Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Does it turn you on when you think of your spouse being filled with the love mustard of another man? We have the place for you. Our new poly, bi lifestyle isn't just for us. We want to share it with you and fluid bond with you.  SURPRISE - we have an improptu Top Dog call and it does NOT disappoint! Tommy's workout crushed him and he's seeking motivation. Plus we explore what is Amaze and that is the wonder of Dennis Rodman in a new documentary that chronicles his trip to North Korea.  KISS IT!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you wear your jeans high? Then this is the place for you.  Sometimes you gotta get so high you feel all out panic. That's not for us but some of you LIVE for that feeling! Tommy had to throw away a box that something came in and it brought up so many difficult feelings that have contributed to his hoarding. Lets explore his past trauma. A lady gets mad at Wells Fargo and says something that, lets just say, might go down as the all time greatest drop in YMH history. KISS IT! Plus we get into some of Tom's new hobbies. Won't you help come up with a performer name for him!?! No Loose Jeans allowed!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

JEANS UP! We made it - to episode 300. Can you believe it? We never thought our jeans could get any tighter, but every day they sink into our skin even more.  This episode is pure mommy magic. From balloon porn and the lost souls that do it to what the most intimate of acts get you in the adult biz (it's $100).  Plus Jared from Subway and Cosby are both in deeper trouble as news of new allegations for one and MORE evidence for another comes to light - it's not good for either, Rudy. Did Tom get another Double Pipe Classic this week?? Was it something new? Find out! Plus we play some angry on set rants from actors and a new player enters the You Know What I'm Sayin championship, ya heard me? We also recap some of our all-time favorite moments.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull those jeans up, but leave those condoms at home! We party around here! Congrats to those same-sex jeans that want to wear rings too. IT'S ABOUT F*****G TIME!! We get into it with some help from a really neat guy who throws adventurous birthday parties. Plus, what language do you hate hearing the most? Middle eastern in origin? Asian? Latin? We'll explore.  You thought you'd heard everthing from the sweet Thai lady who explored with Two Gentlemen, but she's got more to say and it is AMAZE. We find out who Calvin is and have a new song that we're sure you'll hate.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Call Jesus if you're ever in a pinch and if he doesn't answer call Chuck Woolery. We break down some new Know What I'm Sayin counts, plus get into the wonderful music of Lil B and Too Short - Sup Bay area! The Mommies are moving - just into an office, but it's going to be SWEET. Plus we gotta get these doggies to stop poopin INSIDE.   Make sure the listen to Joe Rogan episode #664 to hear the mommies have a ball of a good time. And it's official Tommy Mommy is shooting a new special in August. Listen to find out where! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans, Jeans, Jeans - here's a riddle for you: What do you call a lesbian that doesn't eat p***y? We don't know either, but some lady is pretty worked up about it. The Mommies have an announcement so big they have to play a new sound cue just to live up to the magnitude of it - you'll just have to listen.  Plus can you have jeans sewn into your skin so you never have to change them?  Serial killers are such a fascinating, but disagreeable bunch of fellas. Have you heard of Ted Bundy? Not nice. We listen to audio of him talking about his favorite activity - killing. AND it's the return of our favorite GIGOLO -BRACE. He has a bombshell announcement and gets down and dirty about a lot of his Ho'in details.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who's the Babe Ruth of porn? What are the side affects of Alzheimers medication? Does performing oral on a prostitute present any risk factor?  These are all questions that will be answered on this episode and have you shouting Oh Yoshi Didn't! The great Yoshi Obayashi is back in the Mommy Dome with enough ridiculous tales to fill 5 podcasts, but we crammed them all into this one.  Get ready to laugh, get ready to cry and get ready to be confused by how you should react during any specific segment. This is Yoshi and there are no boundries.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know what I'm saying, we went to Crate And Barrel and really enjoyed all that they have to offer. It's not just a wonderland of white people things, they also have nice toilets.  Do we have a new YKWIS Champ??? LISTEN closely (and count).  Plus FEEFO is back and he's talking about his new sister and we have to tell you - he ISN'T happy. We also discover the funny adult actress who blessed us all with the catchphrase of the year last week and we hope you'll help us meet her.  Do you like spending a dollar? Do you document it when you do? There's a community for you where people just like bore the s**t out of other people with their purchases.  