The Gender Knot

You’ll have noticed we’ve been changing the direction of the podcast over the past few weeks, with there being fewer abstract explorations of ideas and more delving into the nitty gritty of how men and women can actually better relate in these confusing times. As such we’ll have having more audience participation, so send us your thoughts. Men’s coach David Lion helps us to help an audience member with a dilemma, and tells us about his [online summit called Evolving Men](https://summit.evolving-men.com/), which is all about helping men figure out how to live more wholeheartedly. The summit features exclusive talks from 25 expert men and runs until 8th December. And we also delve back into the topic that keeps on coming up: disenfranchised men. **Guest:** [David Lion](http://evolving-men.com/about/), men’s coach and founder of the [Evolving Men online summit](https://summit.evolving-men.com/), running until 8th Dec 2018  **Host and producer:** Nas aka [Nastaran Tavakoli-Far](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** [Patreon page](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee! Write to us at: thegenderknot@gmail.com [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Porn is pervasive in today's internet culture. But does the typical male gaze leave women out of the viewing audience? And what does this one-way perspective do to our real-life sexual and personal relationships?  As Nas and Dan take a break this week, co-producers Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell tackle the subject of porn and real world sex and how we can make online content for everyone. We talk to sextech entrepreneur and pioneer, Cindy Gallop from MakeLoveNotPorn and education and psychology lecturer, Sam Carr, from the University of Bath. Guests:  Cindy Gallop, Consultant & Founder/CEO of [](https://makelovenotporn.tv/)[MakeLoveNotPorn](https://makelovenotporn.tv/) and [A](https://www.alltheskyholdings.com/)[ll The Sky Holdings](https://www.alltheskyholdings.com/). [Sam Carr](https://theconversation.com/profiles/sam-carr-156110/articles), Senior Lecturer in Education and Director of Studies for Education with Psychology, Department of Education, University of Bath, UK Hosts and co-producers: Sam Baker & Jonathan Blackwell Additional links: Patreon page – [support the podcast](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [](https://www.thegenderknot.com/)[The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Our listeners are annoyed! Many of you were unhappy with our take on disenfranchised men last week after we interviewed former New York Times reporter and author [Andrew Yarrow](https://www.andrewlyarrow.com/), who has written [Man Out](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Out-Sidelines-American-Life/dp/0815732740/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1541991200&sr=8-1&keywords=andrew+yarrow) about men on the sidelines of American society. We read out some of your emails and invite one of our audience members to figure out: what do we do about disenfranchised men? Should we do anything at all? And exactly who should be getting involved? **Guest:** Alex, listener of the podcast **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** Patreon page – [support the podcast](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Former New York Times journalist Andrew Yarrow joins us to talk about why so many men in America feel disenfranchised, and how this is impacting everyone else.  Men around the world have seen their position shift drastically over the past few decades. Some of the key reasons given include the rise of women and big changes in the global economy, leading to some of the political unrest and upheavals of the past decade.  So, what do we do with disenfranchised men?  **Guest:** [Andrew Yarrow](https://www.andrewlyarrow.com/), journalist and author of [‘Man Out: Men on the sidelines of American life’](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Out-Sidelines-American-Life/dp/0815732740/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1541991200&sr=8-1&keywords=andrew+yarrow)    **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far  **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll  **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell  **Additional links:** [Patreon page](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) – support the podcast for the cost of a latte!   [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic   [The Gender Knot](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) podcast and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/)    **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

A few weeks ago Dan tried to convince us that the stereotype of men having commitment issues was exaggerated and false, and he made a good case for this. But Nas was still left wondering where these assumptions come from and realized that Dan had evaded some key issues entirely! So this week we come back for a second round to delve in further. **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** [Patreon page](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) – support the podcast for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) podcast and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Sponsor:** [E-squared Fitness](https://www.esq2.com/) – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

