The I Simply Am Podcast: Self Awareness | Relationships | Love | Authentic Living
Summary: Josh Becker of the I Simply Am Blog reveals answers to the one question we all ask, "Who am I?". There are a lot of Self Help resources out there and some of them are wonderful. What makes this podcast unique is that you will leave each episode with a specific exercise to work on throughout the week. Josh won't just "talk" about self love, self awareness, forgiveness, relationships, self esteem, depression, anxiety, unlocking personal power, and finding life purpose. Each episode will provide you specific life-changing tools you can physically use in your own life. If you are looking for your life purpose or maybe just want to learn how to live the best expression of you, this is your podcast.
If you've been following my blog or podcast for some time then you probably know how much I align with David Richo's "5 A's" (Acceptance, Allowance, Affection, Appreciation, Attention). In fact, it's the basis of my first eBook and very much attuned to how I love my life. If this is a new concept to you then you really should get your free copy of my eBook now. The short and sweet is that these "5 A's" are how we give and receive love. They are literally the actionable exchanges that occur between two people whenever love is present. It's important to note this because too often we are receiving the love we need from others without even realizing it. It becomes even more damaging for those of us who struggle with loving ourselves. If we already struggle with loving ourselves and then don't acknowledge when others are loving us where does this leave us? In this podcast I talk about one way that so many of us (yours truly, included) miss out on receiving love without even knowing it. Do you remember the last time someone directly or indirectly thanked you? It's likely it even happened today. It doesn't even have to be a long drawn out "thank you" but perhaps you held the door for someone and it happened then. If you're having a hard time remembering the last time it's likely because you're not even noticing it. In fact, I'd venture to say that the last time someone did thank you you either replied with a "oh, no problem" or a "you don't need to thank me". I say this because I've been a victim of the same thing. People would thank me for a myriad of favors I did and I either didn't hear the thank you or I would put it off as being no big deal or I might even thank them right back! Other Person: "Thank you!" Me: "No, Thank you!" I couldn't even accept a thank you! I had to give it right back to them! No, this isn't the beginning of a Seinfeld show, although I could totally see Jerry going off on a tangent about the "thank you's" not being accepted as they should. Which brings me to my point. When other people thank us a lot of love is going on! They are giving us attention, acceptance, and appreciation. That's at least 3 out of those "5 A's" I was talking about earlier! Yet, many of us will still complain that we don't get the attention, acceptance, or appreciation we so need and deserve. So what I'm inviting you to do (as well as myself) is to take in that love! Take in those "thank you's". The next time someone thanks you for something, no matter how big or small, do not say anything in return. Yes, you can say, "You're welcome" but leave it at that. Then take all that attention, acceptance, and appreciation in and remind yourself that you are loved. Most of our day is spent hearing stories in our own head about how we're not enough, we're too fat, we're too ugly, or not smart enough. The only way to contradict this negative (and worse than negative), untrue self talk is to start telling ourselves things that are true! I am appreciated and I am loved are just two true stories you can tell yourself and they're both based off of a simple thank you. I promise this will truly make a difference in your life! Now, to listen to much more and find out how this has made a huge impact in how I give thank you to others listen to this weeks podcast! For those looking to improve their relationships then you're going to want to listen because it involves a new way of communicating with my wife. In the show you'll hear this weeks ISA Challenge: 1. Listen carefully for the next Thank You that someone offers you. 2. Say, "You are welcome" and nothing more! 3. Take it in and remind yourself that you are good, you are lovable, and that you do matter. Renewing our self esteem and becoming the best version of who we are doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen by taking simple and clear steps every day that remind ourselves about what is true in our world!
