We Hate Movies

In this week's episode, the gang goes undercover with Dennis Quaid and Kathleen Turner in the super-spy super-flop, Undercover Blues! Can Dennis Quaid stop smiling for two seconds? Why are there so many Stanley Tucci scenes if he's not the main villain? Plus, does a blowjob joke belong in a family-ish film? Short answer? No. Undercover Blues stars Kathleen Turner, Dennis Quaid, Stanley Tucci, Fiona Shaw, Larry Miller, Obba Babatundé, and Richard Jenkins; directed by Herbert Ross. Music - Secret Agent Man - The Toasters Direct Download

In this week's episode, the gang gets creeped out by Stellan Skarsgård in the 2001 teen thriller, The Glass House! Why does Skarsgård insist on hitting on Leelee Sobieski when she's his cash cow? How many useless threads can you fit into one movie? And Bruce Dern has to have the worst timing ever. The Glass House stars Leelee Sobieski, Stellan Skarsgård, Diane Lane, and Bruce Dern; directed by Daniel Sackheim. Music - Heart of Glass - Blondie Direct Download

In this week's episode, the gang gets all Back to the Future II with some Nazis and an alternate timeline in the 1993 sci-fi sequel dud, The Philadelphia Experiment II! Could ancient aliens be a real thing? Is it a bad sign when your main actor refuses to reprise his role? And Eric shares a bit of his vast knowledge of Nazi-centric tales of the macabre. The Philadelphia Experiment II stars Brad Johnson, Marjean Holden, James Greene, and Gerrit Graham; directed by Stephen Cornwell. Music - Time Bomb - Rancid Direct Download

In this week's episode, the gang goes toe-to-toe with Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren in Stallone's 1985 love letter to America, Rocky IV! Why couldn't Rocky just drop that damn towel? Is Paulie the world's biggest scumbag? And has American ever been uglier? Rocky IV stars Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Carl Weathers, Talia Shire, Burt Young, and Brigitte Nielsen; directed by Sylvester Stallone. Music - Hearts on Fire - John Cafferty Direct Download

In this week's episode, the gang sneaks across the border into the dangerous, hard-partying land of Parmistan in 1985's White Guy Karate classic, Gymkata! Is a mullet the best hairstyle for a martial artist? How many people can fall off a cliff in one movie? And the gang considers moving to a fictional country. Gymkata stars Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, and John Barrett; directed by Robert Clouse. Music - Stranger in a Strange Land - Eddie Money Direct Download

In this week's episode, the gang gets heated (and takes a long, hard look in the mirror) as they dissect the painfully-unfunny, dialogue-heavy, cult favorite, Free Enterprise! Have main characters been any more despicable? Is there any doubt the filmmakers wanted to make Swingers meets Star Trek? And why is Eric McCormack's character so shitty to waitresses? Free Enterprise stars Eric McCormack, Rafer Weigel, Audie England, and William Shatner; directed by Robert Meyer Burnett. Music - Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe

In this week's episode, worlds collide as the gang crosses paths with James Belushi and Michael Caine in the same film! It's the 1990 drama/comedy/horror show, Mr. Destiny! How does Jim Belushi's character not understand the plot of the movie? Do all guardian angels resemble British actors? And can you actually petition for knighthood? Mr. Destiny stars James Belushi, Michael Caine, Linda Hamilton, Rene Russo, Jon Lovitz, and Hart Bochner; directed by James Orr. Music - If Only - Goldfinger

In this week's episode, the gang starts off the epic, five-week Listener Request Month with the incredibly crass, 1990, action-comedy, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane! Is a "Rock 'n Roll Detective" business model a sound one? Are Sambuca milkshakes a good idea? And is there anything funnier than a koala puppet? The Adventures of Ford Fairlane stars Andrew Dice Clay, Lauren Holly, Priscilla Presley, and Wayne Newton; directed by Renny Harlin. Music - Bad Detective - New York Dolls

In this week's episode, the gang knocks back some experimental serum with Marlon Wayans and David Spade in the 1998 lame-fest, Senseless! Is this really the worst screenplay we've encountered in the history of the show? How many lame stereotypes, Canadian or otherwise, can they squeeze in to one film? And does Marlon Wayans really need 'booty vision?' Senseless stars Marlon Wayans, David Spade, Matthew Lillard, Tamara Taylor, Rip Torn, and Brad Dourif; directed by Penelope Spheeris. Music - Weird Science - Oingo Boingo

In this week's episode, the gang steps into the squared circle as they lock arms with Hulk Hogan and Kurt Fuller in the 1989 wrasslin' actioneer, No Holds Barred! Why doesn't Kurt Fuller just go after the second biggest wrestler in town? How degrading is it for a grown man to crap his pants? And is the Hulkster's funeral-black spandex in poor taste? No Holds Barred stars Hulk Hogan, Joan Severance, Kurt Fuller, and Tommy 'Tiny' Lister; directed by Thomas J. Wright. Music - Hulkster in Heaven & Hulkster's in the House - Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band

In this week's episode, the gang heads back into the exciting world of Cyber Thrillers as they go keystroke for keystroke with Angelina Jolie and Jonny Lee Miller in Hackers! Can we all agree that hacking will never look exciting on film? Was the Secret Service ever responsible for stopping hackers? And we go into our second week of random, Penn Jillette quaternary characters. Hackers stars Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Fisher Stevens, Matthew Lillard, and Wendell Pierce; directed by Iain Softley. Music - Angelina Jolie - The Chevelles

In this week's episode, the gang weaves an awkward web of lies with Judge Reinhold and Meg Tilly in the 1986, cop comedy, Off Beat! How much of a degenerate gambler does Cleavant Derricks have to be to set up this scheme? Why would the NYPD mandate this off-hour dance recital? And is Judge Reinhold becoming our new James Belushi? Off Beat stars Judge Reinhold, Meg Tilly, Cleavant Derricks, Harvey Keitel, and Joe Mantegna; directed by Michael Dinner. Music - Lies - Peter Björn and John

In this week's episode, the gang goes on a ride-a-long with Burt Reynolds and some horrible child in the rejected Kindergarten Cop sequel, Cop and a Half! Did that bathroom scene really need to take place? How does the police department even agree to this scheme in the first place? And didn't we all kind of hate Nickelodeon? Cop and a Half stars Burt Reynolds, Norman D. Golden II, Ray Sharkey, and Ruby Dee; directed by Henry Winkler. Music - Kids - MGMT

In this week's episode, the gang travels to South Africa (and also sort of Florida) in the 1988, sci-fi, family adventure, Nukie! Could there possibly be two worse-looking alien costumes than what we see here? What's with all the Christian superiority floating around in this movie? And we've never felt happier than when [we were led to believe] the titular character got iced. Nukie stars Glynis Johns, Steve Railsback, Reed Evans, and Siphiwe Mlangeni; directed by Sias Odendal & Michael Pakleppa. Music - Jesus Came from Outer Space - Supergrass

In this week's episode, the gang runs through suburbia with crappy, '80s teens and a friendly-ish super robot in Wes Craven's 1986 super misstep, Deadly Friend! Why are the townsfolk not shocked that a boy created artificial intelligence? How does this mother not go to the police? And did we really confuse Anne Ramsey with Lynne Ramsay for an entire episode? (Yes, we did.) Deadly Friend stars Matthew Labyorteaux, Kristy Swanson, Anne Twomey, and Anne Ramsey; directed by Wes Craven. Music - I Was a Teenage Zombie - The Fleshtones