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By Leo Babauta On our trip to Europe the last couple of weeks, Eva and I tried a new experiment: we ate nothing like we normally do when we travel. We ended up feeling healthier than ever, and I lost 5 lbs. on the trip. This is highly unusual for us, because usually we eat pretty much whatever we feel like when we travel, and end up heavier and feeling fatter at the end of the trip. So what did we do differently? We ate no breads, sweets, potatoes, or white rice (in addition to not drinking beer or cocktails, only red wine). This is in addition, of course, to not eating meat, seafood, poultry, dairy or eggs (we’re vegan). And the results? In short, it was less convenient, but healthier. More below. This was an experiment, to see what it would be like, and in truth I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone. If you don’t like changing the way you do things, and want to eat anything you want, don’t do this. If you are tired of traveling and feeling crappy afterward because you ate crap, you might consider this. The Plan Eva and I were both actually doing eating challenges before the trip, for fun, but part of our idea for the challenges was to eat the same way on the Europe trip, with a few exceptions. Here’s what we could and could not eat during the challenge: Could not eat: Sweets (or sugar in general), white flour and breads in general, potatoes, white rice, beer or any alcohol except wine. Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, eggs of course. Fake meats (I’m not against vegan meat substitutes in general though, depending on the ingredients). Could eat: Unsweetened coffee, some whole grains not ground into flour (oats, barley, quinoa, brown rice, etc.), beans, nuts, seeds, veggies, fruits, olive and canola oils. However, we could have 4 exceptions during our two-week trip. That means if we had a meal with white rice and bread in it, that would be an exception. If we were walking down the street and decided to eat some dark chocolate (that had sugar), that would be an exception. We were traveling to London, which we knew to be a good place for vegans, along with Frankfurt, Athens, Santorini, Rome, Venice and Vienna, some of which are not vegan-friendly places. So we knew we’d need those exceptions just to not starve on some days. For exercise, we knew we’d be walking for hours each day, and we’d also be tired from taking 10 separate flights to 7 different cities (London and Athens twice) … so we kept our workouts minimal. The plan was to do short intense workouts for 2 days straight, then take 1 rest day, and repeat the entire trip. Why Do This? Why make travel more difficult than it already is? Why not just enjoy the pleasures of eating the local food? These are good questions, because my usual travel philosophy is that eating the local food is one of the best reasons for traveling. And there’s no need to make life harder than it already is, right? But I often feel crappy after travel, because I haven’t been sticking to healthy eating. I like eating indulgences, but they don’t feel balanced. And so this experiment is a way to see if it’s possible to travel without all the indulgences, and still enjoy the trip. It’s about mindfully finding a balance. We haven’t pinpointed the balance yet, but I can say for sure that there are a million other things you can enjoy in a foreign city without eating all the food they have to offer. Walking around, people watching, watching a sunset, enjoying smells, noticing details, learning the language and history and culture, meeting new people, soaking in the different atmosphere … you don’t need to eat like a crazy person to do these things. And eating simple, healthy food is a pleasure in and of itself, perhaps even better than eating junk. The Results I have to admit that this was one of the more difficult challenges, simply because some days there weren’t too many options for us. Some cities aren’t great for vegans,

By Leo Babauta For many years I simply lived, and got by. But in the last few years, after learning a bit about habits and mindfulness and simplicity and love, I have changed my approach to living. Now I see living as an art form, to be studied and played with and practiced and mastered. Of course, few ever master the art of living, and I don’t know if I ever will. Probably not. But I can pursue this art. I can appreciate it when others do it well. I can learn about it, through experiments and observation and introspection. My pursuit of the art of living is only just beginning, but I thought I’d share a bit about this pursuit with you, my good friends. Beginning the Pursuit The journey begins with a single step, a wise man said, and for me that first step is simple: Admit I don’t know. Learning begins by emptying your cup, so that you can fill it with what you find. Emptying your cup means getting rid of pre-set opinions. I don’t know what the art of living is, but I am curious. And so the path is one of open hands, of curiosity and finding out. And it’s one of bare feet, of being open and naked, willing to be exposed to life and chaos. It’s about clear seeing, mindfulness turned to seeing reality as it is, without trying to make things rosy or conform to the story you tell yourself. Clear seeing, naked, open hands, curious without knowing. That’s the path that I’ve found, so far. The Art Emerges With clear seeing, I start to see why I (and others) suffer, why we stress and get mad at each other and want more and more. And now I can start to apply the art of living to my days. Here’s what I practice with, imperfectly: Compassion. Instead of being angry or frustrated, I find the pain in others, and open my heart to them. This includes compassion for myself. Gratitude. Life is filled with wonder, and the