Back From The Borderline | BPD & CPTSD Recovery

CW: Child sexual abuse, rape, physical abuse, self-harm In this episode of Back from the Borderline, I'm joined by Kabir Khurana: a 21-year-old British-Indian philosophy student from London who lives with BPD. Kabir identifies as a nonbinary person. Non-binary is used to describe people who feel their gender cannot be defined within the margins of gender binary. Instead, they understand their gender in a way that goes beyond simply identifying as either a man or woman.A 2011 study found that patients with BPD were approximately twice as likely to report having a sexual relationship with a same-sex partner as comparison subjects with other personality disorders. It is a well known fact that queer people have poorer mental health outcomes than the heterosexual population, mainly due to discrimination, finding it difficult to access services, etc. After learning more about Kabir's story, I thought the podcast audience would appreciate their story, journey and perspective. The BPD community is desperately in need of more diverse representation - the experiences of individuals of color, and of those in the queer community need to be shared to gain a deeper and more holistic understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder. Links to resources mentioned in today's episode: Research study mentioned in the introduction (Sexual Orientation and Relationship Choice in Borderline Personality Disorder) @understandingbpd | Instagram account run by Candice Alaska Back from The Borderline | Podcast by Rose Skeeters MA, LPC, PN2Connect with Kabir: Instagram | @kabir_khuranaSupport Kabir's Causes: Not A Phase | Charity supporting the lives of trans+ adults across the UKEveryone's Invited created by Soma Sara | "Everyone’s Invited’s mission is to expose and eradicate rape culture with empathy, compassion, and understanding"Below is a breakdown of the subjects Kabir and I cover:• Borderline Personality Disorder in teenagers • Gender identity and sexual orientation and BPD •  Inadequate parent-child boundaries and borderline personality disorder in adolescence (parentification)• The Borderline Personality Disordered Family (The Impact of Growing up with a Narcissistic Parent has on BPD outcomes) • The Relationship Between Child Abuse and BPD• The lived experience of recovery in borderline personality disorder (EUPD) • BPD and Managing the Favorite Person RelationshipBFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 4k others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies are coming soon.In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Psychiatrists Eric Bui and Rachel Rodgers argued that Anakin Skywalker use a useful example for explaining Borderline Personality disorder to medical students, hoping their findings would raise awareness of the disorder, especially among teens. In today’s episode, we reflect on Darth Vader as a character. Throughout my research, I developed a keen empathy for this lost soul. The themes of becoming stuck in vicious cycles oof mental illness, addictions, post-traumatic stress and abusive relationships are all themes that appear throughout Anakin’s storyline. Even if our own stakes aren’t as high as Anakin’s, some of his struggles are universal. Below is a breakdown of the topics covered: • 03:48 | Who is Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker? | His role in the Star Wars franchise• 07:05 | The creation and development of the character Darth Vader • 08:03 | The concept and writing behind George Lucas’ Darth Vader character• 11:49 | The various portrayals of Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies by actors David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen and Gene Bryant• 15:38 | The mythology behind the character and the “tragic hero” archetype, which appeared in ancient Greek Tragedies (such as those by philosopher Aristotle) • 18:38 | Why is Anakin Skywalker considered a “tragic hero”? • 22:03 | Why do some psychiatrists consider Darth Vader a useful example for explaining Borderline Personality Disorder? • 24:44 | A breakdown of Anakin Skywalker’s BPD traits (impulsivity, anger management issues, idealizing / devaluing splitting behaviors, dissociative episodes, emotional repression, paranoia /intrusive thoughts, and identity disturbance) • 26:24 | Final thoughts (how teens can relate to the troubled Anakin Skywalker) If you’re interested in further reading, click here for an incredible recent article (06/26/21) from the National School of Journalism and Public Disclosure titled “The Psychological Side of the Force." BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join our community of thousands of others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

