Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> Myths About Shame & Attachment Disorder In Regard To Pornography Addiction - Why The Shame Craze Is Making Things Worse<br> A recent video on Facebook portrayed an example of how to “not shame the addict,” and, more or less, put the addict in the position of victim. He felt put-upon by clergy or friends or family or his girlfriend, or his spouse for reacting in a way that made him feel uncomfortable, or as he put it, "shaming" him.<br> We know that’s ridiculous. This is a perpetrator of crimes. Someone who has lied and been abusive. Someone who has been unfaithful. If he was really in recovery, he would be concerned about his victims, not himself. He would give his victims space to react whatever way they needed to to heal.<br> An addict in recovery can face the consequences of his actions, meaning he expects people to be angry and upset. He’s ready to have his clergy say, “Hey, this is wrong. What you’ve done is wrong.”<br> When an addict is in victim mode, they don’t want to face the consequences of their actions. They don’t want to hear other people’s anger, or anything that would make them feel bad about themselves. But it’s too late for that. They feel shame for a good reason. They feel shame because they have been lying. They feel shame because they committed adultery or fornication. They feel shame because they are abusive.<br> The Myths Of Shame & Addiction<br> Anne: Gary is the author of <a href="https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/">Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction,</a> and the presenter of the popular TedX talk, <a href="https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment">“The Great Porn Experiment,”</a> which has been viewed more than 10 million times and translated into 18 languages. He hosts the website <a href="https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/">Your Brain on Porn</a>, which was created for those seeking to understand and reverse compulsive porn use.<br> He taught anatomy and physiology for years and has long been interested in the neurochemistry of addiction, mating, and bonding. In 2015, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health presented Wilson with it’s media award for Outstanding Media Contributions and Public Education on Pornography Addiction.<br> In 2016, Wilson co-authored an academic paper with seven U.S. Navy doctors entitled,<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/"> Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions: A Review with Critical Reports</a>, and another journal article entitled, Eliminate Chronic Internet Pornography Use to Reveal its Affects.<br> Gary asserts the fact that shame does not cause addiction, that you can tell the truth, that you do not have to enable a perpetrator by treating him like a victim. He is not a victim. In fact, the victims are the victims.<br> The 4 Myths of Shame are:<br> <br> * Shame causes addiction<br> * You need to avoid shaming addicts at all costs<br> * To help an addict heal, don't hold them accountable because it will increase their shame<br> * To help an addict heal, don't tell them the truth about what you think or how you feel because it will cause them shame<br> <br> The Theory Of Shame And Attachment<br> If you're a victim of lies, infidelity or abuse, you need to worry about your own safety, not whether or not you’re hurting your abuser’s feelings. You need to get to safety,