people around me as well. I try to open myself to that wonder, and be grateful it’s there, instead of complaining. Joyfear. Joy is an awesome thing to have, but joyfear is present in the powerful moments in life where joy and fear mix, where we’re taking chances and doing something outside of our comfort zone that both excites us and makes us face the possibility of failure. I now embrace these moments rather than avoiding them. Not avoiding discomfort or uncertainty. When we avoid discomfort, we are limited by our comfort zone, and new learning and new ventures become impossible. When we avoid uncertainty, we only stick to what we know. But we can purposely become good at discomfort and uncertainty, by practicing in small bite-sized chunks, over and over. Staying with the moment, even when it’s hard. This is the hardest of all. “Living in the moment” sounds wonderful, but actually staying with the present moment isn’t ever easy. Try it: with your eyes open, sit still and stay with the sights and sounds around you for 1 minute, without your mind wandering away from them. If you don’t notice your mind wandering, either you’re an experienced mindfulness practitioner, or you didn’t notice when your mind wandered. Relationships are everything. Getting what we want, having things our way, having control, being right … these things matter nothing compared to relationships. Imagine being in your death bed at the age of 80 … will your sense of being right and in control comfort you when you have no good relationships, no one who has loved you? Put relationships first. Not holding on to expectations & judgments. Expectations and judgments prevent me from enjoying what I have, from enjoying the simple presence of someone else in my life. I practice with noticing these expectations and judgments, and practice with holding them loosely, letting them go. Letting go. This is the art of living in two words: letting go. It’s letting go of judgments, expectations, wanting to be right, wanting to control, fear of discomfort, fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of boredom,

‘I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.’ ~Groucho Marx By Leo Babauta Of all the challenges I’ve done for The Year of Living Without, going without TV/video has been the one with the most mixed feelings for me. One side of me: I all of a sudden had more free time, to read, write, do whatever I wanted without distraction. I enjoyed being free of TV and movies. But the other side: I couldn’t hang out with my family when they watched TV. Which they tend to want to do every night, for an hour or two. I honestly didn’t want to watch the TV shows with them (we don’t have cable, but watch shows we pick on iTunes), but when they watched, I was isolated. This wasn’t always great. I could have asked them to not watch TV, to join me, and some nights I did. I enjoyed those nights. We would hang out and talk, instead of staring at moving images. But I didn’t want to force them to go without something just because I wanted to experiment with it myself, so I tried to allow them to watch, most of the time. So I would go to my room and read. And so the results are mixed. Here are my findings after a month of no TV and video: Well, in the beginning, I forgot to not watch online video, and so I slipped up once and watched this video on how the iPhone is isolating us. I’m glad I watched it, but when I realized I’d already violated my challenge, only a day or so into the month, I felt bad. A number of other times I automatically clicked on an online video, to watch, and had to turn it off after a few seconds when I realized what I was doing. I don’t really miss video online. It’s not a big deal to me. I wanted to do yoga this month, just 5-10 minutes every evening, but couldn’t watch yoga videos. So I had to make stuff up on my own. I did feel isolated from my family, as I said, when they would watch TV. It would be great if we could find some non-TV things to do in the evening instead. They love board games, so I might start proposing that we play board games together some evenings. On my daughter Maia’s birthday, she wanted us all to watch the first episode of Naruto, one of her favorite anime shows. I had to sit out. I felt bad. I did feel good skipping out on watching a bunch of re-runs of our favorite TV shows. We often just watch these things out of habit, because there’s nothing better to do. I’m not proud of it. I don’t think it’s a good use of our time. So I’m glad I sat it out (again, if it weren’t for having to miss hanging out with Eva and the kids). I got more reading and work done this month than normal. Really great. So what will I do going forward? Here are my thoughts: I’m not going to watch online videos unless it’s to learn something useful (no entertainment videos). Only one movie at the theaters per month, so I’ll have to be more choosy. Propose board games or other activities with the kids in the evening, instead of TV. I’ll allow myself 2 hours of TV a week. So 1 hour, twice a week. No reruns. A Month Without Sugar In October, I’m going without sugar all month. I actually don’t eat a lot of sugar these days. When I first set out on this challenge, I was eating more sugar than I am now, so it seemed like a hard thing to do. I don’t think it’ll be too hard, except for a couple things: Eva & I are traveling through Europe for the first part of this month, so I can’t eat any desserts on our travel. Tasting yummy vegan foods as we travel is a tradition, so I’ll be breaking that. My son Justin’s birthday is at the end of the month. We usually do pancakes or waffles or French toast for their birthday breakfasts, and birthday cake later in the day, so I’ll be skipping out on that stuff. It’ll be a bit of a challenge, but I think I’ll be OK. Wish me luck!

