The Lapse Storytelling Podcast

"Where do I download The Crew Change?" You won't find it. Not unless you know someone who knows someone. Not unless you're part of the underground, the cats who ride the rails. The drifters, hobos, and punks that hitch like it's a living. And why shouldn't they? They ain't got no other livin'. You won't find a copy because The Crew Change is the stowaway's bible. It's the Anarchist's Cookbook of the rails; a complete guide to when, where, and how to catch a free ride... without getting caught.

I was an eleven year old Peeping Tom. I loved James Bond. I wanted to be James Bond. Which is why, naturally, I became the founder and president of Spy Club. This is a first for The Lapse, in that this story is by yours truly, Kyle Gest. We'd originally recorded guest narration (big ups to William Hopkins, accent extraordinaire), but a couple catastrophes later, we couldn't use it. The final result is our very first story without an additional narrator. This is straight from me to you! I think it's a barrel of monkeys. A reminder for my Canadian brethren: I'm on TV! You can catch me Wednesday nights on The W Network at 10PM Pacific. Check your local listings for The Audience Canada if you're keen to put a face to the voice. Download The Spy Club HERE on iTunes or stream it at the link below.

For a while, mum and dad are perfect. Right, even when they're wrong. It's only as we get older that our parents become humanized. People with problems. Linda Feuerhelm should've been too young to have that revelation, but as you'll hear in this week's episode... there's something very wrong with Linda's mum.

Emily is 6"1'. If that doesn't seem like a big deal, try again. The average Canadian woman is less than 5'4". Emily is taller than 99.6% of all the world's women combined. This is the original, unaired pilot of The Lapse Storytelling Podcast. With a couple hiccups in our regular scheduled programming, I thought it'd be a treat to share just where The Lapse came from. It's funny. I didn't realize how much narration I did back then.

Gabriel Bellman has witnessed more disasters than any one person rightfully should. Volcanoes, earthquakes, riots, terrorism... Despite hopping around the U.S. from state to state, where Gabriel goes, bad news seems to follow. The strange thing about being a magnet for disaster? It begins to feel familiar. Routine. Call him unlucky, but the man lives to tell about it.

This is, without question, the darkest episode The Lapse has ever aired. Try not to take what I'm about to say as reductive. Because when Wichita Sims underwent treatment for breast cancer, the ingredients were a known quantity: chemo, radiation, group counseling. It was standard practice. Routinized. Regimented. She stuck to the recipe and she lived to tell it. There's no such thing as boilerplate brain surgery. One slip, one miscalculation, and you may irreparably change a human being. When Wichita developed a brain tumor, her doctor told her not to worry. Unfortunately, that is where her story begins.

This marks a particularly special episode of The Lapse: two storytellers, one story. Speaking to co-directors Joel Ashton McCarthy and Bryant "Spry Bry" Boesen was a treat. Matthau and Lemon would be proud; they're an Odd Couple in the best sense, just mismatched enough to compliment one another. In a lot of ways, Joel has more in common with Charles and Lee, Bryant's parents. Rather than give away its namesake, aptly named Taking My Parents to Burning Man, this episode explores more of the dynamic between Joel and Bryant. It wonderfully mirrors the experiences that both parents shared that week. Two voices is a lot of work to edit with, so settle in for something special. It might be a while before this kind of episode again.

The classic magician is a dying breed. Christopher James Schuh represents a sect of dreamers bent on keeping that tradition alive. Not a relic of vaudevillian past or some Criss Angel special still haunting Spike TV. I've seen the man float a table across the room with nary a wire in sight. If watching the illusion is fascinating, so too is getting a glimpse behind the curtain. This episode is for the kid in all of you. It's wonder. It's whimsy. It's Some Kinda Magic.

Like strangers, like dangers, the chance for revenge takes many forms. Ever wish you had another opportunity to reshape that smirk on every childhood bully? Give 'em all a good fistful of knuckles? Rob Puittinen got that opportunity in a way he never anticipated. Like Rob, I was no stranger to small town living. I grew up in the Fraser Valley, another peacefully named dung heap on the outskirts of greater Vancouver. Years from now, should I have a kid, here's the piece of advice I'll give him: "Livin' in a small town don't make you invincible, boy." With hope, my Canadian accent will have matured into a rugged southern drawl.

You're pregnant. 43 years old. A 1 in 3 chance your child might have Down Syndrome. Do you follow through? Whatever your belief, understand this: when the hard and fast rules of your life are thrust in front of you, it's impossible not to question them. Broad strokes of black and white morality soon blend to grey. Cue Lee-Anne Ekland. Fair warning: she's been through a lot. This week's episode gets a little ambitious, skipping and jumping between Lee-Anne's past and present. For me, it was like putting together a really good puzzle. I think you'll dig the result. After you listen to this story, you need to check out Lee-Anne Ekland's blog. Especially if you're a mother. Her story here continues there to this day. That's a spoiler warning if you're wondering.

Mann Cuevas is a #1 hit-single popstar. Between you and I? It's a secret. A visit to Manuel's work in Vancouver might net you a free cup of coffee. A step off the plane with Mann in Mexico will likely get you trampled. For everyone who wonders what it's like to be Clark Kent, this is your episode. Whether you're familiar with his work or not, you should absolutely listen to the Mann himself, including his brand new Terra EP. Even if you're not a fan of the genre, the Mexican music industry is a fascinating wild-west of a place. If you just can't get enough Mann in your life, check out his hour-long documentary, MANN:2013. To be honest, I'm excited to see the turnout for this one. Either you've not a clue who Mann Cuevas is... or you know exactly who he is and that's the only reason you're listening to this podcast. I'll update you on the stats in the weeks to come. ¡Órale! Mexico! Get it on iTunes or the link below.

When you're a virgin, sex for the first time seems impossible. The older you get, the more futile the fantasy. But as the cliche goes, be careful what you wish for. Marshall Whitlock was one virgin too lucky.     This marks the second episode of The Lapse and I couldn't be more excited to share it. Marshall and I were university buds, a combo, like ale and bitters. Strong, dark, stout. Recommended in moderation. Trust me when I say this: you know a guy well enough, you're certain to pull a good goddamned story out of him. Not the least of which is how he lost his virginity. I'll make my listeners a bet: if you've lost your virginity in a more incredible, more outlandish way, send us a message. We'll have you on the show. Check out the episode below or nab it on iTunes.

Even cancer has a silver lining, at least when you listen to TJ Kelly's story. With her, the very fist episode of The Lapse is LIVE! I met TJ on a television show, of all things, debuting at the end of March. She's a fabulous, funny lady that'll make you laugh even in spite of her circumstances. We stumbled into the story when I asked her about her blog, a site she once owned called Girl in a Van, chronicling her adventures across the U.S. She'd stopped writing for it. When I asked her why, she told me she'd need a couple more drinks first. I obliged. You don't expect the C Word after a couple drinks. Where TJ's road trip ends is where this story begins. She hopes to one day publish a memoir on her experience. Sidenote: It's my birthday! Please do me one little thing. Like The Lapse on Facebook and share it with somebody, anybody. It'd sincerely help me out. That means more content from The Lapse and the possibility of food on my table. Get the episode here on iTunes.