Last week I was feeling in a bit of a "funk". So much so that I knew I needed to do something about it. I came up with 5 different ways I could get out of it. It took me doing all 5 of them but eventually it worked! To find out exactly what I did you can listen to last weeks podcast! While I don't get in a "funk" all that often I can find myself stuck on Facebook, surfing the web, or even reading great content from people I admire. These things aren't bad in and of themselves and in fact I learn a lot from doing each of them. The problem is when I find myself spending more time doing those things and not enough time doing things that will get me closer to where I want to be in life. I wrote this post on Facebook last week... This has been a theme with me lately. In fact I had a friend of mine share his frustration with his lack of time management. He wasn’t able to say, No, and when he said, Yes, it was hard for him to commit. I shared with him a technique I have for keeping lists using a very cool system called, Bullet Journal. It allows me to really keep track of where I’m spending my time and to ensure I’m keeping on track for accomplishing the things I want to do in life. Of course, you have to do more than just write down your intentions you also have to act on them! This morning I posted this to Facebook and it got me thinking... I don’t and certainly shouldn’t spend all my time either creating or consuming. There’s a missing “c” to this equation and that’s cultivating. It led me to create what I’m referring to the "3c Framework for a Fulfilling Life.” So what exactly does this mean and how does it look? Let’s break it down some more... The framework assumes we can break down our time into 3 separate and distinct (although, sometimes overlapping) categories. Consumption refers to information, entertainment, and material possessions. Create refers to anything that we produce. Art, blogs, podcasts, books, websites, products, and anything else we might make. Finally, and this was the piece I was overlooking in my Facebook post, we have Cultivation. We cultivate relationships with others, the relationship with ourself, our physical, mental, and spiritual health, as well as the physical world around us (volunteering, charity, recycling, etc.). For most of us, myself very much included, we have times in our lives where all 3C’s are at play but they are off balance. When I was in my funk last week I was doing a great job of consuming (websites, Facebook, etc) but spent little time in creating and even less time in cultivating. My balance was totally off and this probably explains why I was in a funk and/or at least what contributed to it. It seems to me that the correct ratio and proportion of each C to the next might vary slightly per individual, and depending on where you are in your life. Take for example the last couple months of 2013. I was caring for my mom who was on in-home hospice. During this period of my life I was was into the cultivating area (nurturing my mother’s health, and bonding with her and other family) but did very little creating and consumption. Different times will call for different flows in and out of each of these areas. However, to get us all moving in the right direction and towards a fulfilling life let’s look at what this should generally break out to. Keep in mind that this may vary slightly for you but here’s what seems to be the right mix. It seems to me that under “normal” (figure out what normal is for you) circumstances we should be spending 40% of our time in Creating, 40% of our time in Cultivating, and 20% of our time in Consuming. Again, this is a general guideline and seems to be what works for me. So what exactly do each of the 3C’s represent? Listen to the podcast to find out exactly how we break this out and why you should consider the “3C Framework” as your next step to living a fulfilling life! This isn’t a one man show either!
I normally produce my podcast on Friday's as it allows me the weekend to get everything published and ready for a Monday release. However, the last two weeks I've not made the appropriate time for myself on Friday's. That then left me feeling stressed and under pressure which then resulted in me putting out a late podcast. While I work well under pressure, it's the getting to the actual work part that takes time! Unfortunately, when I miss doing something that's important to me, like creating the podcast, I often times find myself in a funk. Like anything else, the key to change is awareness. Here are 5 ways I know when I'm in a funk: 1. Surfing Facebook 2. Working on a project that's not on my "to do" list 3. Eating when I'm not hungry 4. Lose motivation for other things like working out, doing other important tasks 5. feeling overwhelm Sometimes it's obvious when you're feeling in a funk but other times it's really easy to get stuck there for awhile before you notice it. That's exactly why I thought it would be helpful to list these out. Do you find yourself in a funk when in these situations? What do I do to get out of it... Usually, I'll get out of my funk sooner than later but instead of just waiting for it to run its course (which could be a day to a few days) I'd rather pro actively move through it. Otherwise, getting stuck in that funk will cause me to miss out on being productive and on appreciating myself and others around me. So here are 5 things I'm going to commit to doing more when I identify I'm stuck in a funk. 1. Go workout/walk 2. Call someone and tell them I'm in a funk 3. Refocus on my "to do" list 4. Stretch/Shake 5. Focus on one thing in the moment to move you forward I originally wrote these things down as possibilities to solving this funk I was in. To be honest I really didn't want to do them. However, I knew it wouldn't be acceptable to give you advice on how to get out of a funk if I wasn't even willing to do it myself! I also wanted to see if this would actually work. It would be completely irresponsible of me to suggest something to you that I didn't truly believe would work. So I got my butt up and going and did each of these things! The good news, is that this definitely worked for me! Did I spend the rest of the day "on top of the world"? No, of course not. What I did though was snap out of that funk I was in and get back the rest of my day! Who knows how much longer that would have lasted for but I needn't worry about it anymore. These 5 methods worked really well for me and I invite you to try them yourself! Of course, these aren't the only ways to get out of a funky feeling and perhaps you even have suggestions of your own. If you've been in a funk and found a great way to get out of it then please leave me a message in the comments of this post! Listener Questions Ian on Twitter (@IanFreakshow) reached out to me with this following question. Question: How can I overcome jealousy? It's something I struggle with a lot in life and I wish I could let it go. Listen (or on iTunes) to this weeks show to find out the answer plus much more! ISA Weekly ISA Challenge: 1. Notice comparing yourself to someone else 2. Remind yourself you are enough, you do matter, you are intelligent, and creative 3. Acknowledge that just the act of comparison means you're allowing yourself to go back into that small person you once thought you had to be. You are not that small person. 4. Choose a new response this time by appreciating that person for who they are and what they do knowing they are no better than or less than you.
