Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> ***Podcast disclaimer: Early in Anne’s healing journey, as are many women, she was exposed to the codependency model for recovery from being married to a sex addict. She has since realized that she and other wives of addicts have truly experienced betrayal trauma.<br> Betrayal Trauma Recovery no longer supports the codependency model because it has been found to cause more harm than good. Betrayal Trauma Recovery strictly uses the trauma model for assisting women who are seeking peace and safety amid the chaos of their reality.<br> Anne continues to utilize the 12-step manual for developing and improving her own relationship with God. Anne now uses the trauma model for her own healing. You can find more about her thoughts on this podcast <a href="https://www.btr.org/problems-with-sex-addiction-model/">here</a>.*** <br> What Is A Codependent?<br> Many women who find out about their husband’s pornography or sex addiction are labeled as codependent, co-addict, or co-sex addict. These terms are used interchangeably and are extremely harmful not just to the wife of an addict, but to the addict themselves.<br> <br> The label, codependent or co-addict, takes accountability away from the addict.<br> <br> You can learn more about codependency and abuse <a href="https://www.btr.org/healing-from-abuse/">here</a>. It also minimizes what we have been through and what has happened to us as wives of addicts.<br> If you are new to your own healing, you may be wondering if you are codependent.<br> A codependent, as applied to spouses of addicts, is defined as a person who enables someone else's lies, porn use, infidelity or abuse.<br> Labels are powerful tools. They can help or hinder us in our progress towards healing and recovery. The label codependent implies that the victim is, somehow responsible for the addict’s behavior. She is responsible for the crimes against her.<br> While it is empowering to believe that you have some control over someone else, it is also not the reality. Sometimes, professionals and clergy use the term codependent and end up keeping a victim of abuse in the abuse cycle. You can stop being codependent.<br> 9 Ways To Stop Being Codependent:<br> 1. Stop Labeling Yourself As Codependent—You Aren’t<br> The most effective way to stop being codependent is to realize that you aren't codependent.<br> Your behaviors are, likely, an attempt to establish safety. Usually, so-called codependent behaviors don't show up before someone is victimized. Don't take responsibility for your abuser's actions by twisting reality to make his actions your fault.<br> <br> It doesn't matter what you did, he is responsible for his own actions. You do not have the power to control someone else.<br> <br> 2. Stop Saying It’s Codependency—It’s Betrayal Trauma<br> Betrayal Trauma happens when a woman finds out she has been repeatedly lied to, cheated on and abused.<br> Realizing you're in this situation is a process. Most people don't realize that abuse victims, generally, don't know they are being abused. When they find out, it's shocking.<br> <br> The trauma that comes from realizing your life is not what you thought it was is part of betrayal trauma.<br> <br> 3. Stop Saying Safety-Seeking Is Codependent—You Need Safety<br> <br> It is normal for victims of lies, porn use, infidelity and abuse to develop behaviors to establish...
