Summary: <br> <br> <br> <br> If your kids always do what they're told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.<br> <br> If not -- WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you're going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and <a href="https://www.katherinerlewis.com/bio/">Katherine Reynolds Lewis</a>, author of The <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Good-News-About-Bad-Behavior/dp/1610398386">Good News About Bad Behavior</a>. In her book, Lewis writes:<br> If you look around and see misbehaving, undisciplined children everywhere, it's not just imagination. Children today are fundamentally different from past generations.<br> They truly have less self-control. Simply put, we face a crisis of self-regulation.<br> Lewis's observations of her own children, and comments from other parents, led her on a six-year exploration of behavior, parenting and neurobiology -- and points the way toward parenting techniques we can begin adapting right now to improve our children's behavior.<br> In this episode, Jen, Janet & Katherine discuss:<br> <br> * The dramatic increase in mental health problems in today's youth<br> * What self-regulation is, why it's important, and how to develop it in our kids<br> * How to shift your mindset from "How do I control my children?" to "How do I teach them to control themselves?"<br> * Progress, not perfection<br> * How to shift from a reactive model of parenting to thoughtful, deliberate parenting<br> * The "mumble and walk away technique" (Trust us: this can change your parenting for the better!)<br> * 3 common characteristics of research-backed models of discipline: connection, communication & capability<br> * How to use physical touch to help your child self-regulate<br> * Why kids need to do hard stuff -- & the link between failure & self-esteem<br> * The relationship between risk & capability ("Early risky experiences seem to inoculate kids from later phobias & anxiety," Lewis says. She also says, "Kids should do something a little bit risky every day.")<br> * Why you should watch out for the word "should"<br> * How to find support as you practice a new model of parenting<br> <br> <br> Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 123:<br> <a href="https://www.katherinerlewis.com/">katherinereynoldslewis.com</a> -- Katherine's author website. Contains a lot of info about her book and a <a href="https://www.katherinerlewis.com/events/">complete list of her speaking gigs</a>.<br> <br> <a href="https://buildingboys.net/teaching-consent-to-a-12-year-old-boy/">Teaching Consent to a 12-Year-Old Boy</a> -- the backstory behind the "bathroom email" referenced at about 7:16<br> <br> <a href="https://buildingboys.net/boys/">Why Boys Do What They Do</a> -- blog post about Jen's son pulling himself around the bases (referenced at 8:00)<br> <br> <a href="http://www.on-boys-podcast.com/111-self-esteem-and-boys/">Episode 111: Self-Esteem & Boys</a><br> <br> <a href="http://www.on-boys-podcast.com/116-why-risk-is-important-for-boys/">Episode 116: Why Risk is Important for Boys</a><br> <br> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/945086638893108/">BuildingBoys private FB group</a> -- Jen's online parenting community. We welcome parents of boys of all ages, but seem to specialize in helping each other navigate the tween and teen years. A consistently supportive community, filled with tenderness, honesty and compassion.<br> <br> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/boysalive/">Boys Alive! Supporting Parents and Teachers of Boys at Home and in School FB group</a> -- Janet's online community. This supportive community stands ready to answer your questions, share their hard-won wisdom, and commiserate and send virtual hugs when needed.<br> <br>