I want to invite you to embrace that you are WHOLE. Yes, this does mean you're going to have to give up the, "I'm broken” story you may be feeding yourself. I got this reminder myself just recently. If you've been listening to my podcast or following me online you know that I lost my mother to cancer on December 17th of this last year. Obviously, I'm still grieving and I'm sure I will be for some time. I didn't know what to expect but just allowed myself to be open to whatever it would look like. Of course, I could have responded in many different ways. Had I convinced myself that I was now broken or some how less than, I could be in a really dark place. My mom and I had discussions about life, many in fact, and she did a great job of reminding herself that she was whole, even in those tough times. Ever since my mom died I've cried every single day. In fact, sometimes multiple times throughout the day. Yet, for the most part my life is wonderful and I've had many more great days than I have had bad days. You might wonder how this could be if I'm crying every day. Well, I allow myself to cry as a means of grieving and of course healing from the pain of her loss. We need to FEEL to HEAL. Yet, the rest of the day I'm also allowing myself to feel all of my other feelings like happiness, joy, excitement, and peace. I don't need to be a slave to sad, angry, or depressed. Those are simply feelings just like all of the other ones. Just as happiness comes and goes so does sadness. If I choose to hold on to it I'm going to miss out on being available for everything else in life. So I just allow myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling in any given moment. I get to acknowledge that I am whole and that I get to feel sad and all of my other feelings and still have a good day. I don't need to live in an either/or world. I can live in an "AND" world. I get to feel sad AND have a great day! Yes, of course if I'm feeling sad all day long it will likely be hard to have a good day and that of course will happen throughout my life. The key here is that I don't have to get stuck feeling sad all day long. I can choose to honor my feelings and not become them. If you feel sad you can still have a good day. On the other hand if you BECOME sad you're likely going to have a really bad day! So my invitation to you is to remind yourself that you are whole and that means allowing yourself to feel all your feelings in any given day AND still know you are enough, important, and lovable. You no longer have to live in an either/or world. It's your choice. In this episode, I share some personal stories about situations in which I come up against resistance. I'm not just talking about resistance to quitting my job and starting on my own. I'm talking about resistance to the everyday things in life. Living a self aware or self actualized life isn't just about manifesting the dream job or dream spouse. This is why we need to learn how to get out of our own way in the every day. We need when we find ourselves in resistance, getting in our own way, and how to get out and into the flow. Getting into the flow is about allowing ourselves to be fully who we are. Getting into the flow is about finding peace, tapping in to our pure potentiality, and exploring just how creative and flexible we are. Listen to today's podcast to see exactly what I'm talking about and then implement the 3 simple steps in our weekly challenge! ISA Weekly ISA Challenge: 1. Pause and say hello to frustration 2. Relax your eyes, shoulders, and drop 3. Go for the ride
Sure, reading inspiring quotes can be really uplifting. There are many times I seek out inspirational quotes and then other times when I just happen to be on Facebook and someone posts one. While the people who post these quotes have great intentions they aren't always for everyone every time. Sometimes we're just not in the mood to read something inspirational or to be told to "just be happy". In fact, most of the time we're "not in the mood" others just can't accept that. They're quick to want to fix us and make sure that we're looking on the brighter side. When you're feeling down the last thing you want to read is something telling you how happy you should be. The second to last thing you want to hear is someone else trying to tell you why you shouldn't feel that way. The truth is you are a "whole" human being with all kinds of thoughts and feelings. It also means that you get to experience all of your feelings and not be "less than" when you do. It's true, you get to be enough, just as you are, even when you're feeling sad, angry, frustrated, or even hopeless. We all have feelings but too often we confuse them with who we are. People tell us if we're not happy then something must be wrong with us. We're led to believe that searching for happiness is the key to a successful life. Yet, aren't we whole human beings who get to have all kinds of feelings? Isn't our self worth - our sense of who we are not attached to how we feel in any given moment? Of course! Feelings come and go so how could who we are - which is static and unchanging shift from moment to moment? It can't and that's the point... This weeks podcast shares with you the truth behind who you are and why it's okay to have a bad day. Listen to this weeks podcast and let me show you exactly what I'm talking about. Plus, you're going to hear much more! Links I referenced in the show: Forbes Top Inspirational Quotes: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2013/05/28/inspirational-quotes/ The "F" it List: https://medium.com/life-tips/494224e0f983 iPhone App (Web too) for stimulating mental cognition: http://www.lumosity.com/ ISA Weekly ISA Challenge: 1. Accept yourself this week AS you are. If you cry, feel angry, or sad it doesn’t mean you had a bad week. Stop judging yourself and allow yourself to know you are a good, strong, lovable, and ENOUGH person as you are, feelings and all! If you're on Twitter I'd be so grateful if you shared the podcast with your friends. Simply go to www.isimply.am/love and a tweet will be pre-populated for you. All you have to do is click on the submit button!