By Leo Babauta In 2005, one of the low points of my life, I had 5 kids, crippling debts, and was barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. I would shove my bills in a drawer, envelopes unopened, so I didn’t have to deal with bills I couldn’t pay. I would avoid the calls of collection agencies. I was swimming in debt, and didn’t know how to get out. The real low point, though, came when we didn’t have enough money to buy some milk and cereal for the kids. My bank account had a negative balance. So I stole money from my kids’ piggy bank to buy the food. Yeah, that didn’t feel good. Things went on like this for awhile before I finally decided it was time to face the fears, see my situation clearly, and start doing something about it. Here’s what I did: I finally faced the problem: I took the bills out of the drawer, and make a spreadsheet with all my debts, the amounts, and the minimum monthly payments. I took a look at our spending, and realized we needed to stop the bleeding before we could start healing. We were spending more than we earned, or at best, all of what we earned. So we cut out all kinds of expenses: cable TV, one of our cars, magazine subscriptions, daily lattes, going to the movies with the kids, buying new things other than actual necessities, going to the mall for entertainment, eating out, buying convenience food. Many of these things we cut out gradually, a month at a time, but some we cut out right away. We started a spending plan — most bills were put on automatic payment, and a few discretionary categories (food, gas, etc.) I started an emergency fund. I started paying off the debts, one at a time. I renegotiated with some of our creditors. We found other fun ways to have fun as a family. I started earning more as a freelancer, to bring in extra income. I started this blog, and sold my first ebook 11 months later, to make more income. Then we got out of debt. And stayed out. We haven’t been in debt one single minute since then. It’s wonderful. The Way of No Debt The first part of the Way of No Debt is getting out of it. The steps I took above are how I did that. It’s the hardest part, but definitely worth it. The Way is then a transition from being in debt, to living debt-free. First, we kept living frugally for awhile — we didn’t really loosen up, and that meant we put a lot of our income to savings. We grew our emergency fund to the recommended 6-month cushion, which was important to me as a self-employed business owner. Then I started looking to invest, and invested in index funds, which are pretty basic but low-cost and low-worry investment vehicles. Then I learned about tax-advantaged investment vehicles like IRAs, and got me some of those. I’m still learning about all of this, but the important thing is that I got started. The Way is now just a philosophy, of not going into debt. I use credit cards now, but pay them off completely every month (for awhile, I paid them off weekly, then just set up autopay). I don’t have a car, but the last time I did, we bought it used, with cash. We don’t have a mortgage. We live within our means, and spend less than we earn. This means we don’t worry about finances, for the most part. It means we don’t pay interest. We earn interest. We aren’t tied to a house, we don’t have anything expensive we’d need to sell, and we live lightly. This is the Way of No Debt, and I recommend it highly. The Sea Change Program: Debt Reduction/Elimination If you’d like help forming the habits that will help you get out of debt, I’d like to offer my Sea Change Program, which I’ve created to help people form habits and change their lives. In October, we’ll be focusing on the Debt Reduction/Elimination Habit, and I invite you to join us. The module will consist of: A simple plan to follow — 5 minutes a day A few articles during the month to help you implement healthy eating changes

Note from Leo: This is a guest post from my friend, Suraj Shah, who wrote this post as a favor to me after a reader asked about how to deal with the loss of a loved one. Suraj writes regularly about dealing with loss on his blog, Live With Loss. ...

