Jim Hightower's Lowdown

John Boehner is in a hot huff, fuming so furiously that he'd be red-faced were it not for that eerie, orange-toned tan that he constantly has. The Republican House Speaker is angry that President Obama won't play BoehnerBall with him in their ongoing altercation over ways to reduce the federal deficit. The GOP leader's pitch to Obama is that the deficit hole should be filled by cutting government spending and eliminating some tax deductions – not, most emphatically NOT, by increasing taxes on corporations and the rich, even by so little as a dime. But this is an Eephus pitch, a sucker ball. The trick is that Boehner & Company want Democrats and the general public to agree to massive cuts – without telling us which programs and deductions they would sacrifice. So far, Obama is refusing to go for this game of BoehnerBall, instead standing firm and calmly saying to him: If you want to spare the rich any burden and only cut back on regular folks, don't expect me to do your dirty work for you – make your pitch and take political responsibility for the pain you would cause. Oh, the huffing and puffing that ensued. "We've put a serious offer on the table," wailed Boehner to the right-wing friendlies interviewing him on Fox TV. Only... he hadn't. Not one specific cut had been named. So Obama still refused to be suckered into playing Boehner's game. With polls showing rising public scorn for his pitiful performance, Boehner has finally been forced to try another pitch. But even with a do-over, he balked! His latest proposal cuts $1.2 trillion from federal programs and eliminates $800 billion in tax exemptions – but still doesn't tell us which ones. As Casey Stengel asked the players of a terrible ball club he once managed: "Can't anyone here play this game?"

Those who say we should run government like a business must not be frequent flyers. Flying, which was once a fairly good experience, now amounts to being herded, harassed, barked at, and squeezed – while being dunned every step of the way for onerous fees. Make a reservation? Do it yourself, or pay extra. Check a bag? The fee for that is so pricey that most passengers have had to turn themselves into mules, toting their full load on board – which the airlines view as a new fee opportunity, planning to charge us for storing the stuff we schlep onto the plane. What's next – a charge to use the toilet? Yes! Here's the CEO of Ryanair in Europe: "One thing we are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door." After all, mused another Ryanair exec, a toilet tax would be voluntary, since passengers have the option of not using the toilet. Even though the airlines are in the black again and keep raising their ticket prices (three times this year alone), they still keep jacking up fees... because they can. It's free money they can simply lift out of travelers' wallets. "We're all about finding ways of raising discretionary revenue," gloated the chief of Ryanair. Nearly every airline these days is addicted to fees, and the take is both huge and growing – these add-ons will pluck $36 billion dollars from us customers this year, $4 billion more than last year. Is there a tipping point at which consumer grumbling about these gouges turns to rebellion? A group called AirFareWatchDog.com thinks so. Noting that airlines are making profits again, it reports that the flying public has had it up to here with fees. Delta, for one, has responded. Not by cutting fees, but by excluding from its public reports the full amount of fee revenue it takes from us.

Once again, there's a tempest brewing in the national tea pot. We're talking secession! Well, some of us are. Actually, very few are – and some of them aren't too tightly wrapped. There's now a secession drive in a mess of red states, but it started right here in my crazy state of Texas, when someone identifying himself only as "Micah H" posted a petition on the White House website shortly after President Obama's re-election. Expressing exasperation with Obama's policies, Micah demanded that we Texans be allowed to decamp from the Union and become our own, separate nation. BAM – Micah's petition exploded in the blogosphere, drawing raucous applause and huzzas! Naturally, most of the cheering came from out-of-staters, delighted with the thought that Texas and its notoriously-nutty, right-wing political leaders might leave. In case that nuttiness factor was in doubt, a GOP official in Southeast Texas rushed out to demonstrate the intellectual depth of the secessionist sentiment by militantly declaring: "We must contest every single inch of ground and delay the baby-murdering, tax-raising socialists at every opportunity. In due time," he added, "the maggots will have eaten every morsel of flesh off the rotting corpse of the Republic, and therein lies our opportunity." By "maggots," he meant Obama supporters, but I guess you knew that. Many in the national media have expressed shock and alarm that Micah's on-line petition has drawn some 118,000 digital signatures. But, get a grip – let's remember that there are more than 26 million Texans, including 3.5 million Obama voters. So, sorry America, but Texas isn't going anywhere. And, even if it did, Austin has already filed a counter-petition to then secede from Texas and operate as its own state within the U.S.