CW: Skin picking, unhealthy relationships, r*ape, childhood s*xual abuseIn this episode of Back from the Borderline, I'm joined by my dear friend, Kim Poster. Kim is a first generation Filipino American living in Portland, Oregon living with BPD. Kim and I connected through YouTube, where she live streams herself playing The Sims while she talks vulnerably about her struggles with BPD. Her channel is a safe space full of support and incredible tips and strategies she's learned in therapy throughout her recovery journey. Connect with Kim: Over the BorderlineInstagram (@yournewpenpal)YouTube (Kim Poster)Below is a breakdown of the subjects Kim and I cover: • 03:20 Intro (About Kim) | BPD and jobs | How remote work has improved our mental health • 05:50 BPD, body dysmorphia, acne and skin picking• 9:19 What Kim has learned about BPD by playing The Sims• 11:36 Childhood emotional neglect, invalidation and Kim’s experience having BPD as a Filipino American with immigrant parents • 14:30 BPD and abandonment | Kim’s diagnosis story• 17:00 Fear of relapse | “don’t make the goal of recovery to not be human” • 19:30 BPD, identity disturbance, and finding our true selves • 20:20 Kim’s childhood s*xual abuse and assault• 26:00 BPD and marijuana | Using weed as "emotional exposure therapy"• 29:00 processing and feeling our emotions • 30:20 BPD and drug addiction (MDMA)• 33:30 “The toxic borderline ex” | Kim’s advice for healthier relationships with a BPD partner • 36:00 BPD, codependency, morals and values• 39:00 Tarot for BPD recovery • 41:00 BPD and holding down stable employment • 42:00 Lightning question round! BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 3.2k others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies are coming soon.In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

CW: Suicide, self-harm, mental illness, skin picking, unhealthy relationships This is part 2 of my interview with artist, writer and mental health advocate, Courtney Cook. This year, she released her debut graphic memoir, “The Way She Feels: My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces."The book provides a candid and brave look at her life and struggles with BPD, depression, anxiety and OCD through a combination of her colorful and unique artwork and personal essays.Below is a breakdown of the subjects we covered in part 2:• Toxic college party and hookup culture and how attending a "big ten" university affected her mental health• Using sex and intimacy as self-harm and validation (having sex to "feel like we exist in our bodies")• The importance of knowing and discovering our OWN sexual needs• The impact early puberty and being sexualized at an early age• Staying in dangerous, unhappy or toxic relationships due to a fear of being alone• Finding compassion for our "inner child" and hw we develop feelings of worthlessness• The "middle path" in life and discovering that boredom might just be peace after all• Self-soothing methods for splitting episodes• Handling impulsive and intrusive thoughts by becoming identified with the observer mind (or the "wise mind" in DBT)• Rethinking recovery as linear and how "better" isn't a destination• Mental health meme culture and "circle jerks of sadness"• How teenage friend groups can unknowingly turn toxic and create negative mental health outcomes for one another• Methods to cope with intrusive thoughts and OCD• What is "l'appel du vide" (the call to the void) as a reminder and reaffirmation of our will to live• Playing with our shadows and inner critic through existential kink• Dissociation and struggling to return to an emotional baseline• Self compassion and the sweet freedom that comes through feeling our feelingsFollow Courtney on Instagram @thewaycourtneyfeelsVisit Courtney's websiteBuy "The Way She Feels: My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces" BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 2.9k others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies are coming soon.In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

