90 Seconds on The Verge

Sandy, Google, Microsoft. Sandy, Google, Microsoft, Sandy, Microsoft... Apple. If we had to take a "10,000-foot" view of the news today, that's a pretty thorough timeline of events. Relevant: if we also took a 10,000-foot view of the Northeast US, it'd probably look like this. Thanks to the San Francisco crew for a Special West Coast Edition of 90 Seconds on The Verge. For the extended cut, check out our impromptu Vergecast hangout. And everyone caught up in nasty weather, please be careful.

Windows 8. Gang of Eight. Eight-ball. Eighth Avenue. Eight Immortals. Big Eight Conference. Crazy Eights. "Eight Days a Week." Section 8. Figure Eight. Stories of the day: Surface launch at Times Square: at Microsoft, it's hip to be square Microsoft SmartGlass app for Android released Apple complies with UK judgment, acknowledges that Samsung didn't copy iPad design

[Insert greeting of warmth here] [Provide explanation of today's stories in a friendly manner] [Go off in a completely unrelated tangent possibly related to current events, something from the front page of Digg, or even an overheard conversation from the 23rd Street / 3rd Avenue Starbucks] [End on a non-sequitur] [Reminder readers of tomorrow's Microsoft-themed Vergecast]

"Fantasy sports ball? Back in my day I used to hat trick all the hoops with my sportstick and one time I even tackled a guy and got an orange card for using my ankle in a fight. They threw me in the penalty corner for the fifth period and I had to miss the pseudofinal round of Pretzel Bowl XIVIV." But seriously... you should check out Isaac's role as The Weather Man in SB Nation's Fantasy Football show Keepers — trust us, you physically can't miss him.

Three wise people rode through the desert. The first spoke, "Ellis with no beard: yes. Eliis with beard: yes. Ellis with stubble: oddly, no." After a pause, the second spoke, "you can keep the beard but just shave the part under your chin. Alright, I'm done." And then he was. The third has yet to speak. Stories of the day: The new Apple iPad mini: everything you need to know Apple's new Mac line up: 13-inch Macbook Pro with Retina display, iMac, and Mac mini

Noted Rush fan extraordinaire (and expert photographer) Michael Shane wanted to write the description for today, but then remembered he had tickets to see Geddy Lee wailing at the Barclays Center. It's a shame, really, but it's just as well — he probably would've just pasted the lyrics to "Subdivisions" twice over, and clearly the "90 Seconds..." descriptions are not the place for random prose and poetry.

The darkness drops again but now I knowThat twenty centuries of stony sleepWere vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? Stories of the day: Samsung Galaxy S III Android 4.1 update rolling out to UK carriers No Jelly Bean update for 2011 Sony smartphones, Xperia ion and others must wait until 2013 4K is now 'Ultra High-Definition,' according to the Consumer Electronics Association Violentacrez apologizes: 'I was playing to an audience of college kids'

Not all horseface bipeds have murderous intent. There is a softer, gentler side to the group. Then again, sometimes that side is all a ruse, a way to catch humans off guard and strike when the moment arises. That's the thing with horsefaces: you can never be sure what they're feeling. They have no "tell," so to speak. Thus, never look a biped horseface in the mouth — it won't do you any good.

Lock the stable door after the horse has bolted. If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest. For want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the man was lost. This above all: beware the horseface killah.

"The North Wind and Marty Moe were disputing which was the stronger, when a traveler came along wrapped in a warm cloak. They agreed that the one who first succeeded in making the traveler take his cloak off should be considered stronger than the other. "Then the North Wind blew as hard as he could, but the more he blew the more closely did the traveler fold his cloak around him; and at last the North Wind gave up the attempt. Then Marty Moe shined out warmly, and immediately the traveler took off his cloak. "And so the North Wind was obliged to confess that Marty Moe was the stronger of the two. But none were a match for ol' Horseface Killah and his kin. The End"

Do you know the legend of Horseface Killah? Throughout history, he has taken many forms. In modern times, however, he is a biped creature with the power to shapeshift at will. There is only one constant: his head is that of a light brown mare. In art, he is typically depicted between 5'7" and 6'5" depending on the dramatic effect required. He rarely lets his presence known to his victim until the moment he's ready to strike, although witnesses report seeing him stalking for up to one-point-five minutes prior to attack, give or take, at most.

"Did you hear the what Bernice was told? Her brother's girlfriend's cousin's boyfriend's father knows someone at the coffee shop by his work whose mother's best friend's nephew's schoolmate has exclusive, percent-100 accurate proof that the Apple hologram machine is real and has been in double-secret alpha testing with select members of the public thrice-removed from Apple staff for the last 11-to-34 months or so, give or take. It'll definitely launch December 11th for $379.99 with the ad campaign 'seeing is unbelieving.' At least that's what Apple told my brother's girlfriend's cousin's... "

First they came for 5by5's Dan Benjamin and I didn't speak out because I wasn't Dan Benjamin. Then they came for Vox Executive Producer Kyle Kramer, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't Kyle Kramer. Then they came for the rest of Vox studio,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a studio. That's silly. A studio is a room, not a human. Then they came for me, 
and there was no one left to host the show.

Do you know what fear is? It isn't something to take lightly. Look up — what do you see? Nothing; the sky is dark. But it isn't empty, oh, no. Somewhere (far beyond what your feeble eyes can perceive) waits a dragon, its jagged legs slicing the vacuum of space. You have lived for decades on that blistered rock you call a home, the product of millions of years of evolution. It has existed for only a few years, sprung forth ex nihilo like Athena from Zeus' brow. And yet it is greater than you, and it will see things you will never see. And someday, soon, it is coming home. Know that, dear reader, and know fear — or wonder. Yes, we also have tablets.

October 9th. Tenth month, ninth day. Ten times nine is 90. Ninety... seconds... on The Verge. It's episode 75, which is divisible by 3, 5, 15, and 25. You know what else is divisible by 3, 5, and 15 (but not, in the interest of transparency, by 25)? That'd be 90 — as in, 90 Seconds on The Verge. It's somehow all related, and yet, it's also not. The numbers add up, but in another way, this is all just scribbles of a mad man looking to write a description for an episode... an episode, of course, of 90 Seconds on The Verge.