MINDSET ZONE

In a previous episode, I spoke about “mindset limitations” as some of the beliefs, conscious or unconscious, that constrain the way we see, think, and feel the world around us. I explore some of my own mindset blind spots around the pursuing happiness fallacy.  Here, I want to focus on the other side of mindset limitations. The term “mindset” in itself has become very popular. If we google the word, we get more than 150 million results. In Amazon’s books, more than 50 thousand results for “mindset” come up – 20 thousand in book titles. On ListenNotes.com, a great podcast search engine reveals 2,432 with “mindset” in the show title. And I’m thrilled to inform you that at the time of this recording, our very own Mindset Zone, is number two on that list. Self-help books, like “The Secret” have popularized the idea that our thoughts are the primary cause of everything. This principle is also core for many high-performance systems. One of my favorites, The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks Than Others Do In 12 Months, Brian P. Moran explicitly argues “It’s important to understand that the results you achieve are a direct byproduct of the action you take. Your actions, in turn, are manifestations of your underlying thinking. Ultimately, it is your thinking that drives your results; it is your thinking that creates your experiences in life.” In sum, the more prevailing perspectives see our mindsets–the way we think, and the beliefs we have–determining what we do and the results we get.  Even the well-researched CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy–a form of talk therapy that has been demonstrated to be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness–focuses on changing thinking patterns. A basic CBT technique, originally developed by Albert Ellis, is known as the ABC model, and it assumes our beliefs about a specific event affect how we react to that event, being its goal to help us restructure these beliefs to adapt a healthier response. For instance, you sent an important email out with a proposal that if accepted can help you achieve your goals for your next quarter, but one week has passed and you didn’t get any reply. This can be seen as the Activation event, the A in this ABC model. This situation can lead to negative feelings, emotions, like anxiety, fear, lack of confidence that can lead to procrastination, or inaction. These emotional responses and behaviors are the Consequences, the C in the ABC model. So, the B is at the center of the model and represents the Beliefs that are triggered by A, and are the real cause of C. So, the goal is to change the B, the Beliefs, to change underlying thoughts. So, for example, when you haven’t yet heard back about that proposal, instead of thinking, “How awful! I'm never going to be good at this!” which will most certainly lead to less than optimal feelings, and probably a lack of action. You can disrupt the self-fulfilling prophecy by changing your thoughts. Thoughts. Feelings. Behaviors. It’s easier to use a linear model to describe what is happening when we are trying to change. Yet, we can argue that this linear perspective is too simplistic, and that doesn’t allow us to see the whole multidimensional picture. CBT acknowledges that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected, but most of the time it focuses on changing thinking patterns first as if that was a unidirectional relationship. But if this was the case, gaining a new insight, or becoming aware of a thought pattern would be enough to change our feelings and behaviors, and we painfully live the reality that it’s not that easy.

When we hear the words “mindset limitations” we often think about our beliefs, conscious or unconscious, that constrain the way we see, think, and feel the world around us. These beliefs affect our present reality and also impact what we can envision for the future and the possibilities we chose to explore. Often, we are not aware of these limitations. They are mindset blind spots and as such, they are hidden. Sometimes, others can see them, but we don't. It often takes many painful life circumstances to expose them and give us the impetus to change. Visual blind spots are great metaphors for our mindset limitations. When we are driving and look into the side-view mirrors, we know there is a blind spot that remains, a zone around the car that we have to turn our head to see. The eye blind spot is even more amazing. Our eyes have a natural blind spot, the area where the optic nerve exits the eye, that doesn’t have light receptors so, we cannot see any images that fall on that spot. When I first learned about the eye blind spot, I wondered why so many of us never become aware of it. We usually view with both eyes, so one eye sees the information that falls into the other eye's blind spot, and even when we look at something only with one eye, our brain fills in the missing information – our brain tricks us to see what is supposed to be there. Just google “blind spot test” to find easy-to-follow experiments that expose our visual blind spots. It’s truly awe-inspiring how our brain can fill in the information that’s supposed to be there. One of my biggest mindset limitations was the belief that one of the noblest goals in life was to pursue happiness. That was the goal I aspired to and was proud of. I consider myself an optimist by nature, always trying to see the silver lining in people and life circumstances. I focus on the positive, and wholeheartedly embrace the study of positive psychology, speaking about it, teaching it, even doing a podcast where most of the topics are about how to cultivate positivity. I only very recently realized my blind spot around the concept of pursuing happiness.  If I have this as a goal, by definition I'm always pursuing it, and therefore not enjoying, not being fully happy. This is a great strategy to keep detached from feelings, rationalizing everything, and being dissociated from the present moment. When I started to see my own blind spot, I started to see the possibility of choosing happiness at almost every step of the way. Happiness doesn't need to be a goal; it can be a way of being. Choosing to make lemonade out of lemons, adding some sugar (positivity), and enjoying drinking it! Yes, I was doing lemonade before, but not giving myself permission to flavor it or enjoy it. I started to understand why I admired people like Victor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, and the kids playing in the rumbles of a war-destroyed city. I used to ask myself how could they smile? Viktor Frankl survived the Nazi concentration camps, where his mother, father, brother, and wife were all killed. Afterward, he wrote “Man's Search for Meaning,” and created Logotherapy, a form of psychotherapy that is focused on the search for meaning. Several years ago, I had the opportunity to interview Frankl’s grandson, Alexander Vesely, who describes him as a really interesting person, funny and witty, with a positive energy that would fill the room. I truly admire Viktor Frankl’s zest for life and his belief in the potential in us all. Nelson Mandela is another inspiring human being. He spent twenty-seven years in prison fighting apart...

