The Minutes with Mel and Patience

We go through our to do list and tie up some loose ends. What’s happening with ToeJam? Tick. Mel finishes off a story from episode 12 about some sexing she overheard. Tick! Mel and Patience had a sleepover at Macleay Island, what happened on The Minutes Island Getaway? Tick. Mel has a new fight story. Tick. Mrs Eyeball news and eye related developments. Tick. Patience got Mel a present and delivered it live on air. Tick. Things parents like to buy. Tick. Mel bought snacks from a bakery Patience worked at in the old days. Tick. Patience hated working at a Mexican restaurant. Tick. Mel had a panic attack at first job. Tick.

Patience played some loose uni shows. Playing it dumb with Bob Trigg. Come and get me at 8.29pm. Mel saw The Black Lips. No c*nts on stage, that includes you Mel. Special guest Alex Dyson from Triple J! We talk radio tips with Alex Dyson. Dried fruit. Alex Dyson invented his own video game. What’s in Alex Dyson’s spaghetti bolognaise? Patience washes her clothes with nuts. Alex Dyson tells us a crèche fight story. Alex Dyson got punched in the stomach. Alex Dyson’s Dad apprehended a pickpocket in France. Patience witnessed a bike theft. Mel saw someone steal a drink.

We don’t know much about the news. A word from our sponsor, moist towelettes. Patience is really into meditation. Patience wrote to her gym about a problem. Mel hides TV channels from her parents. Facebook drama. Mel had a bible camp next door to her house. We have some work experience for Tyler from Teen Mom. Patience cleaned a wall. Songs about cats. Mel emailed Sizzler. Special Guests Comedians Henry Stone and Damien Power from Skills in Time. The boys tell us fight stories.

Zoot Review, a word from our sponsor Mrs Eyeball. How to sound old. Mel met Terry Hodgson. Patience has seen American TV. Advice from Barry Buttle. Small talk with special guest Lanie Lane. High school fight story. Under age bar visits. Patience did a liquor licence course. Headless mouse drunk. Mel and Patience have both embarrassed themselves in Canberra. Horses. We meet ‘Vicky’ Lanie Lane’s inner moll. Lanie recorded a song with Jack White.

Primary School Stories! Mel buried a biscuit in the playground. Patience changed schools after cracking it at the principal. Mel worked at vacation care at a primary school, surprises can be scary for some kids. Both our Dad's ran child safety seminars with us. Mel had a friend over in primary school; the grass was never the same. Patience went to a friend's house and overheard the parents having a sex argument. Mrs Eyeball update. Barry Buttle had a fight on the streets of Melbourne. Special guest Kate Cooper from An Horse! Kate tells us a fight story and what it was like performing on Letterman. Seja Vogel from Regurgitator drops in for a surprise visit! Mel shows off her year 9 German.

Patience met someone who trains horses with their mind. The Grates got their biscuits read at Falls Festival. Psychic Wicked Wing Readings. Mel's Nanna's superstitions. Redheads. Raven update. Dating. Where should you stand onstage if you're in a band? Mel's mum knows all the cool bands. Mel and Patience do a radio play called 'Hobbies'. Special Guest Ben Marshall, drummer for The Grates tells us about Fourloko, a banned alcoholic energy drink from the U.S. Ben tells two fight stories! 'You're Welcome' our advice segment solves all your problems.

It's our New Years Eve Special! Coffee withdrawals. Patience's big hat. Being Sunsmart. Patience had adventures on tour with Rockwiz. Mel hates snakes. Did Julia Zemiro prank call Patience? Mrs Eyeball update. Barry Buttle had a medical emergency. Battle of the Dads! Terry saved a car, Barry birthed a foal. Y2K in the Hodgson family. Best and worst New Year's Eve parties. Special treat! Terry Hodgson wrote a story about NYE especially for The Minutes. Advice Corner with Mel and Patience, solving all your NYE problems.

Jingle Bells! Patience sings Santa Baby with the Rockwiz Orchestra and haggles over heels. Don't picture Mel having an orgasm. Old people cut off Buttle in a line. Christmas day traditions. Mel's childhood car trips 'a piece of piss' while Pae's childhood car trips are 'an arse around'. Weird cousins and home made bullets. Patience ran into an ex-high school brawler on tour. Worst Christmas gifts received and Christmas Advice Corner: we answer questions as asked by you!

