Beat Your Genes Podcast

1.My husband and I are in our late 20s, no children, married less than 3 years. 6 months after our wedding, I became whole food plant based and an ethical vegan. I was already pretty healthy prior, but still lost 10 pounds and reversed some health conditions. My husband has a lot of health issues. He hasn’t physically changed much since our wedding and has always had these health problems, but I looked past them because I love everything else about my husband. He’s seen all the vegan documentaries and completely believes the science, but has no interest in eating healthier, being more active, or stop eating fast food daily. I love my husband and he supports my lifestyle, but I no longer find him attractive. I believe it’s because I know that if he drastically changed his diet, he could reverse many of his health problems that turn me off. I know it’s natural for couples to lose attraction towards each other over time, but what do you do when you’re repulsed by your spouse? 2.I’m a single mother of a girl that is intelligent and highly emotional. Much like her biological father I see genetic resemblance of undersirable traits. I’ve recently been dating a man which I feel a strong connection with. He is a single father and has a very emotionally stable, agreeable 15 year old daughter. My new partner seems blown away by my daughters highs and lows and I feel blamed for her behavior on my lack of my discipline. I feel like her behavior has to do with her genetics but is that a cop out for possibly a lack of discipline? How do I explain to this mid to low openness mate I’ve found that knows nothing of EP that she is who she is and we are along for the ride if he can bare it. 3.Do the 5 traits have to do more with how we feel or how we act?  So if someone often thinks that people are no good bastards and hates most of them but acts nicely most of the time, that makes them high A person?

In today's replay of Episode 192 we have the following questions: 1. What are Dr. Lisle's thoughts on group therapy? What is the purpose if there is one and how would he apply evolutionary principles and esteem dynamics to group therapy? 2. My MIL treats her 4 granddaughters quite differently.  I am a disagreeable person who really values fairness. It’s hard not to comment or approach her when she treats them so different. Let’s not even begin to get into how many more clothes and toys (resources overall) she gets for her daughter’s girls. Is there a way for her to look at my daughter differently and allocate resources fairly? 3. Recently you described the Enlightenment Trap, which interested me greatly and I wondered if you believed there was some degree to which meditation practice was a means of beating the genetic disposition for egoistic drives for status enhancement. Robert Wright certainly seems to think so. I recognise that there are apparently many examples of pseudo- meditators displaying their practice conspicuously as a status / virtue-signalling attempt, but do you believe there are some devotees who genuinely manage to reduce egoistic drives? 4. I am a professional woman in my middle years and want to be less critical of people and other things.  

In today's new episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions: 1) I was deeply fascinated by the Drs' take on narcissism and finally realized my mother is a narcissist. Many of my "friends" are also narcissists or suffer from tendencies. Is there a correlation between being raised by a narcissist and seeking those same traits in friends/partners? And what advice would you share for dealing with these people, short of running for the door? 2) I finished How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World earlier this year. What an amazing book that has radically changed my outlook on things. Since then I have tried to be much more intentional about honestly presenting myself and honestly going after relationships I see as high value. I have to admit that I have gotten a lot of negative feedback from romantic opportunities and family since updating my thinking. Does truly embracing your self/freedom come with growing pains and time or is just that being yourself is just a more lonely experience? Does any of this have to do with these beliefs being less sexually attractive than more convention beliefs around family, marriage, governments etc?

In this replay of Episode 191, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle answer the following questions: 1.  What is impostor syndrome? Can you change the perception of feeling like a fraud?  2. A dad's son climbs on a roof to look at his neighbor's nude sunbathing. Dad handles it, but mom is furious and thinks this is huge issue warranting psychiatric medications.   3.  A listener's boyfriend ended up at a stripclub with coworkers.  He denies he got a lapdance even though everyone else got one.  Listener wants to know if she is the one insecure and if a more confident woman wouldn't mind this happening.  And also if this is 'normal behavior' for men and so she should expect it from any future partners.  4. Does having more wealth increase the trait of openness? 5. What does the future hold for humans capable or not capable of thriving in the modern environment in the face of so many traps? 

