Summary: Bonding or Belonging. These two words talk about a further step in our becoming a part of their society. I want to bond with them like I did with my own family. I want to belong. I do not want to be a stranger, a pilgrim. It is difficult to be like them. I speak a different language. I am a different color, a different size, I have a different past, a different level of living. I must work at being one of them. Definitions: Bonding is the development of a close relationship between family members or friends Belonging is having a close relationship; familiarity; camaraderie [a feeling of belonging] Plunge right in! Your first few days among the target people can determine the course of your ministry for years to come. The way you spend your first couple of weeks in your new country is of critical importance (if you are to establish a sense of belonging with the local people). Better to plunge right in and experience life from the insider’s perspective. Live with the people, worship with them, go shopping with them, and use their public transportation. From the very first day it is important to develop many meaningful relationships with local people . The new-comer should communicate early his needs and desire to be a learner. People help people who are in need. Then when potentially stressful situations come up he can, as a learner, secure help, answers or insight from these insiders. Getting outsiders to answer insider questions will only alienate you from the people. The individual who hopes to enter another culture in a gradual way will probably fail to do so, and he may never enjoy the experience of belonging to the people or having them care for him. Immerse yourself! It is very important that from your first day you immerse yourself in the life of your new community. You should worship with the people. You should develop local friendships, which is essential for feeling at home. This is the secret to the rapid growth of the Mormons around the world. The rapid international expansion of Mormonism is virtually all being carried out by short termers; most of whom immediately move in with a local family and become belongers in the community. You will read that in many places the missionaries who learn the language best are Mormons and they are only in the country for two years.5 Become bicultural! You will be neither totally American nor totally of your new country. The moment we got saved we received a new citizenship in heaven. Now we are called upon to enter into a new culture. We must become “one of them”. Bonding and going native are not the same thing. Going native generally implies the rejection of one’s first culture. A reaction which is seldom seen and may not be possible for emotionally stable individuals. Nor is being bicultural the same as schizophrenic. The schizophrenic is a broken fragmented self. The bicultural person is developing a new self, a new personality.6 I suggest that you take on an insider’s name. Take a name that fits in the country where you are. It will be the new you. The you that is neither American nor fully “national”. This will say, I live here, I want to be recognized as one of you. For most North American missionaries North America is home but you must develop a different attitude. Live in your new country; make it your home. Visit America every fifth year. It will change all of your attitudes. The problem is that when normal bonding is not established, rejection of the people or even abuse can occur. It is often reflected in the attitude behind statements like, “Oh these people!” “Why do they always do things this way?” “Somebody ought to teach them how to live.” “Won’t these people ever learn?” There is nothing sadder to see than a missionary who is not comfortable with the people. Let me be quick to add that many missionaries are not happy. They hide out in their houses,