By Leo Babauta Last night I received a phone call from a loved one, someone who I love deeply but have struggled with internally because I’ve been worried about his health. I want to help him, because I feel I’m losing him. I want to show him my habit method, so he can give up smoking and drinking and eating unhealthy foods, can take up exercise and meditation, and all of a sudden be transformed into a healthy person again. And of course, I can’t. I want to control something that scares me, but I can’t. I’m not in control of the universe (haven’t been offered the job yet), and I’m not in control of anyone else. I want to help, but can’t. So I melted. Not melted as in “had a meltdown”, which sounds wonderful if you like melted foods but actually isn’t. I melted as in I stopped trying to control, stopped trying to change him, and instead softened and accepted him for who he is. And guess what? Who he is? It’s wonderful. Who he is — it’s super awesome mad wonderful. He’s funny and loving and wise and passionate and crazy and thoughtful and philosophical and did I mention crazy? I melted, and accepted, and only then could I actually enjoy his presence instead of worrying about losing him or changing him. And this, as I’ve learned, is the best way to be. We can stop trying to change people, and just melt into their presence, just notice who they really are, just appreciate it. We can stop complaining about our life circumstances, about our losses, about how the world is, and just melt into it. Just accept. Just notice. Just appreciate. This is the way to be. photo credit: Hani Amir

By Leo Babauta When I sat down to interview Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Richfor my new Habits of Entrepeneur video series, I wasn’t sure what to expect. This is a man who is enormously successful, but his philosophy seems very different than mine. Still, I respect him tremendously, and couldn’t wait to dig into his mind and habits. It turns out, maybe unsurprisingly, that Ramit is a very sharp guy. He’s intensely interested in optimizing his life, and has learned a lot about himself and how to turn his limitations into strengths. In this interview (you can watch part of it for free, above), Ramit shared how he starts his day, how he keeps things organized and easy to actually do, how he uses challenges, how he stays fit, and much more. This is the first interview in the Habits of Entrepeneur video series, and I’m excited to share the rest with you soon. I plan to have one new video out every 2 weeks (I already have 6 months’ worth recorded!). Watch the video above, and then feel free to check out the full video bysubscribing — for $9/month, your subscription gets: A new Habits of Entrepreneurs video interview every 2 weeks, emailed to your inbox Bonus videos: Leo’s Entrepreneurial Habits, Leo’s Habits for Creating, and How to Create Habits Bonus ebook: Leo’s Zen to Done - The Ultimate Simple Productivity System ($9.50 value) Bonus ebook package: Leo’s focus: a simplicity manifesto in the age of distraction ($34.95 value) Read more.

By Leo Babauta In our lives immersed in technology, we rarely shut everything off. We turn on when we wake up, and are on our devices until we go to sleep. And every hour in between. I’m not immune to this. Very few people these days are. And yet, there’s value in shutting everything down, so that we can reconnect with life. With people. With the moment. With ourselves. There’s a time to work hard, and there should be a time to shut down. Otherwise, it all blends together and nothing has any space. What time will you shut down today?

By Leo Babauta The reason for our suffering is our resistance to the changes in life. And life is all changes. While I resist change (and suffer) just like anyone else, I have learned to adapt. I’ve learned some flexibility. I’ve realized this: Everything changes, and this is beautiful. The Pain of Life’s Changes What do I mean that our suffering comes from resistance to the changes in life? Let’s take a look at some things that give us trouble: Someone yells at you at work. The change is rooted in the fact that we expect people to treat us kindly and fairly and with respect, but the reality is that they don’t always. When they don’t, we resist this reality, and want things to be the way we want them to be. And so we get mad, or hurt, or offended. Your 3-year-old (or 13-year-old) won’t listen to you. Again, you expect your child to behave a certain way, but of course reality is different. And when reality doesn’t conform to our expectations, we are stressed out. You lose your job. This is a huge change, that affects not only your financial stability, but your identity. If you are a teacher, and lose your teaching job, you now have to deal with the changes in how you see yourself. This can be very difficult. Resisting these changes (and the financial constraints that come with the job loss) can be very painful. You have too many tasks and feel overwhelmed. What is the change here? We want things to be in control, but of course they aren’t. New tasks and information come in, new requests, new demands. And these are changes that are difficult, because we thought we had our day under control, and now it’s not. And so we feel overwhelmed and stressed. A loved one dies. One of the ultimate changes is death, of course, but what has changed? Well, the person is obviously no longer in our life (at least, not in the same way), but just as painfully, we are not the same person when a loved one dies. We have to change who we are — we’re now a widower instead of a husband, a father without his daughter, or a friend who is left alone (for example). We want life to be the way it was, but it isn’t, so we grief, we rage. That’s just a start. Things change all the time, and we resist it. Our day changes, our relationships change, other people don’t act the way they should, we ourselves are