In this new episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk answer these q's: 1.  Voicemail question: Are there some situations where you avoid using the down arrow technique like when the worst case scenario is actually going to happen or already present?  2.  Imagine that you are magically made Emperor of K-12 Education in the US. Essentially, you have complete, authoritarian control over the education system and can expect 100% compliance on your vision and mandates. How would you design the education system, and how does the big 5 and evo psych affect your design? 3. I want to make sure I understand beating your genes. If people are told no, punished, held back, negative reinforcement over and over again it will affect the genes. Is this a true statement.

In this replay of episode 188, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk, discuss the following questions: 1. My niece and I have been debating whether it’s safe for attractive young solo female travelers to couch surf. She believes that a careful reading of a host’s couch surfing profile enables her to spot would-be predators. What are your thoughts on this Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk? 2. Can you talk about what resilience is with regard to personality/the big 5?  Do you think that it is possible to help people develop resilience or grit?  3. I dated a guy for about 5 years who would never commit and cheated on me several times, though I did not learn of his indiscretions until after the relationship ended. I recently found out that he married one of the women who he cheated on me with after dating her for only a brief time. After our split was all said and done I definitely felt like I came out it with the better end of the deal, and I’m now in a relationship that has major *magic 10%* potential; so my question is: why am I so irritated about my loser ex’s quickie marriage? 4. I contracted Herpes from a long term boyfriend who was cheating on me about 10 years ago. I find it so difficult to share this information with a new person. I am 50 years old and reasonably attractive but haven’t been dating from shame regarding this condition. You’re straight talk suggestions are so helpful on this podcast, I’m wondering if you can advise me on how to best frame this situation for myself, my status, and potential mates. 

1. I have been a proponent of wholesome eating as the guarantee of good health and optimal weight. The approach has worked great for me, but I am still curious to know if eating high caloric density foods – but within strict daily caloric “budget” – is detrimental to one’s health? I have no cravings or addictions of any sort, it is almost an “academic” question mostly concerning socially inflicted foods like BBQ, wine, cheese, etc. 2. My girlfriend often slips into baby talk — and it grates on my nerves, but I don’t know how to stop it.  Any suggestions? 3.  I’m wondering, why we’re having so many beautiful women in Russia, but much less of handsome men. Is there any explanation? 4.Plomin states that the heritablity of weight is 70%.    Is this statistic a byproduct of our modern food environment and therefore an explanation of the obesity problem?  How would the heritability of weight differ in a stone-age environment?    How would it differ if we measured a cohort from Chef AJ's group?   That word heritability, is also confusing.  Please explain. 5. Whats up with corporate jargon, like "Could you action this item?", buzz words like "synergy", being told to "think outside the box", needlessly fancy job titles and the like. I realize it's bound to be several things: conferring status cheaply, trying to motivate by conveying positivity, obfuscating to avoid concrete promises and cover asses, trying to sound smart and adjusting language use to match the in-group. Am I mistaken or missing anything? Where does this jargon come from -is it perpetuated by business schools or the fanciest companies? Am I penalizing myself significantly if I don't go along with all this BS?

1. If it is true that we can't change people, why would evolution waste energy engineer feelings in us that make us feel incline to try to change others? If we can't change others, why do people come to believe they can or enter relationships with others on that premise? 2. My brother has always been very private about his relationship with his significant other, to the point that it makes our family uncomfortable.  She was a foreign exchange student when they met, failed to meet requirements for her work visa this spring, and my brother finally told us they got married this past May to keep her in the states. He also expressed as recently as one year ago he is not even sure he likes her, but does enjoy her attention and having company. I guess my question here is twofold; is it worth expressing concern to him about this being that’s it’s done? It was a particularly hard blow to my parents, who are practicing Catholics, and I don’t see how he could fail to see the hurt it would cause them. Second... from a gene standpoint, why did he do this? 3. I have a 15 year old son who did poorly in school after it moved online last spring - eventually he stopped doing any of his work and lied to my husband and I about it. He is returning to a hybrid model in a couple of weeks, and I am already dreading the acrimony that will follow. My husband is our son's stepfather with no biological children of his own. In the past, there has been conflict between my husband and I about how to handle this - I think my husband is draconian and he thinks I'm too relaxed. How much freedom is appropriate to give kids when it comes to schoolwork? What about lying? Is there any way to protect my relationships with both my husband and my son through this? And finally, why do some step-parents (like my husband) get so invested in kids that will not be carrying their genes forward?