Happy New Year Everyone!! I'm hoping you all rang in the New Year with some festive cheer! Of course, there may be some of you out there who brought it in a little less cheery. Yup, I spent New Years alone on the couch as my wife was asleep in our room and both kids - even the dog were out! With no one to kiss I practiced a little self love and kissed my hand (okay, it was a peck) and wished myself "Happy New Year!". We're a bunch of party animals, huh? With the new year brings new resolutions. I wrote about resolutions and how you might not want to have any back in 2013. However, in this podcast we're taking a bit of a different approach. The great news about this particular episode is that whether you have resolutions or not you're going to benefit greatly from what I'm about to share! In this episode I give a shout out to some new Facebook Friends so if you've recently joined us on Facebook you might want to see if your name was mentioned by listening! I also give some appreciation to Bernadette Logue of PinchMeLiving.com. Finally, I wanted to mention that I'm going to be on the Your Kick Ass Life Podcast this coming week. Andrea Owen and I discuss marriage and relationships. Specifically we talk about what seems to work and what doesn't! If you're in a relationship or even just wanting to get into one I encourage and invite you to join us! The link won't be live until January 9, 2014 but just in case you're reading this on or after that date, check it out! Andrea and I talked about Marriage - what works and what doesn't work... Listen to the podcast for much more but I've got some cliff notes below just in case you can't listen right now! Perhaps you can argue that the first thing on your mind when you wake up is NOTHING! Okay, so if you fall into that camp then consider that what I'm about to share with you should be the next two things...What I'm talking about is Gratitude and Practice. Let me explain... Our friend Brene Brown talks about gratitude and how it needs to be cultivated. True, gratitude isn't something you are born with. Rather it's a feeling, feeling grateful... There are many techniques for incorporating gratitude into your life. Some suggest making a list of 5 things before you go to bed. Others suggest using a smartphone app and jotting down something you're grateful for throughout the day. Gratitude is a very powerful source of energy and what better time than in the morning to harness that power, right? We all want more out of life but how often are we grateful or appreciate just having a life? Waking up every morning is the perfect time to thank God, the Universe, or whomever you want to thank for just having the opportunity to breathe another day. Every day is a good day because you get to live it! Simply being grateful for having another day in your life is motivation to do so much in your life. Have New Years Resolutions? Great! Starting your day off grateful to be in it will give you powerful energy to enable you to make those resolutions stick this time! It also give us a different perspective on the world around us. How many times have you woken up dreading going to work, school, or bussing the kids around? Compare this to waking up in full gratitude of just being alive. You can begin to appreciate how much more energy you'll have to bring to your day. In addition to gratitude I'm going to invite you to live your life with practice in mind. What do you get to practice? Living!! When you look at life as an opportunity to practice it changes everything! No more having to make the perfect dinner, build the perfect fence, write the perfect letter or make anything perfect for that matter. Did you mess up that New Years Resolution on the first day of 2014? Great!! Celebrate that because life is a practice. No, this doesn't mean you just run around blowing everything off because you're just practicing. Rather,
The This Podcast is dedicated to my beloved mother, Pamela Becker, who passed away on December 17th 2013. I haven't posted in a couple of weeks and that's because I was on the East Coast caring for my mother. I was actually there for the better part of the last 2 months but the last 2 weeks got the best of me and of course she passed in that timeframe as well. I had hoped to have a back up podcast for you in that event but you know how life goes. Thank you for your continued support and for allowing me to continue sharing my message! This week I want to also thank a few new "friends" on Facebook! Amy Highstein-Berman, Tara Reddy, Nyela Oluchi Hope, Boris Doris, Keisha Davis, Stewart Joseph, Raphael Fernandez Alvarez If you'd like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I'll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show. Where Am I? Last week I had the great honor of being a guest on the Zen Parenting Radio Show. We did our best to answer the question, "Are we shortchanging our men?" as well as get silly. We recorded the episode pretty late and all of us were a bit giddy! With all the fun we had I think we had some good content too! I encourage you to check out my episode and future episodes of the Zen Parenting Radio Show! Coming Up! In episode 14 I had the great honor of chatting it up with Andrea Owen! Well this coming week I'm going to be sitting down with her again! Only this time I'm going to be on her awesome podcast! Stay tuned for details of when that's going to be released! In the meantime, I encourage you to check out her newly released book, "52 Ways to Live A Kick Ass Life!" You can download it right from Amazon! 7 Lessons I Learned From My Mom Before She Died (Listen to the podcast for much more discussion!) 1. You’re never alone: alone is a feeling not a reality. 2. If you act from intention you’ll have nothing to regret: Be intentional about your actions - always carry forgiveness with you. 3. Fulfillment lives in Creativity: We’re all creative - Find arts, music, performing, baking, etc. 4. Life without Laughter is Boring: Need to laugh to enjoy even the small things in life. 5. Integrity is how we honor ourselves and our higher power: Integrity, honesty, “doing the right thing” even when it’s not convenient. 6. Fulfillment will be found in serving others: giving to others expands our ability to receive all the gifts that are coming our way. 7. Today is the only day that matters: Waking up is the best way to start the day! ISA Weekly ISA Challenge: When you’re by yourself notice how connected you really are - When someone asks you to do something, pause and really make sure you can and want to do it, then do it without any regrets - Paint, draw, play some music, bake, or make something with your hands - Laugh - Honor yourself in every moment (or forgive when you don’t) - Do something for someone else this week - Focus on your breath even if just for a few minutes and notice what you can be grateful for today. Happy New Year!!! I'm hoping to bring you so much more in 2014 and can't wait to share it all with you! Thank you once again for giving me this space and I'm wishing you and your loved ones a Happy and Healthy New Year! **If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and any others in the past please let us know by visiting www.isimply.am/itunes and click on “View in iTunes”. You can then Subscribe to the Podcast and leave us a written review. It will help the show become more available to other like-minded individuals who are seeking to answer the question, “Who am I?"
