Summary: Many women do not realize the situation they are in is actually abusive. When they do realize it is an abusive cycle and they start setting boundaries, in some cases, the abuse by their husband or partner escalates. Their own trauma also increases because they understand what is happening. As Anne, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery states,<br> "When women first start this journey, they may not realize it is abuse that they are experiencing. They may think it is an anger problem or porn problem. But as she learns more and realizes it is abuse, the trauma becomes greater."<br> Church Clergy Are Often Not Trained Appropriately<br> June, who shared<a href="https://www.btr.org/june-parenting-special-needs-children-in-an-abusive-relationship/"> her story</a> last week of raising children with special needs while in abusive relationship, explains that she did not realize she was even experiencing abuse. This is frequently the case when women are in abusive cycles that are covert and cleverly hidden. June states,<br> "Throughout our dating and our marriage, abuse was present all along. I reached out to my family and friends and no one picked up on what this was. Looking back, there was an abusive episode, then love bombing, then the honeymoon phase, the tension building phase and then another abusive episode. I became so invested in how things were during the love bombing and honeymoon phase, that I would stay each time the abuse happened."<br> Church Clergy Can Not Deal Effectively With Abuse<br> Anne states,<br> "If you start down this path of setting boundaries and things get worse, know that you can do this and you are strong. Your safety is the most important thing."<br> Nevertheless, it is difficult for women sometimes to overlook the good phases of the relationship and focus on their own safety. June explains,<br> "Normal for our relationship was a lot of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological manipulation and even spiritual abuse. I was constantly in a state of confusion. BTR was a beacon of light to me in my situation. It helped give me language for what I was feeling and be able to label my situation as abusive."<br> Church Clergy Should Not Be Discussing Marriage Issues When It Comes To Abuse<br> Lundy Bancroft discusses this element of abusive men in his book, Why Does He Do That? He points out how boundaries can cause abuse to escalate in cases where the men feel especially entitled to treating women however they want. They fail to see women as equals, and instead see her as existing to fulfill a purpose for him. June explains how the abusive cycle is unrecognizable to someone who lives in it,<br> "I was lead to believe I needed to get married with the culture I was raised in. I was young and naive. He came across as a great guy. But there were red flags the entire time. If i could go back, I would pay attention to the red flags that were present all along the way. We want to believe the best in people and these are men that we love. We take them at their word because we want to believe it."<br> When June finally started to realize she was being subjected to horrible abuse, she started therapy to get some support. Her husband also went to his own therapist during this time. She recalls,<br> "I went to the library and researched everything I could on domestic violence and abuse. I became empowered and his behavior escalated. My therapist picked up right away that I was in an abusive cycle. His therapist, on the other hand, who claimed to treat sexual addiction, did not."<br> Women Should Take Great Caution In Meeting With Church Clergy<br> Anne see this situation often as professionals in the field of sexual addiction sometimes fail to even consider the safety of the betrayed partners. She says,<br> "We have noticed that sexual addiction experts do not identify the behaviors as abuse. It is really concerning because they are not keeping women safe."<br>