It’s a year since allegations against Harvey Weinstein broke, leading to a real opening of conversation about sexual harassment and assault against women, be it at the hands of powerful men or in day to day life. We speak to a Hollywood insider about the situations and we also dig into the mixed messages men have been getting over the past year: what exactly do women want from men during these sensitive but important times? **Guest:** Steph, works in the film and entertainment industry in Hollywood **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** [Patreon page](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) – support the podcast for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [Sound Education conference](https://www.soundeducation.fm/) taking place at Harvard University, 1 - 3 November  BBC documentary on why women have taken to wellness, mentioned in the episode and hosted by Nas [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Hit podcast Slow Burn just spent their second season looking at the saga around Bill Clinton’s impeachment. They revisited Bill Clinton’s affair with then 22-year old unpaid intern Monica Lewinsky, and looked at the varied reactions from feminists, as well as Juanita Broderick’s allegations that the president had raped her.  The season went out at while Brett Kavanaugh’s senate confirmation hearings were happening, which made for especially timely and important listening, and allowed the audience to compare current events to those of the recent past, with often some of the same politicians and political operatives being involved in both situations. We wanted to know about how making this season affected Leon’s own perceptions of gender in US politics, and how he looks back on President Clinton as a result.  **Guest:** [Leon Neyfakh](https://twitter.com/leoncrawl), host of the podcast [Slow Burn](https://slate.com/slow-burn) and journalist  **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far   **Co-host:** Daniel Carroll **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell   **Additional links:** Patreon page – [support the podcast](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/)    **Sponsor:** [E-squared Fitness](https://www.esq2.com/) – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London. **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Former dominatrix and Taoist nun Kasia Urbaniak teaches women about power and influence at her school The Academy. She walks us through this unique time where women are finally speaking openly and honestly and expressing their rage, and how we can best get men and women to support each other through the necessary but transformative mess ahead. **Guest:** [Kasia Urbaniak](https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/), women’s power and influence coach and founder of [The Academy](https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/the-academy/) **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** Daniel Carrol **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** [Patreon page](https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot) – support the podcast for the cost of a latte! [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) podcast and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) Weekly livestreams on [GetVokl](https://getvokl.com/dashboard) - Sunday at 9pm London time, 1 pm Los Angeles time (that's 10pm Europe time and 4pm New York Time). Check out our last Vokl [here](https://getvokl.com/live-broadcast/The-Gender-Knot-podcast-the-women-who-voted-for-Kavanaugh-traitors-or-not). **Sponsor:** [E-squared Fitness](https://www.esq2.com/) – a pay as you go app to book fitness classes in London. **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

The love, sex and relationship guru and host of the Savage Lovecast gives us his thoughts and tips! Note: this episode is very Not Safe For Work – download now and save for later if that’s relevant! Also, co-host Jonathan Freeman is leaving us and signs off! Finally, The Gender Knot is on hiatus until 15th October. We’ll be back with a new season then. **Guest:** [Dan Savage](https://twitter.com/fakedansavage), sex and relationship advice [columnist](https://www.thestranger.com/authors/259/dan-savage) and [Savage Lovecast](https://www.savagelovecast.com/) host **Host and producer:** Nas aka [Nastaran Tavakoli-Far](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) **Co-host:** [Jonathan Freeman](https://twitter.com/jfonir) **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:**  Support the podcast - [donate to our Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/user?u=13738452) here and help to keep us going.  [Gender Knot merch](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) available at TeePublic [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

It’s a big cliché that men are scared to commit, don’t want to be tied down, are always ‘hitting the road’ and leaving promising relationships with women.  Today’s guest thinks this is a simply not true and actually leads to us all suffering and having worse relationships. We dive into the nuances.  Note: The Gender Knot will be back in early October - we are taking a break during September but will be back in a few weeks. Write to us in the meantime!  **Guest:** Dan Carroll, co-host of the podcast [](https://fineanddandypod.com/) [Fine and Dandy with Dan and Andy](https://fineanddandypod.com/) **Host and producer:** Nas aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** Jonathan Freeman **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell   **Additional links:** Gender Knot [merch available at TeePublic](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Why is shame such an issue for men despite the privileges men still have in almost all societies? Is privilege itself part of the problem, and what can be done to tackle this issue? Women are also being vocal about their experiences due to toxic masculinity and also male shame. Where does this leave men as they try to grapple with their own experiences? **Guest:** [Rob Kandell](https://robertkandell.com/), coach and consultant, host of the [podcast Tuff Love](https://robertkandell.com/episodes/), co-founder of One Taste **Host and producer:** [Nas](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** [Jonathan Freeman](https://twitter.com/jfonir) **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** [The Gender Knot merch by TeePublic](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