This weeks podcast opens up with some shout outs to our new Facebook Friends as well as some Community Appreciations! Listen in to see if you hear your name! If you'd like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook.com and let me hear from you. I'll be happy to mention your business or site on the show. Are You A People Pleaser? I spent the vast majority of my life trying to please others. Especially those that were close to me or that I really wanted attention. Half the time I would say, “yes” to someone when I really meant No, just to please them. Of course, it was never a real yes so I wound up never following through. This only left me looking like a flake and someone who couldn’t commit. The other half of the time I would find myself doing things I just didn’t want to do all in the name of pleasing others. Of course, this is all too common and many of us find ourselves in this position throughout our life. Supporting others in a positive way, being kind, compassionate, and helpful are wonderful qualities. But how many times have you been compassion, kind, and supportive only to walk away feeling abused, discounted, neglected, taken for granted, and used? I sat down with my friend Andrea Owen who is a Professional Life Coach and Author of the newly released book, “52 Ways To Live A Kick-Ass Life”. Andrea and I spoke about the “People Pleasing Syndrome” - How we get it, Why we do it, and How to stop! Andrea shares her best practices and let’s us in on how she coaches her own clients. You’re going to love Andrea as much as I do and we’re going to give you some great tips! Listen in to this weeks podcast as we share tips and tricks on how to show up for others and more importantly YOURSELF! We’re also honored to have Andrea share with you this weeks ISA Challenge and you don’t want to miss it! Andrea’s Weekly ISA Challenge: Sometime this week you’re going to be asked to do something for someone. For this weeks challenge let’s leave employers out of the equation! We’re talking friends, partners, relatives, strangers, etc. Andrea wants you to pause before responding. If you can’t answer with a “Hell Yes” then it’s a No. Try this on this week and let us know in the comments of the show notes how it worked out! Remember, saying NO to someone else is saying YES to yourself! Andrea is a wonderful resource and besides her book she has an awesome podcast, coaching services, and much more! You can check her out by visiting her site at www.YourKickAssLife.com! If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and any others in the past please let us know by visiting www.isimply.am/itunes and click on “View in iTunes”. You can then Subscribe to the Podcast and leave us a written review. It will help the show become more available to other like-minded individuals who are seeking to answer the question, “Who am I?"
What is Self Awareness? My definition of self awareness is as follows: Observing and Understanding ones own response to internal/external physical and emotional stimuli. Now this isn’t a definition I’ve been sitting with for years. In fact, I haven’t really come up with a finite definition of Self Awareness until creating this podcast. Keep that in mind as this will likely shift for me overtime. Listen to the full podcast here! I’ve always said that the first step to change is self awareness. The reason many of us are stuck in the life we live isn’t because we don’t have the time, the money, know the right people, or aren't good enough. The reason we are stuck or THINK that we are stuck is because we lack self awareness. This isn’t a knock on anyone. We’re taught from a young age to not trust what our body tells us. Caregivers tell us we’re not smart, not to cry, not to be scared, do what we're told, and the list goes on and on. And every time we hear that shaming language a little bit of our self awareness gets lost. Soon we learn to rely on everything external to us to determine if everything inside is well. The weather, how much money I make, my position in my company, my celebrity status, my Facebook likes and Twitter follows, whether or not our partner is happy, the economic status of our country, Fridays, Vacations, and on and on… Some of us become so disconnected from who we are that when asked how we feel we’re completely numb. I’ve worked with many people who literally don’t know how they feel. Most everyone else has a sense of what they’re feeling but can’t quite describe it. How many times have you responded to the question, “How are you feeling” with “fine”, “good” or “ok”? Sure, if you’re talking to a stranger you may not want to get into all the complications of your life. But we respond this way to close family, friends, and even our partners as well. Fine, Good, and OK are not feelings. They are judgements. On the surface you might ask me, “Josh, why are you acting so critical? You know what I mean when I say these things and after all it’s just semantics. I would argue that this isn’t the case at all. How we feel often times dictates how we respond to life. We have a thought about something, we apply a meaning to that thought (often based on what’s happened in our past) and then we produce a feeling. From there we normally act upon it. If we’re feeling happy we often times laugh or smile and we’re more apt to be friendly. If we feel angry or frustrated we often act in accordance with those feelings too. So you might wonder or others that are close to you might wonder why you respond to life the way you do. Consider the following scenarios where you might question why you respond the way you do: 1. Stuck at a job you don’t like. 2. Stuck in a relationship you don’t want to be in. 3. Seem to never have enough time in the day. 4. Constantly putting yourself last and others first. 5. Others might call you a perfectionist. 6. You can’t commit. 7. You can’t say No and when you say Yes, you rarely follow through. 8. Someone cuts you off while driving and you flip them off. 9. You become physically or emotionally abusive to others when “THEY” make you mad. 10. You’re constantly looking to “feel good” whether it’s in the form of drinking, drugs, sex, social media, buying things you can’t afford, eating unhealthy in the name of “it tastes good” and on and on… Look, I find myself in many of these situations from time to time. Self Awareness isn’t a finite and concrete state of being. Once you learn to become self aware it takes daily practice and even then it can be difficult to have anything different than a conditioned response. We all have areas in our life that need improvement and I believe that each of these areas point back to a lack of self awareness. Once we have the tools to become self aware we will have more opportunities for the change we seek.