1. I am a 40-something male on the online/swipey app dating scene. I have had rotten luck and I am interested in whether turning off “read receipts” on WhatsApp is putting women off.  I like the freedom that turning off “read receipts” gives me. At the same time I worry I am giving into my fears of rejection, possibly ego-trapping myself. Why does it feel empowering to turn off “read receipts” on WhatsApp and is this potentially putting off women who may think I have a hidden agenda?  2. I have found that my desire for sex has significantly declined.  So, my question is: am I a freak of nature? Or is something else potentially going on that could be corrected?  3. I’ve been fixated on losing 7-10 more pounds for the last 2 years but the weight just does not come off.  Is there something I could do to actually lose this weight? Or how can I convince my mind that this is it and just be happy about it? 4. I remember in high school being taught the concept of critical thinking skills. The more I enhance my knowledge of evolutionary psychology and see certain personality types on social media promote conspiracy theories, I believe teaching these concepts are limited. It appears critical thinking skills and questioning authenticity can be finessed for those with the personality type, but I no longer think it’s a skill set that can be universally taught. Am I viewing this incorrectly as I come up-to-speed on EP? What other American school system skill sets cannot be universally taught due to our differences in personality types? 5. Why is it funny to us when we see animals doing silly things?  6. Why do people love to solo dance so much? 7. Why in the world would someone literally only want to be listened to?

In today's show, the Dr's answer these Q's: 1. Why do we root for under-dogs ?  How do we get status from a group that contains perennial losers ? 2. My husband and I are both 30 and have been married 2 years. My husband really wants kids, but I’m nervous about his lazy habits when that day comes. My question is: will having kids force my husband to be more active? I’m worried he will still be a couch potato 10 years from now and won’t be an active and engaged parent. 3. I've got a comment about episode 232 in which DDL says there is no unconditional love...while I agree with his response, it made me wonder why I would have feelings of unconditional love toward my dog who does not share my genes... 4. . I am curious if these leanings politically are inherent at the genetic level and what is the mechanism behind it? Is it just where we all far along the bell curves of our personality characteristic that make us all come to such different conclusions in spite of all being in the same environment? 5. On personality tests, I come out as high disagreeable. However, I absolutely cannot stand confrontation and have my whole life been a bit of a people pleaser. I grew up with narcissistic parents in an emotionally-volatile household where I took it upon myself to be the child that diffused tension and provided some comic relief. Did my upbringing disturb my genetic disagreeable streak? I am a conundrum unto myself. Please unravel me.

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle updates us on his thinking about the COVID-19 pandemic and current events surrounding lockdowns, death rates, and the future.  Two questions are answered and they are: 1. Question about war - I am fascinated about how humans can band together in tribes and kill eachother. They also will battle eachother while having hospitals right there to treat the wounded. I can understand fighting over resources but these days it seems to be more over ideologies than that. Do you have any evolutionary insight into this? Couldn't this potentially be detrimental to gene and species survival? 2. Why we are more inclined to have High Expectations even when they make us fall into Ego Trap while we don't like to have Lower Expectations even if they help us. Is this due to social-cultural messaging or upbringing? Or something else is the cause?