Special Guest: Raven Hodgson, Patience's Sister! Mel and Patience ambush Raven and interrogate her about her new boyfriend. Mrs Eyeball (cat) update. Punching bags. Internet Speak. Vegetable cakes. Avocado sweet or savoury? Roughing up your eyebrows. Pre show rituals. Are you a blue flamer? Do chicks in bands get laid? Advice Corner! This week Mel and Patience tackle vegetables, weeing at work, twitter addiction, haircuts for court appearances, birthdays at work, future advice for a baby, falling for bad boys, and lost penpals.

Mel house-sat for Patience and now hearts Patience's cat really hard. Mel had a trolley fight! Patience loves a public confrontation as long as there are cameras. Are you a good walker? Patience saw things no lady should see while on a lounge room floor in Brooklyn. Mel ate a kebab in the bath, and didn't get action in regional Australia. We love watching Teen Mom. How did Mel and Patience meet? Brand New Segment! Mel and Patience answer your questions in their advice corner, pull up a beanbag and tell us your problems. Special guest Antoine from Canada tells what it was like co house sitting with Mel, we talk high school nicknames.

Special guest John Patterson from The Grates! Sleepy car trips. Tinea. Swearing is fun. Going to the dump. UHT milk tearing families apart. Hotel soap theft. Mel and Patience don't like their talking voices. Teeth and Ear hygiene, pleasure and pain. Dad off! Patience's Dad was a total badass in the 70's with his mate Merv. Mel's Dad prefers to telephone customer complaint lines. Patience has big renovation plans. Whores at Home Depot. Mel had a very bad salad. Patience had a tough time at Hungry Jacks. Coffee ruins lives. Tour stories!

Patience went to a metal gig. Being a dance c*nt. Mel went to karaoke. Cabs or Rickshaws? Mel and Patience have helped others on the roads. Mel vs Possums. Patience vs Bouncers. Drug weirdness. Should you have a drink at 3pm? Talking to nurses is fun. If you like it then you should've put string on it, bedroom accidents. Mel tells a fight story. Mel reveals who broke her Dad's motorbike in 1985. Patience recorded her parent's conversations; hear from Terry and Sylvia themselves.

When parents dance. Should we let our parents hear the podcast? Primary school dances. The ghost of fashion past. Mel has mad typing skills. Patience is an amazing gift wrapper. Do you have any arty mother? Pouring wine for rich ladies. Qantas club lounge hints and tips. Birthmarks and scars. John from The Grates was a victim of a pink duct tape prank in New Zealand. Mel dance battled with cougars at an RSL. Patience went to her local leagues club, and saw a band called 'Captain Wow'. Behind the scenes on The Grates 'Sweet Dreams' film clip. Patience had a McFeast. Mel went on a date! Patience saw some major bar etiquette breaches in Sydney. Mel played bingo. Patience and Mel tell stories about boys they liked in primary school. Patience has written and staged her own musical in primary school and a play in highschool.

Fight! In high school Patience got into a fight on the ferry with her nemesis. Our Dad's gave us excellent fighting tips. Mel sat in the driver's seat of a bus. Mel learned self-defence from a guy called Sensei Doug. Where have you done a wee? Getting free shit. Would you do a tampon ad? Hypothetical Clark Rubber challenge. Patience showers at the gym. Nude sleeping. Patience is the matriarch of her house. Domestic hints and tips. Mel's jaw is ruined. Patience was hit by a car in New York! Band outing! The Grates went to Australia Zoo. No bread please, blowing café owners minds with food needs. Mel went on a date!

Patience had a crappy time making a film clip. Fast Food shame exposed. Mel was an extra in Peter Pan. Mel shared a house with someone who kept chocolate under lock and key. Patience didn’t like John Travolta as the Qantas spokesperson. Mel does a reading from her joke note book from when she was 17. Patience has a night out with Ben Law and Scott Spark. Brisbane nightlife gets a harsh review. Patience has met Lil Jon! Mel reads an extract from her high school rowing diary. Patience and Mel compare their teenage years.