CW: Suicide, self-harm, mental illness, skin picking, unhealthy relationships In this episode, you'll hear part one of my interview with artist, writer and mental health advocate, Courtney Cook. This year, she released her debut graphic memoir, “The Way She Feels: My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces."The book provides a candid and brave look at her life and struggles with BPD, depression, anxiety and OCD through a combination of her colorful and unique artwork and personal essays.Below is a breakdown of the subjects we covered in part 1:• BPD and creativity - how Courtney uses her art and writing to connect to others• Courtney's experience growing up in a sheltered "village" in suburban Illinois• Being born with a nagging sense of emptiness, regardless of her "idyllic" upbringing• Family history of mental health problems• Growing up feeling like "a turtle without a shell" and how it feels to be a highly sensitive person (HSP)• Childhood friend groups turned toxic• On being told as a teen that she would "grow out of " her big feelings• The hesitation to diagnose teens with BPD even after periods suicidal ideation / attempt• On teen angst and feeling like a lost cause• On Gooning (the legal industry of kidnapping teens and forcing them to process their feelings in the wilderness)• On the guilt and shame of feeling depressed when we are in positions of privilege ("Why can't I be happy if I have all the things in place to feel whole and satisfied?"• Being a "frequent flier of the psychiatric hospitals of the Chicago area"• Her diagnosis at age 23 and feeling like things "clicked into place"• Switching towns, schools and friends (owning our victim mindset and projections)• The stigma against BPD in the mental health community and beyond• Neuroplasticity and our brain's ability to modify, change, and adapt both structure and function throughout life and in response to experience (how this provides hope for BPD recovery)• Courtney's relationship and experience with SSRIs and antipsychotics for BPD (Lexapro, Abilify) • Struggles with OCD, body dysmorphia, dermatillomania, and trichotillomania• How she was able to begin to re-frame and re-train her brain to find hope• Internalized ableism and demonization of BPD • On BPD and relationships and feeling “too much” and “crazy” Follow Courtney on Instagram @thewaycourtneyfeelsVisit Courtney's websiteBuy "The Way She Feels: My Life on the Borderline in Pictures and Pieces" In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 2.9k others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies are coming soon. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Borderline Personality Disorder (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or EUPD) can have a significant impact on how we experience sexuality and intimacy. This information should come as no surprise since BPD symptoms can affect our emotional state, relationships, and our ability to control our impulses. There is very little research out there on BPD and its effects on sexuality, but more and more work suggests that those with BPD can experience multiple fundamental problems with sex. In today’s episode, Mollie reads and reacts to a 2011 NCBI article titled “Sexual Behavior in Borderline Personality” by Randy A, Sansone, MD, and Lori A. Sansone, MD. If you’d like to read the article in full, it can be found here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3071095/Below are timestamps for the primary topics: 01:00 - Why sex and intimacy is such a hot topic in the BPD community / sex as a form of self-harm 04:38 - Introduction to the article “Sexual Behavior in Borderline Personality”07:00 - Sexual impulsivity, sexual preoccupation, and promiscuity in BPD 10:30 - Early sexual exposure and childhood sexual abuse as it relates to BPD 14:14 - High risk sexual behaviors and BPD 15:11 - The tornado of BPD and the eye of the storm 17:00 - The importance of self-love (Dr. Caroline Leaf’s idea on becoming a “thought detective”)19:00 - How “impulsivity and victimization” make up the core of our issues with sex and intimacy 26:05 - Making ourselves the slutty butt of the joke (does your BPD make you erotophilic?) 28:00 - Drinking and impulsive sexual behaviors  33:00 - Why we act like we hate ourselves  35:00 - Full bodied sexual consent for those of us with BPD and sexual orientation confusion 39:00 - BPD and victim mentality  40:00 - Outro / wise words from RuPaul on loving yourselfBFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 1,900+ others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea. Have a question you’d like answered on the podcast? Submit it to backfromtheborderline@gmail.com  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

To split something means to divide it. “Splitting” is often considered a hallmark of BPD / EUPD. It is characterized by the propensity to completely idealize or devalue other people, places, ideas, or objects. To see them as all good or all bad.  Splitting causes those of us with borderline personality disorder to view life, ourselves, and others in extremes. Black and white thinking, no gray areas.  This episode of Back from the Borderline is part two of a three-part deep dive on Splitting. In this episode, Mollie talks about ______  01: 40 | Intro – what you’ll learn in this episode  03:07 | Recap of what we’ve learned so far about splitting 03:36 | When does Splitting become pathological? The “Dark Passenger” takeover 07:53 | How long does splitting last?  10:38 | BPD and my victim-mentality: splitting the villains of my life story 12:00 | Splitting, identity confusion and diffuse boundaries  13:20 | What triggers a BPD splitting episode?  14:20 | Why we should never try to shame ourselves out of Splitting 17:53 | How does Splitting in BPD destroy relationships and intimacy?  21:00 | The day I decided my Splitting wouldn’t control my life 22:22 | How Splitting can prevent us from making breakthroughs in therapy 23:35 | Finding the right therapist (if you’re privileged enough to have a choice or access to health care)  25:00 | How to reduce splitting behaviors in BPD using inner child work, self-soothing, grounding, and reparenting exercises  31:00 | How can our loved ones help us when we’re in a BPD splitting episode?  34:00 | Having PATIENCE with ourselves while we work on splitting  37:00 | Closing meditation: finding your “touch tree” (words by Glennon Doyle)    BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 1,400+ others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies are coming soon. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

