B-Sides For X-Mas

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Boney M, 1981 — One last treat for you, since it’s Christmas and all. Happy New Year!

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Brenda Kutz White, 1985 — You know, I think that’s it. I’m done. I quit. This has gone too far. I just can’t do it anymore. Not now. Not after this. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Tom Waits, 1989 — Sweet mother of mercy, that voice.

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Mistletoe Disco Band, 1980 — Christmas and Disco, together at last.

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Billy Gilman & Rosie O’Donnell, 2000 — I’m not a violent man, but the first time I heard this song, I was waiting in a long line at Best Buy, and the sound of Billy Gilman’s voice made me want to strangle someone. After the second chorus, I ditched the items I had planned to purchase in the nearest end cap, and somehow left the store without injuring myself or anyone else.

RuPaul, 1993 — Back to back Drummer Boys! RuPaul doesn’t have as much of an ego about his/her rendition, dropping the definite article “the”, probably in an effort to appeal to the everyman cross-dressing Christmas caroler. I think it works.

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Ringo Starr, 1999 — Ringo Starr would like to take this opportunity to remind you that he was in the Beatles. Ever heard of them?

Part advent calendar, part dumping ground for all the weird and wonderful Christmas music I have accumulated. 100% Celine Dion-free, and that is a promise.

Pebbles & Bamm Bamm, 1965 — This seems like a pretty bizarre choice of song for a pair of pre-historic toddlers to sing. Especially when you consider that they’re singing about the birth of Jesus, which would be several thousand years in the future. Maybe they heard about it from the Jetsons. Either way, it’s still an odd choice. Maybe not as bad as Britney covering the Rolling Stones, but weird nonetheless.