In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I answer a couple of Listener questions. In addition, I share 7 ways to care for the most important person in your life. As with all of the shows there's another weekly challenge for you as well. Subscribe and listen to the podcast by Clicking Here! As with all the shows we start out with some Appreciations and Shout Outs! This week I give appreciation to Marika Rosenthal Delan and XayandPor Yang. In addition I mention a couple of new I Simply Am fans! They are Lela Texeira who is a Life Coach at Inspired Design Coaching and Gina Caruso Hussar also a Life Coach at 30 Seconds to Peace. If you'd like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I'll be happy to mention your business or site on the show. 7 Ways To Care For The Most Important Person In Your Life So who is the most important person in your life? Is it your partner? Your child? Your parent? Your friend? A grandparent? Granted, these can all be very important people in our lives. But the most important person in each of our lives is often the one that gets neglected the most. YOU! The reason you are the most important person in your life is because this is YOUR life. Without you in it, you have no life! Right? But what happens is that we wind up projecting all that love, care, attention, and appreciation on everyone else. This is a great thing but when we abandon ourselves to do this we’re neglecting the most important person. Have you ever heard of the story of the Goose that laid the Golden Egg? Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.) Fables. The Harvard Classics. 1909–14. ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing. This story is told to emphasize the downfall of acting greedy. However, I’m looking at this a little differently. We are all the Countrymen and we are all the Goose. We’re always doing our best to produce those golden eggs; usually in the name of pleasing others. Yet, in order to lay those eggs we need to be healthy and cared for. If our focus is always external there will come a day when we are left with nothing because the creator of those eggs never received the nurturing it needed. Our capacity to love and care for others is directly related to the amount of love and care we have for ourselves. This isn’t being selfish or self-centered. This is being responsible. You can’t give what you don’t already have. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t care for yourself, if you don’t give yourself the needed attention, acceptance, and appreciation then your ability to give that to others is severely limited. Here are 7 ways you can begin caring for the most important person in YOUR LIFE: 1. Meditation 2. Practice Gratitude 3. Incorporate a bed time ritual 4. Incorporate a morning ritual 5. Look in the mirror and say 5 things that are right about you 6. Forgive yourself FIRST for making a mistake 7. Go for a walk out in nature Listener Questions: Sarah writes in and asks, "Why are affirmations so hard". Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered! Cheyenne writes in and asks, "Why do you take breaks on the podcast when there are no commercials/ads? It's just a curiosity that's been tickling my brain." Listen to the podcast to find out how I answered! Weekly ISA Challenge: Self Care Pick any 3 from the list above and give yourself some loving self care this week!
