Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> What Is Relapse Preparedness When It Comes To Betrayal Trauma?I hear on a daily basis the deep fear and anxiety women express that their guys might relapse: in other words, that their partners will step away from recovery and healing, returning instead to their previous patterns of compulsive and secretive sexual behavior. So, at a very basic level, I’ve always known that relapse is a topic of significant concern to us women who are surviving and healing from sexual betrayal trauma.Even if the job of preventing a relapse doesn’t fall within our reach and responsibility, that doesn’t mean we need to sit back passively and leave our emotional fate in the hands of the sex addicts or porn addicts with whom we share life. That planted the seed for me to begin asking myself and my colleagues, “So if we can’t actively prevent the pain and trauma of a possible relapse, what kind of productive and proactive actions can we take, on our own behalf, in the meantime?"<a href="https://www.btr.org/topic/what-if-he-relapses/">To see our individual sessions facing What If He Relapses? click here.</a>How Can We Heal From Betrayal Trauma While Also Preparing For The Worst Case Scenario?Relapse is something women tend to fear deeply—and with good reason: it’s something that does happen, and when it happens, it brings with it a whole deluge of painful emotions.For women who choose to stay in their relationships after experiencing their husband's abusive behaviors stop, there’s an incalculable amount of emotional risk involved. When that emotional risk is met with ongoing incidents of abuse, the wounds from a woman's initial discoveries often deepen, worsen and fundamentally destabilize her past, present and future efforts toward betrayal trauma recovery. Women describe it as . . .* ripping the scab off their wounds* pulling the rug out from under me* stabbing me in the back* taking me for granted* betraying me with a kiss* breaking my heart all over again* knocking me back to square oneHow Did You Feel When You Found Out Your Husband Was Lying to You?We’ve all heard that saying, “Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me.” That concept is deeply and organically present for women who decide to try and salvage their traumatized relationships. I often hear my clients say they feel stupid for believing that their guys might successfully change. They often say they feel “pitiful and pathetic” (the two P words) for choosing to stay and for hoping to experience healing rather than a recurrence of harm.In the aftermath of a relapse, a client may feel like she somehow asked for or allowed this to happen, expressing fear that she did something to trigger to the relapse, or she’ll express regret over something she didn’t do to support his recovery. Without a doubt, across the board, clients express an increase in their emotional distress and a decrease in their hope and faith in recovery—which makes sense, especially when their early attempts at healing within the relationship are seemingly invalidated by this sexual relapse and the betrayal trauma that accompanies it.What is a “relapse,” anyway. Is it different than a "slip?" Does it matter what we call it? And what if my husband and I disagree about this?When addiction specialists use the term “slip,” they’re often describing a one-time or short-term lapse back toward compulsive sexual behavior—a lapse that ends with some kind of swift and serious self-intervention. When an addict “slips,
