by emailing AskJoe@MarriageHelper.com before the show airs. (Make sure your comments or questions are emailed at least one hour before the program begins at 9 p.m. Central time.) If you are a regular listener to this program, you've hear Dr. Beam discuss limerence. In this program you will hear from someone in limerence with another person than her husband about how it feels, how it begins, and how strong an impact it has. Listen live at 9 p.m. Central time on www.MarriageRadio.com or on your phone by calling 646-378-0424.

There is a difference between that feeling of love and being "madly in love."  If you long for that magically amazing love that is the focus of so many  movies, TV shows, and novels, you may indeed experience it...but not forever. Love that is deep and long-lasting isn't an overwhelming ecstasy but something much deeper...something with roots that dig deeply into your heart, your mind, your soul. Yet that "madly in love" feeling is truly amazing when experienced. In the social sciences we have a word for it; limerence. More than just identifying it, researchers dig into it to understand it better...including how long it lasts...and factors that either prevent it, diminish it, or end it. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam explains what he has witnessed in thousands of people "madly in love" and discusses the three phases of limerence he has identified.   If you are "madly in love" this program is for you. You may feel that the intensity of your current emotion for the other person will last forever just as it is now. Dr. Beam explains how it will change, and how understanding that change can help prevent consequences that you don't yet see coming. If you are married to someone who has fallen "madly in love" with another, this program is for you. If you wish to save your marriage but think it impossible because your husband or wife is in limerence with another, Dr. Beam's explanations of limerence, especially understanding the three phases, can guide you in the process of saving your marriage. As he says, "If anything works, this will work." If you wish to speak with Dr. Beam during the program, call 646-378-0424. When you hear the menu, press one to get into the queue. Whether you listen live or later, don't miss this program.

Do you feel abandoned by God? Do you wonder why He isn't intervening in your marriage? If you feel this way, you are not alone.  But that doesn't mean that it has to stay that way.  There's a reason for these trials and tribulations, even though it is hard to go through right now.  How can you strengthen your faith instead of lose it? Or can you? Should you?  We'll discuss all these questions, and more, in this real heart to heart conversation.  We care about you and your marriage. 

Sometimes it makes no difference if you don't agree with the person you love. Sometimes it does. Especially when your disagreement pulls you apart.  Maybe you disagree about where you live, occupations, religion, money, children, or anything else that matters to you. On some things you are willing to yield. Not this. It is important to you. So important that you feel your loved one is being selfish, or doesn't understand you. Important enough that it might destroy the relationship. Is there a way to find a compromise that satisfies both of you...a solution where neither feels s/he loses...where you each get what you want and no one dominates? Yes. In this program Dr. Joe Beam teaches a method that the two of you can use to solve almost any seemingly insolvable disagreement. The principle isn't difficult to understand. You can apply it with great effect. To make it even clearer, Dr. Beam gives several examples of how people have used it to find a valid solution to their major disagreements.  You can call Dr. Beam during the program to ask questions about how this principle might be applied to your situation. The number to call during the program is (646) 378-0424.

Whether it's done by your best friend, your child, or your spouse, it hurts when we discover that we've been lied to, doesn't it? No one that I know of likes being deceived. Even in affairs, I often hear the spouse who was cheated on say something such as "As much as the affair hurt, it hurt me even more that s/he lied to me!" Would it surprise you to know that sometimes the person who lied to you did so because you taught him/her to lie to you? Yes. It happens. No, not every lie a person tells you is in response to your actions. Sometimes people lie. Sometimes they lie with those huge life-altering falsehoods that devastate you. Even so, sometimes the lies start because of your own actions. Then the lies escalate. They can become ultimately destructive. This program isn't about "beating you up" and saying that the wrong things done by people you love are your fault. Every person is responsible for his/her own decisions and actions. Yet, this program is about learning the things you do that may be teaching someone you care about to lie to you. It doesn't justify their lies...but learning how to evoke the truth from others is FAR better than doing things that may provoke their lying to you. In this program, Dr. Joe Beam discusses briefly why people lie. Then he explains how your actions may be facilitating or provoking those lies. Finally, he teaches how to interact with people in a manner most likely to promote their telling you the truth. If you wish to talk with Dr. Beam during the program to make comments or ask questions, you may do so by calling 646.378.0424. It airs live beginning at 9 p.m. Central time, Tuesday, July 26, 2016.

It may be guilt you feel. It may guilt felt by someone you love. Either way, it affects everyone. The person who feels guilt has little to no peace. The ones who love the guilt-ridden are pushed away...or feel helpless to help. Guilt isn't a bad thing. We actually need it. If we never felt it, we'd have no conscience...we'd fake feeling remorse and true emotions about how we affect others, but that's all it would be...fake. But guilt can also work against us. It can lead us to make poor decisions, remove ourselves from others, cause us to lash out at others, or even do things to punish ourselves (whether we realize that we're doing it or not). When should a person feel guilty?  What is the best way to deal with guilt? How can we get past guilt, especially when there seems to be nothing we can do to stop it? How can we find true forgiveness from others...from ourselves...from our God. How does gulit affect relationships? How can we help those who are captured by guilt find the way out of the darkness and pain? In this program Dr. Joe Beam, author of Getting Past Guilt, discusses the subject of guilt...what it is...when it's good...when it's bad...how to use it for good results...how to remove it when it's causing harm...how to help others who feel guilt. Dr. Beam will also take your calls about your own guilt or about someone you care about that you wish to help with his/her guilt. Call (646) 378-0424  live during the program that begins at 9 p.m. Central on July 12. 