In April, a report by the UK governments and the Equalities and Human Rights Commission showed that 80% of large companies still paid male employees more than the women. In the US, in 2017 women still earnt just 82% of men’s salaries, according to data by the Pew Research Center.  There are structural changes that still need to take place, how do men and women approach pay negotiations differently? How receptive are bosses to women asking for more money, and what are the best ways women can negotiate to be paid more?  **Guests:  ** [Gillian Orr](https://twitter.com/gillian_orr), journalist and content director, Refinery29 Caroline Elliot, Managing Partner of the [Quattrain](https://twitter.com/QuattrainMedia) training partnership and former producer, editor and board member at BBC radio **Host and producer:** Nas aka [Nastaran Tavakoli-Far](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) **Co-host:** Sam Baker **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell  **Additional links:** [‘Building Resilience’](https://quattrain.uk/2018/08/03/building-resilience/) – Quattrain blog post by Caroline Elliot The Gender Knot [merch from TeePublic](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot)  [The Gender Knot](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) website and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Therapy is important, and men’s groups can’t be a substitute for therapy says today’s guest. We recently looked at men’s groups and had some interesting feedback. Despite all the positives we hear, that can be problems which are worth knowing about. We speak to someone who actually runs men’s groups and also works helping teenagers develop healthy relationships. We delve into the potential problems and how to best utilize men’s groups. **Guest:** [German Villegas](https://twitter.com/modernmanpod), host of the [Modern Manhood podcast](https://modernmanhood.org/), teacher, educator, man-at-large at [Next Gen Men](https://nextgenmen.ca/) **Host and producer:** [Nas](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** [Jonathan Freeman](https://twitter.com/jfonir) **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** The Gender Knot [merch available at TeePublic](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot) [BBC radio documentary on female friendships](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3cswrk8) and why technology has been a mixed blessing for them, hosted by Nas [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Jonathan is stuck in the library in DC, and Nas and Sam and Jonny in London are all swamped, so we decided to play you an episode of one of our favourite podcasts while we work on more Gender Knot material for you for next week onwards. The Ministry of Ideas is a podcast about the ideas that shape our world, and is from Harvard Divinity School. Their episode ‘White Balance’ looks at how understanding race in American also requires understanding its relationship to class. It’s a compelling and deeply moving episode and features the poet and writer Dr Joshua Bennett, and the author of the book ‘White Trash’, Nancy Isenberg. We’ll be back next week and have episodes coming up on men’s groups (a follow up), how women can negotiate for better pay, and male shame. **Guest podcast episode:** [Ministry of Ideas](https://www.ministryofideas.org/) podcast from Harvard Divinity School, episode: [White Balance](https://www.ministryofideas.org/episodes/white-balance), hosted by [Zachary Davis](https://twitter.com/zacharysdavis) **The Gender Knot - Host and producer:** [Nas](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-host:** [Jonathan Freeman](https://twitter.com/jfonir) **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Additional links:** The Gender Knot [t-shirts available her](https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-gender-knot)e – support the podcast, buy a shirt, spread the word! Nas’ recent BBC documentary on male friendships: [The Why Factor Male Friendships](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3cswrk7) [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) and contact us at thegenderknot@gmail.com **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

‘Transformative’ is a word we’ve heard from so many men who’ve benefitted from men’s groups. It’s a topic that’s comes up on this podcast a lot. Why are so many men getting together with other men to talk about their lives and experiences? How do these groups work and what do they talk about in them? And can they provide men with the support that they need? **Guests:** Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz ([The Man Whisperer](http://www.kennydcruz.com/)), men’s group founder and personal development consultant [Chad Howse](http://average2alpha.com/), [fitness and lifestyle](http://chadhowsefitness.com/) [blogger](http://average2alpha.com/7-reasons-tell-son-man/) and host of the ‘Man Up with Chad Howse’ podcast Anonymous member of a men’s group [Rowan Andrews](https://www.meetup.com/Mens-group-NoMoreMrNiceGuy-UK/), men’s group coach and facilitator and a business coach **Host and producer:** [Nas](https://twitter.com/NTavakoliFar) aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far **Co-hosts:** [Jonathan Freeman](https://twitter.com/jfonir) and Jonathan Blackwell **Co-producers:** Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell **Sponsor**: Beer52 – head to [www.beer52.com/gender](https://www.beer52.com/gender) for a free case of British craft beer **Additional links:** [The Gender Knot podcast](https://www.thegenderknot.com/) and [Facebook Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/182851532302085/) [The Gender Knot: Mark Manson on men’s groups](https://audioboom.com/posts/6501520-mark-manson-on-men-s-groups) [The Gender Knot: Women’s groups, Men’s groups](https://audioboom.com/posts/6156695-women-s-groups-men-s-groups) **Music:** Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons) 5 Pieces by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)