Remember the horrible murders in 1978 of San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk? At the killer's trial, his lawyer argued for leniency, saying that a steady diet of junk food had addled his client's brain – a claim that entered the annals of jurisprudence as the "Twinkie Defense." Even less defensible is a recent claim by Ripplewood, a private equity firm that had bought out Hostess Brands three years ago, including Twinkies. Just before Thanksgiving, the firm asserted that it had been forced by greedy labor unions to kill off Hostess Brands. Far from greedy, however, the 18,500 unionized workers are quite reasonable and very loyal – in fact, they had previously given back $100 million in annual wages and benefits to help the company survive. The true greed in this drama is inside Ripplewood's towering castle of high finance in Manhattan. Rather than modernizing Hostess' factories and upgrading its products, as the unions had urged, the equity hucksters plundered the company to feather their own nests. For example, they siphoned millions of dollars out of Hostess directly into their corporate pockets by paying themselves "consulting and management fees," which did nothing to strengthen the company. But it was this year that the rank managerial incompetence and raw ethical depravity of the vultures of Ripplewood fully surfaced. While demanding a new round of deep cuts in worker's pay, healthcare, and pensions – they quietly jacked up their own take. And by a lot! The CEO's paycheck, for example, rocketed from $750,000 a year to $2.5 million. Like a character in a bad Agatha Christie whodunit, Ripplewood – the one so insistently pointing the finger of blame at others – turns out to be the one who killed the Twinkie. Along with the livelihoods of 18,500 workers.

Born in 1930 in Schiller Park, Illinois, the deceased was 82 years old at the time of passing, the day before Thanksgiving. Having enjoyed the sweet life, the end was a bit bitter, for the dearly departed's estate had been mercilessly plundered in recent years by unscrupulous money managers, leaving 18,500 surviving family members in dire straits. Indeed, the family contends that the octogenarian's death was not due to natural causes – but to foul play. This is the drama behind the death of Twinkies. Fondly remembered as "the cream puff of the proletariat" (and less fondly as a sugar-and-fat bomb that was a toothache in one bite and a heart attack in the next), this industrial concoction became an American icon The father of the Twinkie was a baker at the old Continental Baking Company who saw the product as a way to keep the factory's confection machinery busy after strawberry shortcake season. Yes, the Twinkie was actually conceived as "food" for idle machines. How fitting is that? But, we humans happily swallowed this extruded marvel of comestible engineering. The Twinkie was the best-seller of Hostess Brands, a conglomerate purveyor of some 30 nutritionally-challenged brand-name foods, ranging from Wonder Bread to Ho Hos. In the past year, Hostess racked up $2.5 billion in sales – yet it suffered a staggering $1.1 billion in losses. Thus, Ripplewood Holdings, the private equity outfit that had taken over the conglomerate in 2009, solemnly announced that Hostess simply couldn't survive. Why? Because, executives said, the company's greedy labor unions wouldn't take paycuts to save it. Wait a minute, the bereaved love ones are to blame? Holy Agatha Christie, that can't be right! Tune in tomorrow for the real story of: "Who Killed The Twinkie?"

Now, we must consider the forthcoming celebrations in Washington for President Obama's January inauguration. Really, we must. Unfortunately, we have to discuss this national, profoundly-symbolic, public event, because Obama advisors are urging him to privatize it! They want him to let favor-seeking corporations put up tens of millions of dollars to pay for assorted inaugural balls, concerts, and parties. As Rob Weissman of the always-vigilant watchdog group, Public Citizen, succinctly put it: "This is a patently horrible idea." In 2009, Obama rightly rejected corporate donations for his first inaugural, but his advisors are now making a perverse argument that because this is a civic event, "corporate citizens" should be invited to buy into the dance, just as they do when buying naming rights to public museums and ballparks. Come on, Obama – we'd expect Mitt Romney to allow that, but someone needs to shout-out a loud "NO – NOT ONE STEP FURTHER" to the rampaging commercialization of all things public. The inauguration of an American president is a uniquely, public ceremony, symbolizing our people's commitment to the democratic transference of power. To stain that with crass special-interest money is an insult to the very idea of America. And a corporate-purchased inaugural would be compounded this time, because it will take place on January 21. That very day will mark the third anniversary of the Supreme Court's infamous Citizens United decree that corporations should be allowed to buy our elections. If Obama does give in to the money, he should have to take the oath of office in a suit and tie emblazoned – like a NASCAR driver – with the logos of his sponsoring corporations. To tell Obama to keep his inaugural corporate-free, call the White House comment line: 202-456-1111.