changing, constantly, and this is hard to deal with. So this is the pain of change, of not being in control, of things not meeting our expectations. How do we cope? The Beauty of Life Changes We can cope with the pain in numerous ways: get angry and yell, drink or do drugs, eat junk food, watch TV or find other distractions. We can find positive ways to cope with the stress and hurt and anger: exercise, talking about our problems with a friend, or trying to take control of the situation in some way (planning, taking action, having a difficult conversation to work out differences, etc.). Or, we can embrace the changes. If changes are a basic fact of life (actually life is nothing but change), then why resist? Why not embrace and enjoy? See the beauty of change. It’s hard, because we’re so used to resisting. Let’s put aside our resistance and judgments for a few minutes, and look for beauty in life’s changes: Someone yells at you at work. This person is hurting, frustrated, angry, and is taking it out on you. They are reaching out, trying to control the chaos of life (uselessly of course), and are not succeeding. Can you empathize with this? Have you ever felt this? There is beauty in our similarities, in our joint pain, in our connection as humans. Mentally embrace this beautiful, hurting human being, feel his pain, give your compassion. Your 3-year-old (or 13-year-old) won’t listen to you. Amazingly, your child is asserting her independence. She is showing that she’s a full human being, not just a robot who follows orders. Have you ever been in that position?

‘I want to put a ding in the universe.’ ~Steve Jobs By Leo Babauta Sometimes immersing yourself in the creative world of people doing amazing things can bring unexpected results. My son Justin is interested in 3D animation, and my daughter Chloe is into screenwriting, and so it was a thrill to take them on a tour of Pixar Animation Studios, courtesy of one of the Pixar animators. Bernhard Haux is a “character technical director”, which in his case means he models characters and works on their internal motions (I think — I didn’t fully grasp the lingo). Which means he is just a small piece in the larger Pixar machine, but a piece that’s aware of what everyone else is doing too. He’s worked on major movies such as Up, Brave, Monsters U and others in the last 6 years. Bernhard was gracious enough to show us around the Pixar campus, and while we couldn’t really dig into their super-secret process, we did get a few glimpses of the magic. And as a result of these small glimpses, I learned some surprising things. I’d like to share them here, in hopes that they’ll inspire others as they inspired me. Creativity Lessons Bernhard actually answered a whole bunch of our questions, and I was too polite to record it all, so here are a few things I remember: Tenacity matters. Bernhard told a story of a friend who did a drawing every day, for more than 3 years, and became amazingly good by the end of that stint. He shared Looney Toons legendary animator Chuck Jones’ assertion that you have to draw 100,000 bad drawings before you have a good drawing. Bernhard said you might not seem very good at something when you start out, but if you’re persistent, tenacious even, you can get amazingly good. Art is your particular telling of reality. When we talked about letting go of preconceived ideas and drawing what you actually see, Bernhard compared it to a night out with one of his friends. While Bernhard might just recount that night by saying, “We went out and had some food and went home”, his friend might have noticed a lot of interesting details that Bernhard didn’t, and tell a story with those details in a way that’s interesting and hilarious. Same experience, different interpretation, different details. Feed off others’ ideas. When Pixar artists create characters, it’s not a matter of one artist sketching out how he thinks a character should look. They all sit around a table, each drawing ideas, putting them in the middle, and others taking those ideas and riffing off them. Dozens and dozens of sketches come out from this process, until they find the one that works best. This means everyone’s creativity builds on the creativity of everyone else. This, btw, can help you even if you don’t have a bunch of other geniuses to work with — find others who are creating cool things, and riff off them, and share your riffs. Let go of ego. Imagine if you’ve put a great sketch into the pile, and you think it’s the one that should be used. But because so many talented artists are throwing ideas into the pile, the fact is that most ideas/sketches won’t be used. They’ll be discarded. If you want your idea to win, you’ll fight for it, but this only hurts the process. Pixar animators have to let go of their egos, and put the best interests of the project first. I think this is true of any creative project. Everyone should know the mission well. Some studios outsource their animation work overseas, but then the animators often don’t know what the movie is about, and don’t really care about the final process, because they’re just doing one tiny piece. But at Pixar, everyone involved is pushing forward, trying to create the best movie possible, and they take pride in this mission. That means that everyone is invested in the mission, everyone truly cares about the work they’re producing, and it shows in the final creation. Lots of hard work, tiny but amazing results. When Pixar created Brave,

