The Place We Find Ourselves

If you want to understand your relationships, you need to understand your attachment style. In this episode, I explain the three types of insecure attachment and discuss how you can identify your own attachment style. 

Born to a family longing for a boy, the war against her femininity began early. Tracy learned that attention with her father could be won by performing well in sports, dressing in boys’ clothings, and wearing her hair short. Listen as Tracy discusses this story in the context of her life as a professional golfer, how she’s learned to look at her younger self with kindness, and how God playfully invited her into redemption with an unexpected challenge to wear dresses for the entire month of December.

The way you attached to your primary caregiver shaped your brain more than anything else. Attachment refers to the emotional bond that you develop with the people you are closest to—the people who are there for you and who truly know you. We are biologically driven to attach to others in order to survive. When we perceive threat or danger, we are hard-wired to maintain proximity to someone who will be there for us, and who truly knows us.

Gary began engaging his story in a deep way when he was in his 50’s. In this episode, Gary shares a story of being humiliated by his elementary school teacher with his Mom standing right next to him. It is a story of mockery, but far more a story of being unprotected by his mother. Gary discusses his journey of finding kindness, and even awe, for himself as a boy.

Mandy is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Naperville, Illinois, where she specializes in trauma and abuse. Mandy talks about how and why she began to engage her story. And then she reads aloud a story from her own life…  a story about being bullied in elementary school—a story that had a major impact on how she began to see herself and relate to those around her.  

Your story started with your relationship with your parents. Every child needs 6 things from his or her parents. In this episode, I discuss these “Big Six” needs. I also explain two kinds of relational styles that result from being either dismissed by your parents or being asked to be a parent rather than a child. 

You have a story. That story matters. The only way to experience significant shifts in your heart is by engaging your story. Your life experiences shape the very structure of your brain, and therefore profoundly influence how you are presently living your life. Your earliest relationship with your primary caretakers has had the most shaping power on your brain.