“Sorry, we’re closed.” In one of the saddest signs of the times, this message is popping up all across the country as governors and legislators are cutting off funds (and shutting off access) to one of the finest, most popular assets owned by the people of our country: State parks. More than 6,600 of these jewels draw some 700 million visitors a year to their grand vistas, historic sites, wildlife, campgrounds, educational centers, and lodges. Parks are literally a tangible expression of America's democratic ideals, common ground for every man, woman, and child to enjoy and experience. For the middle class and the poor – who can’t jet off to luxury resorts for a getaway or vacation – these spaces offer a form of real wealth, something that each of us literally “owns,” knitting us together as a community and nation. Yet, too many spiritually-shriveled, small-minded, and short-sighted state officials are snuffing out this uniting social force, stupidly treating parks as nothing but a budget number or – worse – a piece of the “nanny state” to be axed in the name of ideological purity. Top politicos in most states are closing many of their parks, slashing hours and services at others, or simply handing over the public’s asset to profiteering corporations: Idaho’s governor has proposed eliminating the entire parks department; California shut the gates of a fourth of the state’s parks last year; officials in Arizona and Florida intend to privatize their parks; Washington state has cut off most of its park funding; and Ohio has okayed oil drilling in its parks to replace state financing. As Woody Guthrie said of outlaws, “Some’ll rob you with a six gun/Some with a fountain pen.” Shutting parks is theft by the in-laws, the political insiders who’re stealing The People’s property – stealing from America itself.

At last, our embarrassment is over! We Texans have long endured the shame of having our goober of a governor, Rick Perry, declaimed as the goofiest public official in the land. But now, we can point to another state's embarrassment, for a newly-elected senator has ascended atop America's pedestal of political goofiness. But – omigosh – it's us again! The goof displacing Perry is Ted Cruz, a darling of tea party Republicans who was just elected senator from Texas. In addition to embracing the full array of Michele-Bachmann-style right-wing wackiness, Cruz also soars into the oxygen-deprived cosmic zone of John Birch Society conspiracy theories. Central to his campaign was this earnest pledge: "In the U.S. Senate, I intend to continue leading the fight to stop Agenda 21." In this world of woes, you might have missed the dire danger that Agenda 21 poses to our Republic. It's a 20-year-old, non-binding United Nations resolution promoting sustainable development and smart-growth plans around the world. No less of a communist agent than George Bush the First signed onto it for our nation, and no visible harm has resulted. But Birchers – now joined by a Koch brothers' front group and Senator Cruz – see things that us normal people do not. "Agenda 21," writes Ted on his website, "attempts to abolish 'unsustainable' environments, including golf courses, grazing pastures, and paved roads." Don't you see, people? The godless, blue-beret-wearing troops of the UN are going to grab our golf clubs, cows, and gas-powered cars in the unholy name of "sustainability." And who's behind this "grand scheme" to usurp America's sovereignty and your property? Ted's not afraid to name names: "George Soros," he declares. Sorry, America, but this goober is now a U.S. Senator. How enbarrassing.

Hoo-boy, the startling revelation that American Airlines has had some of its passenger seats come loose during flights gives new meaning to the phrase: Flying by the seat of your pants. But that's what the top bosses of this once-proud airline have been doing for months as they continue to downsize its skilled workforce, outsource essential jobs, and generally demoralize the people who make an airline successful. Having plunged the corporation into bankruptcy last year, the geniuses in American's executive suite decided that the way to fix the airline's financial mess and restore public confidence in its service was to force more cuts on the employees who provide the services. Thus, in February, it was decreed that maintenance crews in Fort Worth and Tulsa would be slashed and more than a third of their jobs would be outsourced. Tom Horton, American's genius-in-chief, blithely declared that airplanes "can be maintained in Asia or Latin America… anywhere." True – but not necessarily well-maintained. In September, when the seats started coming loose, the brass callously drove company morale further down by implying that American's maintenance crews, who are members of the Transport Workers Union, were the culprits. But TWU fired right back, pointing out that maintenance of two lines of 757s, including seats, had been outsourced to a non-union, low-wage corporation where employees don't get expert union training or regular on-site reviews by federal safety inspectors. As a frequent flier on American, I have a personal interest in this fight. I want CEO Horton to come to his senses and recognize that he can't climb out of bankruptcy by stepping on the line employees he has to count on to make the flying experience pleasant and safe. Cut the corporate hierarchy – not the people we customers actually trust to deliver a good product.