“What day is it?” “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favorite day,” said Pooh. By Leo Babauta Last weekend I spent nearly four days leading a retreat, at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center. To get to this Zen center, you make a journey through a twisting bumpy rising falling mountain road, and then you’ve arrived. And what a place to arrive at! It’s a place of peace, with a silently gushing river, people meditating all the time, everyone walking slowly, no distractions, constant gratitude and mindfulness. A beautiful place of peace. As I contemplated the peace of leaving it all behind, I wondered why we need a place in the mountains for this kind of peace. And so I’ve been practicing (imperfectly, of course) leaving it all behind, no matter what I’m doing. What is this like? Imagine you’re going to meet with someone, but you’re still thinking about the project you’ve been working on. You’ve brought the project with you. It distracts you so that you don’t fully hear the person you’re with, and they can sense your lack of attention, your lack of presence. This hurts the relationship. It stresses you out, because you’re working on the project and talking with someone at the same time. You are less competent with one task because you’re still thinking about another. Stress, less competency, and hurt relationships. This is what we have when we bring everything with us to every activity. But if you can leave the project behind, the talk will be much better. You’ll be fully present, fully engaged. Less stressed. A place of peace. How to Leave It All Behind So how do we leave everything behind, so that we can find peace? It’s not easy. It’s practice, then more practice. But it’s worthwhile practice. Here’s what I’ve been doing: When I arrive in a new place, or talk to someone, or start something new … I pause. Then I take a brief moment to journey through the mountain road, leaving behind the rest of my life. I let go, by loosening my grip, by relaxing instead of grasping. I see it fall behind. I then arrive in the new place. I look around, smile, enjoy. I inhabit the new place. I give thanks for being here. Then I put my attention on this new place. This new person. This new activity. When I notice my attention wander, I return. I let go of the need to check, to constantly be busy with something else, to know what’s going on or to do everything. I am just here. And here is great.

‘From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way.’~Bill Watterson By Leo Babauta Goodness knows I’ve put in my share of being different than most people. I’ve had to explain myself more times than is believable, and I’ve dealt with people avoiding my company because of my differentness. And yet, despite the hassles and the isolation, I wouldn’t want to give up my differentness. It’s who I am. And being like everyone else would be less authentic. How am I different? Here are a few examples: I’m vegan I unschool my kids I’m a minimalist (and wear the same clothes over and over, have very little) My family and I are car-free Recently I haven’t been eating eat sugar or flour or fried foods I meditate I don’t have a “real” job (people don’t seem to understand what a blogger does) I mostly live without goals I don’t eat fast food I don’t have debt, nor own a home (nor do I plan to anytime soon) None of that is to brag — I don’t think any of those makes me any better than anyone else, nor do I think I’m the first to do any of these. They’re just a part of who I am — and in fact, I’m different in many less visible ways. I’m also similar to most people in many ways — I fail, I hurt, I get scared, I get angry, I am shy, I doubt myself. I am human and imperfect. But the differences stand out when I socialize. The Social Costs of Being Different My differences isolate me and make me have to explain myself and make me have less in common with other people. For example, when I socialize: If we’re eating, I always have to explain my vegan-ness. I always have to answer questions about protein, and what would happen to the animals if we didn’t provide for them (before we slaughter them), andisn’t soy bad for you, and so on. My veganism becomes the focus of conversation, making me feel a bit weird because I don’t eat like everyone else. If everyone else is eating fast food or desserts, I abstain. They seem to love it, but I can’t agree, so I’m not a part of it. Being different means some people don’t know what to talk to me about, because the normal topics don’t apply to me. It’s harder for them to relate. People get defensive about my differences — unschooling makes them feel like bad parents if they send/sent their kids to school, and veganism can make them try to defend their way of eating, and so on. I get teased (usually in a good-natured way, but still) about eating rabbit food or having an empty house or c’mon, wouldn’t you just love some of this delicious meat (not really). People judge me, or if they don’t judge, they just see me as different. Sometimes family members actually get mad at us for being different than them, or for being bad parents (as vegans or unschoolers). Some people refuse to eat our food, which means they are less likely to visit. Sometimes I just don’t feel like hanging out with people who are being unhealthy or going through life not caring about what they do or who just want to get drunk or stoned. I don’t think they’re bad people, but it’s not that fun for me. That’s just the start of it, but you get the idea. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If you’re different, do you feel social isolation from many people? You might not have the same differences as me, but maybe you see some commonalities here. What’s a person to do? I have some strategies. Dealing With the Social Costs I might have painted a negative picture above, but actually there are lots of ways to deal with these challenges, and also lots of positives: Embrace your differences. While being different can be a bit hard, it’s not a bad thing. Being different is who makes you who you are. It means you’re daring to live your own life, on your terms, with your values. It means you have courage to stand out from the mainstream. It means you’re interesting. Hug those differences, be grateful for them, own them. Be proud of them. See the teaching opportunity.

