Unexceptional Moms: Hope and Encouragement for Special Needs Parents

Our husbands join us today as we talk about issues pertaining marriage and parenting kids with disabilities.

Don't forget to download your free PDF copy of the gift guide http://www.ellenstumbo.com/episode10/

Join Erin and me today as we talk about how to survive the Holidays as special needs parents. Holidays are wonderful times to make family memories, but when we parent kids with disabilities, the extra stress of the Holidays can be hard on our kids, and therefore on us too! Holidays can be a wonderful time with family, but they can also be a stressful season. Beginning with Thanksgiving and ending with the New Year, the season is full of parties, school plays, baking, cooking, time away from home, disrupting routines, late nights, tears, laughs, long list of expectations of what makes Holidays memorable and at the end of the season, exhausted parents and exhausted kids that struggle to get back up. And when you parent kids with disabilities, you feel the chaos even more. How can you ever survive the Holiday season? The good news is, there are practical steps you can take to make it through the Holidays. And because I want you to feel you have a plan, I created a free resource for you: In this podcast Erin and I talk about what you can do to make this Holiday season a season where you truly make memories, rather than feeling as if you are merely surviving. We talk in detail through the Holiday Survival Guide, and offer practical tips and examples to help you start this season a step ahead.

Join Erin and me as we talk about cultivating thankfulness. Life can be challenging and messy, yet choosing to be thankful can change our outlook in life. From the show: In the midst of the hard and messy of life, we can choose to be thankful. Ellen shares how she has been cultivating thankfulness for the year 2016. It started with a hard 2015 and a realization that something needed to change. Ellen had spent so much time focusing on the bad, that she needed to switch her focus and focus on the good. This year has not been easier, but her outlook in life has changed dramatically. Ellen wrote about her plan at the beginning of the year, you can read that here: Erin and Ellen discuss Ellen's latest post and go through the different areas in which special needs parents can find thankfulness. Read the post: Research shows that cultivating thankfulness has a positive impact in several areas of life. “Gratitude is an attitude and way of living that has been shown to have many benefits in terms of health, happiness, satisfaction with life, and the way we relate to others. It goes hand in hand with mindfulness in its focus on the present and appreciation for what we have now, rather than wanting more and more. Feeling and expressing gratitude turns our mental focus to the positive, which compensates for our brains’ natural tendency to focus on threats, worries, and negative aspects of life. As such, gratitude creates positive emotions like joy, love, and contentment which research shows can undo the grip of negative emotions like anxiety. Fostering gratitude can also broaden your thinking, and create positive cycles of thinking and behaving in healthy, positive ways.” Melanie Greenberg PH.D If you want to learn more about the psychology behind it, you can read the rest of Dr. Greenbergs article . Ellen mentioned she chose thankfulness over gratitude after reading something that resonated with her. Gratitude is a feeling, thankfulness (or thanks-giving) is an action. And don't forget your FREEBIE this week:

Notes form the show: Erin and I share examples of the types of comments people say that can be rude. It is important to approach all situation with grace, and when appropriate, provide education. When hearing a comment, focus on intent. What is the person's intent? If we lash out to people and they had good intent, it might push them away and we don't want people to be sacred to ask questions or to interact with people with disabilities. If we can, it is best to respond in a way that educates. Erin and I discuss there are different ways we respond to 1) kids, 2) adults, 3) as a parent when your kid is the one who says the rude comments. Sometimes it is helpful to have scripts for certain comments that we encouragement often. Ellen shares about people asking "What is wrong with her?" when asking the question about her daughter with cerebral palsy and this is asked in her daughter's presence. Sometimes a little comedy and acting are appropriate responses. Erin shares three responses when you don't want to engage in a conversation about rude comments and you are ready to move on: Thank you for your concern Silence (silence is a response) I respectfully disagree Our FREEBIE is a swipe copy of what Ellen and Erin do when they engage in education with kids. Both Ellen and Erin do presentations at each of their kids' schools. The swipe copy includes a presentation on Down syndrome, the letter sent home with the kids, and the facts included in the back of the letter. These presentations and letters can be easily tweaked for different disabilities. The letter can also be used without a presentation as a way to "introduce" your child to his/her classmates and in turn educate the parents.

Join Erin and me today as we interview Mardra and Marcus Sikora about what happens when our kids with disabilities grow up. Marcus is an author, and he is also an adult with Down syndrome. Mardra, his mom, is also an author and has helped Marcus achieve his dreams. Marcus shares his book with us, and Mardra has some tips for us parents of younger kids. Our freebie this time comes directly from Mardra! Five quick tips from a parent of an adult with a disability to parents of a child with a disability. From the show: Marcus tells us all about his book,  (I highly recommend you check it out!) Mardra and Marcus talk about their relationship now that Marcus is an adult, the things they enjoy doing together. They also discuss Marcus' desire to become more independent, and Marcus added, he is a ready to have a girlfriend and live on his own. Mardra shared how much her son's artistic inclination is more a reflection of their family, and not a stereotype of Down syndrome. We asked Mardra to give us some advice as parents of younger kids with disabilities. Mardra shared that so much of her worries were unfounded, and that more than worrying we should focus on planning. She also had some more things to share, which is why we asked her to create a resource for us, and she gracioulsy agreed to create the

Join Erin and me today as we talk about Down syndrome, what it is, the stereotypes, and the joys. If you do not parent kids with Down syndrome, I think you will still find yourself relating to much of what we have to say, especially when we start talking about stereotypes and how people perceive disability, and the joys! What we covered in the show: What is Down syndrome? Physical characteristics of Down syndrome (you can also find a post about it HERE) Myths and stereotypes Always happy Always loving They are angels God gives special children to special parents They can’t live independent lives, have a job, or marry They are perpetual children Because they have an intellectual disability, they cannot be smart They are a burden to their families The JOYS of parenting a child with Down syndrome Mentioned in the show: : A reality show that follows the lives of adults with Down syndrome and their parents. One of our favorite shows! And as always, we have a freebie for you: What’s next: and leave us a review! We would appreciate that.

