Save The Marriage Podcast | How To Save Your Marriage | How To Stop Your Divorce

Many times, I found myself just playing referee in my office.  The sparring match began when the couple sat down, and didn’t stop until they left. It seemed that all I could do was ring the bell and end a round.  “Be civil,” I would tell them. Then, the gloves would come off and they […]

Yet another email:  “My spouse is leaving me because my spouse is tired of my controlling behavior.  I didn’t know I was!  Help!” Sometimes, the email tells me one thing different:  the person knew he/she was controlling — but thought it was OK. It isn’t. Controlling behavior is yet another dynamic that erodes the connection […]

It can be frustrating.  You are trying hard to change yourself.  You are learning about yourself and relationships.  You are growing and know you are NOT like you were. But your spouse doesn’t seem to notice.  In fact, your spouse keeps on reacting to the OLD you, even while the NEW you is doing something […]

The past can hold you hostage.  The “ghosts” of the past can hold your marriage hostage. Sit back and let me share a story with you.  It’s Christmas Eve.  Chris and Holly are trying to sleep. They can’t.  Their disconnection has never felt worse.  Isn’t it that time of year for love and family?  Songs […]

Feelings.  We all have them. Sometimes, we have the wrong feelings.  And we try to get away from those feelings. In a relationship in trouble, you can guarantee that someone is not feeling the way that he or she wants to feel.  So, that person tries to get away from what is making them feel […]

“Can my marriage be saved?”  That question is echoed in email after email, voicemail after voicemail, and conversation after conversation. “Just give it to me straight,” Jerry told me.  He was more direct than others.  “I know you are supposed to say, ‘Of course it can,’ but do I have a chance?” To be clear, […]

Maybe languages just aren’t my thing. In high school, I took French.  I switched to Spanish in college.  But my grades weren’t where I thought they should be (foolish me!).  So, I tried out Latin.  THAT was a massive failure!  And since I needed to make it to a literature class before graduating, I went […]

Thanksgiving Day, in the United States, is upon us.  The day we turn our attention to “thanks” and “gratitude.” What does that have to do with your marriage? LOTS. Gratitude can transform your marriage. I discovered this a few years back, when I gave a couple an exercise that transformed their view of each other. […]

We all hit that point where we just want to give up.  Remember that poster with the cat at the end of the rope?  We get it.  We’ve all been there. While working on your relationship, you may have already hit it.  Or you may feel close. This is normal.  Working on a relationship can […]

Sometimes, it all just seems like opinion.  Lots of people with lots of opinion on what you should do to save your marriage. But what DOES science tell us about saving your relationship? It turns out, LOTS. Today, I want to cover one small piece of the puzzle.  This is one piece of research you […]

Arguments.  We all have them.  Few of us believe they are useful.  Most people find them hurtful and destructive. Yet we still argue. After a lifetime of arguments, do we really believe that this argument or the next one is going to work better? And yet we still argue. A number of years ago, I […]

In my years as a therapist, I met the nicest people. . . many suffering in painful relationships. Sometimes, it can seem so confusing.  Why can two nice people struggle so much to have a good marriage?  How do two people that seemed so loving when they married, end up feeling frustrated and ready to […]

Is your marriage in a chronic state of stuck?  Does your relationship suffer from acute periods of pain?  Often, those moments of acute pain lead to a chronic state of “stuck.”  But that chronic state of “stuck” also creates the potential for more moments of acute pain. Feeling stuck can lead to reactions of pain […]

Are you working to save your marriage?  Are you trying to figure out the trick to doing that? Be careful. Yesterday, I sent an email out to a group, asking what their “burning question” was about how to save a marriage. Within minutes, the emails started coming in.  By the end of the night, hundreds […]

Is it possible to never be unhappy in a relationship?  Is there a shift you can make that changes the whole equation? You may come to this site, unhappy in your relationship and frustrated with life.  What if there is one shift that changes the equation?  And what if that one shift is something entirely […]