Note from Leo: Jodi Ettenberg, author of The Food Traveler’s Handbook: How to Find Cheap, Safe and Delicious Food Anywhere in the World is a friend of mine, an amazing person, an accomplished world traveler. A former lawyer, she writes about the stories behind the foods we eat on her site, Legal Nomads. She gets the shakes if she goes too long without sticky rice. And now I’ll turn it over to Jodi! In the middle of a visit to Vietnam’s Mekong Delta, I found myself sitting on the floor of a temple kitchen, chopsticks in hand.  The others in my group, a haphazard mix of people from my tiny guesthouse, were long gone. I wondered if they would realize I was missing, but I didn’t really care. I was too busy staring at the woman in front of me, an older lady with cropped gray hair and very few teeth. On our visit to this temple, a woman’s shelter in the middle of Cai Rang, we took a shortcut through the kitchen to get to the next section of the building. Everyone walked through without stopping. I took one look at the bubbling pots of vegetarian food, the bustle of women chopping and moving and stirring, and I crouched down to ask what was going on. Lunch, it turned out, was going on. And the women making it, ranging from 15 to 75 years old, were beside themselves with mirth that I wanted to get in on the fun. * The idea of quiet is one Leo has addressed thoughtfully on this site, and a concept that differs depending on where we are in this world. When not at home, how do we remain mindful and carve out a quiet space even as noise and newness whir around us? For me, the answer is through food. In a guest post in 2010, Jules Clancy discussed mindfulness while eating, talking about routines and awareness during mealtimes. From a different angle, I wanted to address food as a tool to connect to a place and its people, grounding us all in the process. Here’s how: 1. During pre-trip research, learn not just about the history of a place but also about the stories behind the foods you will eat. I often use the example of ketchup, formerly a Fujianese fermented fish sauce that has morphed into the sweet condiment we know (and some of us love) today. Each of the table condiments, spices and dishes has taken form over the years. What better way to learn and be present in what is “now” than by examining how we got here?  It is also a really effective way to get kids interested in food. Other examples include how tomatoes came to Italy and how the chili came to India. In each of these cases, we can all deepen appreciation of a place, its customs and its foods in tracing the roots of one specific food. Resources: Food and Think blog from Smithsonian Magazine Edible Geography by Nicola Twilley Politics of the Plate by Barry Eastabrook Food Politics by Marion Nestle Grist Food 2. Use food etiquette rules as a springboard for understanding culture. Reading about a place is no substitute for being there and watching life unfold, and table manners are no exception.  The resources below are starting points but the real fun comes in observing from the ground level. I’ve found myself truly appreciating all the little things that go into mealtimes by paying close attention to the traditions each country abides by as it eats. In Thailand, for example, I learned that one should eat off a plate that has been stacked on another, as that ritual is reserved for memorializing the dead. In Indonesia, I was reminded to eat with my right hand (tough for a lefty!), stemming from traditions of bathroom ablutions and which hand is cleaner for use during mealtimes. While not required when visiting a new place, adhering to some of these traditions indicates some prior research, and often has resulted in an impromptu invite to join a family table or two. Resources: International Dining Etiquette, divided by country Cultural etiquette around the world from eDiplomat 3. Go to markets at dawn with a pen, a paper and no camera.