Join Erin and me today as we talk about isolation in moms of children with disabilities. We discuss the struggles of becoming isolated, how to prevent isolation, or how to pull out of it if you are already in it. If you would rather watch us on youtube, to see our smiling faces. Notes from the show: Erin's post: Erin shares where she was at feeling isolated. "Getting together with other people, I can't do that, my kids have to have yes on them at all times. When kids are involved I do';t have time to relax and talk to people, especially if it is i someone else's house. It is easier at my house, but is my house clean? Do I have something to feed them? Often times I feel it's not worth it." There are challenges about not being able to go somewhere and fully participate, or inviting people to your home where it feels like work. As a special needs parent, you have to think about every single detail. Sometimes you feel isolated because it seems as if people don't notice when you are missing. Sometimes it is easier to look at what other people are not doing right, rather than recognizing there is something we can do. Isolation can happen even in conversations, because our life can be pretty different that it makes us feel we have little in common with others. You can be around people and feel alone. Birthday parties can be hard. Are our kids invited? Does anyone show up at our kids' birthday parties? Friendships are harder for our kids because of disability and because of disability attitudes from other people.  Most moms with younger kids feel isolated, when you add disability to the mix, sometimes it feels like you do not move out of that isolation mode. So much is about children activities, and when our kids cannot participate it isolates us. We have a role to play and we can initiate. We are tired and have enough to worry about. But sometimes, when a friendship is worth it, people need to be chased a little bit. As you try and try, you learn together how to work as a family. You figure out new ways trying to make things work. Eventually, it can become a positive experience. But if we don't try again, we will never get to that place. Even when trying is hard, you have to be willing to put the energy and effort. In order to participate in life sometimes you need to put yourself out there. Our spouse is supposed to be our best friend. Marriage is our most intimate connection, investing in the marriage helps us have that strong bond. If the marriage is not doing well, it can lead to the greatest isolation, where even within your own home you feel isolated. Recommended Resources: For mental health illness, there is (national Alliance on Mental Illness). Joni and Friends . If you struggle with depression (or anxiety), finding a counselor can be incredibly helpful, here are two resources to help you find someone in your area as well as a helpful article from Family Life. from Focus on the Family Article: Make sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Also, share with a friend! And don't forget your freebie!

From the show: For me (Ellen), dealing with my daughter's diagnosis of Down syndrome was a period of time where I struggled in my Faith. My constant question to God during those first few weeks was, "Why?!" Erin and I discuss the good that has come from our lives. We have more empathy and are more compassionate. We are able to minister to others. We've grown in our faith. We are different people as God has used this journey to refine us. We know God in a  different way. We have become strong advocates helping not just our kids but others too. We've learned more about friendship. We've learned to ask for help. How we have dealt with disappointment and challenges: Keep going through the motions. Holding on to the fact that God's goodness is not dependent on our circumstances. Breath prayers. Inviting people to pray for us. Worship. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Psalm 34:8 We do not need refuge when things are going well and life is easy. we take refuge when the storms of life threaten to overtake us, and it is in these times that we can taste and see that the Lord is good.

Welcome to episode 2 of the . Today, Erin and I are talking about what keeps us from taking care of us as special needs parents. As always, if you would rather watch us, you can find the podcast on . Or, you can find us on ! From the show: What keeps us from taking care of us? Guilt: We carry so much guilt about everything! We mention the Facebook Live video on guilt. Time: We are so busy. Child Care: It’s hard to find childcare when your child has a disability. Kara Deidert has a phenomenal resource on Respite called, “The Insiders Guide to Respite.” It is a free resource for parents who need a break and a solution to make it happen! Money: Many of us have limited resources, and sometimes by the time you pay a sitter you don’t have anything left over to go on a date, go to the gym, or invest in you Exhaustion: We are too tired. Lack of self-esteem. Depression: The incidence of depression in parents of kids with disabilities. It is hard to ask for help. Why is it important to take care of ourselves? We are better parents, we have more fun, the hard days don’t affect us as much because we know we are going to get a breather. We need our sanity! We need rest, which in turn helps us have more energy. We need to be there for our families and take care of them. What would happen if by neglecting taking care of myself I no longer can care for my family and my kids? Ways to care for ourselves in different areas. Spiritual: It needs to be easy and it needs to be meaningful. Online devotionals. Jesus Calling. Erin uses an App called Through the Word. Worship music. Finding a place to worship. Physical: It doesn’t mean you have to go to the gym, we are aiming for easy and meaningful. Exercise. Take your dog on a walk. Dance with your kids! Emotional: What gives you life. Things that you love to do, like reading, coloring, photography. Remember the things you loved to do before you had kids. Book recommendations from the show: By Gillian Marchenko by Gillian Marchenko Practical: The Survival Guide Freebie! And of course we have a freebie for you today, “The Special Needs Parent Survival Guide.” With 13 practical ways to help you take care of you. And because we know you are busy, these are simple, easy, and effective to help you find peace in the midst of chaos. Get the Survival Guide!

Welcome to Episode 1 of the Unexceptional Moms Podcast. Today, Erin and I are talking about the podcast and why we named it, “Unexceptional Moms.” We introduce ourselves briefly and since kids are back in school and it’s only the beginning of the school year, we discuss 10 ways  to foster a positive relationship with […] The post appeared first on .