One of the proudest progressive victories of the November 6 elections was produced by some scrappy citizens in the burg of Brecksville, Ohio, population 14,000. Organized under the banner of Brecksville Citizens for Transparent Politics, they decided they needed to speak-out about the U.S. Supreme Court's outrageous edict allowing unlimited sums of corporate cash to flood secretly into America's elections. So, they collected signatures to qualify an initiative for the local ballot, calling for a U.S. Constitutional amendment "To establish that corporations are not people and money is not speech." A couple of states and dozens of cities proposed similar initiatives this year, but Brecksville's unique proposal added a useful bit of oomph to the call. If passed, it would require city officials to designate one day in February for the next 10 years as "Democracy Day," on which the mayor would host a citywide hearing about how the surge of campaign money was affecting the city. After the hearing, the mayor must send a letter to the legislature and Congress proclaiming the citizens' opposition to corporate electioneering. Mayor Jerry Hruby, however, balked at this outbreak of democracy, saying it required the city to take an official position on a federal issue outside its jurisdiction. He went to the board of elections to disqualify it from the November ballot – but the board deadlocked, and the matter went to Ohio's secretary of state. To the mayor's surprise, this Republican office broke the tie in favor of the citizens. Then the mayor appealed to the Ohio Supreme Court, where, finally, with barely a month to go, a 5-2 majority of the judges ruled that the people's proposal was legit. Completing this triumph of citizens' perseverance, 52 percent of Brecksvillians proudly voted the initiative into law on Election Day. See… it is possible to fight city hall. And win!

Politics bring out people's best and worst... and the deeply weird. For example, the 2012 prize for "Stupidest Thing Said About Women" was in the bag for those two GOP senate candidates who flashed voters with gross displays of their masculine boorishness and ignorance on the topic of rape. But then, out of far right field, came Janis Lane to snatch the prize from the men. President of the Central Mississippi tea party, Ms. Lane blurted to a reporter that the worst change in American politics was letting women vote. "There is nothing worse than a bunch of mean, hateful women," she explained. "They are diabolical… double-minded, you can never trust them." Janis added that she always preferred to have a male boss. Speaking of which, take Donnie Trump – please! On election night, he surpassed his own world record in the egomaniacal high jump by sending tweets complaining that Obama was being declared president, even though he'd lost the popular vote. "Revolution!" tweeted the twit – "Let's fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice." Only… Obama had won the popular vote, leaving the Penthouse Revolutionary looking even more ridiculous than usual. Maybe Holly Solomon has the only effective solution for shutting down The Donald's irritating ego explosions. A Romney backer from suburban Phoenix, she was not only distraught that Obama had been re-elected, but also infuriated that her hubby, Daniel, had failed to vote – as though, he had personally caused Romney's loss. Finally, her fury erupted in a parking lot, where he'd gotten out of the car as she was yelling at him for his civic inadequacy. Fury turned into bedlam, for Holly chased him in the car, still yelling, and ran him down, leaving poor Daniel pinned under the vehicle in critical condition. Be careful – it's weird out there.

"Political Boss Man of the Year," hands down, is Robert Murray, multimillionaire chief of the coal giant, Murray Energy. A die-hard right-winger and Romney backer, this one-percenter required coal miners in his company to be stage props for Romney at an August rally he sponsored, and he also pressured his salaried employees to donate money to the Republican's run for the White House. Alas, poor Bob did not take Romney's loss at all well, and now he's taking it out on some of those very employees – and on the American electorate. First, the workers. The day after the election, Murray announced the firing of more than 160 of them at his various subsidiaries around the country, blaming disastrous policies that he claims Obama will enact in order to bring about the "total destruction of the coal industry by 2030." Peering into his politically-warped crystal ball, the corporate soothsayer said he'd be "forced" to fire more employees in coming months. Why? Bob explained it all in – believe it or not – a post-election prayer that he delivered to staffers at corporate headquarters. "Dear Lord," he lamented, "the takers outvoted the producers." (Guess which group he puts himself in? But I digress.) "The American people have made their choice… away from capitalism," he mourned. "We are a country in favor of redistribution, national weakness and reduced standard of living." Thus, pleaded the sanctimonious boss: "Lord, please forgive me… for the decisions that we are now forced to make." So, see, it wasn't Bob who fired those people. It was YOU, you Obama supporters – or, as Murray sneeringly calls you, the "receivers" of government giveaways who elected that communistical destroyer of enterprise. Dear Lord, indeed! Please save us from the pathetic pieties of such messianic political bosses.