To split something means to divide it. “Splitting” is often considered a hallmark of BPD / EUPD. It is characterized by the propensity to completely idealize or devalue other people, places, ideas, or objects. To see them as all good or all bad. Splitting causes those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder to view life, ourselves, and others in extremes. Black and white thinking, no gray areas.This episode of Back from the Borderline is part two of a three-part deep-dive on Splitting. In this episode, Mollie talks about the history of the term splitting, how the term is discussed in professional therapeutic circles, and her own experience with splitting after an unexpected breakup. She finishes by reading passages from others in the BPD community to shed light on the fact that everyone suffering with BPD has their own unique experience.• 01:40 Intro - The importance of the concept of integration for those of us with BPD• 07:01 What we can learn about making integrity our "one thing" (from Glennon Doyle)• 11:30 How identifying with our Higher Self can reduce splitting and other coping / defense mechanisms• 14:45 How the DSM defines splitting and mood reactivity • 17:08 Splitting as a developmental stage: how splitting behavior begins in infancy • 17:08 Object relations theory, our two primary "drives", and the "good breast" and "the bad breast" • 20:57 Otto Kernberg's developmental model as it relates to splitting and integrating feelings of love and hate • 24:40 The loop we get stuck in if splitting isn't resolved in childhood and the act of reparenting ourselves • 25:56 How media attention is primarily focused high profile and extreme examples of splitting • 27:00 Splitting across history and the resulting grand-scale generational trauma • 30:00 How drawing a daily Tarot card (yes, really) became an important emotional regulation tool in my BPD recovery toolbox• 32:22 Outro - The powerful messages about our Highest Self and integration that we can find in the Tarot card "The Lovers" BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of 700+ others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies coming soon. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

To split something means to divide it. “Splitting” is often considered a hallmark of BPD / EUPD. It is characterized by the propensity to completely idealize or devalue other people, places, ideas, or objects. To see them as all good or all bad. Splitting causes those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder to view life, ourselves, and others in extremes. Black and white thinking, no gray areas.This episode of Back from the Borderline is part one of a three-part deep-dive on Splitting. In this episode, Mollie talks about the history of the term splitting, how the term is discussed in professional therapeutic circles, and her own experience with splitting after an unexpected breakup. She finishes by reading passages from others in the BPD community to shed light on the fact that everyone suffering with BPD has their own UNIQUE experience.Key Takeaways: • 03:07 Short Intro / Welcome - Why I started Back from the Borderline• 05:35 What does splitting with BPD feel like? • 07:40 Splitting isn't always big and dramatic, although it can be (glamorization of splitting in Hollywood)• 10:50 The history of the term "splitting" as a defense mechanism (taking it allllllllll the way back to Sigmund Freud)• 12:25 What is splitting, technically? How does splitting attempts to protect our ego & prevent anxiety?• 14:05 What does it mean to "split someone black" / "split someone white" ? • 15:30 My personal experience with BPD & Splitting• 19:03 STORY TIME ALERT: how my first breakup caused my entire identity to come crashing down • 26:00 How do others in the BPD community experience black and white thinking? • 29:35 Wrapping up | Your big "S" Self | A short reading from Glennon Doyle BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD. Join the community of 500+ others with BPD on Instagram @bpdtea (DMs are always, ALWAYS open!) Website and lots of other goodies coming soon. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to "Back from the Borderline." The place to be for the tea on all things BPD. In this official trailer, I'll introduce myself, tell you how borderline personality disorder has affected my life, and dive into what you can expect if you decide to become a part of the #BPDTea community. Join me. Together, we'll pursue a life free from BPD. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.