Life is two days, and the first we spend waking up. This phrase from a Portuguese song I loved to listen to in the 90s sums up one of my favorite mantras, and like any good chorus, it's worth repeating: Life is two days, and the first we spend waking up. When we become aware […]

All you need is love. You hear these words and you think of the famous Beatle's song. Relax, I will not start singing it. I have many talents but singing is not one of them. Yet I love to sing when I'm alone. It makes me feel alive and it can change my mood quickly. […]

Are negative emotions always bad? What are negative emotions? When something stirs us up in an unpleasant way, we can call it a negative emotion. We feel sad, fearful, mad. Let's think about situations that cause us to be fearful. Usually, it's something that can put us in danger. I remember many years ago, in […]

The power of restart! When your computer starts to misbehave or run slower, common advice is to shout it down and restart it. Many times we resist this advice. We have so much stuff open. We are afraid of missing something. It will take time. And we can go on and on with excuses. But […]

When I was preparing to interview Jordan Harbinger, host of The Art of Charm podcast, I planned to focus this episode on overcoming blindspots. In fact, I begin by telling the story about my big blindspot in relation to the Top 50 iTunes podcast The Art of Charm that has more than 1.5 million downloads […] The post Blindspots, First Impressions & People Skills (with Jordan Harbinger) appeared first on Dr. Ana Melikian.

When I was preparing to interview Jordan Harbinger, host of The Art of Charm podcast, I planned to focus this episode on overcoming blindspots. In fact, I begin by telling the story about my big blindspot in relation to the Top 50 iTunes podcast The Art of Charm that has more than 1.5 million downloads […]

I recorded this MINDSET ZONE episode, on the Fourth of July, Independence Day, in the US. We commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776. This was when the American colonies declared themselves as a new nation, the United States of America, no longer part of the British Empire. Independence can […] The post The Independence Continuum appeared first on Dr. Ana Melikian.

I recorded this MINDSET ZONE episode, on the Fourth of July, Independence Day, in the US. We commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776. This was when the American colonies declared themselves as a new nation, the United States of America, no longer part of the British Empire. Independence can […]

In this episode, I had the pleasure to interview Monique Y. Wells. Monique is a productivity expert, and loves to coach women entrepreneurs who want their businesses to support their ideal lifestyles. Monique writes regularly for the Huffington Post. There she published recently a three-article series where she interviewed several entrepreneurs in the “expert arena” – coaches, consultants, authors, speakers, online marketers – about their experiences of six or seven figure business growth. This interview focused on mindset shifts around productivity, balance and entrepreneurship (namely what usually happen for the solo-preneurs to be able to survive the start-up phase, and grow their business to the six or seven figure mark.) In our conversation we spoke about: What Is Productivity? Productivity Is More Than Getting Things Done New Definition of Balance Productivity Mindset Shifts in Entrepreneurship: From Start-Up to High 5 Figures […] The post Mindset Shifts in Productivity, Balance and Entrepreneurship (with Monique Y. Wells) appeared first on Dr. Ana Melikian.

In this episode, I had the pleasure to interview Monique Y. Wells. Monique is a productivity expert, and loves to coach women entrepreneurs who want their businesses to support their ideal lifestyles. Monique writes regularly for the Huffington Post. There she published recently a three-article series where she interviewed several entrepreneurs in the “expert arena” – coaches, consultants, authors, speakers, online marketers – about their experiences of six or seven figure business growth. This interview focused on mindset shifts around productivity, balance and entrepreneurship (namely what usually happen for the solo-preneurs to be able to survive the start-up phase, and grow their business to the six or seven figure mark.) In our conversation we spoke about: What Is Productivity? Productivity Is More Than Getting Things Done New Definition of Balance Productivity Mindset Shifts in Entrepreneurship: From Start-Up to High 5 Figures […]

In episode 26 of the MINDSET ZONE podcast where the topic was “Do People Really Change?”, I spoke about a Greek philosopher called Heraclitus who said: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” Heraclitus believed everything is in constant flow, everything always changes. I thought about this when I watched a short video from Martha Beck, a popular life coach and author. She shared her strategy to deal with major life transitions. Martha begins with […] The post Transitions–The Eagle and The Mouse appeared first on Dr. Ana Melikian.

In episode 26 of the MINDSET ZONE podcast where the topic was “Do People Really Change?”, I spoke about a Greek philosopher called Heraclitus who said: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” Heraclitus believed everything is in constant flow, everything always changes. I thought about this when I watched a short video from Martha Beck, a popular life coach and author. She shared her strategy to deal with major life transitions. Martha begins with […]

To conclude my series of podcast episodes about the importance of “Focusing”, I was honored to interview Greg McKeown, author of the New York Times Best Seller Book – Essentialism: the Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Greg has taught at companies that include Apple, Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Salesforce, and Pixar. He is also an amazing keynote speaker that I had the opportunity to meet at the ICON15– The InfusionSoft Annual Conference held in Phoenix, Arizona. Here are some of the topics we spoke about: What is “Essentialism”? Information and opinion overload Emails in mobile devices as a distraction Discern between the vital few and the trivial many Becoming an essentialist is not an event, it’s a process […] The post Essentialism by Greg McKeown appeared first on Dr. Ana Melikian.