Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> While there are many similar symptoms, betrayal trauma looks different for everyone. This is one woman’s story of how she experiences betrayal trauma.<br> What Does Betrayal Trauma Look Like?<br> “I wanted to talk about what betrayal trauma feels like for me. I had never heard about betrayal trauma before. When I first found out about my husband's addiction three years ago, I went deep into trauma, but I didn't have a word for it. For me it just felt like anger, a lot of intense anger. I had never been a “swearer” before, but when I’m in trauma mode I turn into a sailor and swear a lot.<br> “A lot of anger, a lot of guilt—that’s what it felt like for me. When I first came across this feeling after D-Day [discovery/disclosure day] I tried to cope with the situation by freezing. I just froze. I did nothing. I pretended that everything was hunky-dory, completely ignoring the fact that my husband betrayed me. I lived in freeze mode for a good two years.”<br> Within those two years, she’d had another baby. Around this time, she started experiencing anxiety attacks, that, she feels, were intensified by the trauma. After her baby was born, she also experienced postpartum depression and other mental health issues. She started taking medication for her anxiety and depression.<br> Betrayal Trauma Can Cause Mental Health Issues<br> Now she can look back and connect her mental health issues with her unprocessed trauma.<br> “I experienced anxiety, depression, headaches, and insomnia. When I'm in trauma mode I cannot sleep at all. It is so hard for me to fall asleep. My brain just thinks and thinks and thinks and thinks and it’s really hard for me to shut it off.<br> “I remember the first time I heard about betrayal trauma. It was when I first started attending a support group. I remember they were using all these words like boundaries, triggers and betrayal trauma and I thought, ‘What is this foreign language? I don’t know what they are talking about!’”<br> As she learned more about betrayal trauma, the more she realized she desperately needed help. She felt validated because the anger, guilt and anxiety wasn’t just her going crazy like she had thought.<br> She also realized that she wasn’t alone in her feelings and symptoms. It was very validating for her to know this.<br> There’s a line in the script that they read at the beginning of their support group meetings that describes how she feels when she is in trauma.<br> “Without spiritual help, living with, or having lived with, a sex addict is too much for most of us. We become nervous, irritable, and unreasonable; our thinking becomes confused, and our perspective distorted.”<br> She goes on to say, “I love that we get to read that weekly in our meetings to kind of remind us how that feels, and then we can go on and talk about how we can overcome that.”<br> Attending Support Groups Can Help You Identify Your Trauma<br> “Now that I have been in good recovery for about 10 months now. It kind of changes the betrayal trauma. I mean I still get in that trauma mode, but now I find more often, than not, I’m able to recognize it more quickly. I used to go weeks without realizing I was in trauma mode.<br> “The more into recovery I go the sooner I am able to recognize that I am in trauma mode and I’m able to kind of track back the days or the hours and pinpoint what the trigger was that started it.
