Summary: Is non-consensual pornography use within a relationship a form a sexual coercion? What do both sides say about this issue? We unpack some important aspects of this topic!<br> <br> Karen, a victim of betrayal trauma and a therapist, states,<br> "I discovered that my husband had been unfaithful and it was a slow, leaky discovery. In reality, there was sexual addiction, acting out, affairs, and exchanging of photographs. I did not have the awareness to know the extent of the emotional abuse that was occurring."<br> Pornography Is Sexually Coercive<br> Many women do not realize that they are even being abused in these ways that are more covert and less obvious. This is how and why the abuse continues to thrive.<br> <br> Karen continues,<br> "Once I found out more information I was in absolute shock. There is some level of shame in being a victim. It is a really difficult thing to identify yourself as a victim. It was a slow awakening for me. I realized that I had been in freeze mode for many years; it is paralysis. You can be in a situation where you are emotionally and psychologically abused and you really do not identify it. It is so insidious. I did end up recognizing his behavior as being cyclic and set boundaries to disengage and keep myself safe."<br> But often times the implementation of boundaries can escalate abusive behaviors. In Karen's case, this was true,<br> "He continued to escalate further and further when he was not getting way. He used my boundaries to justify himself. In addiction, addicts will twist and justify the behavior but the driving force is addiction."<br> Sexual Coercion Must Not Be Accepted In Any Form<br> Anne, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, states,<br> "Abusers will use your boundaries against you. They will blame you for his choices and his actions. On top of that, the societal scripts seem to justify getting needs met and it often is not put in the context of abuse. So it remains unrecognized."<br> Karen agrees,<br> "Viewing sex as a need that must be met feeds into the entitlement that men have. Feminism is not about becoming like men and imitating what they do; it is about being able to become who we are as women. We want a sex-positive culture, which means we want to acknowledge that we have desires and it is ok to honor those. It does not mean that we imitate toxic masculinity."<br> Sexual Coercion Can Be Subtle But Damaging<br> Anne adds,<br> "It also does not mean that we pattern our sexuality after pornography. That is the most unhealthy. The sex-positive movement is being used in a way that is abusive and unhealthy. It is a form of spiritual bypass. Not accepting pornography does not make me sex-negative. It makes me healthy. This is a false dichotomy."<br> Karen shares her thoughts on this issue of the many treatment programs that deal with problematic sexual behavior,<br> "Pornography is exploitative and abusive. Abusiveness is a major component of sex addiction. People who use substances are abusing a substance. People who use pornography are using and abusing other people. The addiction treatment industry itself it is not addressing it. There is so much stigma around addiction that they fail to understand and treat the abusive component to the addiction. They want to stop the behavior but do not want to acknowledge the harm it causes to women and children. This only enables the addict to further abuse."<br> Women's Boundaries Should Be Respected And Not Coerced<br> It is an issue that Anne has seen over and over again,<br> "It is an obvious and misogynistic form of victim-blaming. Women are not kept safe, they are not even being treated with respect by trained professionals."<br> So, is pornography sexual coercion? Karen says yes,<br> "Any form of porn in your relationship after you have asked for it not to be is a form of sexual coercion. Women absolutely have the right to say what type of sexual exp...