You've done something that you know will hurt your spouse if s/he knew about it. Maybe it was recent? Maybe years ago? Maybe even before you met, but you have worry that s/he will react badly if it came out. Do you tell?  Do you keep it a secret? If you do tell, will it end your marriage...or at the very least cause hard and angry feelings that will last for a long time? If you don't tell, will it erode your marriage from within because of how it affects you to keep it secret? And if you were to tell, WHAT should you tell and what should you leave OUT? In this program, Dr. Beam gives clear and understandable guidelines for deciding whether to tell or not to tell. That's right; in some situations it is far better NOT to tell. For others, the marriage is in jeopardy UNTIL you tell. The principles and guidelines presented in this program will help you decide. And if you decide you should tell, Dr. Beam gives principles of what TO tell and what NOT to tell. If you wish to ask Dr. Beam about a specific situation, call during the program to (646) 378-0424 to speak with him live. Don't live in miserable hesitation any longer about whether to tell your spouse. Find peace by knowing whether to tell and, if so, what to tell. Don't miss this episode of Marriage Radio with Joe Beam...the Dr. Joe Show.

He was "madly in love" with another woman. She wanted to save their marriage. They tried a couple intense potential solutions and then, by agreement, she moved thousands of miles back to her former home leaving him with his lover. It appeared to be hopeless. They informed their kids. They made their plans for separate lives.  But things changed. Against apparently impossible odds, he called her and asked if she would consider working things out. She agreed. It wasn't all easy. There was work to do. She understood his need to grieve losing the other relationship. He understood her need to work through their issues. Together, they did it. Today they have a good, solid loving marriage. During this program, Dr. Joe Beam will ask them questions to lead them through their story...but not just the story. He will ask how the wife could be strong enough to understand her husband's grieving losing what he had with the other woman. He will ask them how their children reacted to being told their marriage was going to end...and how they reacted when they realized their parents were going to make their marriage work. There will be several questions that the couple will answer honestly and forthrightly. However, you, too, can ask specific questions. During the program, you can call in to speak with the couple at (646) 378-0424. The program airs live on June 28 beginning at 9 p.m. Central time on www.MarriageRadio.com as well as on BlogTalkRadio. You can also hear it later on iTunes by subscribing free to Marriage Radio with Joe Beam.  You don't want to miss this episode!

Questions continue to come in about limerence. (Limerence is the state of feeling "madly in love" with another.) Millions of marriages are in crisis because either husband or wife has fallen into a state of limerence with someone else. Sometimes it is only emotional. Most of the time it also becomes sexual.  Although Dr. Beam regularly explains limerence on the program, the questions continue to come in droves. In this program he answers more of those questions. He also takes calls live from those who wish to ask about their specific situation. Call during the program to (646) 378-0424. (The program airs live beginning at 9 p.m. Central time, June 21, 2016.) Dr. Beam will cover some of the basic information such as: - What is limerence? - How does it happen? - How does it affect the person who is in it? - Why does it lead people to leave their spouses? As well as more specific questions such as: - When will it end? - Is there a way to know whether my spouse is starting to come out of limerence with someone else? - Is there anything I can do to help my spouse come out of limerence? And even for those who are in limerence: - Is there any way I can take control of my emotions again? - Why shouldn't I leave my marriage for the person that I'm in love with? PLUS specific questions from callers as well as those who have posted questions in the Facebook Group "Save My Marriage."

Several crucial questions have come in about how to deal with spouses doing destructive things. In this program, we will deal with questions such as: What do I do if my spouse keeps lying? Are all lies the same? Do I react to all of them the same way? Should I set traps to catch him / her in the lies? How do I know s/he's telling the truth now? S/he claims that all lies are over but I have my doubts. What do I do if my cheating spouse is lying to my kids about what's going on with us? Do I tell them the truth? My mate still lives at home though s/he is involved emotionally with someone else. I'm trying to save the marriage and s/he tells me that if I'll just be patient and let this run its course, everything will be fine? Am I a fool to believe that? Is s/he using me? What do I do? I think my spouse is going through mid-life crisis. S/he is moody, depressed, doesn't communicate. How do I deal with this? My mate says if I stop talking about hour problesm s/he will stay but if I keep bringing things up, s/he's out of here. Yet I can't live with things like they are. Do I shut up? Do I press for answers? When is it time to give an ultimatum? How do I know when it's time to press things or if I'm better off to give a little more space? Dr. Joe Beam will answer these and any other questions that you wish to call live during the program at (646) 378-0424. It will be a lively and informative conversation with real people dealing with real problems.

What is going on in the head/heart of someone "madly in love" with another? Why do they do the things they do? Say the things they say? Make the decisions they make? What if a person is married to one and falls "madly in love" with another? How does that happen? Is it the fault of the spouse they wish to leave? Is there hope to save the marriage? Will s/he divorce the one, marry the other, and live happily ever after? That's that the person believes will happen. However, it's not what's going to happen. They love they believe that no one can understand because no one could ever have felt this way before...is quite common. And, unfortunately for the person in it, it only SEEMS that it will last forever. It won't. It always ends. There's a name for it. It's called limerence. The word was coined by Dorothy Tennov, PhD, in the 1970s. At that time it received little acceptance by counselors. Even today, we find that many marriage counselors and therapists either do not know about it or know very little about it. Current research on it has been done by Helen Fisher, PhD, and her colleagues. (Tennov has passed on.) Their findings are fascinating. So are ours. We have worked with myriads of married people who are in limerence with someone other than their spouses. We've heard the stories...we've witnessed the actions and decisions...and we've seen the consequences. Not good consequences, though the person leaving his / her spouse for another with whom s/he is "madly in love" always fully anticipates that life with the lover will be amazing, fulfilling, and last a lifetime. Nearly all end within 3 years...even the ones that believe it will last forever. In this program Dr. Joe Beam discusses limerence in detail. He also takes your calls live at 646.378.0424