I remember as a young child dreaming of becoming an actor. Even before school plays were an option (which I did many) I performed shows for my family and even my neighbors. I'd dress up as Michael Jackson in the early 80's and go door to door putting on performances. If I wasn't acting in a formal play I was "acting" in the school classroom and in front of anyone who would put up with my characters. Somewhere along the way I gave up on that dream and settled for the "fact" that I had to go to school and get a "real job". Of course, I was never satisfied in my early adult life and kept longing for something more. But I was convinced that those early childhood dreams were just that...dreams. I'm not alone and know that all of you had childhood dreams. What were some of the ones you had? While acting was my big dream, I had many more and all of which were replaced with "being practical" and believing I wasn't enough. Can you relate? Well in this episode I sit down for a one on one conversation with Terri Cole. Terri is a licensed Psychotherapist and Transformation Coach. She’s been helping thousands of people over the last two decades break through their fears and reach their goals. Although Terri did the academic work, graduating with a Masters from NYU she also did the personal work of overcoming a really unhealthy lifestyle in the Entertainment Industry where caffeine, nicotine, and “looking good” were driving forces to making it in the world. Through lots of hard work, counseling, research, inner reflection, and study Terri transformed her life and I know she will help to transform yours. Terri and I thought it would be fun to have a conversation about our dreams. Specifically, about how we all had dreams as little kids but somewhere along the way those dreams turned into doubt. As adults the dreams of our childhood lay buried underneath years of shame, abuse, and lies told by others. You’re going to hear how and why this happened and more importantly what you can do about it. To listen to this weeks awesome conversation with Terri Cole and to find out how you can reclaim your dreams go to iTunes or listen here! For those who listened to this weeks podcast and weren't able to write down this weeks challenge here it is again. Remember, Terri personally invited you to take this challenge and call her on her Hay House Radio Show to let her know what you thought! If you call in on her show (Monday's 12pm EST) be sure to let her know you heard her on The I Simply Am Podcast! Weekly ISA Challenge: Reclaiming Your Dreams and Making Them a Reality 1. For 7 days straight (starting today) choose one thing every day that is in alignment with a dream you have given up. 2. The dream never left you which means this is your opportunity to reclaim it! 3. Every day build on the previous day's challenge. For example, if you dreamed of being a singer but no longer sing start off on day 1 giving yourself permission to sing in the shower. Day 2 perhaps you might sing in the car with someone riding shotgun. By the end of the week you may just be singing karaoke in front of hundreds of others. 4. Keep it fun! The key is to do something (even small) every day for a week as long as it's inline with that dream you still carry! Check out Terri on her site at www.TerriCole.com and be sure to tune in to her Hay House Radio Show live on Monday's at 12pm EST. I also strongly encourage you to liker her Facebook Page and follow her on Twitter! I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Terri Cole. Please let Terri and I know what you thought of this weeks challenge in the comments of the post! Stay tuned for upcoming episodes where I’ll be having more conversations with people that will inspire, transform, and help you answer the question, Who am I?
In this weeks 10th episode of the I Simply Am Podcast I answer listener questions from episode 9 on forgiveness and apologies. In addition, I talk about what's better than happiness and how you can get it. Finally, I give you the weekly ISA Challenge that you can try on your own! Read below for all the show notes and listen to the podcast for the complete show! ISA Q&A Cheyenne Christine Naegler writes in with some questions below (note: I've edited her actual message to format for this post. To read her complete message simply visit the original message on the I Simply Am Facebook page. "A friend of mine has her children respond to other people saying "I'm sorry" with "well, I don't forgive you right now". I've always kinda thought that was a good idea because I felt that forcing children or anyone to apologize wasn't solving anything but rather creates people who accepted whatever happened to them. How does that all play into the forgiveness? We are all taught to apologise for doing something that hurts the other person be it accidentally or on purpose which is really a way for saying Please forgive me", is it not? And is saying "it's OK" another version of "I forgive you"? If it means the same & we are saying we shouldn't seek other's forgiveness nor are we able to truly give it than do we apologise for hurting others?" First, if someone apologizes to us I don’t think it’s necessary to say, “I don’t forgive you right now”. It’s really none of their business if and/or when you ever forgive them because forgiveness is for yourself not for them. I do think it’s appropriate to say, “Thank you” or “I appreciate that”. Letting them know you heard them is important and acknowledges that you’ve done just that. However, saying “thank you” or “I appreciate that” doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook either. It’s simply an acknowledgment and you can still choose to not talk to them or spend time with them. To your question regarding replying with an “it’s ok” to an apology? I would only say that if you were truly in a place to do that. Again, forgiveness isn’t for them so it’s just not necessary to say anything other than "Thank you" or "I appreciate that”. My take on forgiveness vs apologizing: Forgiveness is for yourself, apologizing is mostly for the other person. An authentic apology isn’t done to get something in return (i.e.; forgiveness). Apologizing is your way of honoring your fallibility and letting the other person know that your behavior was unacceptable. They may choose to forgive you or they may not but you’re doing the responsible thing by honoring your own goodness. If you’re apologizing just so the other person “forgives” you then you’re acting irresponsible at best and inauthentic and manipulating at worse. Christine: "You mentioned that there are somethings that you just can't forgive or move past I like to believe that we all choose our path for a reason and pull things to us so that we can learn certain lessons & shape ourselves into who we really are. If we are forgiving ourselves & can't really forgive other's than wouldn't that mean that no matter the trauma you were a victim?" Yes and No. When we are traumatized by someone else we are a victim. I was held up at gunpoint many years ago and while handcuffed with a gun in my back I was asked if I wanted to die for the money. In that moment I was a victim. However, for many years after I struggled with a lot of fear. While I wasn’t a victim anymore (i.e.; the gun was only in my back for a few minutes while my fear lasted for years) I became a victim to the fear that I carried. My original point in the podcast is that some people were traumatized so brutally (take for example the 3 women that were kidnapped by Ariel Castro in the US) that even though they are no longer victims to their perpetrators they may always be a victim to those feelings they carry (i.e.; the fear). Obviously,
