Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> As I work with betrayed women, they often ask, “Why do sex addicts do what they do?" This question is often asked out of anger or fear. And so I explore a little more deeply, and what I find is that they are usually struggling with fear, sadness, and overwhelm around the following…Can My Husband Really Be Addicted To Sex?The meaning of their partner’s behavior. They may be asking...* Can a person really be addicted to sex?* Why my partner, why this addiction?* Isn't this just an excuse for their bad behavior?The reality of their relationship.* Was any of it real?* Does he love me?* Is there any hope?Feelings of self worth.* Is this my fault?* What does this say about me?* Aren't I enough?* Can I fix it?The scope of this article addresses the first of these issues - the questions around their partner’s behavior. I want to address each of these points separately. And in the answers, I hope that I can alleviate some of the pain and hurt that partners experience. Sexual Activity Outside Of What Is Supposed To Be A Committed Relationship Is Wrong, & It Has Nothing To Do With YouI want to encourage any reader who has been betrayed by their partner to understand this - addiction or not - sexual activity outside of a what is supposed to be a committed monogamous relationship is wrong. And painful. And not your fault. If you’ve been betrayed, the one who betrayed you is 100% responsible for his actions, his lies, and the damage he has caused, and the presence of an addiction does not change that. There is evidence that sex addiction exists, but betrayal is betrayal. And if you do not want or are not ready to hear about the addiction part yet, stay tuned until next week when I address, Is Sex Addiction Just Another Excuse?Some partners accept the term sex addiction, but want to understand how it happened. Some don't accept the term and believe that becoming addicted to sex just isn't possible. Let me address this question first.Sex Addiction Is RealThe current research shows that sex addiction does exist, and we know this by looking at the diagnostic criteria considered to identify addictions in general. Depending on whose research you read or what diagnostic criteria treatment facilities consider, there are anywhere between 7 and 15 criteria used to identify addiction. All seem to include the following 7, (and only 3-5 are needed by some to make a diagnosis)The seven are are:* Concept of “tolerance” which states that the amount of a substance or behavior needed to achieve the same desired effect increases over time (or there is a decrease in the effect of the substance/behavior if if the amount does not increase over time).* Withdrawal phenomenon - when the substance or behavior is taken away, definite withdrawal symptoms occur.* Time lost to the behavior increases - time spent engaging in the behavior itself, time spent in the cycle of behaviors (time engaged in the behavior, time recovering, and time thinking about the next opportunity) occupies an increasing amount of the person’s day, and spending more time than intended* There is a persistent desire or compulsion to engage in the behavior* There is a reduction in healthy or socially accepted behaviors, roles etc. (such as time spent engaged in hobbies, household chores, family time, etc).* Use continues despite severe negative consequences (loss of job, arrests, physical effects)* Repeated unsuccessful efforts to stopWhile not everyone who engages in harmful, extra-relational sex is an addict,
