Steve & Keith Suck at Football

A media-gobbling monstrosity is gone! The gargoyle of television is no more! No, football is still with us, sadly–we mean Game of Thrones. The end of the show brings a story-centric conclusion to a show that’s been more about whiz-bang death and calamitous pizzazz. What happens when writers attempt to tie off this entertainment phenomenon in a way left normally to aesthetes? Does it work? Is it better or worse than football? You know the answer!

How does the theoretical “economy of outrage” factor into sports, and which sports are built to thrive in it? The Kentucky Derby suffered an unprecedented reversal of its champion because of a ‘foul,’ during the race. This legalistic protestation and ‘shocking’ result in an all-or-nothing sport resembles football. Can baseball help us withstand the monetary spurs of outrage? Listen to find out.

We have a year to think about a new pitching rule in baseball, and Steve and Keith waste no time dissecting what it will mean for the game for pitchers to have to face at least three batters or last until the end of an inning. It’s not bad! But what are the aesthetics? How does football suuuuck? Find out in this episode.

It’s been so long since we broadcast this episode, we forgot what it was about! Enjoy a surprise on us!

Who tires of the Super Bowl? Not us! Not America! Always one of our most rich mines for both fresh and retread material about football’s wrecked aesthetic and baseball’s timeless value, your hosts enthrall in the ribald and flock to the joc-ular in this splendiferous calsutrade of torundular sucktitude!

Steve catches Keith not preparing for the pod when he texts about the big Rams-Saints game in which the end is utterly predictable and lacking a purpose. The game is further invalidated when the referees fail to call an obvious, and major, pass interference penalty. Why did we even turn the TV on?? As a momentary distraction, Scott Fitzgerald’s comments on football enter the discussion. Next time–Superbowl…is it named after an oversized toilet? Probably!

We see the pitcher and catcher all the time when watching a baseball broadcast, so what are fans’ typical views of those players, and how do these two important players fit into the aesthetic plan of the game? Do they have any apparent or actual counterparts in football? Listen to find out–but what you already know is that football sucks!

While watching and reacting to live football, your hosts make a stunning revelation: Football can be fun when the viewer asks, “how is this action good for me?” Betting or fantasy are two main ways to accomplish this. Enjoying the game itself? Ha! The hosts make football good for them by pitting a coin flip against the actual outcome of each play–in real time! Get ready for this tour-de-force and football’s tour-de-suck-it!

Those clowns in sports journalism are at it again! Someone actually tried to equate a football player’s stats to how he’d hypothetically perform as a baseball player. Naturally, this football solution couldn’t go unanswered! Your hosts firmly dismantle this absurd thesis and add in a couple great aesthetic gems to boot! Beat it football–you suck!

Wow, last week was so much fun, it’s time for another rendition of our hosts reacting live to a football broadcast. Lots of aesthetic wisdom flies from our lips! What a disgrace is football!

Enjoy this energetic ten minute taste of our hosts reacting in real time to a live football broadcast! Many great S&K article of dogma come out! Football is terrible!

Leading from last week’s outfield discussion, in this episode, your hosts wing their ball of aesthetic critiques to the cutoff man standing on the shallow outfield grass and take a look at the characteristics of the four infield players. What is their typical profile and how is each one different from its aesthetic ideal? Where is there room for debate? What is certain? Yes, durable as ever, is the notion that football sucks!!

Wait, what is sports aesthetics? Your enthusiastic hosts restate their thesis! Next item under their examining eye (and blustery microphone effect) is the outfield triad in baseball. What makes a good fielder at each position? Are they different? How do they relate to each other? Does football still suck it? Yes!!!

A new season arrives, bringing new theme songs but the same old crew and inspired rants that have won over audiences worldwide. Steve and Keith continue to distill sports wisdom and aesthetics into hard truth. In this episode, how does the suspension of disbelief factor into sports? How are an umpire’s binary calls superior to calls made along a spectrum? Football of course is the worst manifestation of these concepts because it sucks!

We end this season with an explosive, scotch-fueled double episode! The first section demonstrates why this pod needs a jingle, and by the end, our banter will have stimulated your ear drums so richly that you’ll claim that the rest of your life needs a jingle. After that, you’ll hear an extended, soul-nourishing affirmation about why baseball played at the pro level is not all that baseball is–there are many forms it can take and its best one might not even have been invented yet! Finally, you’ll hear a drubbing of a recent, discouraging experience at Busch Stadium, complete with multiple whip cracks. Exhausted after 37 minutes of entertaining nonsense that answers questions you wouldn’t dare ask, there’s still enough left in the tank to tell football to suck it!!