Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> Know That Trauma Triggers HappenAnne, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, still gets triggered. She still has those days.“I’m having a really bad day. Just when I think I’m feeling better and that everything is going to be okay, the trauma hits, and the only thing that goes through my mind is that I want my husband back. I want him to come home."“It’s been over a year since we separated, and, still, I ruminate on thoughts like, My husband hates me. Why does he hate me? My husband betrayed me. Why? “He has the kids this week and it’s a beautiful, beautiful fall day. I would give anything to be with my husband and children again, as a family. I have these days, sometimes—I’m still healing—where I wonder when I will be able to truly heal.“Right now, in this moment of trauma, I feel like the only way I could heal is if he repents, truly changes, and comes home to us. Then the ruminating thoughts come back: My husband lies. My husband doesn't love me.” Reach Out When Your Trauma Is TriggeredAnne struggled with knowing that she had continued to be faithful and her, now ex, husband was still choosing his addiction and abusiveness.“This whole year, I’ve been faithful to my husband and to the commandments. I’ve prayed, I’ve fasted. I’ve gone to therapy, and I trust that God will heal me, eventually. Right now, in this moment of trauma, the pain is intense.“I keep praying, God, please, save my family. Please. I don’t want to get divorced. I don’t want my family to be separated like this.”When you are triggered, you might feel like doing something that could put you in danger. When she’s triggered, Anne reaches out to a safe person.“On a day like this, a few months ago, I called one of my friends from support group and told her that I just want to tell him, that I just want to talk to him and be able to explain things to him.“She said, ‘Because of his current mindset, he’ll think it’s about how great he is, not how forgiving and loving and caring and what a wonderful person you are. It will just set you up to be abused and hurt again.’”If you are struggling to find a safe support group, try Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group (BTRG). <a href="https://www.btr.org/services/support-group/">BTRG</a> provides a safe place for women to share their experiences. Each group is facilitated by a BTR Coach.Boundaries Can Help You Manage Your TriggersSetting and holding boundaries is probably one of the most difficult things we may have to do to stay safe. We can struggle to keep our boundaries. For help, try an Individual Session on <a href="https://www.btr.org/topic/setting-boundaries/">Setting & Holding Healthy Boundaries</a>. Realizing that your boundaries are there to keep you safe from the abuse, can help you remember why you have them.Anne really struggled with holding the court-ordered no contact boundary.“It has been really hard to hold the no contact boundary for this long. There have been nights where I just cling to the sheets on my bed—it’s so painful and difficult. I have held my boundary for over a year."I’ve only had one conversation with him at a soccer game. It was so strange. He didn’t show any emotion, and, as I cried, he patted me on the shoulder from a distance, and brought up strange things that didn’t make sense.“This didn’t, in any way, indicate that he was safe or that he was changed, or anything. It was just strange.“Right now, I have faith.