Be the jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your Mom's have been busy, yo. Sorry, Jeans. Sometimes your mothers are out doing so much they have to delay doing what they love most - the Momcast. We've been shooting our pilot and trying to live thru puppyhood. Both are exhausting. PLUS we have some VERY NSFW audio on this one. This episode might seriously be a collection of some of the most sexually offensive clips we've ever played, plus a new one that's going in the vault.  We review the first 10 minutes of a Steven Seagal film that is so bad, so impossibly not put together that after a 3rd viewing we're still not sure what's going on - but Stone Cold Steve Austin is in it too.  You ready to Fill Her Up? We got that too.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull your Cuban jeans up over your head and get ready to lose your mind. We have the REAL Gloria Estefan on this episode and she is nothing short of epic. We discuss the Miami Fart Machine and the potential it has to revolutionize the music industry. Will we go on tour together? Listen and find out.  Plus we have the original "knowmSayin" and Let Me Tell ya Something, it's really something. Plus ASMR is real (we think) and these whispers might make you feel really special.  And Maria may have finally met her match at Starbucks. A manager gets testy and FIRED?!?! We are dancing the night away to the Conga and hope you love it as much we do.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the great things about our show is that both Mexicans and Blacks like it. They can both tolerate listening to it and not get upset. It's also what some say about Art Laboe's radio show inside jail.  We got a bunch of prison shout outs, you know what I'm sayin? And we revist some of the all-time great know what I'm sayin's. Shout out to Butter and Mr. Criminal. One love, homie.  Plus, how can you tell when an online fart is manufactured? Is there anything that can be done to PROVE what we're witnessing? We make a plea to you, the little mommy, to help us get a return message from Gloria Estefan. Can you ask her to write back to us? And we're getting another dog - this one won't be a Huxtable. Check out our name options on the show! Be the JEANS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We recorded this on Cinco De Mayo so we hope you had a fun, safe time celebrating. We visit some audio of a Mexican gangbanger named "Little Boy" talking about shooting a dude in the face to get you in the mood - Margarita, anyone?! Plus we weigh in on candy bars - are you an immigrant or do you eat what people born 'round these parts eat? We got that Chris Gaines doc you know you wanna hear - Do you LIKE THAT? And it turns out vocal fry isn't just frustrating to friends and family - employers hate it too.  Farts? We got those too.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's true that Choosy Mom's Choose Jif, but REAL Mom's do too. Are you REAL?? ChristJeansa and Tommy return from his birth city and they have some stories. Plane dumps and did you know that coconut butter can be used as a lubricant? Tom's family has tested it.  Pastor Manning lets us inside Starbucks secrets - just how much semen are they putting in your drink?  We have highlights from our LIVE show in Cincy with Geoff Tate AKA Denim on Denim AKA Hot Dogs and Gatorade for LYFE. You'll find out how many hot dogs he's been eating.  We haven't heard back yet from Gloria Estefan, but we're hoping by putting our song out there that she will respond soon.  Love,  The Miami Fart Machine Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Be careful if you like to drink Starbucks like the mommies do. There's a secret that we've all just learned of and that is that Starbucks coffees and lattes CAN get you pregnant! It's true. Pastor Manning has informed us to just be careful because there are gay men masturbating into your drinks at Starbucks and that's why it's delicious but also dangerous.  Who knew that Shane Lee could be such a polarizing figure?!? We dive into some of the emails from listeners - some weren't too happy with us! Plus is #WipeGate ever REALLY over? This time our closest family and friends weigh in. What does Maria say? Cousin Juli? Even Charo lets us know what time it is.  And the debut of the Miami Fart Machine will surely have you whistling this hit for days to come. Do we have one the top selling artists of all time on the phone? Si, Senora! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Shane Lee's world and we're all just hanging out around him.  If angels do exist there's no question that Mr. Lee is one of them. With a voice so pitch perfect you'll find yourself questioning what is art, what is soul, what is beauty? The answer: it's Shane Lee.  In this episode we dive deep in to Lee's world and range of other-worldly talent. We also reveal some very sad, yet unavoidable news to the world of adult entertainment. Get your kleenex ready - you'll be wiping up more than usual.  Plus Ghost Kru and Obe1 are back with tracks that honor, who else, Shane Lee.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices