Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> We have Sidreis, author of the recovery blog <a href="http://www.bythelightofgrace.com/">By The Light of Grace</a>, here at Betrayal Trauma Recovery with us today. She’s also the creator of <a href="http://ldsaddictionrecoveryblogs.blogspot.com/">LDS Addiction Recovery Blogs</a>. She works the steps--even when she’s grumpy! Welcome Sidreis!!Sidreis: Even when I’m grumpy! Thanks, I’m happy to be here!Anne: So Sidreis and I were texting a few days ago and she said, and I quote, “I’m not shiny-happy right now.” Sidreis: There’s this added layer of perceived expectations on my part that other’s are expecting me to be shiny-happy. As if they are thinking, because she works recovery (and because of my perceived expectations that they think that recovery looks shiny-happy) I have to be shiny-happy. It’s this back and forth assuming of what other people think. Using The Surrender Process In 12 StepAnne: So pause there for a minute. I often surrender in my program, and the process that I use is this: I write my surrender first, then I pray, then I call my sponsor, then I put it in my box. That’s my process, and I often surrender other people's perceptions. Actually, my surrender box is my husband’s old sock drawer.Sidreis: Nice! Does it stink? Were the socks clean or dirty? Anne: They were clean before he moved out. It was just this empty drawer and it reminded me of all my sadness and all my pain. So that’s where I put all my surrenders now. And it literally fills up with post-it notes. I look through them occasionally and some of the things I surrendered I don’t even think about anymore! I don’t even worry about them. Sidreis: Because you surrendered it to the drawer.Anne: Well, to God. Like surrendering the world’s perceptions so you don’t have that pressure.Sidreis: Yes! And then you’re free to be who you want. And sometimes I'm, I’m shiny-happy people! and sometimes I'm not. I’ve been struggling with depression lately. Another added layer of another expectation that tries to push me into the shame thinking of, But you have a good life, and your family is so awesome, and you have recovery, and you have good jobs, and you’re a good member of the church, you have no reason to be depressed, so why are you depressed, you are so awful for being depressed. It’s just like dangit, I can’t get away from it! But recovery has allowed me to voice when I’m depressed. So to people who ask, "How are you doing", I can say honestly, "Not so good. I’m not feeling real good right now and I have no idea why." But surrender in recovery also allows me to show that "weakness" if you will and ask for help, because if I don’t show that weakness that disallows me from asking for help. Sometimes asking for help, for me, is literally saying the words, "I need help with this." But most often it’s just creating the space where I can voice it. Going to group or talking to my support group network and saying, "I’m having a crappy day right now. I’m not shiny-happy people right now." Group creates a space between us where I can be honest about that and not expect to be judged or fixed. Instead, I can expect to hear, "I’m glad that you’re being honest about where you’re at. That’s what we are wanting to hear." It's so validating.Anne: Absolutely. There are days where I am very down, and then sometimes I realize it’s because I forgot to take my antidepressant medication.Is It Okay To Take An Anti-Depressant When I Work 12 Step?