By Leo Babauta I remember one evening, when my life was pretty different and I was overweight and deeply in debt and a smoker and had such a hard time changing things … I wasn’t feeling too good about my life. I felt horrible about myself, and wondered why I was stuck. I felt hopeless and helpless, and generally depressed about the state of things around me. Then I looked up at the sky, and saw the stars set in a deep blue-black canvas. And I thought, what a miracle life is. And I resolved to mentally list the things I had in my life that were good. My list of good things was something like this: I had a wonderful wife I had 5 amazing children (now 6) I had loving parents and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins I wasn’t sick I had a job I had decent shelter and food My family was healthy I could see, and appreciate the beauty of the world around me I could taste delicious food I had great books to read The list went on, but you get the idea. Even when things seemed horrible for me, actually I was OK. And more than that, I had some amazing blessings in my life. That night I resolved to count my blessings more often. I resolved to be grateful for what I had, for the people in my life. I started the habit of gratitude. Now, this seems like a trivial and maybe trite and hokey thing to many people. I’m here to tell you that it’s not trivial, and as trite/hokey as it may seem, it changes lives. Here’s what happened to me, as I changed my thinking from one of negativity, to one of gratitude: I appreciated my wife Eva more, and told her so, and felt good about having her in my life, and we deepened our relationship. I also appreciated my kids more, and instead of getting mad at them so much, I would notice their lovingness, their curiosity, their humor and playfulness. I appreciated my other loved ones more, and while I don’t always tell them how grateful I am for them, I do think it a lot, and do tell them much more often now. I was kinder to others around me, at work and everywhere else, because instead of seeing the faults in everyone, I saw the good, and was grateful for them. I needed less, because instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I was grateful for what I did have. Little things bothered me less, because instead of complaining about every little thing, I would find things to be thankful for. I appreciated nature all around me, smaller things that I might have missed before, beauty in everything. Habit change became easier, because instead of focusing on how hard the change was, I found the joy in the changes, and joy in seeing myself overcome challenges. Each and every moment became cause for gratitude, and living in the present became easier. The list goes on and on, but each of these things is incredibly powerful. Not trite. Not hokey. Pure wonder. So how do you pick up this habit? It’s interesting, because so much of our lives is spent in unconscious mental habits. Without knowing it, we complain, we nitpick, we stress about little faults, we see the bad in people and situations. Changing that doesn’t happen immediately. But. You can change a little at a time. Start with a small gratitude session, and really be thankful. Really feel the happiness that something or someone is in your life. Take a moment to make a list, right now, of the things in your life you’re thankful for. You just might be looking back on this moment years later, as the moment your entire life changed. The Be Grateful Month in Sea Change If you’d like help forming the gratitude habit, please join us in the Sea Change Program — this month we’re working on the Be Grateful Module, forming the gratitude habit a little bit each day. I offer a few articles and a live webinar on the topic, along with forums and accountability groups to help you stick to this (or any other) habit. Join us now: the Sea Change Program photo credit: Mait Jüriado

By Leo Babauta I have a theory that I’ve been testing: whether you have a taste for a particular food is a choice. I’m sure there are things you turn your nose up at: vegetables (lots of people), or kale (my kids), eggplant (Eva), tofu (many non-vegetarians), quinoa (crazy people), something. But what I’ve learned is that tastes can change. In fact, we can change them on purpose: I used to hate vegetables. Now I love them. I used to hate soymilk when I first tried it. Now I drink it daily. I didn’t like brown rice, about 10 years ago. Now I much prefer it to white rice (which has no substance). I used to love sweets, but I’ve given them up in the last few months and now I still would eat them but they wouldn’t give me as much pleasure. And on and on, dozens of times I’ve changed my tastes. So if taste in a food can be changed, why do people dislike the taste of certain foods? Because they’re not used to them. Once you’re used to a food, it can taste great … but when you’re not used to a food, it’s not so good. Why do we dislike tastes that we’re not used to?Because we expect good food to be within a certain range of what we already like. Within our comfort zone. This is our expectation, and when food doesn’t meet this expectation, we dislike it. It’s not that food is inherently bad-tasting. For example, many people dislike bitter foods … but I love them. Umeboshi plums? Bitter beer? Dandelion greens? Love ‘em. Food tastes bad because we’re not comfortable with them; they don’t meet our expectations. But what if we got rid of our expectations? What if we said, “Food doesn’t need to taste like anything. Let’s see what this tastes like.” I heard tell of a wine expert who wanted to develop his palate, and so he would taste all kinds of things. Even dirt. Put dirt in his mouth, and see what it tastes like. Most people would be grossed out about it, but what if you just wanted to find out? Be curious. Explore the taste of foods. Let go of expectations and prejudgements. You might find out some interesting things. And by the way: this works with everything in life, not just food. photo credit: Lablascovegmenu