1.  I feel like I am in the process of losing my best friend. She has been trying to leave an emotionally abusive/narcissistic relationship with a much older man for a while. Of her own admission she has “no future” with this guy. Whenever I try to have this conversation with her, she freezes up and goes silent on me for weeks until she messages again with a complete change of topic.  What would you do, doctors, if you were in my position? 2.  I have a question regarding alien abductions. If mental illness is not to account for the feeling of being abducted by aliens, what are the doctor’s takes on this strange phenomenon? 3.   I’ve been struggling with mood swings/PMS my whole life now, however, they’ve gotten worse over the past few months since I seem to let out my frustration on my partner now.  I’d really appreciate some tips on how to get along with my significant other during this special time and get some advice on how to not obsess over one’s emotions. 4. What is the deal with anger management? I guess I'm in a situation where I feel very angry (and confident that I'm right) but it feels awful. Is time the only way to get over it? 5. I was glad to see Jordan Peterson is doing so much better after recovering from his physical dependency on benzodiazapines. I think many people were surprised he turned to benzos, given his knowledge as an Evolutionary Psychologist. Would you be able to explain what makes people desperate enough to seek anti-anxiety drugs and what could be done from an Evolutionary Psychology point of view instead to reduce stress and anxiety and avoid resorting to medication?

1. My 19 year old daughter confided in me that she and her friend joined a sugar baby website and has met an older man.  I am her birthmother. We are in an "open adoption arrangement" I am 38, so younger than her mom and someone she confides in. No other adults know about this. Is this normal developmentally and I should just let it play out, or is this out of bounds, and I may need to intervene more assertively? 2. Is there any way to spot people on extreme ends of the bell curve by their appearance? Perhaps it has to do with sensitivity and some people could have an intuitive way of recognizing red flag characteristics, whether in physical structure/form or expression? Is there any validity or basis to this? An evolutionary explanation?  3. I keep noticing current references to "unconditional love." Some in "spiritual circles, some in philosophy, some in the news. People supposedly suddenly want new pets for the unconditional love they are missing in isolation. Taking Ketamine or psilocybin supposedly gives the subject a reference experience of Unconditional Love, so then they can go on to cultivate that perception and achieve a new state of consciousness. Etc. I have looked for a long time, and I have not yet found any "loving" (bonding, service, caring, sharing, etc.) without some kind of conditions behind it. And wouldn't loving-looking behavior be determined by the big 5, and not be altered by a transcendent experience? What does EP say about it? 4.Anyways, my husband and family members joke that I have an irrational fear of homelessness and logically I know it’s unlikely that I will ever be homeless, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about it on a weekly basis. How does someone become homeless? And if in some imaginary reality you were charged with decreasing or eliminating homelessness by any means necessary, what would you do?

Today's questions: 1. I'm interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I'd be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we've all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to "get back out there" and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors? 2. I'm curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat.   3.  I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others.  I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn't care and he is wanted. She says she doesn't mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I'm having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to "be free" of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn't want to live alone. 4. When women write "family-oriented" on a dating profile is this code for "looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children" and also "I'm vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!"

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk start with a dating question and branch off to discuss the Repeat Exposure Effect along with a song performed by one of our listeners, Warren Tews (https://youtu.be/T7_BjA_M74A), the discussion turns towards "All about the Eggs" as Dr. Lisle describes the male mating strategy of "trying to get to the female's eggs" and the confusion (from the female) that can result from that.   Included in the discussion is online dating strategies for women for pair bond success.    Question:  Dear Beat Your Genes team, From what I am hearing, as a female 10, I have practically no chance of ever pair-bonding with an objective male 10 (my equal). The best I can do is settle for a 9 with more/better resources than me (subjective 10), which can only be achieved via repeat exposure, correct? Needless to say, online dating is a nightmare, but offline I have not met/seen a man, who would make me feel overrewarded (or even remotely attracted) in more than 5 years (latest divorce). To aggravate the problem, I am also a sapiosexual. Any insights into how I can overcome this challenge are welcome. P.S. Dr. Howk is a hoot and makes a fantastic addition to the team. Can't wait to hear her laugh at my question.