Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> ***Podcast disclaimer: Early in Anne’s healing journey, as are many women, she was exposed to the codependency model for recovery from being married to a sex addict. She has since realized that she and other wives of addicts have truly experienced betrayal trauma.<br> Betrayal Trauma Recovery no longer supports the codependency model because it has been found to cause more harm than good. Betrayal Trauma Recovery strictly uses the trauma model for assisting women who are seeking peace and safety amid the chaos of their reality.<br> Anne continues to utilize the 12-step manual for developing and improving her own relationship with God. Anne now uses the trauma model for her own healing. You can find more about her thoughts on this podcast <a href="https://www.btr.org/problems-with-sex-addiction-model/">here</a>.*** <br> When women find out about their husband’s pornography use, it can be devastating and confusing. It can be like trying to put together a puzzle without all the pieces. It can be overwhelming to try to figure out what is really happening.<br> Anne, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, talks about betrayal and abuse.<br> <br> “Betrayal takes many different forms. The most common form of betrayal is lying. Other forms are emotional abuse, pornography use, infidelity, and being emotionally unavailable. Betrayal is breaking or violating a promise or trust and it creates emotional and mental conflict.”<br> <br> The Betrayal Trauma And The Truth<br> Sometimes, our intuition, or “gut,” tells us that something is off in our marriage. These feelings can be brushed aside because, as far as we know, there is nothing that we can see that is wrong.<br> Anne says:<br> “Even without understanding the extent of the lies, I knew something was wrong. <br> “I felt my husband's hatred for me oozing out of him. He tried to hide it, but he couldn't. As I tried to figure out what was happening, his disdain for me grew.<br> “I have realized that, when my husband lied to me and cheated on me, he had to hate me more and more to justify his actions. Choosing to view someone in that light, to avoid accountability is a betrayal itself.”<br> Betrayal Trauma Is A Result Of Lies<br> For many women, the lies are the most difficult part of this whole experience. Lying is the most common form of betrayal and abuse.<br> From Anne:<br> “Lying enables someone to control a situation, essentially, exploiting the person or people they’re lying to. It enables the addict to control your perception of the situation and remain active in his compulsive sexual behaviors while maintaining his relationship with you. <br> “He has ‘reasons’ to betray you, which are actually lies. Sex addicts love to portray themselves as unable to control their hormonal urges, which is untrue. Without lying, an active abuser and an addict’s whole world falls apart. <br> “When someone lies to you, they take away your dignity.<br> “The philosopher Kant said that a person's intrinsic worth (human dignity) allows them to act as rational as possible and make their own decisions. When you're being lied to, it harms your dignity by purposefully withholding key information, that you need to make key decisions.<br> <br> “Lies are traumatizing. When I realized I wasn’t living the life I thought I was, I began suffering intense trauma episodes of uncontrollable crying and panic.