What better day than Thanksgiving to celebrate our country’s food rebels! I’m talking about the growing movement of small farmers, food artisans, local retailers, co-ops, community organizers, restaurateurs, environmentalists, consumers, and others – perhaps including you. This movement has spread the rich ideas of sustainability, organic, local economies, and the Common Good from the fringe of our food economy into the mainstream. It began as an “upchuck rebellion” – ordinary folks rejecting the industrialized, chemicalized, corporatized, and globalized food system. Farmers wanted a more natural connection to the good earth that they were working. Meanwhile, consumers began seeking edibles that were not saturated with pesticides, injected with antibiotics, ripened with chemicals, dosed with artificial flavorings, and otherwise tortured. These two interests began to find each other and to create an alternative way of thinking about food. Today, more than 13,000 organic farmers produce everything from wheat to meat, and organic sales top nearly $27 billion a year. Some 7,000 vibrant farmers markets operate in practically every city and town across the land, linking farmers and food makers directly to consumers in a local, supportive economy. Restaurants, supermarkets, food wholesalers, and school districts are now buying foodstuffs that are produced sustainably and locally. This shift did not come from corporate or governmental powers – it percolated up from the grassroots. And it's spreading, as ordinary people inform themselves, organize locally, and assert their own democratic values over those of the corporate structure. Family by family, town by town, this good food movement has changed not only the market, but also the culture of food. As you, your family, and friends sit down for a good meal this Thanksgiving, celebrate this change, which is truly worthy of our thanks.

The sky is falling! The end times are upon us! It's all over for America! And it's all because of YOU – you, the execrable voters. This is the wretched wail of a few corporate chieftains who claim to be somewhere between flummoxed and furious that Barack Obama is back in the White House. With his diabolical Obamacare and tax-the-rich attacks on us wealthy job creators, they moan, this president is out to destroy American business. "There's a tsunami coming," cried one, so we must save ourselves. How do these trembling titans of free enterprise intend to do that? By firing employees, thus sending a message to workers that voting for Democrats is bad for their health. "Elections have consequences," exclaimed a Las Vegas boss, after offing 22 workers the day after Obama was re-elected. Echoing this self-serving political ethic, a Georgia executive told C-SPAN that his fear of Obamacare made him fire enough workers to exempt his business from providing health care. "I tried to make sure that the people I had to lay off voted for Obama," he noted, spewing spite. Then there's Papa John's, the billion-dollar-a-year fast food chain. John Schnatter, the present "papa" of Papa John's, had warned this summer that he'd jack-up the consumer price of the chain's pizza if Obama won, because he wasn't going to eat the cost of assuring health coverage for employees. Post-election, however, Schnatter has decided not to slap his customers, but to slap Papa John's workers instead, by cutting their hours to part-time so he doesn't have to pay for their coverage. "That's what you do," Schnatter snapped, "you pass on costs." Yeah, that's what bosses like you do – and what an exemplary way for the millionaire boss to boost productivity, loyalty, and morale of those who do the actual work that make customers want to buy Papa John's pizza – or not.

Let's see – Obama won both the popular vote and the electoral collage tally. Democrats didn't just add to their senate majority, but added such feisty, progressive new senators as Elizabeth Warren, Tammy Baldwin, and Mazie Hirono. Even in the House, Dems won the national vote and gained seven seats. Plus, progressives scored victories coast to coast on ballot initiatives. Wow – the only conclusion you can draw is that the Republican Party now has a mandate to set the policy agenda for the next four years! Huh? Astonishingly, that's the conclusion of the GOP's Congressional leaders. I guess we should've expected as much from a party so deeply mired in delusion that its chief political guru, Karl Rove, kept hotly insisting on election night that Mitt Romney had won, even though he'd clearly lost. Later, it was surreal to hear Republican House leader John Boehner declare: "We'll have as much of a mandate as [Obama] will." Then, going from surreal to insane, the GOP's senate sourpuss, Mitch McConnnell, proclaimed, "Now it's time for the president to propose solutions that actually have a chance of passing the Republican controlled House." Memo to Mitch and Boehner: America just had a year-long, nationwide debate on whether to keep pampering Wall Street hucksters and tax dodgers, privatize Medicare and Social Security, continue whacking the country's social safety net, maintain fat subsidies for Big Oil, repeal Obamacare, and other aspects of your Koch-headed, tinkle-down, ridiculous policies – and you lost! Far from accepting such twaddle from these GOP fabulists, it's time for Obama and the Democrats in Congress to go to the people who elected them, mobilizing this great grassroots majority to push passage of a bold progressive agenda of percolate-up economic prosperity.