Summary: This is Part two of Tanisha Merrill's story of her big beautiful blended family and all the layers of love. Tanisha gets honest about being a Step-Mom to teenagers and how the adjustment period didnot get really hard until her kids hit the teenage stage. We love this family dynamic on The Mommy Project and want to hear from you. How can we encourage you in your mommy-project? Love- and Peace, Kimberley #Keepmovingforward Books Mentioned: Irregular People (Joyce Landorf Heatherly)--a book on how to deal with the irregular people in our life--a family member or close friend--who has been emotionally abusive or neglectful. She writes from personal experience, but also challenges the reader to look inward and make sure we aren’t becoming an irregular person to someone else. I’ve had a few irregular people in my life, even presently, and I’ve been struggling to know how to move past it or deal with it head on. It was amazing how she got inside my head and knew the questions and issues I had--it was like she was reading my mind. It’s also helpful as a pastor’s wife, and all the marriage and family struggles we help people walk through. Since I don’t have the educational experience like my husband does, these kinds of books are helpful for me to know how to counsel and help them walk through it. Special Question: If a couple is coming to you and Chad for counsel on Stepfamilies- how to navigate, adjust, and bond- What is something yall have learned that you would give as Solid advice? First of all, nothing can work if Jesus isn’t at the center. I’ve talked to other stepmoms over the years, and find that those who don’t allow Him to be part of the relationship, they struggle and are hopeless with their struggles. Knowing Him doesn’t make it easier, but it definitely provides hope and support knowing He loves you where you are. Communication is key, as well--with each other as a spouse, as well as with the children. It’s not always going to be taken well with kids...one thing we found is that our kids’ generation isn’t great at talking, unless through a phone or social media. It’s our responsibility to model it and teach it, no matter what they think. It will help them in the long run. My best advice to another step-parent is to keep expectations low--no matter what you think going into this marriage and family relationship, it will discourage you, because nothing will meet your expectations. I was constantly discouraged, because I felt like I wasn’t doing something right, but mostly it was “just because”--when we break God’s model of marriage and family, heartache and struggle occur. That doesn’t mean He can’t redeem it, because we have seen MULTIPLE times how He has redeemed and is redeeming our family. Make sure to love your God first, your spouse second, and the kids third. It seems unfair that way, but when modeled that way, the kids (both bio and step) can feel loved and stable, and you as a couple will feel the same.