In this episode of The I Simply Am Podcast I break forgiveness down into two parts and share with you the real truth about what it is and what it's not. If someone has ever hurt you in anyway then you really should listen to this episode. Below are the show notes for the episode. ISA Community News: Within the next month I'm going to start bringing on some great guests! I'll likely bring on someone every other week but if you think I should have guests on more or less than that please let me know! Check out the Terri Cole Radio Show on Hay House - Click Here for Terri's Show! Thank you to all that are listening. We're now being listened to in more than 57 countries and even spent time in the iTunes Top 10 Self Help Podcast list! I want to give a special thanks for the reviews on iTunes: Todd Adams, It's Dahling, Open Table User, Will Stapleton, Dave Madow (check out Dave's podcast) ISA Community Appreciation On this weeks show we gave appreciation to 3 ISA Facebook Members: Christopher Severance, Cheyenne Christine Naegler, and David Madow. If you'd like to get some Appreciation simply join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I'll be happy to mention your business or site here on the show as well. Show Topic: The Truth Behind Forgiveness When others ask for forgiveness it’s not about you, it’s about them. Those that ask for forgiveness do so they can feel better about themselves. They move on and you’re stuck with the pain they left you. Even worse, it’s often shame that causes you to “forgive” them. Leads to a shame-bind, feel ashamed for feeling hurt because you forgave them. Forgiveness is not something you give, it’s something you get. Forgiveness is the bi-product of healing. When we go through the work of healing, forgiveness is the gift. The gift is not for those that hurt us, the gift is that we can detach from the constricted feelings of pain. You know when you have found forgiveness because you are no longer victim to the pain that was caused you. Some traumas are so severe that we may never find forgiveness. It may be a struggle just to process the healing. What Forgiveness is NOT It’s not suggesting that what they did was acceptable. It was wrong then and it’s wrong now. It’s not given to those that hurt us. It’s for us. It’s not something that is given at will. It only comes as a result of healing. It’s not something we should ever be shamed into doing. While forgiveness is a goal, it’s not something we’re ever responsible for obtaining. What Forgiveness IS It’s a gift for those that suffered from the abuse of others (mental, spiritual, religious, emotional, physical, sexual). It is a result of true inner healing. It is something that comes naturally. It is what allows you to fully embrace your wholeness and live a life of fullness and abundance. It is the sign that you have returned to true inner peace. Weekly ISA Challenge:A Path to Forgiveness Step 1. Think of something that someone did to offend or hurt you. Don’t use any major traumas for this exercise. Step 2. Acknowledge that the only thing that could have driven that person to hurt you was their own internal suffering. Step 3. Affirm yourself with the following statement: "I AM and I have ALWAYS been Safe, Important, and Valuable EVEN WHEN others lash out with their own internal suffering." Step 4. Make a decision to not carry around the perpetrators anger, frustration, and shame any longer. **If you like the Podcast then please give us a shout out on Twitter by visiting, www.isimply.am/love
Below are the show notes for this weeks podcast and I highly encourage you to listen to the full podcast. Our show started with a special appreciation and shout out for one of our listener's! ISA Community Shout Out Della Rae: Rad...
This week on The I Simply Am Podcast I talk about everyday normal opportunities in which we can gain some greater self awareness. Specifically, the starting place for which we see the world is programmed into us from an early age. Many of the "stories" we have in our minds about how the world works are so conditioned into our normal lives that we don't even know we have a choice to change them. The good news is we can change the way we see things and in turn those things soon will actually begin to change. I go through 7 common situations in which we have opportunities to choose a different story. It all goes back to what our starting place is and being aware that it doesn't have to stay that way. Below are the show notes but for the full show with much more please check it out in iTunes or click here! ISA Community Shout Out This weeks Shout Out and Appreciation - Kathleen Shannon If you'd like to get an appreciation and a shout out join us on Facebook and let me hear from you. I'll be happy to mention your business or site on the show. 7 Everyday Opportunities to Change How We See The World 1. When others wrong us 2. When others ask us questions 3. When it's Monday morning 4. When it's raining outside 5. A Boss or authority figure calls you 6. See someone walking down the street 7. We make a mistake It's really hard to see the goodness in ourselves when we can't see it in others. It's also really hard to see the goodness in others when we can't see it in ourselves. Start to notice the truth in others this week. Practice changing your starting place by becoming aware of your stories. As you see the goodness in others, the creativity in others, and the value in others, you'll begin to notice those things in yourself as well. Weekly ISA Challenge: Changing Your Starting Place The First step to any change is awareness. So this week is gong to be very simple. Notice the goodness in others everywhere you go. When (not if) you slip up, bring yourself back to your intention of seeing others for who they are and not for what they do. Again, this week is only about becoming aware of your starting place and how you see others. Remember, that it's going to take practice and lots of it. You didn't create the stories about who others are overnight and you won't create new ones overnight either. Go easy on yourself and if you notice it's hard to see the goodness in others don't beat yourself up. Having the awareness is key here and it's going to take time. Remember, this is about progress and not perfection. Finally, if you have any questions relating to this topic or any other please leave them in the comments on this blog post, on Facebook or you can email me! If I answer your question on the show I'll mention your name (unless you'd rather be anonymous) and company/site!