Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> Holiday Boundaries Keep Us Safe<br> Anne, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, invites one woman to share her story of setting boundaries around the holidays.<br> “V is sharing today her Thanksgiving experience. Many of us have experiences like this, where we desperately want our families to be a safe and peaceful place, but because of our husband’s behaviors it’s not an option, right now.<br> “I have felt the terror of realizing, my husband hates me, or my husband is always angry and irritable. That terror caused me to ruminate about our interactions, instead of taking action to keep myself safe.”<br> Even around the holidays, when your greatest desire is to be around family, we need to set boundaries and hold them. We deserve to be safe, even around the holidays.<br> Boundaries Keep Us Safe When Our Husband Isn’t Working Recovery<br> V talks about her experience setting boundaries around holiday activities.<br> “My husband and I are currently separated. We've been separated for three months. He is not working recovery right now. That is what led to me asking him to move out—because he was lying constantly and was emotionally abusive. I felt like I was going crazy and it came to a point where I said you have to be working recovery or you can’t live here.<br> “He said he would go to a meeting. I found out that he lied and didn’t go. I asked him to move out, at that point. That was one of the first boundaries that I enforced.”<br> V only wanted to have peace in her home. Her husband’s choices prevented that. She needed clarity, so she set a boundary.<br> <br> “I remember feeling so desperate for a peaceful home, that it was as if I had no other choice than to ask him to leave. I was surrounded by trauma and pain, constantly, because of his lack of recovery.”<br> <br> It can be difficult to hold boundaries, especially when you just want your family to be together and happy. When V had to hold her boundary, it was painful and uncomfortable.<br> Boundaries Can Help Us Have Peace During The Holidays<br> “I’ve held that boundary. It’s been very difficult. I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I did spend Thanksgiving with my husband’s family, and he was there. It was very uncomfortable because I don’t spend much time with my husband, other than interacting when he’s coming by to watch our son while I’m at therapy or group.<br> “Thanksgiving was really hard. Physically being around him was very triggering.”<br> V wanted her family to be together for Christmas. <br> “We talked about getting a Christmas tree. I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday, and I love the idea of my family being together and doing the holiday traditions together.<br> “There are so many things I want to do as a family. I realized this morning that I needed to make a boundary about the amount of time I spend with him. I thought about it for a long time, and I talked with a recovery contact, and I prayed about it.”<br> V let her husband’s actions show her whether he was safe or not.<br> “I came to the conclusion that, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t feel I was safe enough to go get a Christmas tree with my husband, He has not shown me that he is safe for me to spend that time with him and that time as a family. I don’t feel comfortable spending that time with him.”<br> Some women find it helpful to write out their boundaries or what they want to say.
